Bloody rampages can really get the blood pumping – in more ways than one. The hottest new fitness trend coming out of Japan (where else do all slightly demented yet meteoric trends come from these days?) is Samurai Training. The aerobics class, which is open to both genders but is almost exclusively dominated by women – and if that doesn’t tell you something about modern Japanese culture then I don’t know what does – promises to give you a good sweat while you cut a swath through the bad guys with your katana, the traditional weapon of choice for Japanese Samurai. Including Tom Cruise. I mean, he’s even got one in that one movie poster and everyone knows movie posters are 100% historically accurate. (We’ll discuss later how I learned all my important historical facts from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and thereby humiliated myself during a family game of Trivial Pursuit by mispronouncing the famous philosopher as “So-crates.”)
A group fit class where you get a sword? Sign me up! Okay, so the sword is plastic but according to devotees of the new sport the emotion is so sharp that even Hello Kitty temporarily sprouts a mouth just so she can snarl while delivering “40 disemboweling thrusts” in rapid succession. Practitioners of the ancient-cum-strip mall sport not only get to disembowel imaginary foes but also get to behead them, stab them through the heart and hack off limbs (presumably the imaginary foes then cry, “Come back, I’ll bite your legs off!“). Samurai classes are not for wimps: “The sessions follow Mr Takafuji’s original, punishing take on kenbu — a macabre sword dance that he said was historically performed by samurai around the remains of their recently cleaved opponents.”
I want to try this class so bad that I might need to seek comfort in the styrofoam lap of my Japanese legs pillow to calm myself. Anyhow, while I’m waiting for this trend to hop the ocean, it got me thinking about, well, all the things I think about while I’m working out intensely. I don’t normally picture “recently cleaved opponents” – although perhaps now I’ll try and work that in to my next Turbokick class – but I do have some pretty violent fantasies. Indeed, working out my violent thoughts was one of the initial and very powerful draws of both kickboxing and Karate for me. When Turbo Jennie yells for us to grab someone’s head and pull it into our knee, I’m totally picturing it. My favorite is when we do a backhanded punch thingy – I can feel a nose cracking under my knuckles. I used to think this predilection was just me working out my sordid past but after reading this article, apparently I am not alone. Samurai girls don’t just kick butt, they slice it off and hand it to you on a platter.
While rolling heads and crushed bones are pretty much the exclusive purview of my martial arts classes, I do have quite the active imaginary life in all my athletic endeavors. When I’m running on a treadmill I’m imagining myself… running outside. Sigh. But when I’m running outside I imagine all kinds of scenarios: that I’m the last person alive running from a village under siege to warn the next village over (this one is particularly awesome for trail runs), that I’m a time traveler running to make my jump back into my own dimension so I can reunite with my lost love, that I’m running to a planet where pee-soaked playlands don’t exist and Chuck E. Cheese only exists in nightmares. You know, whatever it takes to get me up that hill. Sometimes I even like to imagine I’m on TV (yes it would be the most boring channel ever but it’s my fantasy so get your own cable station) with judges critiquing my form. “Look at that bicep curl! She’s so controlled and steady! Can she eke out one more rep? I dunno Bob, I see a bead of sweat… oh there she goes! I was wrong! What a feat! Can you hear the crowd? This is one for the history books!!” Like I said, active imagination.
So what do you think about when you work out? Anyone else fantasize about killing people during kickboxing? Running away from the Nazis during your jog through suburbia? Would you try the Samurai aerobics class with me??
Whenever I run I always imagine I am some sort of superhero having to save the world! Makes the workout go by so much faster and its a blast, although I do sometimes wonder if people think I look a little weird smiling while running, but it’s kind of hard not to when you’re saving innocent people from obliteration. 🙂
Have you tried the running app, “Zombies, run!” ? It’s a post-apoc world and you ar Runner 5, your job is to collect supplies for your base, and not get eaten by zombies on the way.
https://www.zombiesrungame.com/
I’ve heard of it but not tried it! Thanks for the link – I’ll check it out!
Martial arts also useful for women to improve physical and mental strength, It will help to develop muscles and build physical strength, martial arts is not just good for self defense but there are many other..
I adore that you quoted Monty Phthon in your post – well done.
Well I married Roger the Shrubber so MP is a staple around here;)
Yes! I so want to try that class!
Sometimes when I’m running on the treadmill or doing a kickboxing class I pretend I am Buffy in training. Or, since season 7, I guess I could be JavaChick the vampire slayer. Whatever. It’s motivating. Gotta be in shape to slay those monsters.
I miss Buffy SO MUCH.
I’m living my fitness fantasy doing workouts in some of the most beautiful places in our country.
I think of random stuff when I workout. Stories I want to write, places I want to go, things I want to do with my kids, how I would love to start painting again, and somtimes I think about going out dancing with Brent like we used to before kids. We would dance in our own world for hours unaware of everyone else. I have always loved dancing ferociously.
Yes you are! I’m more than a little jealous;) I love that you and Brent can dance like that – dancing is so much fun!
Learning martial arts is a great kind of sports..Even women can do this..Martial arts can use if some bad people will hit you..
I saw a guy at my gym yesterday running on the outside track in nothing but some basketball shorts. It wouldn’t have been so funny if his shorts weren’t one size too tight and he didn’t have long golden hair flapping all over the place. I wonder what he was imagining while he worked out. . .?
haha, love this
You work out with Fabio too?? I thought he just stayed at my gym…
Oh, me, me! I used to love pretending that I was killing zombies during Body Combat class at the gym. And also a decade ago when I was studying kung fu.
If they brought the “Run for you Life” Zombie Run to Atlanta, I’d do it. Not sure yet if I’d sign up to run or if I’d dress up like a zombie and tackle runners.
Oh the latter FOR SURE. And pics or it never happened;)
We still say So-crates, just for the humor in it 😉
Yet another reason I love your fam!
You definitely need the Zombies Run! for your phone. It incorporates all the fun of being chased by a zombie horde with your outdoor music soundtrack…the GPS tracks your distance and you earn points to buy supplies for the survivors…
I wish my gym offered a kick boxing class. I’ve wanted to try my hand at martial arts for a while now. It’s on my list of things to try out once I’m done my thesis.
…and I still think of the Freud dude and So-crates thanks to the Wyld Stallions 🙂
Okay I’m totally downloading that app now!!
That class sounds SO COOL! I usually don’t think like that when working out, but lately I’ve been reading a lot of Nerd Fitness blog posts and it is definitely making me think about leveling up.
When I’m doing pressing exercises, I imagine myself pushing away a guy I would have liked to have the upper body strength to push away a few years ago, if you know what I mean.
Sometimes when I’m running, I imagine I’m flying!
I know exactly what you mean, Melissa:) And I do it too!
Oh, this post has made me so happy!
A Monty Python reference, for starters. And, yes, I TOTALLY want to take this Samurai aerobics class! When I was a young lass I trained in stage combat. SOOOOOO much fun! I even thought about becoming a certified fight choreographer. Alas, that didn’t happen.
And I ALWAYS fantasize when I’m working out. Back when I ran, I imagined myself winning the Boston Marathon. These days, in Spin class, I imagine I’m riding the Honolulu Century (2 fantasies in 1: Completeing 100 miles on a bike AND being in Hawaii).
And,of course, I remember with great fondness the “Jaws”-themed rowing machine.
Stage combat would be a riot! They had a kids’ class here on it and my boys desperately wanted to go but it didn’t work out:(
(BTW, don’t feel too badly about the Socrates thing: apparently there are a large number of people in their teens and 20’s who don’t know that the Titanic was real.)
I did tai chi for years, including a couple of forms that used a sword or sabre. Most of the movements were pretty tame, but there was one move in the sabre form that involved a jump combined with a 180-degree turn and a downward slash at the end. Now picture 20 people with 3-foot sabres in a just-big-enough room all leaping, spinning and slashing. No one ever got hurt, but there were a few near misses…
One of the most fun sports I’ve ever done was fencing–it’s pretty fast and furious (which I suck at because all the sword work in tai chi is pretty slow). I signed up with my son to try to get him interested in the sport–what kid doesn’t want to play with a blade and even get to stab mom! They even had pirate camp for kids in the summer. It was a great workout as well. Perhaps the weaponry adds an element of fantasy/imagination? Whatever it is, having a sword seems to make things more fun (except when you accidentally stab yourself in the leg–ow!)
Wise, wise words: “having a sword seems to make things more fun “!
I totally imagine beating someone up in Turbokick! It definitely makes your punches have a little more behind them.
That’s an awesome idea about imagining something while I’m doing other things though. I don’t know why that never occurred to me! Normally I’m just thinking geez, is this over yet?! Maybe that’s why I like classes so much, they distract me.
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You are so funny! I feel so boring now! 😉 My dreams are crazy & wild & colorful but hit real life & not so much….
I think I tend to focus way too much on what I am doing & I have never really got to your point 😉
I guess for me, what I think about is that someday, someone might want to put an older & not so photogenic person out as a fitness model just because I show people it can be done & long term.. I know CRAZY! 😉
Dude, JODY. You are SO PHOTOGENIC. Seriously. You would be an awesome fitness model!
Just discovered this blog, LOVE IT! As a fellow woman with clinical depression, I feel ya 🙂
Living in Chi town doesn’t require a lot of imagination when I’m running, I got to be Ninja the whole distance. So an opportunity to get out of my watch dog mentality and get into a group fit class where you get a fake sword is actually really appealing. So I ask what’s the hold up. Let’s do this.
Here in Europe we often believe that the craziest ideas come from the US, while the US in return often believes the craziest ideas come from Japan. Which should mean that to us Europeans Japanese fitness ideas are craziness squared 😀
When I’m running outside, I imagine myself back home on the couch, watching Battlestar Galactica 🙂
I am one of those crazy crossfitters, so I can only think about how I am about to die, or if I am not, how I suck and need to try harder. I LOVED the crossfit cartoon video you posted, btw- I keep laughing to myself (“It smells elite.”)
First, Samurai class would be awesome. Second, kudos on the mobile layout. Don’t know when it went into effect, but I like it.
It’s funny–running or working out are some of the few times I don’t imagine myself anywhere other than where I am. I don’t like to dissociate–I try to focus on my form and how my body feels. That’s why I love exercise. I’m usually so out of it and stuck in my head, but the intense effort of a workout puts me in the moment.
That said, sometimes on easy runs I fantasize about… being in a race (real creative, right?) or about being a live action roleplay character. So there’s that. 🙂 But to get myself to push harder in a really tough workout I do not have time for imagination!
Welcome back, Charlotte.
Missed you–so glad things are getting better!
😀
Also,
what was the solution for your depression meds, if you don’t mind me asking?
I try to keep a look out for these things since the Boyo is on meds,
and I want to be an informed advocate for him.
Honestly, working out is probably the only time in my life where I live in the moment. If I’m spinning, I’m enjoying the music (or fantasizing about whatever my instructor tells me to). If I’m not focusing on form…I guess my biggest fantasy is that the hot guy (or guys) in the gym think I’m sexy when I sweat and…well it gets R-rated in my head after that 🙂
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