Totally unrelated but Gym Buddy Allison and I were noticing the other day how ridiculous song lyrics look when you have to read them close-captioned on the TVs at the gym. I still love Adele. End tangent. (Does it count as a tangent if I haven’t even started on the subject yet?)
What is the number one thing you wish you had known 8 years ago, when you were first starting your health and fitness journey? During an interview for a magazine the other day, the journalist asked me a question that I have been asked in some permutation hundreds of times before. And likely you have too. If you could go back and tell yourself one thing to help you live a healthier life, what would it be?
Usually I answer something like find an exercise you love – fitness should be fun! – so you can make it a lifelong passion. And that’s not a bad answer. (Or if it is, feel free to disillusion me in the comments.) But this day I just couldn’t say it. Because if I could tell my pre-kickboxing, pre-yoga, pre-vegan, pre-assault self just one thing it wouldn’t be that saturated fats are not evil or that short-and-intense workouts are the golden ticket of fitness or even that ground flaxseed and water can be substituted for an egg in any recipe and have it turn out exactly the same! (Although all those things are awesome and I’m glad I know them.) No, what I would tell myself is this:
My body is a means to an end, not an end itself.
I realized the other day that I really don’t have any fitness performance goals anymore. I have a list as long as an unrolled roll of toilet paper (of which there are many in my house, thank you Jelly Bean) of fitness-y things that I think would be amazing and fun and rewarding to do. But I am not trying to beat a personal best or do X number of pull-ups or lose XX pounds or even, heaven help me, make a shot in basketball that isn’t an accident. Not that those types of goals aren’t great – they can be! – but right now in my life what I want most is to find happiness in the moment. Joy where I’m at, not at some specified time in the future. My goals are aimed more towards balance, gratitude and thriving instead of just surviving.
So fitness for me now is becoming more about training my body to be healthy so that I can do the things in my life outside of the gym that I want to do. My arms, no matter how cut or powerful, are only as good as how many kids, bags of groceries and rogue bicycle helmets they can juggle. My buff legs are only as good as how fast I can run to a friend in need.
And the more I have shifted my goals the more I find myself at odds with the health and fitness hegemony. There’s this whole attitude in the fitness industry that if you look good, then the rest of your life will fall into place. And while there is some small truth in that, personal experience has shown me that it more often works the other way. The more I focus on doing good things, the more confident I become and subsequently the better I look and feel.
This is why living a healthy lifestyle cannot be primarily motivated by wanting to look good. It’s so easy to get caught up in this self-perpetuating cycle of working out to look good and looking good to workout, especially because it receives so much public adulation. But in the end what are you? A living trophy? I am not ornamental! We are not ornamental!
This preoccupation with the surface is not just vanity. I do think it’s easier to measure changes in the body than in the spirit. A pants size is a much more concrete fact than, say, integrity. And it’s so much easier for other people to recognize an awesome six-pack than a forgiving heart. I’m not saying that the two states can’t go together – there are many people that are beautiful inside and out – but rather that focusing all my time on my outer aspects actually robs me of inner peace. The time that I looked my “best” (I even had a woman tell me I had “the perfect body”), I was never more confused, upset, fearful and self-hating. Because now that I had “it”, I realized I couldn’t keep it. (Let’s be honest, I wasn’t even entirely sure how I got “it” in the first place. Not to mention I was sick at the time.) No one can indefinitely, not even Giselle. And if your sense of self-worth is tied to that beautiful body then who are you when it’s gone?
All of which is not to say that being healthy and fit are bad things. The body and spirit are so intertwined that sickness in one inevitably produces malady in the other. What I think I’m trying to say is that despite all the slick monolithic marketing telling us otherwise, the more effective healthy changes come from the inside out, not the other way around. It’s about finding balance in a very unbalanced world. It’s about creating beauty instead of settling for just being beautiful.
All of this sounds terribly obvious now that I write it all out – call it a “duh” rather than an “aha” moment – and yet it’s taken me years to really understand it. And I’m not really sure what this means for me except that more I think about it the more my cognitive dissonance grows. I need to close the gap between who I am and who I want to be and no amount of situps is going to do that.
What’s the #1 thing you wish you would have known at the outset of your health adventure? Anyone else have these same mixed feelings?
So glad to read this. Lately I’ve been trying to shift my thinking. For so long I was focused on how I looked…but now that I am marathon training I am appreciating my body for what it can do. It can run long distances. It can lift (somewhat) heavy objects. It’s pretty darn amazing and it will only get better as I work toward my goals.
I’m training for a 1/2 marathon, my first, it truly is amazing how my body has evolved, how before I could barely run 2 minutes without wanting to walk and now I can run almost 4 miles straight.
Thanks for the great post Charlotte 🙂
What a great post! I agree with your sentiments that in the fitness world, a lot of emphasis is placed on physical attributes. Maybe it’s because that’s easiest to judge. I have encountered that too (during the time in my life when I was doing fitness competitions) and I eventually stopped because my overall fitness goals didn’t align to the competitions. I found that I stressed more and beat up on myself. I saw the downward spiral happening and decided to cut it off at the pass.
Sometimes I feel like the fitness world is similar to the popular group of kids in high school. I always stayed just outside the perimeter not wanting to commit to what was involved in being “popular”.
Similarly, I love fitness for what it does for me both physically and mentally/spiritually. It gives me a sense of calm that helps me get through my day. And when that day is done, I can usually reflect on it and appreciate the time I had working out. That is it. That’s the ‘Ah ha’ moment for me.
Sorry to ramble.
What a great post! I agree with your sentiments that in the fitness world, a lot of emphasis is placed on physical attributes. Maybe it’s because that’s easiest to judge. I have encountered that too (during the time in my life when I was doing fitness competitions) and I eventually stopped because my overall fitness goals didn’t align to the competitions. I found that I stressed more and beat up on myself. I saw the downward spiral happening and decided to cut it off at the pass.
Sometimes I feel like the fitness world is similar to the popular group of kids in high school. I always stayed just outside the perimeter not wanting to commit to what was involved in being “popular”.
Similarly, I love fitness for what it does for me both physically and mentally/spiritually. It gives me a sense of calm that helps me get through my day. And when that day is done, I can usually reflect on it and appreciate the time I had working out. That is it. That’s the ‘Ah ha’ moment for me.
Sorry to ramble.
I’m there with you Charlotte. Fitness is often an end for people, maybe some nice abs, or being able to run a marathon. I see fitness as a means to more effectively serve the people that matter to me, and to be more effective and creative in the work I dedicate myself to. I think it’s important for people to begin seeing fitness as a means to living a better quality of life, by keeping our bodies healthy and fit we can give more of ourselves to the causes, people, and things we care deeply about. Thanks for the great post!
Living a healthy life is always important and we should know about it.. Actually, if you are used to eating junk foods and being lazy, it is good for you to eat healthy foods and at the same time getting fit..
What an excellent point ! I believe that failure to address the inner/emotional malady is why most diets fail, most fitness routines fall by the wayside and most people stay in their rut. I think that both the diet and fitness industries would benefit their clients enormously by taking on board everthing you said 🙂
hmmm.
GREAT QUESTION, Charlotte.
Im stuck in the “Id not change a thing as it has all made me who I am today” but I WOULD call my blog something different.
does that count?
Love it. Thank you for this.
I didn’t start my fitness journey because I wanted a perfect body (too late for that) but because it was “forced” on me. I realized I would have a very painful future ahead if I didn’t commit to regular exercise for the rest of my life. It’s been choppy going but I haven’t given up.
I did learn something new about myself and my body when I found the Feldenkrais Method.
I forgot to mention I could send you some salmiakki so your husband could sample it when you take some pictures and put them online.. That’s something I would like to be able to see!!
Those are my thoughts exactly, but boy is it hard to live by how one preaches! To change one’s thinking completely and stop thinking about how “this eating or that working out” is going to enhance my looks seems almost undoable. All the while I do think that the only things I should concentrate on are happiness and making my body healthy so that one day it would be baby-ready… Easier said than done! 🙂
8 years ago isn’t long enough; that’s when I got my head on straight and started taking care of myself, and most of those baby steps were taken in the right direction.
I wish I could go back 20 or 30 or even 40 years, so I could tell myself to START NOW, don’t wait for the future!
I feel much the same way – I want to be fit and healthy to do the things I want to do and enjoy life. I do not want to be stressing out about how to fit a complicated workout schedule in. I want my workouts to make me feel good. Not saying that I still wouldn’t like to lose 20 lbs, but I don’t want to let that get in the way of doing things I want to do.
My husband and I recently spent a week vacationing in Japan. Before I left, sad to say, I was somewhat stuck on wishing I was thinner – like my weight would affect my enjoyment of my vacation. I knew it was silly, but there it was. Thankfully, the reality was that we were so busy seeing things and having fun that I didn’t have time to obsess about my weight. I was just glad that I was physically up to all the traveling around. I think I need more vacations like that. 🙂
Great post – I love how your blog has evolved since I started reading it years ago. In a similar vein, if you haven’t read the following post at GoKaleo (I’m Calling for a New Paradigm), you should! The interwebs need more women posting these commentaries and filling this tangled web of tubes with good sense, self worth, and of course we can all use more funny cat videos!
http://gokaleo.com/?p=431
“There’s this whole attitude in the fitness industry that if you look good, then the rest of your life will fall into place.” So true! Not only in the fitness industry but in life as well. I have hidden during the most difficult times in my life (when I was also my most thin & disordered) by “looking the part” of a put together, fashionable, shinny haired person. Which got me comments like “Oh it’s good to see you are doing so well!”, but inside I was falling apart and knew it was a farce.
Like you, I am now trying to have my inner self more aligned with my outer self and I am much happier for it!
Yes, I eventually got to the point of just keeping on keeping on 🙂 It’s worked pretty well, lol!
They’ll have to come up with very strange words to beat, “I’ve been to the desert on a horse with no name…etc.”
And now I know what I’ll be humming all day. Thanks for that!!! (grin – I LOVE that song – sing it while riding my horse all the time…)
“Run For The Roses” is number one with my horse 🙂
Well said, Charlotte. I am right in this same boat with you! I was thinking the same thing the other day – that I have no real “goals”. I’m not looking to gain muscle/lose weight/do 17 bajillion pullups/beat that acrobat girl in the P90X videos….I’m just not competitive in fitness anymore. I still workout daily, but I don’t follow a “plan”. I go to the gym and do whatever I feel like doing at the time. That sometimes means weights, sometimes means sitting on the recumbant bike and “exercising” while reading my book. 😉
So, to my 8 years younger self, what would I say? I’d say that you may want to lose weight, but don’t put all your stock in the gym. Learn how to cook and eat better. That weight will be a lot easier to lose that way. BUT!!! Don’t focus on your weight. Focus on the good food you just learned how to make! It’s delicious.
fitness is about more than how you look, gaining the muscles and physical endurance is just a bonus.
For me I wish I would have known that fitness is not about the pound you lose or how your clothes fit, it is how about it makes you feel on the inside. I have stopped weighing myself, stopped obsessing over what progress I am making, and instead have focused on what my workout helps me gain– it has helped me gain balance in my life, it has helped me reduce anxiety, it has given me a reason to wake up at the crack of dawn and accomplish something, and it has made me feel like a better person overall.
If i look better as a result of sweating every day, great, but really my focus now is how it makes me feel mentally after I work out– and that always makes it worth it.
Great question, and I love your answer, it’s so Mature and Evolved!
I actually still care a bit too much about the superficial appearance-related rewards of exercise, but it’s part of a pretty long list of superficial things I still care about, so I just try to use it solely for positive motivation, and not let myself beat myself up if diet/exercise plans don’t give me exactly the results I’d dream of.
Fortunately I really don’t have much in the way of regrets about health/fitness/lifestyle choices… other than going low-fat/high carb back when all the experts were telling us to do that. But now it makes me appreciate avocados, nuts, salmon, etc all the more now so even that’s ok. All part of the journey, and I’m happy with where I am.
Now if this question were CAREER related I’d have a whole bunch of things to go on about…
“I actually still care a bit too much about the superficial appearance-related rewards of exercise, but it’s part of a pretty long list of superficial things I still care about, so I just try to use it solely for positive motivation, and not let myself beat myself up if diet/exercise plans don’t give me exactly the results I’d dream of.”
This is me exactly 🙂 Thanks for putting it into words far better than I could have!
The thing I wish I knew when I got into fitness? That I would learn so much about myself and should focus on those things instead of the numbers on the scale or tape measure.
Running (okay, and Warrior Dash) taught me that I’m so much stronger, mentally and physically, than even I thought. Kickboxing class has shown me how competitive I am and that I don’t give up easily. Yoga taught me patience and how to relax, even in uncomfortable situations.
There are just so many lessons to be learned from fitness.
“It’s about creating beauty instead of settling for just being beautiful.”
That is going on the wall at my house. Cuz it’s just not enough anymore to simply be beautiful… (grin) In all seriousness, this is a great post. Sometimes those duh/aha moments take your breath away! And if I could give my younger self advise? It would be to EAT BETTER! You won’t be naturally skinny forever and when it all falls apart, it ALL falls apart! (I’m successfully putting it all back together though… and I FEEL maaaaaavelous!)
I couldn’t agree more. I honestly, truly couldn’t have said it better myself. My priorities have really changed in the last few years…
You are an amazing woman Charlotte. I’m glad to have someone like you out here filling the world with positive things 🙂
In general, I think I used to view life as some sort of puzzle. I’d suddenly figure it out and then… what? I thought I could figure out why my brain works the way it does, or why I interact with the world the way I do and then magically things would be DIFFERENT. I don’t know what the change would be, but I would have answers!
The same is for me and fitness. When I finally figure out my body and can perform the way I want to I don’t really know what will change, except maybe more marathoning and such. Sure, it could lead to a different career, but what will REALLY be different? No idea. I’m still just plugging along.
Two things I would do differently. The first was one night my sophomore year in college. I was bored and sad and I thought, “Hmmm, it’s the joke that eating makes you feel better. Cathy (stupid cartoon) does it”, so I went to the grocery store and bought ice cream and cookies. What the hell was I thinking??? I believe that was 1988…it was a long time recovering from that stupidity (and the resulting binge eating, etc). Second, strength training is really important.
Now that I sit here and re-read that first one…ug, what an idiot I was. That was the beginning! Ug.
This may be the most wisdom-packed post I’ve read on a fitness blog. Thanks.
Again a well thought out and interesting post! I put a link to it on my blog, hope it’s ok!
Like you, I had a lot of compliments on my body when I suffered from an ED. And I was never skeletal, just slimmer. But my body seems to be happy at the size it is now (the same for 7 years!). So I carry on with eating healthy and exercising regularly. Now I just need to accept that I will never be a size 2… But hey, as long as I have a healthy BMI 🙂
one thing i will of wanted to know how long will it take to look like one of those super models. . I’m still working out and i Hvae along way to go.
First, I just want to say “AMEN!” I agree 100% with everything you’ve written in this post!
Tonight I’m adding a second Spin class to my weekly (sorry) rotation. Not because it’s great cardio and may help me slim down faster, but because I LOOOOOVE it! I feel great afterwards, it puts me in a terrific mood, and my favorite teacher is leading the class.
And, yes, with a family history of heart disease, I will do everything I can to stay healthy.
I wish, when I was 15 and started going o those aerobics classes (yes, it was the 80’s and, yes,I wore day-glo pink. With leg warmers.) that they instructors HADN’T taken my measurements, or given me a diet plan, or weighed me every week. I wish one of them HAD pointed out that my weight was fine, I didn’t need to lose any, and to just take the class for health, not weight loss.
I wish I’d known how good a yoga class could make me feel, even if i wasn’t Power Yoga. I wish I’d learned to enjoy the sensation of moving my body, not counting calories burned.
Mostly, I wish I knew that my worth was not in those measurements taken by those instructors.
(Sorry, having trouble with the “T” and “P” keys on my computer!)
It’s a journey not a destination and the real work begins once you reach your goals because you have to keep doing what you’ve been doing. Forever. Getting to your goal weight is one thing. Staying there is totally different game -a mental game. So much work to be done everyday but so totally worth it. Those are my deep thoughts lol. Love your blog!
I am proof that getting & being fit & healthy & even as much as I do at my age – no, it does NOT make everything else fall into place, happiness or otherwise. I wish I had a better handle on that when I was young & stupid so I had not set myself up for actually what really happens in life! 😉
I love where you are Charlotte!
Hi.. Thanks for this one.. Actually, we are all aware that health is very important and we need to take care of it always and forever..
Eventually, I am part of fitness activity that makes me complete all the way… I found my self more interesting in this stuff, because this is truly amazing…
This is such a great post. I really find that the more I focus on fitness goals (how far/fast I can run or how much I can lift), the less upset I get about not being able to reach my goals relating to how I look. But both things are about stone cold numbers, aren’t they? A number on a tape measure/ a number on a stopwatch, isn’t it all the same?
I’d like to think I could enjoy fitness purely because it makes me happy, but the numbers always have to figure somewhere….bah. Maybe one day I’ll figure it out!
Px
Yes, and I’m not pimping myself out here at all, but simply adding this link below because of the great discussion in the comments as well. Fitness and physical images are not at all reflective of what’s going on inside or the motivation behind the activity. For me, being active is 99 percent for my mental strength and 1 percent for achieving some physical goal. Yes, those are good and I should probably be more focused on that, I admit, but it’s really mental for me. And also practical–I want to be healthy so I can continue to do what I do. That’s the huge thing.
http://abbyhasissues.com/2012/04/15/keeping-it-real-2/
The #1 Thing I Wish I Knew When I First Got Into Fitness: I am not ornamental…..My first thought that came to mind…..Don’t date the Body Builder at your Gym that everyone thinks is HOT and no longer wear your scrunchie socks, work boots and daisy dukes. Ah..the 80’s were Great!
Your post hit’s home with me in more ways than one Charlotte and I’m afraid that this page doesn’t come with a couch and a phycologist for me to tell you how I really feel.
To sum it up I now realize that being Fit doesn’t mean you must wear a size 0-2 pant. That popcorn and diet coke are not a nutritious lunch and to NEVER EVER let another man or woman decide how you feel about yourself. Fitness is about being able to function daily doing the things that you love and doing them with a healthy mind, body and spirit. Yeah, I took that one from the Y’s mission statement. But it’s so true. Working out and being fit s just as much about be mentally fit. It’s so easy to cross that line and take it to extreme’s if not careful.
In a way…I am training to be ornamental. I will be on a stage being judged on how well my body looks and how well I have sculpted it. I will be judged on the condition of my skin and how well I have styled my hair, right down to my choice of suit and shoes. I’ll even be judged on my ability to walk in those “stripped shoes” and how well I carry myself. Wow, anyone else want to join me..sounds fun right?
I have to keep in mind that how I will look on the stage that day will not be how I look on the following day. I have to prepare myself mentally for that let down of “it’s over” till the next show.
So to sum it all up…I think our fitness goals change as we age.
Ask a 20 year old why he or she works out and I’m sure the answer will be a lot different than the 30 year old who is trying to lose those last 10 pounds of baby fat. Ask the 50 year old who’s single and workouts because they have nothing better to do, or ask the 70 year old who works out to maintain the muscle they have to function on a daily basis. I think our reason’s change all of the time.
I hope I haven’t missed the mark on my comment. I tend to let my mind get carried away. Also…I am very aware that I am not a writer!
Have a great day! Let’s do a push up challenge…Just Kidding!!!!
Trying to close the gap between who I am and who I want to be.
That’s me. Trying, more on some days than others, to reach a goal that is always just out of reach because it keeps changing…
I wish I had known that I can include all foods in my diet and still stay trim and healthy. I wish I knew the power of body weight exercise. And most importantly I wish I understood that mother nature changes the body to accommodate capability rather than appearance.
Fabulous post Char!
I love that you have put these thoughts into print! When I realized these things, I truly started to heal (from the eating disorders, the shame & negativity). Also important in my journey was giving up magazines (fitness/health/beauty) and television, and starting an Anusara yoga practice. The media feeds us so much garbage. If you haven’t yet seen the documentary “Miss Representation”, it’s definitely worthwhile.
I have worked in the health and fitness industry for over 15 years and have always made being healthy more important over vanity. I realized this even more after losing both parents to illness. Without your health you do not have anything at all.
Yep, I was totally vain and looking for a means to an end too. I remember thinking as I just started to exercise again about 5 years ago, that I would NEVER do this if it wasn’t helping me take weight off and I couldn’t wait to stop once I got skinny.
Heh. If I knew then what I know now, if you told me that I’d be training 5-6 days a week and racing twice a month for fun, I would have called you crazy. Now, it’s just reality.
“There’s this whole attitude in the fitness industry that if you look good, then the rest of your life will fall into place.”
Yes, I’ve seen this, too. I think that what they mean to say is that changing one’s body will increase one’s confidence, which will then make a person more likely to go after the kind of life they want, but I have found that people – myself included – often think that changing external factors (your body, your location, your job) is the key to changing your internal reality, when it really doesn’t work that way.
Great post, by the way.
Superb post, and very true.
Charlotte – your wisdom and insight grows day by day and I love hearing your struggles and triumphs.
As a Personal Trainer I see the “ornamental mentality” constantly in the industry. I so so so want to change the attitude that you need a perfect body to attain happiness (so much so that I started my own blog – ps you are a major source of inspiration for that!)
Look at Maslow’s heirarchy of needs. You need good health, of course. But if you only ever focus on this base need, you miss on all the creative life force of becoming your truest, most authentic self.
Thank you again for all you do.
Love the pic at the beginning!
It was truly indeed, I do love to pin it with ,my friends….
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