Glamour magazine showed a group of men these two images – Cabanel’s original “The Birth of Venus” on the left and artist Anna Giordano’s “photoshopped” version on the right – and asked them which one they found sexier. The vast majority picked the one on the left. They didn’t survey women but I’m guessing the majority would have picked the one on the right. Check out the rest of Giordano’s comparisons on her site – it’s fascinating!
What makes someone sexy, exactly? According to beer commercials, sexy is in the eye of the beholder — a strange mix of comparison and desperation that says way more about the mind of the person ogling than the body of the one being ogled. But if you read lady mags, sexy is an inner confidence or state of mind almost completely unrelated to your physical appearance. Clothiers everywhere would like us to believe that sexy is the sum of our accoutrements and can be manipulated at will with just the right slimming panel or accessory. Or perhaps sexy is a quantifiable asset defined by the possession of certain traits like youth, big boobs, a small waist and long flowing hair, like researchers, frat boys and perfume ads insist.
I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that the moment when someone sticks a camera 6 inches from your face and directs you to “be sexy” is the wrong time to try and figure that out. Which is probably how I ended up spelling “sexy” a-w-k-w-a-r-d.
When super talented photog Michael Novak from Inventive Media (who just got back from videoing the DNC – you have him to thank for all those gorgeous close-ups of Michelle Obama!) and super talented choreographer Jennie Berglund asked me to be a dancer in their video, I jumped on it. Hair, makeup, lights, wardrobe, sound stage, fog machines, wind machine, blotting papers, big cameras on cranes, tiny cameras on wheels, medium hand-held cameras: It was a once in a lifetime experience. I had a riot.
The video shoot was for a commercial spot that Michael is doing for the 25th anniversary of a cable TV station but after we filmed that part we got to just let loose and have fun dancing for the cameras. Michael put it together in a music video of sorts and for a girl who filmed her last video under the stairs at the Y, it was like watching aliens on another planet.
(If you are reading this on your phone, iPad or mobile device the video won’t play due to copyright restrictions. But you can watch in on your computer! Sorry for the inconvenience, I don’t make the rules…)
I learned a lot. First, dancing is a heck of a workout. We danced for hours and I was as sweat-soaked as if I had been doing Tabata drills. (I also had to do a toe-touch and wolf jump in every take, plus a front walkover into the splits so that amped up the sweat factor as well. And those lights are HOT.) Second, a lot of work goes into making professional videos. Like, a lot a lot. I had no idea before that every time the camera changes angles in a movie it’s a different shot which everyone had to act, film and then someone had to splice together like a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. (And now that I saw it, I can’t un-see it — my husband and I saw The Bourne Legacy last night and I spent half the movie counting takes. It boggles!) Third, I’m just not sexy. Case in point:
One of these things is not like the others… I made my “sexy face” for a friend the other day and he literally said “never do that again!!”
I’m not trying to rag on myself – not at all – it’s more of an observation. I can be cute, spunky, quirky and cheery but the sexy-sex stuff just isn’t in my DNA. I first started to figure that out in high school when the only type of dancing I could do was either the infamous circle dance (ah middle school!) or skank with the dudes (remember when skanking was actually a dance and not a derogatory term for a girl?). In college my friend pointed it out to me while also teaching me the art of the back-handed compliment. And so when Michael told me he needed more, I wasn’t surprised. I compensated by flipping my hair around a lot. (Sexy = hair tornado, thank you White Snake!) Which is probably the reason you only see my face once in the video.
Why I am this way, I don’t know. Maybe deep down I’m a prude and afraid of expressing any sexuality. Maybe being sexy feels too out-of-control for this control freak girl. Maybe I’m scared of being sexy after being sexually abused. (Man, it never gets easier writing that.) Besides, being a modern enlightened woman, aren’t I supposed to be above all this?? But honestly I think it’s because I’m afraid of the risk. What if I really try hard to be sexy and I’m still not? In a society that values sex appeal as much as ours does, that can feel like a pretty hefty fail. Especially for someone with already shaky self-confidence. So I try to take myself out of the game, tell myself that I don’t really want to be seen that way anyhow. And sometimes I believe it.
In the end, when it came to the video it turns out it didn’t matter. All my nerves were for naught. Michael found a way to use the strengths of each of us and blend them together in a way that was really fun. I’ve watched this video like 50 times this weekend and every time I get more proud of each girl. Whether they were in the hallway hyperventilating about their solo (like me) or just fighting to keep it together after dancing for hours (we filmed the solo pieces last), each of us brought something really different and special. And the more I watch it, the more I see the joy and beauty in each of my friends and the less I see the awkwardness in me. (It helps that he didn’t use the take where I fell flat on my butt!) In fact, that move in the splits? I feel downright graceful. And grateful – both for the opportunity to do something so insanely fun and for friends who see beauty in me, even when I can’t.
What about you – do you have a hard time being sexy or does it come naturally to you? How do you define sexy for yourself? Looking at the two Venuses above, tell me honestly – which one do you prefer?
PS. If you are trying to figure out which one I am in the video, there are two long-haired brunettes. If she has tight abs, a gorgeous smile and even makes the running man look sexy (no seriously, she does the running man. And it looks HAWT.) then that’s my supermodel friend Serena. If she’s doing any kind of stunt or in the very back, that’s me.
“What if I really try hard to be sexy and I’m still not?” … yeah, this.
Don’t worry, we can circle dance together in the corner.
I think you look great, Charlotte! Although it did take me a minute to realise which one was you 😉 This makes me miss my dancing days!! I went out dancing on the weekend and loved it – I think you’ve inspired me to take up dancing classes again 🙂
Haha glad I wasn’t the only one! But yeah I loved the video, it’s always fun to watch someone dance! 🙂
Thank you Tara! And you totally should! Taking hip hop and ballroom classes as an adult has been a total riot!
I prefer the venus to the right! Totally fall into the stereotype. I love dancing and sexy doesn’t intimidate me, but it is definitely the type of thing that is SUPER awkward if you aren’t feeling it. Impossible to fake and makes you feel ridiculous! Awesome video!
I prefer the venus to the right! Totally fall into the stereotype. I love dancing and sexy doesn’t intimidate me, but it is definitely the type of thing that is SUPER awkward if you aren’t feeling it
I like the Venus on the left. I can see why men find her more attractive. Stick figures aren’t very comfortable to snuggle to and they often don’t eat fun foods.
I liked her the most too! And yes I can see the appeal… 😛
Sexy is like beauty and it’s in the eye of the beholder. What one person finds sexy, another person will be turned off by.
The key is finding out what the person in your life finds sexy and doing that for them. Maybe it’s wearing a certain scent. Maybe it’s wearing a certain color. Maybe it’s wearing something special (or nothing at all) to bed.
Attraction is all in a person’s head. So, as long as you can communicate openly and honestly about each other’s wants and needs, it will always work out.
Personally, being in love and physical touch are big things. Being able to touch and caress the woman I love is what I find sexy.
Aw, I love this! What a sweet compliment to your wife/girlfriend!
I wish my wife would see things that way.
As her facebook relationship status says today “It’s complicated”.
With all the flashy lights and quick film cuts, I could barely make out individuals let alone grade their sexiness. Avoiding “duck face” is all that matters.
If you consider the number of women who complain about being dry humped by their hubbies while washing dishes or brushing their teeth, then standing in front of a sink makes you incredibly sexy.
Oh this made me giggle at least three times. I’m gonna find me a sink, stat!
An absolutely stunning video, and I love that the girls have different body types and all look amazingly hot and fun. I thought you were very sexy.
I like the one on the left, the one on the right looks too much like she’s been tampered with, it does not at all look natural and proportionate.
I think I LOVE dancing too much to worry about if I’m being sexy or not while I’m doing it. But definitely, there are times I would like to feel sexier and thought, I can’t be sexy, I’m too heavy right now, or don’t have big enough boobs or pretty much whatever, fill in the blank. I think it is a mix of fear of failure and certainty of failure. But luckily I feel sexy enough other times I think it is ok. No one needs to feel sexy 24/7, because if I’m feeling sexy, I’m definitely not doing the dishes or any other stupid unsexy chores, let me tell you!
I’m so impressed you did this video and then put it on the internet! I actually love to dance and took various lessons for many years as a child and adolescent, but I still don’t think I could bring myself to do it! I don’t know why because I think it is so awesome you did! I’m not shy, I just…like to be in control of my image?
PS: I’m shocked men “liked” the venus on the left more. I can’t help wondering if that had more to do with it being the original photo than her being curvier. Or something to do with thinking they were supposed to pick her? It really seems to me that men my age and younger are attracted to thinner women pretty much 100% of the time. They just do. It doesn’t mean you can’t love a woman who looks like the one on the left more than one like the right. Maybe older men have different preferences though.
I would tell you that I am not at all sexy, that I don’t know how to be sexy and trying just makes me feel silly. My husband would tell you different. Maybe it has to do with what you think of as sexy. I think you look great in that photo – who’s to say that’s not sexy? Or as my husband would ask – whose opinion is the one that counts? When it comes right down to it, the important thing is how my husband feels about me. Not that it’s always easy to remember that, but I try. 🙂
Holy moley Charlotte, what are you even talking about? You were totally sexy in that video! And how do I say this without sounding too creepy? I often think your photos are hot. Oops, did I write that out loud?
If you mean you don’t do the kittenish-slutty-I’ll-do-whatever-twisted-thing-you-want-bubba look, well, that’s only one version of sexy and it’s far from universal. Not that women should feel like their whole existence is defined by how sexy they are, but I’m surprised that even someone as hot as you would have “not sexy enough” issues.
And can I just add how awesome it is that you were in a dance video? What a fantasy come true! And hey, if they want to do the post-menopausal two-left-feet version of that, have ’em call me, I’m available.
Honestly, I prefer the art image on the left, but that might be because my shape is closer to that one.
As far as whether I’m sexy, my fiance says I am and that’s all that matters. 🙂
Love, Love, Love!!!
I am awkward as heck, but I would do something like that in a heartbeat. Seriously. As crappy and unhealthy as I know I look right now, if I had makeup, hair and wardrobe, I would strut and dance down any catwalk at any time. It looks so fun!
As it is, I’ll stick with dancing around with my vacuum cleaner 😉 Great job, friendo!
I hate to admit I think the image on the right is more appealing. I don’t think I’d call either “sexy” but I’m drawn to that one more. Stupid screwed-up brain. But I totally believe guys pick the left. I’ve regularly listened to my fiance and male friends talk about how gross movie stars look. Seriously, the other day we were watching “Homeland” and Claire Danes stripped down to her bra. All the guys said “Ew, we don’t want to see that.” I thought she looked great.
The video is totally awesome. You guys look amazing! We regularly dance to the same song in Zumba and it’s so much fun. I guess that’s maybe where I occasionally feel sexy: Zumba. Most of the time I just think I look weird and awkward but every once in a while I’ll catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and think, “Man, I looked hot there.” Mostly though I just feel uncomfortable in my skin (pretty much all the time, not just Zumba).
And I guess that points towards how I would define sexy. That self-confident girl who laughs and chimes in in every conversation, looks great without looking like she even tried, isn’t constantly fixing her clothes or hair. So maybe it’s more a personality thing than anything physical.
Honest opinion?
1. Splits? SEXY.
2. Dance spot – the look on your face is “I am having a BLAST and I feel like a total idiot… LOL” (Or maybe I’m projecting, cuz that’s totally what I would be thinking…)
3. Loved the black tank under the shirt – no random peaks of skin and actually MORE sexy.
Over all – WIN. You all looked like you were having so much fun – and I’m jealous you had the stamina to do all that, over and over and over and over. Y’all are amazing!
I am fine doing sexy style stuff at home or for my husband, but in public I feel ridiculous…when trying to be sultry for a bellydance solo I ended up sniggering or convulsing in giggles or doing fish lips and my instructor gave up and said “OK, just smile then”. I feel silly being sexy for someone else. It just doesn’t’ work for me. Confidence to me is a sexy thing, more than overt sexiness…maybe it’s cuz I’ve always kind of found that sort of thing a bit desperate more than sexy.
Interesting about the photos. I’d believe it – I know I’ve put on 5Lb lately and my husband prefers me now over the slightly svelter me before. I wouldn’t doubt that women are far harder on ourselves than guys are…I prefer the left one too, which honestly surprised me.
Haha- I am not sexy either. At all. I can also do cute and cheerful or cure and awkward, but I rarely manage sexy- in person, on film or in pictures. I used to be disgruntled about it, because when you’re in the late teens/early twenties age-range (which I am actually still in), who doesn’t want to look sexy?? But I’ve also realized it isn’t me. Not just I can’t do it- but the sultry, sexy foxy lady is not my personality. So I’m better off being cute or beautiful and happy, then trying for fake sexy.
As for the pictures…honestly, at first glance I was trying to figure out why you had two identical picture side by side. Until I read that one was Photoshopped, and specifically focused on whether one was skinner, I didn’t notice. So I can’t really say which I find sexier (for the record, in general I do not find old painting of naked ladies that sexy. So if anything, my answer is neither).
I like the painting on the left more, but if it were a picture, I’m positive I’d prefer the right. As for sexyness, I am only sexy when I sing. Actually, in pictures I look super ugly when I sing (eyes half closed, sweaty, drunk looking) but I’ve come to realize that it’s when I am sexiest to others… I get so lost in the moment that I forget where I am … like a great jazz musician with a twitchy face when he solos… not trying to look hot, especially when all eyes are on you… is hot!
Otherwise, and especially when I like someone and/or they like me and we are alone…. my sexy is also spelt AWKWARD. Sooooooo AWKWARD. I’m so shy off stage!
And that pic of you with the plaid long pencil skirt and white top… SO SEXY!! Seriously, dress like this always!!!
LOOOOOOOOVE the video! You look HAWT! And it’s so much fun to watch!
I actually prefer the Venus on the left. As I get older (and rounder, lol!) I find curves more appealing than stick0thin/fake boobs/hair extensions/overly-whitened teeth. I think it’s because people get more interesting as they get older, and I find THAT very sexy!
I was actually talking with my Hubby about this yesterday: He mentioned that I looked really good (thank you honey!) and wondered what was making me so much more confident. OK, yes, I have a FABULOUS new haircut (5 bucks at a local beauty school!), but I’m also doing things I WANT to do. I’ve made some very positive changes, which makes me happier, which makes me more confident, which makes me feel sexier.
(And, yes, it can day an entire 19-hour day to film a single reaction shot in an action movie.)
I don’t know if you watch “Sherlock” on PBS, but there was a scene in which Sherlock was at Buckingham Palace wearing only a sheet [long story] and when he tried to leave, his brother Mycroft stepped on the back of the sheet, giving the audience a glimpse of Sherlock’s bottom. It’s a very popular scene, lol! But it one take, the actor, Benedict Cumberbatch, got caught up in the sheet and fell flat on his face onto the carpet. So sometimes getting to sexy is a painful process, even for actors, lol!
Sexy is in the eye of the beholder… as you pointed out yourself 🙂 You look fun, energetic, and happy. And those things together *are* sexy 😛
I have issues with the whole “being sexy” thing myself. I don’t know why, but I do know that it’s making me insane because I think some part of that is why I can’t bring myself to do the solo performance to move up to the intermediate bellydancing group. I’m in my third round of the beginner class, and I swear at this rate I’m going to be the most expert beginner extant!
I could never do something like this and I am so proud/envious of you that you could, in both senses: the actual SKILL to move like that, and the emotional ability to actually do it. I don’t think I have either. My shyness is only becoming more crippling as I get older, such that I am mortified if I even sense that someone is looking at me. In my mind, it’s “they’re staring at you because you’re a freak, horribly unattractive, bordering on disfigured”, but my therapist has had to tell me numerous times that isn’t why. It’s just because I’m a young, attractive woman and people look at young, attractive women.
I would NEVER use the word “sexy” to describe myself. I hate everything it implies, the entire system of sexiness and its construction. I don’t want to be objectified. I don’t want to have to assess my self-worth based on how sexually attracted random men are to me. I want to be a person, irrespective of my outward appearance. I reject the philosophy of some of my feminist colleagues that says sexiness is “empowering”. I understand lots of women feel that way, but I certainly don’t. I feel empowered when someone speaks to me with respect, as a human being, rather than in some way that demonstrates to me they only see me as a woman, rather than a student, a worker, an activist, a person.
I am not sexy…nor can I do sexy. Cute, adorable, quirky…these are all things I can be and am, but never sexy.
Luckily my hubby loves cute and prefers that over “sexy”. And furthermore, I think that sexy is fleeting while cute can last forever(Betty White is still cute in her 90s!)
I have to say I prefer the image on the right, I don’t think that makes us screwed up we are just more prone to prefer images closer to our own. I also don’t think the comparison by the artist is a good one. Put images side by side and choose one that’s sexier? Psychologically we know there is one that we are meant to choose over another so we are prone to conform. However jumble the photo’s up and ask them rate the photo’s individually would they even notice the differences?
Sexiness is from within, it’s self confidence. You already said you don’t feel sexy but awkward and so your self confidence plummets therefore you aren’t sexy. I remember once being a bar with girlfriends and a woman walk in, who wasn’t the prettiest, most fashionable or sexiest woman but she came in totally OWNING that bar. Which made her the most desirable woman in there, she oozed sexy!
Unfortunately I, like you, ooze awkward and with a side order of clumsy 🙂
Oh I’m terrible at sexy. I guess I feel too self conscious. I would market myself as “girl next door” type I guess. Then you can be more shy and cute.
My Mum always rants about the “what not to wear” type TV programmes as they always try to persuade ladies to be sexy and show off what they’ve got instead of working out what each lady would like – she would rather just be herself.
I think you look FANTASTIC!! Love it! 😀
I’m so happy I have good internet here at the campground and I checked you blog on my computer so I could see the video. How fun! I love to dance so much! You look awesome!
As far as sexy goes I think it’s in the eye of the beholder. What some people find sexy others find a turn off and vice versa. I don’t consider myself sexy nor do I have a desire to be to anyone but my husband. I know he thinks I’m sexy for many reasons beyond physical.
As to the Venus, I was confused because I didn’t notice the difference until I looked closely. At first I was like “is this a trick question because they are the same” and then I saw the one of the right was thinner. They would have to get up and talk if I was going to choose. The funniest one would be the sexiest.
Loved the video!!!!! FUN! Me, I have never ever ever thought of myself as sexy – honest truth – NEVER!
What’s the polar opposite of sexy? That’s me, whatever it is. With a side of awkward thrown in for good measure. And a touch of klutzy, too.
I love dancing even though (because??) I am terrible at it (see above.) That doesn’t stop me from walking down the hall at school doing the Happy Friday Dance on Friday afternoons. Yes, I’m the professor who dances down the hallway.
Charlotte, you are just freaking awesome. Loved the video.
Great video! You guys look great and some day you will show that to your grandkids and they will be amazed at your awesomeness!
I love looking at classical art, reminds me of how the female form should really look. Funny that a 100+ year old painting would be more realistic than what you see in a magazine today.
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Honestly, have to say I prefer the Venus on the right. Less lumpy, looks more sleek.
Oh how I yearn for a woman who can skank! Skad for life baby!
Anyhow, yea sexy is like jazz. It’s so hard to define but by golly you know it when you experience it.
Looking at the pix, I def. find the one on the left sexier. I also made the mistake of asking the man his opinion. He looked at them for a second or two, said, “you’re not going to like this,” & pointed at the one on the right. And now I want to cry. I NEVER feel sexy. I don’t know how.
I am actually a little sad after reading this post- which usually doesn’t happen when I read your blog. And it isn’t even the post itself. It is the number of women claiming in their comments that they are not sexy.
I have lost nearly 80 pounds. I started this journey with a professional photo shoot, and I get one every ten pounds I lose. And the one thing I have learned from looking at hundreds of pictures of myself while going over proofs- I AM beautiful. I AM sexy (ok- that is two things). And it isn’t only now that I am smaller. I was 10 pounds ago, I was 20 pounds ago, I was 30 pounds ago- all the way to 80 pounds ago. It is about being confident and happy in your own skin.
So- a note to each one of you- you are beautiful. You are sexy. Whether you look like the painting on the left or the right, it doesn’t matter. You are amazing.
I like that plumper Venus better. She’d be a little better not quite so plump, but skinny is unattractive to me. I’m told by males (and my female friends) that I’m sexy. I don’t try to be sexy, but men find me very alluring. I think it’s the combination of curves, long hair (which I flip a lot to keep out of my face), laughter, genuine smiles, uninhibited expressiveness, confidence, & feminine dress (though I’ve been hit on wearing my husband’s rolled up, baggy pants!). I think a big part of it is that I’m very sensuous by nature, though not necessarily in a sexual way. I can pull off the fake “sexy” seen in the media, but that’s silly to me. I’ve never had to resort to that to get a man’s attention.
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