That’s definitely a bad food substitution. But an awesome autocorrect. This site makes me cry laughing.
Protein pancakes. Protein cookies. Protein ice cream. Protein muffins. Protein bars. Protein pudding. And everyone’s favorite – the ubiquitous protein cookie dough balls. What is up with all the bastardized baked goods? Well, like all good things it’s starts with guilt and a craving.
If you’ve been into health/fitness for very long you probably already have some hefty protein guilt. We hear numbers bandied about like “eat 1 – 1.5 grams of protein per pound of body weight if you want to build muscle!” We see ripped bodies at the gym slipping powder into their water bottles like it’s Studio 54 but with really bright unflattering lighting. We read the advertisements selling protein supplements, the magazine blurbs touting more protein to help you stay satiated, the research studies showing that people on high protein diets lose more weight. (For the record: I’m not saying any of these things are wrong or untrue. Protein is great. You need it to live. Although I’m not convinced it’s as crazy awesome as many people say it is.) And yet, while a nice juicy steak is delish what people crave most of the time are warm, fluffy, sugar-coated carbohydrate concoctions – all the stuff that basically has no naturally occurring protein in it. (And no naturally occurring nutrition either. Sadly.)
So we manufacture substitutes for our favorite foods. Love peanut butter cookies? Eat them guilt free with this low-carb, gluten-free, protein-packed recipe! Ice cream junkie? Whirl together some ice, non-dairy “milk”, protein powder, gums and sugar-free flavoring for a cold conscience-soothing confection!
The upside to food substitutions:
– Sometimes they taste really good. (Confession: I went through a huge protein ice cream phase and some of the recipes out there are freaking amazing. The secret, as told to me by Deb the Smoothie Girl, is in the guar and xanthan gums.)
– It’s nice to eat something “guilty” that doesn’t actually make you feel guilty for eating it.
– It’s also touted as a great way to help people make the transition from junk food to clean eating – which, let’s be honest, can be a huge adjustment – by letting them continue to eat their favorite foods but still acquiring a taste for whole grains, less sweetness and, duh, protein powder.
The dark side of food substitutions:
– Sometimes they taste like utter crap but then you feel like you have to eat it anyhow because you made it and probably used a lot of expensive fancy-pants ingredients. Remember my disaster healthifying banana bread? And my turd cookies? And my liver and heart casserole?? (Wow, that just made me sound like Hannibal Lecter. It was a COW liver and heart. Just the recipe was mine.)
– Sometimes you feel guilty anyhow. There’s no “perfect” recipe and if you get caught up in trying to make every food nutritionally perfect you’ll drive yourself mad.
– Depending on the food, the substitution with all it’s fake, chemical, processed ingredients may end up being worse for you than the real food. (See: artificial sweeteners are not our friend.)
– You can end up eating too much of the substitute because it doesn’t quite hit the spot whereas you might have only needed a bite or two of the real thing to feel satisfied.
– Sometimes food substitutions can turn into a crutch, keeping you in the mindset of eating less healthy foods rather than teaching you to find enjoyable, delish recipes that don’t have to pretend to be something else to be edible.
It’s this last point that I’ve heard a lot lately. Gurus from paleo to vegan and everything in between have been telling their acolytes to just ditch the substitutions already, that it’s holding them back from committing to the lifestyle and embracing the health principles behind it. In addition, die-hard foodies will tell you to stop wrecking good food – if you want chocolate lava cake then by golly find the best chocolate lava cake you can and enjoy the heck out of every bite.
From a personal standpoint I can tell you this: If I never see, read about or eat frozen banana “soft-serve ice cream” again it will be too soon. First of all, that stuff only resembles soft-serve in its texture, and even then it’s melty soft-serve. With a weird aftertaste. And no matter what you put on it, it will still taste like bananas. I hate bananas. I especially hate frozen whipped bananas with mint extract and cacao bits, which was the darling of the fit-o-sphere not too long ago, mostly because it reminded me that there is real mint chocolate chip ice cream somewhere in the world and yet it is not in my bowl. And to make sure I offend all camps, I also detest fake meat products. I like tofu. You don’t have to press it into flavored bricks, bread it and call it “Chik’n” to make me eat it. Not to mention processed soy gives me enough gas to clear an entire gym in 5 minutes.
I didn’t used to feel this way. As a vegetarian and vegan, for years I ate so many “burgers” and “chik’n” and “sausage crumbles” that I personally kept Morningstar Farms in business. Then when I got into weightlifting I made every single one of those “protein” recipes I listed at the beginning. And probably more that I’ve forgotten. Protein powder was such a staple in my diet that I began to think of it as the 5th required flavor – the umami of meatheads.
These days, other than bananas and Chik’n (which I clearly have strong feelings about), I’m not exactly sure where I stand. When I started doing Intuitive Eating, one of the things I liked best about it was that you ate what your body really wanted. There was no trying to “trick” yourself into thinking you were eating a cookie when you weren’t. Our bodies are smart, y’all. They don’t like being tricked. Slowly, and without giving it much conscious thought, I stopped with all the weird diet dopplegangers. I still ate healthy – that’s how my body feels best, it turns out – but I ate healthy food that was what it was. And when I chose to have a treat, well it was what it was too – and I enjoyed it. But now that I’m dairy free (and still loving it! Seriously it’s been over a month now and no panic attacks!!!) I’ve inadvertently stumbled back into the twilight zone.
It started innocently enough with ice cream. I’ve always loved ice cream but once I connected it with my diarrhea, projectile vomiting, stomach cramps and crying spells it was more than easy to let it go. But I still want a cold, creamy treat once in a while. So I discovered coconut milk ice cream and it is good. Really really good. (I believe one of you commented on a previous post that coconut milk ice cream is so good that you wonder why people ever eat the real stuff. I agree. Although price might have something to do with it – that stuff is crazy expensive.) But it doesn’t always go so well. My other dairy love was cheese – Brie and a loaf of French bread was better than a serenade from Justin Timberlake – and yet fake “cheez” is nasty stuff. I’ve eaten it in the past but this time around I haven’t even bothered with it. It’s so far from the real thing that it just makes me sad. It’s easier for me to avoid cheese altogether than to eat pretend cheez.
So what’s a health conscious girl to do? How do you feel about food substitutions? Do you have a favorite one that you love? Any that you particularly hate??
I tried the banana ice cream, it sucked. Maybe I did it wrong? But it was banana mush, I prefer the banana whole and my ice cream well creamy.
I actually just made peanut/oat flour waffles tonight with protein powder. I love these. Like you said it satisfies my craving without the “omg these are so low in nutrients”. It balanced them out IMO. I’ve also done protein pancakes etc 😉 I like em but mostly these days because I’m not eating wheat flour, so it’s a “make your own or pay a fortune” decision for me.
Fake meats, I don’t mind them BUT they aren’t clean. Thats my issue. Tofu>fake meat. Hubby loves em though so I still buy them but I hardly eat them. I’m getting more into making my own tofu/quinoa burgers, or tempeh curry. I do still love the sundried tomato tofurkey sausages though! And in a pinch will use meatless meatballs, but my main focus now is unprocessed when possible 🙂
I will confess to being a fan of the protein pancake! But the egg white/banana pancake that’s doing the rounds is FOUL in my opinion. Also, PB2 = nasty.
I’ve been dairy free for a few years now and can’t believe the difference it has made in my physical and emotional health… When I first made the switch I was all about the substitutions, but quickly realized soy is not my friend… my poor tummy. For the most part I’ve given up trying to make/find non-dairy versions of my favourite dairy treats, but a few substitutions make it into my grocery cart. Coconut milk ice cream (chocolate peanut butter coconut bliss), daiya cheese (soy free and it actually melts), and amande yogurt (made with almond milk)
Even though I’m vegetarian/part-time vegan, I don’t consume a lot of fake foods. I don’t like overly processed foods, so if I’m craving cheese once or twice a month I’ll just have the real stuff. I never crave meat or fish, seriously!)
I love banana soft serve! But I’ve always loved bananas anyway. I’m am true monkey girl (my chinese zodiac sign). I do regularly eat soy yogurt, rice milk, and tofu. I like the taste and they are not too processed.
When it comes to baked goods, which I love love love, I often prefer my own “heathlyfied” versions. I usually reduce the sugar by 30-50%, replace half of the white flour with whole grain flour, reduce the fat, and often veganize the whole thing. I love that I can enjoy tasty treats without suffering from stomach issues or sugar coma later on.
Months ago I bought a bag of protein powder, just to see what all those healthy living bloggers are raving about. I’m struggling with finishing it before it expires. Not a fan!
Not sure, but I think I’m one of the folks who first turned you on to coconut “ice-cream”. (Coconut Bliss, to be specific.)
About the only time I used to slop cheese on my plate was with Mexican food. Now I just use three times as much avocado; problem solved!
As far as protein consumption, I’m a big fan of eggs fried in coconut oil and kept in the fridge for snacks. Much faster, cheaper and yummier than protein-powder whatever.
I love bananas. But yeah fake foods are something I try to avoid as much as possible. However, some of them are delicious. The protein powder thing I think is way over done. I stopped using it because I realized it was artificial crap I was only consuming because I liked the taste and didn’t feel as guilty as if I’d had a milkshake. I’m sure if I was a body builder I would have a different opinion.
First, I just have to say thank you. Sometimes I feel so lonely in my little I-hate-bananas corner. They seem to be one of those holy grail foods and people are convinced that “if you try this you will love it!” No I won’t. So thank you for that.
As to the whole ‘fake’ foods thing…My feeling is, if it doesn’t taste good, what’s the point? For the record, I like tofu. However, that does not mean I think you can go around throwing tofu in as a meat replacement anywhere – it’s not gonna taste the same. Tofu needs to be prepared just right in order to taste good. Also, I like burger patties that are made with beans instead of meat. You know why? I like beans and I’m honestly not so crazy about meat. If what you really want is beef or chicken, a black bean or chickpea burger is not gonna cut it.
In other words: find ways to cook healthy foods that you enjoy. That doesn’t mean making a ‘fake’ version of your old favorite that is going to ‘taste just as good’; it means find new favorites. It also doesn’t mean you can never have the old favorites. It means make the majority of your diet be healthy[or healthier] stuff that you enjoy, and the less healthy favorites are once in a while meals.
That’s my philosophy – not to say I always live it perfectly, but when I follow that plan I do feel better.
I really prefer real foods, especially when they have the full fat deliciousness. Also, no substitutes for good, real ice cream; just can’t beat it.
Thank you for making me literally laugh out loud. My son is wondering what’s Wong with me. Haha…I can’t help but leave that auto correct. I’m laughing again. I hope I don’t offend anyone named Wong. I have tears running down my cheeks.
Oh yeah…and I’m with you on the fake food. Except I kinda like bananas…
Hmmm, I’m totally with you mostly. Light ice cream? Give me the real stuff! I used to have to physically restrain myself from eating the entire carton but I find with the full fat stuff I have a bowl and I’m happy and satisfied. On the other hand, I don’t really see meat substitutes in the same light. Maybe it’s a personal thing- having been raised not eating meat these are “real” foods to me, not a substitute. I love tofu but I also love a chik’n burger topped with homemade honey mustard. And the veggie bbq from my favorite restaurant? I could eat that daily! Cooking meat actually doesn’t smell like food to me, it just smells weird and kind of gross.
So maybe some of it has to do with mindset? Why you’re eating something and all that. Of course soy meats are more processed than a steak but I’m eating them because I genuinely enjoy them and find them delish. Conversely I was eating the light ice cream because I wanted real ice cream but felt bad about eating it. You enjoy the coconut ice cream and it makes you happy, right? I think that makes it not a food fake.
I hate soy. Just thought I would start with that.
I doesn’t a lot of protein, and I love my protein powder (it keeps me from eating a loaf of bread after a workout). If I really want a treat, I make a smoothie with it – one scoop of protein powder, a small carton of Chobani, fruit, and ice and water. I can change up the fruit, yogurt and protein powder to make any flavor combo that I am craving. If I am really craving, I add natural peanut butter and a few chocolate chips…
My trainer gave me a challenge- if God didn’t make it, don’t eat it. (he let me keep the protein powder after much begging). Last week I was having a cookie conniption, and he told me I could have them as long as I made my own. I had two, and gave the rest away. It satisfied my craving, and I haven’t wanted them since.
Hahaha! Not ‘I doesn’t.’. Should be I do eat.
As someone who has had to avoid dairy for decades, I now find myself guiding the hubby into my world. We have learned this summer that he can no longer tolerate dairy, and he LOVES ice cream. So, I get him Almond Dream Cappuccino Swirl and he is a happy man. He’s still having trouble adjusting to almond or coconut milk lattes – with a thyroid that is ‘claws up’, we don’t do soy – but he’s trying to work through it 😉
I am so not a fan of all the substitutions. I seriously think the body knows what it wants/needs, and cannot be so easily fooled with fakes – especially fake sweeteners.
I’m avoiding dairy for the… 3rd? time, I think. Cheese is how I always fall off the wagon. I don’t like fake cheese at all (not even daiya). I just make do with goat milk feta. I hear goat milk mozzarella is good and not goat-y (I don’t mind goat-y, personally).
I have not tried coconut milk ice cream, but I do not like cultured coconut milk. Too sweet with a weird aftertaste. I again resort to goat milk yogurt.
I like vegan cookies. But for the most part, I’m a fan of finding things I like for what they are rather than poor, sad substitutions.
I’m all for substitutes that make sense. Like using apple sauce in baking to cut out/down on oil/butter. To me, that makes sense, since you’re still getting the deliciousness you want. If it majorly effects the flavor though, screw it. It won’t be what I was looking for, and i’ll either eat more or end up eating it and then eating what I really wanted to begin with. I made some killer vegan brownies a year ago, but when I tried to make them sugar-free, they sucked. Tossed them out immediately.
I actually have a substitute I was wanting to try soon, as I had read to use pumpkin to sub oil/butter. I LOVE pumpkin, so I’m thinking that it’s a sub that I will like. I think that’s a big key to it, if you’re going to use a substitute, don’t use one you don’t like.
Oh and as for protein, yes we do need it in our diets. But not to the extent that most people go. Most of us do not need to load up on protein, unless we’re lifting some serious weight. Many studies have been published on how we eat way more protein than what is needed.
I freeze coconut milk(the canned kind) in ice cube trays, then put 4-6 “cubes” into my food processor with some frozen cherries, a bit of vanilla extract, a pinch of salt and a couple tablespoons of cocoa powder. Whirl that around till it becomes smooth and creamy and it tastes just like chocolate cherry frozen yogurt.
You might have to add some maple syrup or honey to sweeten it(I usually use the dreaded frozen banana for sweetness…but seriously with the cherries and the chocolate you don’t taste it…and I only use about 1/2 of one).
I used to be a substitute QUEEN. Now though for the most part, I’ve discovered eating slightly larger portions of my main meals leaves me full enough that I don’t need desserts or things(most being the operative word). And when I really, really want something, I’ll have it.
Tamara, that coconut/cherry/chocolate dessert sounds wonderful. Thank you.
“if you want chocolate lava cake then by golly find the best chocolate lava cake you can and enjoy the heck out of every bite.” YES. Some baked goods are simply to be enjoyed as is…in smaller portions. If I”m gonna splurge on something it will be good and delectable.
As for recipe modifying well it depends. If it’s a matter of making something a bit more healthy, but the food tastes awesome, then fine, as long as it’s not swapping out food for chemicals. If it’s adding protein powder or sweetener or other fake stuff, well, no. I’ll just try and get my nutrients form actual food thanks 🙂
I never tried the banana ice cream thing, but banana + mint + carob = nearly the worst flavor combination I can think of. Banana + mint + carob + liver and heart casserole IS the worst flavor combination I can think of.
True story: While I was in high school I dressed up as the Snackwells Cookie man for halloween one year. I even won a costume contest.
I was always going for anything that was labeled low fat or fat free back in the day. I always told everyone I liked that version better, but now I see how I was just fooling myself.
‘course what is real these days? Even filtered water is technically “processed” and changed in some way.
I grew up in southern Mississippi where fried is the only way to cook. When I moved away and tried to get healthy, I tried cutting fried things out completely. It didn’t work. I seriously went through withdraw symptoms worse than the high school junkie after his daddy cut off his allowance (long, sad, but slightly hilarious story . . . anyway). Over the years I’ve learned to substitute breaded baking and light stir-fries for my deep-fat fried goodies. Fried green tomatoes and okra, however, will never ever be fully taken off my plate. It’s a southern thing.
My friends all think I’m crazy, but I often eat vegetarian. Meat doesn’t always agree with my stomach. I love black bean burgers and tofu salads (I live in China now so soy is queen). There are times, however, I just want a steak or a real beef taco. I say if you really want something then eat it. One time won’t kill you. It helps me stay on track with healthy eating. Plus I think a lot of franken-foods are actually out to kill you anyway. Has no one seen Poultry-gist (I totally spelled that wrong).
I recently toured Canada with my band (we’re from Australia) and I was really overwhelmed by the abundance of these foods that you speak of.
We do have a range of protein bars, drinks and to a lesser degree cookies but you have to look a little harder for the (as you call it) “…bastardized baked goods.”
As I tell my clients (besides the band I’m also a food coach and I run a school in PT certification), “Just because it’s full of nutrients, doesn’t mean that it’s good for you.”
The best idea is just to avoid overly processed/refined foods and eat as clean as possible.
Learning how to understand labeling is one of the best ways to stop yourself eating this (pardon my Mormon French) ‘crap.’
Besides, there’s plenty of great protein sources out there without having to rely on supplement company fare.
Oh, and as coconut ice-cream can be expensive, I’ll often make a sorbet with frozen berries, coconut cream and if the berries are a little sour, stevia (or raw honey if I feel like gettin’ jiggy wit the carbs). Quick process-whiz-bang-nearly instant sorbet.
I think if you deprive yourself it only makes you wan the food more. It is better to give in to your craving – just don’t eat the whole cake. Eat a couple of bites of your favorite dessert for instance and then walk away – literally. I love brownies – LOVE!. I eat the real fattening ones – just a little and then walk away and in no time I don’t want them anymore. If you are super tempted eat a few bites and then go brush your teeth – you will not want to eat after that. I say go real with the food.
As for dairy-free “cheese,” try daiya – there’s no soy in it. It’s made from nutritional yeast instead (which is a great source of B12 for any vegans/vegetarians) and the texture and taste are a million times better than any other fake cheese I’ve ever tried. It’s a little pricey, and I don’t ever just eat it by itself, but I use it in casserole recipes that really don’t work without some type of cheese (which offsets the price a little in my mind – because those kinds of things are usually fairly cheap to cook otherwise). There are also recipes floating around to make your own cheeses with nutritional yeast as the base (I’ve made a fake ricotta that way that’s really good).
See, I’ve tried Daiya and it doesn’t actually taste like cheese. I’ve also tried a “cheeze” sauce recipe using nutritional yeast, and it also did not taste like cheese. I actually don’t mind the taste of nutritional yeast sprinkled on a dish, but again, doesn’t taste like cheese.
If it works for you, I’m not knocking it, but I am legitimately curious – does that stuff taste like cheese to you?
Well I was lactose intolerant for several years before finding daiya… So I can’t really answer that, but it tastes like my best recollection of how cheese tasted (and tastes much better than any other substitute). I wouldn’t eat it like string cheese, but it does melt and I like it in casseroles that need something melty to hold them together if that makes sense.
Thanks, that’s what I was kinda thinking to myself – the people who think it tastes like cheese have forgotten what real cheese tastes like (no offense intended). I had cut out dairy and wheat for a little while and I missed cheese so much! I tried a few substitutes and none of them tasted like cheese to me.
I’m back on dairy with no ill effects for the moment, so I’ll enjoy real cheese while I can.
I vary – some days I’ll try and make an ultra healthified cake recipe, other days nothing but a piece of the best squishy chocolate cake or carrot cake will do. To be honest, I’m probably better off without any kind of cake!
Charlotte, Thanks for this post.
I hate it when people try to make food substitutions, it usually never ends up well.
The reason the coconut ice cream works is because you replace the dairy fat for coconut fat. The bananas have no fat so it just doesn’t work right, (that’s a bad combo with the mint and chips too) I learned, with lots of trial and error, that baked goods don’t satisfy me, so I don’t eat much and don’t feel like I’m missing out. I do need my chocolate and icecream, but in the right quantities, there is nothing really wrong with this.
I really wish people would just eat real food, I am not a vegetarian, but I love vegetables, it seems to me that people just want what they can’t have.
I really like almond milk vs. real milk. It feels “cleaner” in my mouth. But other than that, I really don’t do substitutions. I tried to get on the Stevia bus, but I didn’t like the way the “natural flavor added” was lookin’ at me, so I got off.
I’m just grateful for this time of the year when all the food I planted in my garden is sitting in pretty rows on my pantry shelf waiting for canning or cooking. I always eat the healthiest this time of year…fresh from the garden. Of course, right now I’m PMSing like a crazy woman, so all bets are off. I’d probably eat Stevia straight from the bag at this point.
I make a few substitutions, I guess, mainly to accomodate my dairy allergy. I use unsweetened almond and coconut milk. And I live on goat and sheep cheeses. (little known fact, in the US if it says “cheese” it must be cow milk. Other milk sources must be included as such. Outside the US? Cheese is made from any mammal without distinction. Also? The first job of the USDA was to promote the use of cow’s milk.)
Anyway, I think most food substitutes are a crutch. Like being vegetarian and eating fake meat. I think it hold you back.
But I don’t do Stevia, or follow any recipe, so I’m immune from all the fake stuff on Pinterest. and blogs.
There’s a time and a place for food substitutions. I do NOT like the chemically processed crap, but things like raw cookie dough balls can be super helpful when you need a chocolate chip cookie fix (it’s still going to have some sugar and fat in there, but at least it’s from honey and cashews and REAL foods).
But there are certainly days when nothing will do except for exactly what you’re craving – and I think we need to honour our bodies when that happens.
I’m an omnivore in a household of vegetarians, vegans and/or grain-free eaters.
I am constantly sampling bean brownies, coconut-flour cupcakes, grain-free pancakes, oat cookies made with applesauce and prunes instead of sugar and fat, dates instead of sugar in danse cakes, et cetera. And don’t get me started on the abuse of nuts in the primal recipes! My mom is currently trying to persuade me to eat the almond mush left over from making almond yogurt (“it’s like cream cheese!”). None of these things taste like the what they’re named after, not even close.
For example, my vegan sister- I think she’s been “healthifying” sweets for so long that she’s forgotten what they’re supposed to taste like, and now equates a cookie with a ball of oats stuck together with date mush and a sprinkling of dark chocolate chips. I’m not saying she doesn’t genuinely enjoy this (somehow), but I think it’s a bit messed up that she feels a need to call them “cookies” when they clearly aren’t.
It’s quite sad– my mom was a really good baker before she started making fake foods instead.
In what crazy messed up universe does banana and mint go together? Banana and mint is NOT a good flavor combination. Ugh ugh ugh.
I was a vegetarian for most of my teens and early 20s, and I ate a crap ton of soy and vegan products that imitated meat. I’m no longer a vegetarian, but I eat so much healthier than I once did, no processed foods (I go off track once in awhile, those peanut butter chips call my name every so often) and I can’t believe what I once put in my body under the pretense of health.
Katie, there is sort of mint called banana mint. It’s my favorite. Well, I like eating mint leaves with my banana. I understand some don’t.
“And my turd cookies?”
Was that from the same recipe book as the shartbread?
“Remember my disaster healthifying banana bread? And my turd cookies? And my liver and heart casserole?? ” This just made me laugh out loud!
I used to make all sorts of substitutions and nowadays I don’t. I don’t have a problem with it, I just fell out of habit I guess or ran out of protein powder. I haven’t bought protein powder in over 2 years.
I did blend up frozen cantaloupe and blueberries in a food processor a couple of days ago. I wasn’t trying to make substitute I was being cheap. The cantaloupe I had bought was too ripe to eat but I didn’t want to throw it away. That would be like tossing 2 bucks in the trash so I froze it and threw it in a the food processor. It was pretty good more like an Ice than soft serve though.
I consider myself to be a pretty talented cook. I mean, I am not up to my mom’s level, but I am pretty good. However, I cannot make ‘paleo’ substitutes that have the taste and more importantly the texture and mouthfeel of the real thing.
I just console myself with bacon and if I really want toast, I have some toast.