I totally did this!! So clearly I was born with some good survival instincts! Although I think my 6-year-old self would be oddly disappointed to know that I’ve yet to encounter a situation that required my stellar lava-jumping skills.
Krav Maga is here. After years of me searching for it, it has finally found me. You’d think I’d be elated at this serendipitous turn of events – I once literally tried to call Israel looking for a certified local instructor – and yet I’ve already missed the first two classes. Now that it’s real, I don’t know if I can do it.
For those of you as confused as everyone listening to the Presidential debate tonight (was it not hilarious when even the moderator got sucked into the “you-said-this-no-I-didn’t” argument over the President’s Rose Garden speech?), Krav Maga is the official self-defense program of the Israeli Defense Forces, widely considered to be the most brutal and lethal program of its kind. Unlike many other disciplines, Krav Maga encourages aggression and brutality when provoked. These guys (and gals) don’t mess around. You fight with them, you fight for your life. The program is described as being relatively simple to learn and quick to gain proficiency in. It focuses on fighting in “realistic” scenarios including ground fighting, weapons, gang attacks and (I’m just assuming) unruly presidential candidates. (Not that I’m advocating lethal force for pulling statistics out of thin air but maybe a good shoe-scuffing would be appropriate?)
But it’s the aggression and brutality that make it both beloved and hated. On one hand it teaches skills so effective that one of the most twitchy countries in the world swears by it for their renowned military. It is also touted as being equally effective for men or women, small people or large, and even children. Many people call it empowering. (Ashton Kutcher reportedly uses it to prepare for Armageddon.) But – and this is a big but – it teaches people to be killers. There’s also a growing argument that much of what we call “Krav Maga” is a watered down version of the technique that more resembles MMA (mixed martial arts) fighting than self-defense. According to one military self-defense expert, “In short, the ‘combat effectiveness’ of what is being taught as Krav Maga to civilians is overwhelmingly advertising.” He also adds that people need to understand that fighting and self-defense are not the same thing and that the former is illegal. (His whole post is really good. If you’re interested in the intricacies of Krav Maga theory I highly recommend you read it.)
Of course it’s also said to be a hardcore sweatfest. Which you know calls my name!
So why haven’t I tried it yet? (And taken lots of ridiculous pictures and posted about getting my butt handed to me, which I surely will?) Because for me it’s not really about the workout. It’s also only tangentially about self-defense. My real draw to Krav Maga? Trying to rewrite the past.
Years ago I was sexually assaulted (it’s no secret, I’ve written extensively about it) and one of the things that bothered me most was how little I fought back at the time. There are various reasons for that and the fact that I’m alive means it wasn’t a totally crappy decision but still, it’s always bugged me that when my life and safety was threatened my instinct was… to do basically nothing. I’ve tried various things to help me “get over it” or “get empowered” or, you know, just learn to protect myself but they haven’t had the desired effect. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve made a TON of progress over the years, particularly over the last year in particular – and I might have never thought of Krav Maga again. Until it landed in my lap.
The original reason I first started looking into it was because one of my biggest reasons for not fighting back – the fact that the guy had 8 inches and 80 pounds on me – isn’t an excuse in Krav Maga. They make a big deal about how with their technique it doesn’t matter the size of your opponent etc. Looking back on it, I cringe at the few ways I did try to protect myself. That night, before I even left with him, I was worried. I could tell from his voice something was off and the previous months had showed me enough of his dark side to be scared. And so before I left, I dressed in a black turtleneck, baggy overalls, a sweatshirt over that, a parka zipped up to my chin and my hair pulled back into a bun. Basically I tried to keep myself safe by making myself as ugly as possible. Baggy overalls as self-defense: not brilliant. And yet if I was scared enough to wear a turtleneck (which I hate – gah, I’m being choked by a turtle!) why didn’t I trust my instincts and stay home?? People always tell me (in an attempt to make me feel better, I think) “oh there’s nothing you could have done” but isn’t there always something that could be done? Something better than ugly pants??
I tried to answer some of these questions with my Karate training several years ago. One night, after getting particularly upset over my inability to defend myself, Sensei Don told me that he felt like I was trying to make myself into something I’m not – that some people have the instinct to fight and kill and others just don’t. He used an analogy about sheep and foxes and how 90% of people are sheep. He said that trying to change myself from a sheep to a fox would just be a lesson in frustration because I don’t have that in me. In fact, he specifically discouraged me from ever pursuing Krav Maga because he said to do it how it’s meant to be done, it would either break me (as in I’d have a mental breakdown) or I’d have to dissociate from who I really am to get through it and both results would be bad. He also doesn’t agree with the overriding philosophy of it, seeing danger in teaching people to kill without giving them the skills to understand the import of such a decision. He’s probably right. He usually is.
I don’t like seeing people in pain. (I haven’t been in a haunted house in 20 years for this very reason.) I really don’t like inflicting pain. I don’t really want to have a killer instinct – I’m an inherently gentle soul and that’s not a bad thing. And yet part of me still wonders if I’d find the answers – answers about myself – in trying it. Would it kill me to just try the class? Probably not. I mean that kind of thing can’t be good for business. But I’m not going to delude myself into thinking it would be just another workout experiment, like I’ve done in the past, only to be surprised by my emotional reaction in the moment. It would be hard for me. I know it would. But the question is: would it be hard for me in a way that makes me stronger? Or would it only make me second guess myself (for the 2,000th time)? Could that night have been different? And if so, does it matter anymore?
I need help – Is Krav Maga a good idea for me? Do you believe that you either have that fighting instinct or you don’t? Have you ever tried to protect yourself by making yourself ugly? (And for those of you who will suggest I need more therapy, I agree with you and I assure you I’m still in therapy. My next appointment is Monday and I plan to bring this up!)
UPDATE: So I realized after posting this that I’m just a few weeks away from the anniversary of the assault. I don’t know why this never occurs to me in the moment. I always have trouble with this anniversary. And it always surprises me.
I’ve always been interested in martial arts, but too wussy to give them a serious try. So I guess Krav Maga is not my thing, too violent. But if I ever really wanted to learn how to kick and punch, I’d just ask my husband, a former taekwondo trainer. How convenient!
“Making myself ugly” might be one of the reasons why I spent most of my life chubby/overweight. I was scared of people, especially men, and probably used my extra weight and my overall tomboy-ish look as a protective shield.
Thankfully I’ve overcome that phase, and I’ve realized that people aren’t that scary. Usually.
“Thankfully I’ve overcome that phase, and I’ve realized that people aren’t that scary. Usually.” I think I can say the same most of the time! Like I said, this time of year is hard for me but I’m usually pretty optimistic about people – thanks for reminding me of the power of a little faith:)
Me too I always try to think the the best of people (usually) and let them prove me wrong if they do turn out to be scary or something like that. But I can see that being difficult if you’ve had a bad experience before.
Is your hubby willing to teach you TKD? Mine refuses, saying he couldn’t teach me properly since he couldn’t ever bring himself to even TRY to hit me. Same situation, he used to instruct, and has one hell of a killer instinct (military currently), and I know I should be glad he can’t hit me but… it’s just damned inconvenient when you want to learn!
I’ve found kick-boxing to be very empowering, as a curvy woman, as the extra weight from my hips translates to a harder kick, perhaps that’s something else to look at?
I haven’t seriously asked, but I think he’d do it. He knows exactly how hard he can hit without hurting anyone. He’s generally a very gentle and peaceful person.
Who knew that curvy hips have such a convenient side effect!
I know im a little late on commenting but you should totally try it, its a win win situation .. you have nothing to lose if you love it great, if you dont, atleast you know for sure .. im pretty sure you will gain somthing either way
Go with your initial gut reaction. I find that works for me. Did your gut say no, but then you’re second guessing yourself, or did your gut say yes, and now you’re second guessing it.
And if you’re still not sure speak to your therapist about it, see what they say.
I’m assuming the class isn’t going to shut down next week never to return so it doesn’t matter if you don’t do it now, or next week, or even next month. Chances are, if you decide no now, and change your mind later, there will be an opportunity to take a class then.
Take some pressure off yourself 🙂
Ah – such a good question! I think it’s pretty clear to me now that my gut says no. Otherwise I would have just done it. I’ve spent the past week trying to talk myself into this but, like you pointed out, I shouldn’t have to talk my gut into things… And good point about the classes sticking around! So funny that I made into this emergency situation when it really isn’t. And by funny I mean #headdesk;)
Don’t do the #headdesk – it hurts ! And I’d hate to think of you walking around with a big egg on your head 🙂
Hi Charlotte,
I’ve never commented before but I really felt a need to now. I think the advice and opinion you got from Sensei Don is really quite a scary warning. Only you know yourself, but from what I’ve read from your blog I think that if you’re happy and content now not having done it, why push yourself to do something potentially really damaging? It seems to me like in this case, the negatives would hugely outweigh any positive you might get from the class. There are plenty of other self defence techniques, and it would be such a shame for you to try it and then think to yourself later “why did I do this to myself?”
Your question of “would it be hard for me to make myself stronger?” I think is a standard line we tell ourselves when we’re in doubt, and when you are in such doubt it is a good idea to pursue something, maybe lay off for a while?
Anyway, this is a very serious comment from me and I’m not usually a serious person at all, so to end – love you, love your blog and I think, despite how you may feel, you look great!
Alex
Thank you Alex!! I appreciate both the advice and the compliment (seriously needed both today, lol!). I think you’re right. Like I said to a previous commenter, I think today it’s pretty clear to me my gut is saying no. I’ve spent the past week trying to talk myself into this but I’d probably be better served by respecting my feelings instead of trying to squash them. And it may be that this is just a hard time of year for me and so I need a little more breathing room – in a few months maybe it will feel different.
I think you should listen to Sensei Don. I myself am a wolf (I warn people: don’t even THINK about sneaking up on me in the dark: I will hurt you.) but the vast majority of people I know (including my husband) are sheep. I think there is a third category of sheep/wolf people (!!!) who can be trained to be more aggressive in certain situations, but I don’t think you’re in it. You need a martial-art that focuses on temporarily-disable-your-opponent-and-then-run-like-hell.
I think it’s interesting that you know you’re a wolf. It makes me realize even more that I’m probably not one, lol. Your third category is interesting too (and very Halloween appropriate!) – I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on that sometime. And yes, the run-like-hell technique is probably my best strategy – good thing I’m a decent sprinter!!
Another way to think about this perhaps: While you may be (very) reluctant to defend yourself, would you just stand by and watch while someone abused your child? If not, then find that energy/attitude and apply it to yourself! You’re as worth it as your offspring! (I hate wolves getting away with their evil). If you would, then perhaps Sensei Don is correct. Dunno what else to tell you in that case.
Haha – I hope I wouldn’t stand by while my kids were being hurt! Thankfully I’ve never been in that situation (unless you count a mean teacher but we never came to blows;)). Good point though about treating ourselves with the same respect as we treat others.
Naomi, you’re right. They’re called Sheepdogs: http://www.killology.com/sheep_dog.htm
I’m one of them and you are too – Wolves are bad people. Sheep are good people. Sheepdogs protect good people (if only themselves) from the bad people.
Cool link, thanks. You’re right, I’m a sheepdog! Never heard that term before.
In response to the wolf/sheepdog/sheep thing:
A lot of people in self defense like to think of it that way, but it’s also somewhat condescending to refer to your peers who are less assertive as sheep. I’m a naturally aggressive/assertive person who tends towards being protective, but I don’t call my more gentle brethren sheep. Should someone try to hurt them, I can try and protect them, but to call them sheep makes them sound weak minded. You can be strong of mind and not be as focused on physical defense.
I like to think of people like that as guardians or shields.
Your reply may actually be projecting your own image of sheep.
I see it to be a necessity for the majority of the population to be sheep. Buddha nature, loving- kindness, forgiving, community minded. These are very powerful traits that should make up the majority of consciousness on the planet.
Aggression is a BIG energy. We don’t need as much of it. A little goes a long way.
I am a female Sheepdog wife, and my amazing hubby is a Sheep. I was attracted to his inherent kindness the second I met him 🙂 And he likes my feisty attitude.
From the article “This business of being a sheep or a sheepdog is not a yes-no dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees, a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-grass sheep and on the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the other. Most of us live somewhere in between.”
First: there’s a website called “killology”. Mind. Blown. Second, the sheepdog stuff is fascinating! I haven’t heard that term before either but I can already think of several people I know who would fit that bill! Thanks for the link
SHEEP here. I even pull punches in those “James Bond” dreams at night. I just can’t bring myself to hit, punch, kick… Sadly, I also can’t run like hell. I guess I need a big dog.
And yah, Sensei Don has your number. Listen to him. And listen to yourself! You are beating yourself up for not listening to yourself years ago, and yet here you are again – repeating the same mistake! YOU know what is right for YOU. Listen already!
This: “You are beating yourself up for not listening to yourself years ago, and yet here you are again – repeating the same mistake! YOU know what is right for YOU. Listen already!” literally made me laugh out loud. True. true.
My brother, who has struggled from some very debilitating anxiety and depression, tried Krav Maga and found it really helpful. He said it felt like a healthy way to have some control over his life and his body. But he’s also never been in a situation where he needed it. So trust yourself to do what’s best for you Charlotte! Like intuitive eating, right? Listen to what your body and mind are saying about this and if you’re ready.
Funny aside, when my brother started doing Krav Maga my fiance took up calling it Crab Maga and making claw-hand motions at him. I thought it was hilarious, my brother not so much 🙂
I’m so glad it has helped your brother with his mental health! I can see how it would be really empowering in that context. And I’m trying to trust myself, it’s just I haven’t turned out to be so trustworthy in the past, lol
I agree with everyone else Charlotte! Don’t do it! I think it is pretty clear that it will not be a good experience for you. Why end up traumatizing yourself? You don’t seem like someone who would actually be violent enough to use Krav Maga (which isn’t a bad thing!) an trying it for curiosity or to get a workout isn’t worth it. Luckily, you seem to already know this and be doing the right thing. I’m wondering if you’re asking the question more to give yourself permission not to do it (so you don’t beat yourself up like you do about your attack) than because you think it might actually be a good thing? Not doing it isn’t a failure, just like not being violent isn’t a failure and not fighting back wasn’t a failure. Our culture is pretty screwed up when it comes to sexual assault, and I think it is the culture exerting pressure to make you feel bad. The guy was a lot older, bigger and he was an authority figure. Not fighting back could very well be a survival instinct ( and a better choice than fighting back). If a dog gets attacked by a bigger more dominant dog, it would role over and show your belly, because that is how it survives. And surviving is Something to be proud of not ashamed of.
So many things in this comment that I needed to be reminded of! Thank you Nicole:) And yes, surviving is an accomplishment in and of itself.
I just started Hap Moo Do training (a mix of tae kwon do, ju do, hap ki do, and weapons) and I LOVE IT! I did it because my weight trainer said that I have “the personality” for it. That comment worried me a bit, so I asked him about it. He had shown me a few self defense things before (after an incident that freaked me out when I was out with my friend), and he said, “You are very serious about this. You are respectful, and you won’t mess around.” I am guessing that was his way of saying there is some wolf in me somewhere!
Like you, I was assaulted. I had pretty much gained weight steadily for 25 years after that. So, I think I was using that as my “ugly” self-defense. I have been losing weight for the last two years, and I had an incident when I was out with my friend this summer. I was so shocked, I did nothing. That won’t happen again.
As far as advice I would give you, you obviously respect Sensei Don. Why not go back to karate? It is empowering, a great workout, and will train you to react in a way that will keep you safe. What more could you ask for?
That’s a good idea, going back to Karate. I was originally frustrated with it because of how slowly I was progressing but perhaps that patience is exactly what I need to be cultivating right now? And I’m so sorry that you were assaulted as well, both in the past and with the incident with your friend recently. It’s such a scary feeling – in a moment you realize how thin a film “safety” actually is and how easily it’s torn off. It sounds like you handled it well though and congrats on the Hap Moo Do training!
Going to agree with everyone else here and say go with your gut.
I took Krav Maga 15 years ago, and have been looking into taking it up again. Like you, however, I can’t seem to bring myself to actually do it. Over the years it seems the philosophy has become increasingly violent.
I also agree with what Nicole said: you’re alive. You’re a survivor. And even more, you are thriving!! No one can take that away from you!
Thanks Alyssa! I remember you saying you really enjoyed it. I’m guessing the actual class and instructor make a difference in comfort and violence levels as well. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles with stuff like this
The classes I took all those years ago were taught by a man who’d been in the Israeli army. I think the fact that he’d seen combat made him more sensitive to the reality of it. He was an extremely thoughtful guy who always made a point of telling us that we only resort to violence when there is absolutely no other way out. And he taught the women-only classes, as well. He was very aware of the issues that can arise for women in a self-defense/combat class. Unfortunately, I think many of the instructors are folks who don’t have those same sensibilities, particularly when it comes to women. Too many of the instructors I’ve spoken to lately have that “kill/crush/destroy your opponent at all costs” mentality, and injuries are on the rise.
I would be one of the sheepdogs, as described by a previous commenter. I’m not violent unless provoked to the point that I fear for my life or safety.
When a previous boyfriend threatened my life, I didn’t run from him, I stormed after him. Things may have been different had there been some sort of weapon involved, but I feel my instincts kicked in properly for the situation. Being smart, though, I called 911 as I stormed after him and being scared (of me or the cops, I’m not sure), he drove away. The cops caught him within minutes and he spent the next week in jail for terroristic threats. He was officially out of my life from the moment he drove away, the way it should be.
It was scary, but that moment taught me so much about myself and I’m glad I can trust my instincts to kick in to protect me in a tense situation.
Whether someone is a sheep, fox, or sheepdog, I think knowing how you’ll react to a tense or scary situation is so important because you will then know the type of self defense methods that will be best suited to you. Remember that knowledge, especially about yourself, is power. All of that being said, I agree with the previous commenters about listening to your gut about Krav Maga.
What a scary situation! But it sounds like you handled it perfectly. And this: “Remember that knowledge, especially about yourself, is power.” Love it.
Here’s another deterrent, if you need more. I took KM classes from two different schools and it was kind of neat and fun BUT. I am smallish (5’2″) and while in class you are expected to match up with pretty much everyone else in the class. That includes that all the 200-pound dudes. Even though we’re all just learning/practicing, doing a maneuver 20+ times gets kind of painful (or at least it did for me). Banging into a pad with your elbow over and over and over again WILL make your elbow hurt a few hours later (you’ll miss your target a few times + plain old repetition will make you ache).
I think the part that was the hardest on my physically was playing the attacker. It has to be done so that you can see just how effective the techniques are (and so your classmates can practice them), but they will tear you up a bit, even in this controlled setting. For example, having your grip broken over and over again will always have an effect on your wrists.
None of these issues were deal-breakers on their own, but it DEFINITELY influenced my enjoyment of other workouts.
Haha – excellent point! I hadn’t considered this but after doing jui jitsui rolls for an hour several days in a row, I was wasted when it came to other workouts. My shoulder had a massive bruise and my neck was so sore! And thank you for sharing your experience – it was really interesting!
It’s so easy to get caught up in “I could have/should have done” x in some situation in the past. Yeah, we’re probably right about what we did wrong back when…but stressing about it won’t change what happened. I think you should find a lot of comfort in what you ARE doing now – sharing your story so that other women can have a chance to respond to dangerous situations in a different way. And that is a REALLY great thing.
Charlotte, I think I say it every time I comment but I absolutely love your blog! We have so much in common (sadly?): the ED, the sexual assault, the body image issue… I am doing much better these days and practice intuitive eating, though I never knew what it was until I read your blog! I just decided to listen to my body one day.
Anyhow, I don’t like the sheep / wolf analogy. I’m a sheep, I’m generally nice and I don’t have an aggressive fiber in my body. However I hate the idea that it somehow makes me all vulnerable and a herd follower…
I also hate that I am the “perfect victim”. On top of having been sexually assaulted, I have been harassed. And I seem to have had my bottom touched by strangers more than anybody I know… The thing is, when something like this happen, instead of say, slapping them across the face, I just get all red and embarrassed. As if it’s my fault some pervert thought it would be funny to take pictures of under my skirt (true story, I was on my way to the supermarket when a nice lady warmed me of what was going on).
I tried overcoming it. I took boxing classes so I would be more confident. Can you guess how it ended up? The teacher harassed me and cornered me one day. He would not let me go until I gave him a kiss and a cuddle. Needless to say I never went back after that.
And I too get touchy around the time of the “anniversary” and every year I to wonder why I am being weird.
Anyhow, I don’t think you should try and force yourself to go to the class. Not all of us are meant to be able to kill people with our bare hands!
I would love however to attend a self-defense for women who have been victims of assaults. I think our psychological scars warrant a special kind of attention when we are taught to defend ourselves. After all, any kind of grappling or fighting, when done a certain way, brings me back to a place I hope to never go back to again.
And I think it’s great that you are so opened. If we both can leave adjusted and happy life, then I’m sure it will give hope to someone somewhere than they can survive sexual assault and come out stronger.
Sorry for the long comment! It’s just such an important subject to me
Follow your gut! What sensei Don said is so interesting.
Maybe if you still really want to find out and know for sure if it is for you or not, you could try a class, then give yourself some solitude to really figure out how it made you feel, and process with your therapist if that is helpful. I am also learning how to listen to my inner voice after years (a lifetime) of suppressing and silencing it for survival (as an adult child of alcoholics).
Or just don’t do it if that is what is truly best for you. There is no shame whatsoever in caring for yourself, especially on a day like the anniversary of your assault. You are strong and unique, Charlotte. Your posts always make me feel a little bit better when I read them, because I know I’m not alone in so much of what I feel. Sending you lots of support and solidarity.
You might try jiu-jitsu for an art that teaches you how to disable people without the ferocious killer mindset. It is still very destructive, but it focuses on incapacitation, like facial strikes and other techniques that can knock out, break bones, but usually does not do killing damage.
I am a wolf type, so I can’t really say if you should try Krav Maga or not. I will annihilate things that are threatening me, because I know I am not fast enough to flee, and I take pride in being someone who Isn’t Messed With. Not to say I’m not scared when I walk back home in the dark sometimes, but I try to take confidence in the idea that if someone were to threaten me, odds are I could give them hell.
i havent been sexually assaulted, but had my share of difficult situations beeing aproached at night. still id never be able to hurt someone badly, even if that meant id have to die!
my advice: listen to yourself. listen to the sensei. be proud of how much good you do by sharing your story! thats even more brave than to smash someones face! ( although i can totally understand where you come from….)
Obviously I know you from your blog posts not personally but as you are so open and honest I think you would be better suited to self defense than a more aggressive style of martial arts. You want to learn how to protect yourself if the situation arises, maiming them enough so you can get the hell out of dodge!
I gotta say I’ve found out I’m a wolf 😉 I used to think I was a sheep, but definitely a wolf (sometimes in sheeps clothing lol). I recently trained as a BodyCombat instructor (btw you would LOVE this MMA workout – bodycombat!) and there is a move that simulates your opponent down on the ground and you basically punch the daylights outta them 😉 Lets just say that released some aggression I didn’t know was there! Definitely wolf it seems!
I’ve taken a few classes, and maybe it depends on my particular instructors and/or that they were beginner classes, but I didn’t get that MMA “killer” feel from them, they really just felt like self defense to me. True, the mentality is very much “disable your attacker as quickly as possible”, which meant that I spent most of my time learning things like how to correctly gouge someone’s eyes with my thumbs, strike them in the crotch, kick them when they fell over and then get the hell away from them. I actually spent most of my time worrying I was going to accidentally hit my practice partners in the crotch for real. We were taught to aim for the inner groin in practice, but I’m a bit of a klutz.
Again, maybe this was because it was a beginner class, but all of our practice moves started with “okay, you’re attacker has you in a head lock”, “So someone tries to choke you from behind”, etc. So in none of those cases was I the aggressor, well except when I was being the “attacker” so my partner could practice, but hopefully you know what I mean.
Anyway, I didn’t stick with it because I’m bad at going straight from work to evening classes, but I just wanted to put my experience out there. I agree with everyone else that you should focus on what’s right for you and not worry about anything else. 🙂
I’ve actually been inspired by your blog to take on new things, and Krav Maga has been on my list for years. I finally signed up for it during my upcoming my birthday week – a week in which I’m doing one new thing every day.
I’m petite, highly emotional, and terribly afraid of any kind of confrontation. But I think Krav Maga might be the key to at least gain some self confidence in dangerous or highly anxious situations. Will I ever use it? Probably not. But just having the mindset of knowing I am capable of it may be all I need.
I’ve never gotten into martial arts of any kind; I don’t see the distinction between violence and self-defence. It may just be the result of a sheltered upbringing. One of my very first phrases uttered as a toddler was “I’m a lover.” Still my mantra today – I’m a lover, not a fighter. A hippie at heart, you could say. But a clean hippie. 😉
I thought of you when I read this article: http://jezebel.com/5951863/when-perfect-isnt-enough-the-unretouched-images-victorias-secret-doesnt-want-you-to-see/gallery/1
I have no clue what to tell you as far as the krav maga. But as far as is there something you could have done other than pants and bulky clothes (which seems to be a common reaction of sexual assault survivors after the fact, to wear baggy clothes) – yes, there probably is, but it doesn’t matter. The man was determined to hurt you and it doesn’t matter what you could have done differently-he would have still hurt you, with the only difference being maybe he would have hurt you in a different way (or maybe worse). And frankly, no one should have to stop a person bent on hurting another person, though I know that doesn’t help much. But while there are probably a lot of things you COULD have done differently (from different clothes to different words to violence back), none of them would have changed his intent to hurt you-so while doing something different might have changed the outcome somewhat, it wouldn’t have kept you from facing a man you trusted who was trying to hurt you. And of course, you shouldn’t have had to fight back in the first place and it is not your fault one bit. It’s not your responsibility to make him not want to hurt you. That is on him. This is not your fault.
I always think this comes down to you & deep inside what really think is right for you & not what others think is right for you. Maybe sit somewhere very quiet & alone & think thru the pros & cons for you & I hope it will come to you…..
I’ve been a martial artist (Taekwon-Do) for almost 25 years now. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that the emotional undertones of training are what you make them. I’ve been in simple kicking drills and felt angry and aggressive like I was going to tear someone’s head off. I’ve also been in full contact sparing sessions and couldn’t stop laughing with my opponent. I’ve been bored. I’ve been scared. I’ve felt confident and I’ve felt worthless and frustrated.
Of course I’ve felt the same way lifting weights, running, biking, rock climbing and doing anything else we may call “exercise.”
I used to think martial arts were some sort of exotic highly developed form of training, but now I just see it as any other form of exercise. You get out of it what you put into it and it’s as aggressive, scary, fun and light hearted as you make it.
I’ve never been in a fight in my life and hope not to. I still train because it’s great for my fitness and it’s fun to jump, kick and run around while yelling in white looking pajamas.
Hope that helps 🙂
I’ve taken Krav for the last year, and not once have the instructors focused on trying to kill your attacker. My instructors constatntly stress react, defend and get home safely. Most of the techniques that we learn focus on turning natural reactions into effective defences, which will give you and opening to either kick/punch the attacker then get away. I feel safer after learning many of the techniques, especially since I work in a dangerous area in Los Angeles. If the school you are looking into is stressing ways to kill your attacker, don’t take those classes, you should look elsewere. It should be place that makes you feel safe and gives you confidence.
Go with your gut instinct. Don’t do it to punish yourself. If you want to do it because of interest or because you want to learn that self defence stuff then do it. But if you’re doing it to if, or but yourself, or for the wrong reasons don’t. I’ll try and use the analogy of exercising with ED, don’t exercise to burn more calories so u can eat/not get fat- exercise because you love it and it makes u feel good. Hope whatever you choose is the right thing for you! We won’t mind if you don’t go through with it 🙂
I just have to say, I’ve been doing Krav for the past 8 months or so, and I have never felt that there is an emphasis teaching us to kill. It is focus on disengaging and removing yourself from a dangerous situation. I don’t think I could kill someone with my bare hands, but I sure feel better walking alone at night. I’m also a survivor and I feel like doing Krav has helped me work through some of the baggage that can come along with that.
I’m not saying you should try Krav Maga if you have a bad feeling about it – I wouldn’t want you to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. However, I really don’t think it’s more violent/intense than a lot of other martial arts/self-defense systems.
Go, but speak to your instructor privately about your past experience.
Maybe set up a private lesson first?
…Here’s the thing, though–I am not an inherently gentle person,
so the notion of Krav Maga–no holds barred self-defense,
or even just pure fighting–really appeals to me.
And that said,
it might be a good plan to wait until after this anniversary.
Memories and emotions are funny things,
and anything could be a trigger right now.
I`m one of those calm and empathic people. My experience from Krav Maga is quite rewarding. Due to all the aggression drills, I`ve gained a sense of empowerment. And in time, I`ll probably feel like I can handle myself well in a violent confrontation. Part of the training is to know when to run, and how to calm a starting conflict, which is handy aswell.
Krav Maga doesn`t make me feel like I`ve lost parts of myself, more like an adding to – or perhaps a bringing forth from what was dormant. Fight or flight is in human nature after all. Important to keep a level head and be well aware of what you are learning, though.
Pingback:The Ways We Protect Ourselves: Making Myself Unsafe to Feel Safe [I did it. I tried Krav Maga.] | The Great Fitness Experiment
Pingback:The Ways We Protect Ourselves: Making Myself Unsafe to Feel Safe [I did it. I tried Krav Maga.] | Elite Daily Diet and Fitness
Pingback:The Ways We Protect Ourselves: Making Myself Unsafe to Feel Safe [I did it. I tried Krav Maga.] | weightlossdietfast.info
Good website. My thanks for posting that. I will return here to find out more and tell my people about this website.
Thanks for finally writing about >Should I Try
Krav Maga? [Ugly As a Self-Defense Tactic. Fail.] <Liked it!
My son and I both take krav maga. He is visually impaired and has aspergers. Ive experienced assault in my past. We are taught your first line of defense is to run. Second is disarm or preserve your life to break free then run. As a trauma therapist and survivor, I highly recommend it!
Pingback:Have you ever been told you hit/run/cry like a girl? [It's time we make "being a girl" not an insult]
(Ok…a bit long…and preachy. But I kept typing, because I pictured my wife your situation…and it got my blood boiling thinking that she could ever be in a similar position. Also, what is the update? Did you end up taking Krav Maga?)
Sheep? Wolf? Duck? Elephant? How you label yourself and how you identify yourself doesn’t really matter. The only label that matters is the one that your attacker places on you – “Victim.” The instant you are attacked, you are labeled as a Victim. If you choose to accept that label, you will get hurt. Or, you could reset the label and change it to “Survivor.” My point is simple. What is truly in your nature? To not be raped or to not hurt someone? Which one takes precedent?
The instant you are labeled by your attacker as a Victim, you have pain, suffering, agony, regret, shame, and anguish coming your way. Are you going to accept them because “it is in your nature to be violent,” or are you going to stand up for yourself? What if your children are involved in the situation and you could have done something to prevent their pain? Your husband? Best friend?
Krav Maga does not teach you to be a fighter. There is no fighter instinct you need to develop. It teaches you to be a Survivor. It teaches you to harness the survivor instinct.
The best way to survive is not to put yourself in the situation in the first place. The second-best is to de-escalate the situation. The third-best is to neutralize and run. A good Krav Maga school will teach you each one, so you could continue writing your wonderful blog. If all you learn – the only thing you learn – from any class is to not freeze up, but to scream at the top of your lungs so somebody could help you walk away, then Krav has done its job. All the rest of the techniques are designed to buy you enough time to basically scream for help (i.e. call 911, etc.).
If it takes a brick to the face after you have pureed his testicles and broken his rib cage….well….so be it – he messed with the wrong Survivor and will think twice before victimizing someone else.
I realise that this post is quite a few years old, but I came across it today researching. I wanted to say that I was also sexually assaulted and I gained a lot of weight after in my attempt to appear unattractive. Unfortunately, 9 years later, I feel physically awful so I joined Krav Maga to kill two birds with one stone – to lose the weight and feel like I could fight back if I was ever in that situation again. I absolutely love Krav and am officially addicted. While I’ve had one incident that has brought back a flood of memories, it’s been a super positive experience and I do feel more empowered physically, like I have more than a fighting chance and it’s only been about a month or so since I started classes. I hope that you gave it a shot. I do know, however, that it all depends on which center you go to. Mine is amazing and I’ve never felt like I’m being taught to be ultra violent or to kill, but to defend myself. I also feel like it is preparing me not only physically, but mentally as well. All the instructors (save one) are phenomenal – patient, encouraging, and tough. Try a class or two. My first class was two hours and it about killed me, but I knew when I walked out the door I would be going back. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Pingback:Have you ever been told you hit/run/cry like a woman? [It’s time we make “being a girl” not an insult] - Womens Health Blog