I never wanted to have to write this post. In fact, I wasn’t going to write it. Even though I’m living it. But then I talked to Gym Buddy Allison and she gave me a reality check – in her gentle, totally rational way that I love her for – that life is messy and you guys don’t expect mine to be any less so. The problem started, as it so often does with me, with weighing myself.
I know. I can feel the eyes rolling and the hands being thrown up in the air. When will I learn?
But I was doing so good with all of it lately! I think it made me feel a little cocky? And I’ve taken to posting on my birthday about how my Great Intuitive Eating Experiment is going and to do that I need to weigh myself. I really really wanted to be able to post and tell you guys that I’m still within a pound of what I weighed two years ago and isn’t Intuitive Eating wonderful and unicorns and rainbows and pooping marshmallows and all that? This year I didn’t expect a huge shock – I had to weigh myself for the Lifetime Fitness testing two months ago so I figured I’d still be pretty close to that – but I was so shocked when I stepped on the scale I almost passed out.
It turns out I now weigh one pound less than I did right after Jelly Bean was born. Which means I’ve gained 15 pounds. I know that sounds insane – impossible, even. (To be totally honest, only about 10 of that was gained in the past two months I think). Allison’s immediate reaction to this news, as I imagine many of yours’ are as well, was to say “it must be muscle!” Some of it probably is. I’m certainly stronger now than when Jelly Bean was born and my body fat percentage is still pretty low. But I also took my measurements and those are all up. My pants are too tight. And the most damning evidence: when I asked my husband if he’d noticed that I’d gained weight, he didn’t answer at all. Which means that I have and he did notice. (Not that he cares. He adored me when I was 30 pounds heavier and 10 pounds lighter and everything in between.)
So now the problem is what to do with this information. Here are my options as I see them:
1. Just say screw it and try not to worry about the weight gain. Weights fluctuate like stock markets, it’ll even out right? And even if it doesn’t, I’m not supposed to care about this stuff anymore! I’m so progressed and liberated and happy with myself and all that! (Well I was, anyhow.) Plus, my weight is still within the healthy range and I eat well and get plenty of exercise so who cares about a stupid number?
2. Try and be reasonable and take an honest look at my life to see if this is my body’s way of telling me that I haven’t been treating it well lately and it needs something different than what I’ve been giving it. Intuitive Eating, at its core, is all about listening to your body and figuring out what it needs so this is my chance to really dig back into it again.
3. Go freaking crazy and lose the weight by any means possible.
Of course you know I want to do #3. I’d be lying if I said this stupid weight gain wasn’t on my mind 24/7 now. (Happy Birthday to me!) But I’m not going to. I know where that road ends and it’s nowhere I want to be. (See? I haven’t lost all ground!) Plus, aging seems to have mellowed me some. While I’m still upset about it, I just don’t have it in me to go into super crazy mode anymore. I just don’t. Unfortunately I don’t think I can do #1 either. I’d like to say I’m totally on the love train with myself but that’s not me either. So #2 it is! Rationality for the win!
The second thing Allison said was “Are you on your period?” I am, actually. (TMI? Have you met me??) So yes, hormones could definitely be a factor. After reviewing the past few months, here’s what I’ve come up with:
– Hormones. Not only am surfing the crimson tide (want another euphemism? I got a million of them!) but it’s my first real cycle since getting off the Mirena IUD several months ago. (Sidenote: that is going really well still! Not having the brain fog anymore is like the best gift ever!!) So yeah, I’m probably bloated.
– Too much exercise. I already ‘fessed up to doing too many workouts lately. And even though this time it’s coming from a happy place (I’m having so! much! fun!!) rather than a compulsive, punishing place, it’s still too much exercise. And all that extra exercise makes me hungry. And not hungry for salmon and salad but hungry for gummy bears. Lots of these new workouts have been intense sugar-burning kind of workouts so it makes sense I guess.
– Too little sleep. The link between sleep and weight has been firmly established. As has the fact that I’ve been burning the candle at both ends. For a couple of months I’ve been so drowned in work (good problems, I know!) that I’ve been staying up until the wee hours to finish it. 2 a.m. is routine for me these days.
After writing out the three things above it seems pretty clear to me now that chronic exhaustion has probably played a big part in this. Not only am I tired and overworked (both physically and mentally) but being this stressed means that my house doesn’t get cleaned, my groceries don’t get bought, and my sheets don’t get changed. (Okay that last one really doesn’t have anything to do with food – I’m just super picky about my bed sheets and it drives me bonkers when they’re not fresh.) When I don’t have the time, dishes or groceries to eat healthfully that means I eat handfuls of whatever is convenient – like nuts, jerky and fruit (yay!). But also like pretzels, chocolate chips and cheese sticks – which would be fine if I was eating them because I really wanted them and was enjoying them but most of the time I don’t even realize I have eaten them until I see the crumbs on my keyboard.
Here’s my game plan (because I’m full of bulleted lists tonight):
– Stick to my one-hour/one workout a day schedule no matter what. Even if that means skipping some workouts I love. Even if that means disappointing some people I love.
– Make my 11 o’clock bedtime a rule, not a suggestion.
– No more eating at the computer. (Ignore my own advice, much?)
– Quit some stuff. Good golly this one is hard for a type A like me. I’m still so new in my fledgling writing career that I’m terrified that if I turn any opportunity down I’ll never get another one again. And yet I just had a chat with my editor at Redbook and we agreed that I will drop from 4 posts/week to just 1. It felt SO GOOD to let something go, even just a little bit. Progress, yay!
I’m hoping this will be enough to reverse the weight gain. I simply can’t go back to counting calories and wearing my heart rate monitor to bed and all of that – it made me crazy but even worse is it consumed my life. I have too much in my life that I love right now to let the numbers take over again.
Oh you guys. I’m glad you can’t see me right now (and no it has nothing to do with my thighs) because I’m just bawling. This whole thing – the weight gain, my reaction to it, my inability to manage it, even my house being a total disaster – feels like total failure to me. honestly it feels like I’m right back where I was three years ago and that was not a happy place. I really wanted to be the perfect Intuitive Eating success story. I wanted to prove everyone wrong who said that it wasn’t possible to lose weight and maintain that loss while still maintaining a happy relationship with food and my body. And it really did work – for a while! But I’m not perfect. Especially not at this.
What do I do?! Any advice for me? Have you ever been in a place where you gained a lot of weight suddenly (and weren’t preggo)? How did you lose it? (Wow, did I just ask the #2 most-asked question on the Internet?? #1 of course being “Does Justin Beiber style his hair in a wind tunnel?”) Anyone just want to slap me and tell me to get over myself already??
Stop being all or nothing. The best part of life is in the grey…don’t miss it! 🙂 Love you!
Haha – I love that the first comment is from you:) Thank you! I miss having you around to remind me this in person…
No slaps, just hugs! (Too bad that puppy in the picture isn’t in your house; nothing like a good puppy cuddle to make things better.)
Here’s the thing: There IS NO Perfect IE Success Story! It is a LIFELONG process. It just means that, as time goes on, you’ll recognize your body’s signals quicker and more easily. But you’ll still have times when you over/under eat, over/under exercise, reach for sugar when you’re stressed, etc. Because, my love, you are wonderfully, beautifully HUMAN!
There is NO PART of you that is a failure!!!!!!! Keep repeating that until you believe it, ’cause it’s true.
Absolutely do the things on your list, because that will be you taking care of yourself. But don’t berate, belittle, shame, or otherwise talk badly about yourself.
Or I’m gonna get mad! ‘Cause NO ONE talks to my friend that way!!!!!!
XOXOXOXOX
Thank you for the reminders Alyssa! And thank you for your friendship and support – you are such a gift:)
Oh, I totally understand where you’re coming from. My work schedule totally changed recently, too, and I’ve been keeping weird hours and eating not so great foods. . . including lots of eating out (not good!).
I can gain weight in the snap of a finger, so I totally know how that feels. It’s not pleasant. So HUGS to you from me!!
And, just so you know, in your bday tutu picture, you look just as lovely and FIT as ever. Keep up what you’re doing! If your body fat percentage is still in the acceptable range, don’t stress about it!!
Thank you Amy! And yeah, I seem to be one of those people that can gain weight in a snap. I keep telling myself that if we ever end up in a famine (heaven forbid) this flaw will magically become a feature;)
YOU HAVE NOT FAILED. Are we clear? You have made so much progress! to answer your question I fasted and it was a stupid idea and I regretted it.. just eat healthy and make consistently good decisions, you know this. This is life hun, there are so many of us dealing with the same thing- this lifelong process of weight and food relationships. It’s a icky process that can mess with your head, you have to take the middle option, be rational and sensible, treat yourself as if you were your own child! Nurture and care for yourself don’t beat yourself up, make the best decisions possible and you’ll feel better in no time!
& for what it’s worth I think you’re carrying water weight…
I love this: “This is life hun, there are so many of us dealing with the same thing- this lifelong process of weight and food relationships.” Thank you for the reminder Claire!
It’s so sad that a person like you with plenty of friends, loved ones and a great career feels so bad because of her weight. I’m not saying there’s something wrong with you, but rather with this society! Most of us (at least me!) spend way too much thinking about our looks.
If your BF is still low, that means a lot of your weight gain is due to muscle. And you want muscles, don’t you? Because you already have a low BF, there is no fat that your muscles could “replace”. So getting more muscle means that your measurements will go up, of course!
One more point – how do you know, that this weight gain doesn’t make you a Intuitive Eating success story? If you have been enjoying food for the past two years, I think that is a success! And maybe, just maybe, this new weight is the weight that your body wants to be at? Maybe this is the healthy weight that is good for you? The fact that your weight has gone up a bit doesn’t mean that it will keep going up!
I don’t really know how to put my feelings into words, but please know that there are plenty of us here who know exactly how you feel and are very thankful for you sharing these emotions with us.
With hugs,
Anna
Thank you Anna – both for the advice and the comfort! It’s tricky figuring out what weight my body is happiest at but since it was at that lower weight for two years and I felt good there I think that is probably still it. I think that gaining these 10-15 pounds in two months isn’t my body upregulating but rather me not listening… we’ll see though I guess!
If there’s anything I’ve learned from reading your blog for nearly a year it’s that you are resilient and wonderful (a completely unbiased opinion from an anonymous stranger, so you can be sure I’m not just saying that). So here are some bullets for you:
-First of all, the weight issue and feeling low probably has a lot to do with your period. This is mostly from personal experience. I never feel comfortable around my period, especially in my jeans which always feel a little tight for about one week. My guess is you’ll feel loads better when you’re off it, so that’s something to look forward to.
-Secondly, are you perhaps overtraining? I’ve done this before without even realizing it and the most annoying result was weight gain. I couldn’t understand why I felt like I was gaining weight (I don’t weigh myself, so I’m not sure, but filling out my jeans a little more than normal is evidence enough for me). Once I backed off on my workouts the weight came off and I felt like myself again; healthier and stronger even though I was working out less. I would suggest limiting your workouts and perhaps splitting them into smaller chunks over the day in order to give your body time to rest. I’m currently doing 10 minute blocks times six per day, which is perfect for me since I work from home.
-Lastly, the low times make you really appreciate the high times even more. Remember that things are in constant flux so it stands to reason that good times are headed your way.
I’m sending you a big hug. Wrap your arms around yourself to get the full effect 🙂
Thank you for the hug and the advice!!
Aw honey. First up, hugs to you. I can really empathise. Working two jobs is taking it’s toll on my waistline too and I’m a PT so “I should know better”. I too am a work in progress.
Here’s the thing, bulltet point style.
– You’re already managing your reaction in a healthy way. Healing doesn’t mean you never go into a wounded state again. It means recognising when you’re in them, and knowing how to get out and back into a whole state. Ta da, you’ve already done that.
– Intuitive Eating is not a contest. Remember?! 🙂 No need for perfection. The goal is understanding. And you’ve already shown that you understand what you need, when and why. Another ta da.
– You don’t need any more weight loss advice. You just listed all the things you know your body needs including less workouts and more sleep. The final ta da.
Breathe. Reset. You got this.
xxx
Wow. I could not have said it better. And even though my present situation is different Iyour advice even managed to make me feel better at the same time!
Thanks Veronique. Glad I could help. 🙂
I agree! I have the smartest readers:))
I agree – this is brilliant! Love this: ” Healing doesn’t mean you never go into a wounded state again. It means recognising when you’re in them, and knowing how to get out and back into a whole state.” especially. Thank you thank you thank you:)
That gold nugget of wisdom is care of one of my healers and it’s too good not to share. xxx
I am where you are right this very minute. I started losing weight and exercising two years ago, vowed to never get fat again, and due to a variety of reasons found out I was almost back in a weight range I haven’t seen in a very long time. I’ve alternated between panic, shame, frustration…and guiltily enough just finished a juice cleanse to jump start things. I know what my problem has been, I got lax slowly but surely over time. I’m going to tighten things up now but most important, we need to realize we aren’t perfect. Everyone goes through this at one point or another.
Thank you Lisa! And good luck with your own journey!
I am too! And I hate it but that weight didn’t jump on just because of the “crimson tide” but due to being super lax about my dietary intake. The only way out is through. We can do this!
To start, you look VERY lean and fit in all of your pictures so something is going right! That said, I can imagine I’d feel exactly the same way. I haven’t been on the scale in a few months and I probably ought to keep it that way.
I think stress and lack of sleep are behind the majority of my weight fluctuations and maybe yours too. When I’m tired and stressed I slack off and grab this-and-that too. I also feel like I tend toward weight gain/eating more in the summer for some reason?!Then I have the double-whammy of weighing more, seeing the number, AND having hard scientific evidence that my race speed is impacted when I am up even a few lbs. So if I gain and slow, I have no one to blame but me 🙁
Right now I am trying to ask myself if I am really feeling hunger or if I am feeling stress manifesting itself in my stomach. I’m trying to wait until I am hungry before eating and working to avoid “grabbing things” (not always successful).
So yeah, I would take it as a sign to ease up (which you are), take care of yourself, tweak some eating choices, and maybe drink more water? I’m going to take this post as a cue for me to do the same. Let us know how it goes 🙂
Happy 4th of July beautiful Charlotte!
Thanks Cort! This: ” I also feel like I tend toward weight gain/eating more in the summer for some reason?!” is true for me too. I read somewhere there’s a scientific explanation for this but it still doesn’t make it feel any better;)
Having only posted here a very few times I probably haven’t earned the right to be this blunt but I love your honesty and I’m going to offer the same.
I love your blog and read every post, but a couple of months ago I nearly deleted it from my blog reader, because of a feeling that you were missing the point when it comes to intuitive eating, and that you were twisting IE to make it fit an expected outcome (weight maintenance and a diet that looked “right”. What I felt then, and feel again reading this post, is that intuitive eating is a bit meaningless when it’s not also supported by a true belief in the philosophy of health at every size. The very hardest bit of my own process of coming to grips with intuitive eating was the realization that it does NOT provide guaranteed weight loss, or even weight maintenance. It is possible to succeed perfectly at eating intuitively and well, and to put on weight while doing it.
I can’t say from a distance whether that is or isn’t the case. Maybe you’re not eating intuitively currently. Maybe you ARE eating intuitively, for a person who is currently overworked, stressed or unwell. You might be winning at IE even though the outward effects aren’t what you expected or hoped.
Maybe you’ll adjust the things going on in your life and the weight will fall off, but maybe this is also the time to rethink the purpose of IE. I don’t envy you doing it all so publicly, but I have the greatest respect for you doing it. There can be a lot of “letting go” involved in IE I think.
Huge hugs to you. You’re so far along the way already!
Thank you Alison! Your comment has given me a lot of food for thought. Esp this: “is that intuitive eating is a bit meaningless when it’s not also supported by a true belief in the philosophy of health at every size. ” I firmly believe in HAES in general… but do I believe it for myself? I’m notoriously harder on myself than others despite the fact that I know I’m not a “special snowflake” and am just like everyone else;) Also, I think part of this is because I’m so tied to the Geneen Roth-style of IE. Her focus is a lot on weight loss – it’s mainly about weeding out harmful eating behaviors – but a lot of the end goal in there is weight loss or maintenance. I think the bottom line for me is that it’s hard to trust myself after so many years of not doing so. It’s definitely a work of progress and I am grateful for your patience while I try and figure it out!
Make sure you get some more Zzz and work a little less. That’s all you have to do to get back to a more healthy and -most importantly- happy place (with clean sheets and less crumbs in your key board). Been there, done that, nothing new ;). You’ve got this. You’re doing all the right things and you WILL be fine.
Hang in the cup cake
Haha thank you Tessa!
“I really wanted to be the perfect Intuitive Eating success story” There’s no such thing and I don’t really believe that intuitive eating is some kind of religion whose commandments should/could be followed to a tee. Real life just doesn’t work like that.. And I doubt this will be the last time you’ll have problems with the your old mindset.
I think the decision you made is ok. It’s a good idea to take stock of your lifestyle, and there are so many reasons why your weight can fluctuate. It’s too early to panic.
I have no idea if I’m really an intuitive eater or not – I started it a year ago and my eating is much more relaxed now. I still want to improve my relationship with food and eating BUT I expect to lose weight too.
Thank you Satu!
I get that way (feeling like a failure) when I’ve got too much on the go – my house is a mess and I need to weed my garden and do my piano practice and get in a workout and make dinner and pack lunch and I’m fat and disgusting and why can’t I keep up with everything I need to do? and oh god i am so tired! – which means that it’s time to let some things go for the time being and take care of myself.
I would say you are taking the right steps by trying to cut back on a few things. A few months ago we broke down and hired a maid service to clean the main living areas of our house. Yes, it is an extra expense, but it has done a lot for my stress levels. Hang in there and think about what you can do to make things easier on yourself.
P.S. – I love that husky picture! 🙂
I love the maid idea. Honestly the mess in the house is a huge psychic burden for me…
You wrote a post a while back and asked something along the lines of ‘when do you feel pretty?’ I didn’t comment at the time, but I thought about it for a while after and the answer turned out to be a long list of things including good hair day and the right outfit; surprisingly, the list also included: when my house is clean, things are going well at work, I am rested and relaxed, I am eating properly, not stressed and overwhelmed…in other words, when I feel like I have everything under control. Which is not often.
We can be so hard on ourselves for ridiculous things. My husband could look around the house, say “what a mess! we need to clean!” then move on with his day, I see the same mess and decide I am a failure. I have said again and again that I am going to cut myself some slack, realize I am doing the best that I can, but it never sticks.
Obviously a maid is not the answer to all my problems (or yours), but I do think that finding ways to make things easier, reduce the load we are trying to carry, can do a lot for our mental state.
thank you for your honest post! it is so refreshing to read this kind of work. seriously, thank you. what you have shown me is that I am not alone! and you’ve shown that to millions of other women out there who have felt that exact same way. YOU are not alone either, just so we are clear.
a couple things i want to say. 1 – if you are a perfectionist (and it sounds like you are) you will always feel like a failure because perfection doesn’t exist. 2 – MAYBE (just maybe) you have unrealistic expectations for what your “happy weight” should be. maybe you are healthier NOW than before. maybe you needed to gain a few? 3 – if you do all the things you outline as your POA, i am sure you will drop the weight quickly. so nothing to worry about there!
Thank you Cameo! It’s definitely a learn-as-I-go process! I wish it were easier. But then if it were it probably wouldn’t mean as much, right?
1. You still look lean and mean in all the pictures you’ve posted.
2. Have you ever tried a “no snacking” experiment? I know we’ve all been brain-washed into thinking we’re gonna pass out or liquify or something if we don’t eat every two hours, but after reading a bunch of stuff about intermittent fasting, I came to the conclusion that it’s not good to keep our blood sugar steady all the time, that it leads to insulin resistance. It’s actually good for our bodies (assuming you’re not diabetic or pre-diabetic) to just have two or three big insulin swings a day with our meals. Our bodies are designed to handle it, and it leads to insulin sensitivity. (Which is what you want.)
You know, I did try a no snacking experiment… oh, like a year ago maybe? And I do agree with you – I think it’s a myth you need to eat every 3 hours for good health. I’ll go back to that again – good idea! Thank you Naomi!
Thought I would share my two cents- I have been actively recovering from an eating disorder. Which means I consume upwards of 4000 calories a day to repair the damage. And I don’t exercise. BUT I haven’t gained any weight which tells me that my body needs the calories.
I would suggest eating more, exercising less, and also- you might be at your body’s set weight point. Interestingly enough, studies show that people with higher BMIs (20-30) tend to have a lower mortality rate. At any rate, it seems like best advice is to eat when you are hungry an d genuinely enjoy food. Your body will figure it out. 🙂
Thank you Erin!
Big hugs from an interweb stranger *hugs*. I think going through this process of has helped you reevaluate what you need for good health (not good/bad weight – whatever that is). I’m sorry you feel so worried by it though. I wish you could do a magical combo of option 1 and 2. And I wish I had the courage to be as honest with myself and others as you are when it comes to this eating/food stuff.
Thank you fd! I think the honesty is probably the best thing I have going for me right now… although my excessive navel gazing can get me in trouble too, lol.
Girl, I’m not on hormonal birth control, and my weight sometimes goes up by 5-8 pounds right before and right after I start – so that right there is half your “weight gain!” Give it a week and I bet a lot of it is gone again. For me, at least, there’s a MUCH bigger fluctuation now than when I was on hormonal birth control. Are your pants still tight next week? Then it’s time to either say screw it or re-evaluate your eating/exercise/sleep regimen. But definitely wait till you’re off your period and see how that changes things!
Really??? SO interesting. Because this is my first *real* period since getting the hormonal IUD out. Maybe I’ve just forgotten what a real cycle feels like?
Oh yeah. I went off of hormones years ago, and was on nothing for a little while, before getting the non-hormonal IUD. It was interesting – on the pill, there were pretty much no physical changes right before or after I started my period, but lots of hormonal ones (severe mood swings, worse on some brands than others, but no cramps or weight fluctuation). Off the pill, I don’t get the crazy mood swings, but I do get weight fluctuation and cramps. As I’ve gotten older, the exact types of symptoms have changed, but they follow that pattern – hormonal/emotional changes on the pill, physical fluctuations on either nothing or the non-hormonal IUD. It could be that you’ve “forgotten what a real period feels like” partly because your body and symptoms have changed since the last time you had one. Seriously though – there very well may be other things at play, but wait until you’re off your period and you’ll have a better idea of where things really stand.
You can’t fail if you’re out there trying. IIIIIIIII’m the failure: I put on 50lbs being in looove and moving to the city and eating and drinking like the boys. I killed the relationship over the fall but have yet to kick the bad habits that came with it! I have false starts, or keep at it for a week or so, I depsperately want to fit into 90% of my closet but manage to convince myself that TOMORROW will be the day I really start.
UGH. That’s failing. Consistently keeping at it for years, not obsessings, not weighing your self, keeping it all in balance,…. sounds like success to me, plus you always look HAWT in your pics, esp. with those slasher capris.
Just sleeeeep more. It will mellow all of this out. 😀
You are not a failure either ! If that relationship was right it would have worked out regardless of your weight gain. You tell Charlotte she can’t fail if she’s trying and it sounds like your trying too. Stop beating yourself up and recognise your a wonderful individual !
merci for that.
1 – I totally agree with Karen! It’s a lot easier to be kinder to others than we our with ourselves. You are not a failure! So thank you Karen, from both of us:)
2 – How much do I love you call them “slasher capris”?! Those seriously are like the cutest pants ever and they look good on everyone!
Oh Charlotte, I’m sorry you’re so unhappy! Isn’t it silly how easily a couple of pounds can ruin your day?
I gained 10-12 pounds in about a 6 weeks just recently too. The reason? I think it is all stress. I’ve been stressed about work and my health, which makes me not sleep well, which adds stress. Plus, being sick puts a strain on my body (even if I don’t feel it) which screws it up and makes me gain weight.
The thing you didn’t mention in your post was all the problems you have been having with your PTSD recently. Forget about stress from work! All the flashbacks and crap you have been going through is probably WAY more stressful for your body than working late!
So to your #2- I would add, don’t just listen to your BODY- listen to your mind as well. You’ve had a tough couple of months. Freaking out about gaining weight is probably not what you need (although trust me, I know it is hard to avoid). I’d imagine what you really need is a couple months of calm and love (self-love, love from your family, etc.) to show your body that you are in a safe place, despite what the flashbacks of the last months might have made it seem like.
” All the flashbacks and crap you have been going through is probably WAY more stressful for your body than working late!” Good point – I hadn’t considered this. I forget sometimes how tight that mind-body connection really is:)
Thank you for sharing this! I’ve tried intuitive eating a couple of times myself, and normally its worked for a month and then the weight has crept on. I think I fool myself into thinking my body wants muffins or cake, and gradually I stop listening to my body and eat if I’m a bit hungry. I also get frustrated having to wait to be hungry again!
I think you’ve done really well to stick to Intuitive Eating so far, and I’m sure you can pull things back again with the look at your life. I reckon getting a good night’s sleep will help if you can – and with more than just your weight. I think your game plan sounds very sensible.
Hugs
Thank you Sarah!
I can totally understand how you feel. I don’t think that you “failed” at intuitive eating or should beat yourself up. I know when I am stressed out and too busy, things like my house start to get messy and my diet suffers too even if I don’t realize it at first.
Take a big breathe, slow down a bit and wait for your hormones to get back to normal. And your weight will naturally go back down.
Good luck
Thanks Helene!
It’s absolutely hormonal. If it doesn’t come off within a week after your period ends, get blood work done. The hormones could have been thrown off by your lack of sleep, or vice versa. But until you get the balance back you’re fighting yourself.
Take it from one who has gained 30 pounds in a month. And sleeps 4 hours a night, for the past 30 years. And I don’t even HAVE kids.
Good luck!!!
“But until you get the balance back you’re fighting yourself.” So very true…
It kills me when people tell you not to worry (#1). The idea that worry can be a switch you flip (one side is worry, the other is enlightenment?) and all will be perfect in the universe is a story that typically begins with “Once Upon a Time…” It’s fiction. You know exactly what you need to do (#2). Kudos for putting this out there. Maybe this post is the first step toward #2?
PS: “Who! Does! No. 2 Work For!” keeps running through my head now. Thank you Charlotte and Austin Powers. 🙂
Buwhahah! You’re welcome baby! And I love this “The idea that worry can be a switch you flip (one side is worry, the other is enlightenment?) and all will be perfect in the universe is a story that typically begins with “Once Upon a Time…” It’s fiction.” It’s so true: the harder I try to talk myself out of worrying, the more I worry.
There’s so much great support here, so I’ll try not to repeat people too much 🙂 First off, *major hugs* You know I feel your pain. Being ex-ED-ed doesn’t mean we’re magically fixed. It means we struggle a lot but we know it’s worth it. Heck, I yesterday yelled at the fiance for eating my snack bars even though he was on his way to the store to get me more, I didn’t want to eat it at the time, and I knew I was PMSing. And this is after just a couple weeks ago declaring how I was way less protective of my food! It happens. It’s not fun but it happens.
Secondly, you have to forgive yourself. You have to forgive yourself for the weight gain, needing to let go of some things, and for not doing the impossible- being perfect. You are definitely not back where you were 3 years ago because you wrote this post. That’s huge! Really. Admitting when you’re struggling is so important. You will get through this and you will be happy again.
And lastly, I think the commitment to no more double workouts is great. No one who loves you will be disappointed. You have to do it for yourself. It’s SO important. And I think you should commit to not weighing yourself as well. No matter what. No more yearly check-ins. Not for Lifetime Fitness, not at the dr’s office. That’s what I do because I know weighing myself, even once, would hurt the progress I’ve made so much. I know you want to do it for your experiments and I know you’re okay with it when the number is stable, but I think this proves you’re not ready. And you might never be. I don’t know that I will and that’s okay. Not weighing yourself forces you to be honest with yourself. I think you knew before the weigh-in that you’d been struggling but were waiting to see what that number was. If you didn’t have that to go on I think you’d do better, I really do.
*Hugs again* You’re awesome Charlotte!
Thank you so much for everything in this comment! You always say just what I need to hear, Abby:) And… you’re right about the weighing. I know you are. And I probably never will be okay with it. I should probably just accept that!
I am sorry you are sad and not where you want to be! I agree with a previous comment that you look “lean and mean” and I would not guess you had gained 15 pounds. I can understand your desire to do #3- my baby is nine months now and no matter what I do I cannot get the scale to go down It’s only ten pounds but it feels like 100. I wish I could make the baby weight just disappear and then everything will be better! Like I can’t be happy until I fit in my pre-prego clothes again. Why do we do this to ourselves? I do think hormones have a lot to do with it. So frustrating that no matter what we do, our bodies may have a different plan thanks to their amazing and complex design. I know it doesn’t matter what people tell you (my husband tells me ALL the time how beautiful I am) but for whatever reason I think there’s no way he can find me attractive as I am now. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to like what I see. I know that the 15 pounds is disheartening to you but aren’t you still the same amazing person? I have a hard time believing it about myself- ten pounds heavier, I feel like I am not myself. Like I’ve let myself go and haven’t tried hard enough to lose the baby weight. Sorry, not a very helpful comment here, but just know that you’re not alone in your battle. Thanks for sharing your trials (and triumphs)!
Yes, that mindset that everything would be better if we just weight X amount is a really hard one to kick. Even though I know better, I still find myself falling back on that sometimes… I’m sorry you are in a similarly frustrating place! But congrats on your baby!! 9 months is a really fun age:)
You’ve done really great! Honestly, as my dad told me recently when I was whining about not winning more in racquetball…it’s not all about points (or in your case, pounds). Just because you have gained weight doesn’t mean you haven’t made KILLER progress in your attitude about food.
Gaining weight is discouraging – no two ways about it. But take a deep breath and commend yourself for not going overboard full-speed into option 3.
Your plan is a great one, particularly in prioritizing sleep and deloading your workout schedule.
Another suggestion I’d add is…spend some extra dough at the store (if you don’t have time…maybe a gym buddy would go for you?) to get ready-to-eat veggies like baby carrots, sugar snap peas, and those mini peppers. I used to figure I would eat more veggies as soon as my life settled down so I could cook…and then realized my life will settle down when I’m like 65. Having easy veggies to munch on when I get cravings is a HUGE help in keeping me away from the chips.
Thanks for being honest and hilarious as always. Your courage and transparency are a better example than if you’d been the “perfect” intuitive eating story. It gives the rest of us hope.
Do you *feel* healthy? Is your body able to do what you want it to do? Isn’t that the part of intuitive eating – giving up what your body looks like and accepting it for what it can do?
I’m just back from a few months in London where, thanks to lack of sunshine, I stayed indoors and thought it would be a good use of my time to sample all British junk food. 15 pounds later, I’m back stateside and have thrown myself full-force into a variety of workouts. On my healthy mind-body days, I’m not trying to lose weight (and 4 weeks in, I haven’t, but I have lost 6.5 inches). On my PMSy days, I’m furious with my past self for letting it get to this point again.
The daily weigh-in completely ruins my day, but I still step on the scale every morning. A thought process that helps me deal with disappointing numbers: I am not the same person when I weighed my “ideal” number. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, I’ve evolved, and of course, my body has evolved right along with it. Of course, I’d prefer it to have evolved inward rather that out, but that’s not the way things went.
I would never want to go back and be who I was emotionally, mentally, spiritually when I weighed less (and anyway, I still wanted that number to be lower), so why do I want my body to be what it was? I don’t focus on what my body isn’t; I try to appreciate what it is, all those extra bits included. And sometimes that means a required shopping spree for my new body. Wee!
Anyway, you look gorgeous and I hope you feel gorgeous soon.
You are anything BUT a failure. Did you read your post? You have to say to no to potentially great opportunities because EVERYONE WANTS YOU to write for them!!! That is the definition of success right there! Wouldn’t you rather be successful at what you really want, work wise, kid wise, happy wise?
I know, believe me, that it is much much much much easier to say that than to really feel it or believe it. This comment is as much for myself (Hi, I’m selfish, nice to meet you.) as it is for you. I could have written that overworked, overtrained, overstressed bulleted list myself. Nothing a little therapy and some herbal medicine can’t help, right?
Have you heard of rhodiola? It is an herb that is used to treat anxiety, depression, stress, and ADD. I just started taking it last week, and I’m a new woman. A less stressed and dare I say it, MELLOW Katie.
Charlotte, you are more than your weight. *Cue the sappy music.*
Hi Charlotte! You’ve already gotten such wonderful and eloquent responses. What a lovely and supportive community you have. I just wanted to say that you’re such an inspiration! Thank you for always being so honest and real, even when you don’t feel like it. Sleeping more and exercising less in order to lose weight sounds AWESOME to me! Woo hoo! You might miss some of your favorite (fun!) classes – but they’ll still be there next week, and the week after that too! And I bet that the people you love would be more disappointed if you run yourself ragged and end up injured (or worse), than if you skip some workouts. Go easy on yourself, heal and get some rest. Big virtual hugs!
I have no advice… but I do have some thoughts.. I can’t decide if I’m jealous in that I wish I’d taken my initial weight gain as seriously as this has impacted you.. or if I just want to squeeze you and tell you to chill out, don’t do anything radical.. I think the plan you’ve come up with sounds reasonable.. be good to yourself.. ya know?
OK, I know many love the intuitive eating & mindful eating. I mindful eat BUT for me that just means feeling & tasting as I eat & trying to slow down….
I have always had to watch my weight Charlotte – after I lost – it has been a battle even since I I accept that because I like being fit & healthy long term. I need to know what I am putting in my bod. I don’t track calories anymore but I have a decent idea PLUS I portion control & really plan out the food right for me. No intuitive for me. I sat as much as you might hate it & with your background, not sure this is right for you but logging will tell you why for the weight gain UNLESS there is a medical reason. I did not have hormone issues with my weight until late 40’s. I know some have it earlier but for me it was then & the 50’s have been hell. I really have to pay attention to everything.
I know you have issues & past probs with the obsessive part of this so not sure what is right for you but you may want to think about what you were eating, how much, portion size over the weight gain months. Also, was the exercise less meaning were you eating more & exercising less. You said more but different routines burn more calories..
I hope you can figure it out but feel free to email me if you want although I know you have lots of other very knowledgeable people to help. 🙂
(*big hug*). I’ve been an intuitive eater for the past 10 years or so and it helped free me from many demons.
The key to understand about IE is that it is a skill set. It’s just like learning Karate or knitting a quilt that looks like Elvis.
Being a skill means it takes time and practice to master. Sure you can get the idea by reading the book and doing it for a few months, but the best (and long lasting) results come after years of practice. I’m still learning the best ways to apply it.
Also like all skills, sometimes we just mess up. Even the best and most highly skilled people get thing wrong from time to time.
The good news is that the best is yet to come and it will get better and better.
I totally understand why this would get you down, I hate weight gain. And I hate even more that I care so much about my weight. It really is not that much weight at all and in the scheme of your life no biggie. But it is important to you right now. Go easy on yourself. Sounds like a great plan to rest more and ease up! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your experience! It is why I still read your blog and not others, I don’t want to read a “perfect” blog, I want one I can connect with because I struggle and fail constantly 😉
To quote from a great book I am reading right now “..our entire culture has an unreal view of what it means to be human. We like to think of ourselves as finished products-complete on our own. We’re not……a human being can never be more than a work in progress.” It goes onto talk, bluntly, about how life will never stop throwing new challenges at you, thus you will always have to change and adjust to those new challenges. (aka: There is no magical state of perfect being where you have it all figured out and never make a mistake).
You are not failing, life has given you some new challenges and you are figuring out how to deal with them in a healthy way! (and if I keep saying that out loud maybe I can convince myself of it too, lol)
Charlotte,
You know what you need to do, you answered your own question in the post.
Take some time for yourself and try to stop worrying.
My best weight loss success, came when I had my life in some kind of order.
I love clean sheets too.
Order in your life will help create the mind set you need. I find it interesting that you and other readers need to work out less to keep the weight off. I recently cut out an extra hour a day workout that I was really enjoying so that I could have more free time this summer. Just that and making careful food choices has helped me take off those last five pesky pounds that never come off easily. Hope you can just breathe, organize and enjoy your summer.
To be honest, I’m a little relieved that I’m not the only one whom Intuitive Eating didn’t work perfectly for. I don’t want anyone to fail at anything, or even get temporarily sidetracked, but the fact that I gained 20 lbs. when on the Intuitive Eating plan made me feel like a complete failure. So, I know how it must feel to you.
All that being said, try to focus on the fact that you’re healthy!
Oh, and did you do Warrior Dash last weekend? I’d love to know how it went if you did!
Not a failure.
Nope, nope, nope.
Thank you for writing about this–
weight fluctuations are normal,
and honestly, you’ve identified the changes you need to make
to be healthier, NOT thinner,
and that is such amazing progress!
You are lovely, just the way you are today,
and were a year ago,
and will be a year from now
♥
Can I just say first that I love your readers? These comments are full of such insight and wisdom. I feel better, just having read them.
Second, I emphatically do not want to slap you. I would happily drown a kitten to look like you, but I recognize what you’re feeling. The loss of control, the panic. It’s a horrible place to be. I’ve been battling the same feeling for a while, because something is wrong and it doesn’t seem to be possible for me to lose the 20 pounds that are haunting me. I wish I could tell you I have some great techniques for dealing with it, but I mainly try to keep busy and not think about my body. This is tricky, since it insists upon coming along wherever I go. I don’t know why this aspect of my life is out of my control, but right now it is. And I have four kids and a lot of life to attend to, so I can’t let my weight own me.
Good luck. Go gentle on yourself.
And I wouldn’t ACTUALLY drown a kitten. Just so you know.
girlfriend. really? Have I ever gained weight quickly without being pregnant?
Do you count the 30# weight gain in 6 weeks when menopausal hormone changes hit like a brick truck? It took me 15 months to lose those with too much exercise and not enough food.
Do you count January, 2011, when I was put on Abilify (may cause weight gain) the same month that my hip died and I couldn’t walk distances anymore? THAT 35# is still hanging around hoping I figure out a solution that doesn’t count on too much exercise (that I still can’t do) and not enough food.
We have all either been in your shoes, or will be. (PS., you probably will be too. Because menopause is a bitch). Getting through without making ourselves crazy is the trick.
Oh, Charlotte. Thank you so much for writing this. I have been going through the same thing and I was so jealous of your IE-perfection!
I maintained my weight perfectly with IE from 4/2011 until January of this year. I was doing AWESOME and I was so happy. The problem for me actually came when I started to weight train (I was only running before). I started gaining weight, and it was muscle, but it was freaking me out. And – I couldn’t eat the same, my hunger was different and everywhere. Now, I’ve been going through some stressful times and other things, and I’m up 15 pounds. I’ve been wondering the exact same thing as you – should I go on calorie restriction again? Should I just suck it up and accept it? What should I do??
So, please keep blogging about this so that we can both work through option #2 together.
I’m so sorry you’ve put on weight- but I am before you know it it will be gone again. Remember try not to rate yourself on your weight- you are so much more than that! Big cudos to you for intuitive eating- don’t give that up- but yes maybe you’ve been listening to your mind more than your body. I like to take the time sometimes (rarely haha) and ask myself is my mind hungry or is my body? Does my mind want endless bowls of ice cream or does my body? Please don’t do anything silly (i know you wont) and I hope you feel a bit better now. Go get a massage!
Thank you Charlotte. Just started using Roca Labs Formula. So far, It has helped me cut my food intake by half. Wish you the best in your journey also.
i haven’t been here for a while and i come back to read this, that i maybe needed the most. thank you for sharing this! it makes me sad though to read that you have people around you that you feel you have to prove yourself to.
i recognise this situation a lot though, i was at a good place with my body finally when i started a new exciting education – i had to move away for a few months to a town i didn’t like and my new place was a dump. and then the stress from studying more than full time… i bought the biggest kettlebell i could find and did my little hardcore workouts in my dump, while also binging like a mad woman on my biggest trigger – fluffy white bread. and then some chocolate. there isn’t many clothes i fit in now, trying to get back on track and stuff… detoxing from the horrible bread and trying not to get sad about the big belly i got along with my new actually quite big muscles. they are also the good thing in all this, i did keep “fit” underneath my new fat thanks to this kettlebell, i still have my msucles that i have worked so hard for. so it’s not like starting all over, i am just “changing”. with the new muscles i also gained fat weight from bread etc so i am overweight now. :/
but –
we have to allow our selves and our bodies to follow us in our hectic lives. cherish the new pounds as evidence for your sucess as a writer, which ultimately made it possible for you to actually slow down a bit from work now. you did it charlotte! you’re on your way to something new and awesome! let your body tell you that. and treat it well.
Love your honesty, and I think your approach of targeting the healthy lifestyle stuff like getting more sleep sounds very sensible! How frustrating to pack on pounds with intuitive eating, but on the other hand, it seems like the mental advantages of that approach would be worth putting up with a little weight gain if it stays in a healthy range. And the speed of it sounds hormonal to me; things may even out over time. Good luck!
I’m behind on reading – sorry about that.
This may sound weird but I’m really proud of you. You had a reaction to the gain but from the sounds of it you aren’t curled up in the bottom of your closet – you’re thinking about what may have caused it – life ! You’ve then decided that you can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing, dropped some commitments, and started making changes to keep yourself and your health as a priority. You may think you’re back where you were 2 years ago but I think you’re an inspiration the way you’re looking at it. I’m sure if you continue with the changes you’re making, and continuing to pay closer attention to your body you’ll be back down really soon.
And next time you start feeling your pants getting a bit tight you’ll be able to think “I remember when this happened last time, what’s changed in my life, what do I need to do to take better care of myself” and you’ll stay on track. It’s all a learning curve.
Happy (belated) birthday !
I really wanted to thank you for this post. I feel like I’m at war with the scale. I’ve never been able to take the leap of faith to IE. I’ve had a lot of stress and been eating a lot more (and not the healthy stuff). I managed to hide the scale for a few days but I still felt like a failure. This post came at the perfect time for me (I read it when it was first posted and now wanted to take the time to thank you). It really solidified that I have better things to worry about than a number and that I should be enjoying life and food instead of hiding from my problems by spending all my time battling the scale creep.
Thanks for your honesty, I think reading about your stuggles with this is incredibly inspiring to all of us who have our own personal eating demons to battle and I salute you for being brave enough to post about it.
I read this fantastic article today about women’s relationship with food and thought it might help you. If nothing else, it’s a great (and occasionally hilarious) read:
http://www.paleoforwomen.com/the-most-common-pattern-of-overeating-and-how-to-stop/
Good luck with your IE journey…I’m sure you’ll come out the other side and be writing a much happier post this time next year 🙂
“I wanted to prove everyone wrong who said that it wasn’t possible to lose weight and maintain that loss while still maintaining a happy relationship with food and my body. And it really did work – for a while! But I’m not perfect. Especially not at this.”
you did prrove them wrong and you will continue to do so as you rise up from this struggle. IE works and it works well….even when we gain weight. Get out your Roth books and review….she struggles just like the rest of us and we expect her to be perfect!
you got this!
I’ve been lurking for months and haven’t commented since this article. I think it’s important to remember that EVERYTHING goes in cycles. It’s the way things were created. Things go right for awhile, things go south for awhile. No one can keep it together all the time. That having been said, it SUCKS when things are going south. Bloating, messy house, no sleep, macaroni and cheese for the kids twice a day for five days in a row, and so on. And on. And on. That also having been said, remember that it passes. Life is a river, not a lake. You don’t just swim to the point at which you want to be and tread water. You have to struggle against the current, make adjustments for the rapids and try to just get through them so you can catch you breath at the other side. Hang in there. You are strong, beautiful, clever, funny, and intelligent; therefore you are successful. None of those very important things have anything to do with how much you weigh. Just make it through to the other side of the rapids and catch your breath. You’ll be OK.