“No baby animals were harmed in the making of this salt.” – Natalie Dee
Slightly panicked phone calls are my favorite kind. It usually means that something interesting is about to happen and this time was no different. “So!” my friend announced as soon as I said “Hi?” (It always comes out like a question because my phone takes several seconds to connect after I answer and so I never know when someone can hear me.) “I’ve just finished watching this movie and I’m giving up eating animals!” I didn’t even ask her which movie – there are so many of them now and I’ve seen them all. “I need you to teach me how to be a vegan! By tomorrow!”
“Okay…” I answered slowly. “I can give you some tips but in the end I’m going to try to talk you out of it. At least until you’ve thought about it longer than the length of a slickly produced yet admittedly compelling documentary.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yep. I’m going to tell you not to do it.”
“But why??”
The thing is, I am not unsympathetic to her feelings. Indeed I feel them quite strongly myself. There is so much wrong with our current food supply and the factory farming of animals may be the most despicable aspect of it. In fact, if I’m telling the whole truth: For most of my life I really wanted to be a vegetarian. I wanted it like the Beatles want to hold your hand, like The Flying Lizards want money, like Cheap Trick wants you to want me (or maybe they want you to want them or me to want them or something. Aw crap, what they really wanted was a haircut.) Any of you who have seen a PETA video or Alicia Silverstone in a lettuce bikini will need no further explanation of my vegetarian desires. To the rest of you who are smart enough to stay away from that which we will not speak of (Baby chicks in dumpsters! Being crushed to death by the weight of their siblings piling on top of them! Sorry that just popped out.) I will just say that I had many moral, spiritual and health reasons for going veg.
Like many teens, I first experimented with vegetarianism in high school. Vegetarianism quickly became like a religion to me – which in and of itself was a problem as I already belong to an awesome religion – and I was its biggest evangelist. I was annoying and sanctimonious and, heaven help me, a zealot. Pretty soon being vegetarian wasn’t enough for me, I had to go vegan and eschew all animal products. While this upped my street cred in the plant crowd, it also upped the crazy voices in my head. You know those voices – the ones that tell you it’s safer to just not eat anything ever than to risk it being tainted.
Over the next decade and a half I cycled in and out of vegetarian/vegan – ism. If you asked me, I would staunchly tell you that I was absolutely a veg but behind closed doors I occasionally ate meat. It seemed like there was always some reason. In college I became anemic (thank you crimson wave, tsunami edition) and the doctors told me to eat red meat because I needed heme iron. During my second pregnancy, all I could stomach during the first tri was raw pasta, Cheerios and… McDonald’s Big-n-Tasties. All my subsequent pregnancies saw me return to being omnivorous because of low iron and cravings. You may recall that after Jelly Bean was born, there was some concern about her lack of weight gain and again the doctors ordered me to drop my vegan diet because I was exclusively breast-feeding her. (Which makes it sound like a press release. Exclusive: Boobs! Squirting milk! Tonight at 9… and 10 and 11 and 2 and 3 and…)
And while it was never conclusively connected, the fact that my great overtraining-and-suppressing-my-own-thyroid debacle happened during a particularly ardent vegan phase seems suspicious. (I think it had something to do with all the processed-soy imitation meat products I’d been eating.) I also struggled with vitamin B12 deficiency even though I took supplements, had discolored nail beds, hair loss, fatigue, amenorrhea (loss of my period), stress fractures and other small health issues.
Nevertheless, every time after I’d finish whatever the situation was that called for me to eat meat, I’d go right back to my veg ways. In my mind, it was I that was failing vegetarianism. If I could just stop getting pregnant! Or sick! Or working out so hard! Then I could be the perfect vegetarian. Sometimes though, I’d “sneak” meat for no apparent reason at all other than I really wanted it and in those moments the guilt was immense. It didn’t hit me until I began the intuitive eating program that I’d never been able to sustain an extended period of no animal products. (I believe my longest period with no meat at all was 3 years and with no animal products was 9 months.) It wasn’t that my health issues were causing me to fail vegetarianism, is was that vegetarianism was failing my health.
In addition, I also realized that I’d been using veg as a way to further restrict my food, a subversive eating disorder if you will. There’s no easier way to get out of dessert than to say you’re a vegan. I’m not saying that every veg has an eating disorder but it was certainly disordered eating behavior for me. I learned in my therapy that this is quite common in eating disordered patients.
Unlike when I went veg, I did not proclaim my new-found revelation to the world. Honestly I was embarrassed. I still thought that eschewing (hee!) all animals products was the most moral choice. I have very close family members and friends that are strict vegetarians or vegans. Many of you first found me because you were looking for a kindred veggie spirit. And I didn’t want to disappoint all these people that I so love. Heck, I even love Alicia Silverstone! Not only was she a genius in Clueless but I even liked her in that weird movie where she pretends to kidnap herself for attention but it turns into a real kidnapping but then she falls in love with her super-hot kidnapper and I can’t remember what it’s called but it was actually really cute and she was adorable in it! For the love of little green apples, I wanted to please a celebrity who doesn’t even know I exist! See, important reasons.
When I failed the Primal Blueprint Experiment (three times now, holla!), a lot of readers wrote to me saying some iteration of “See, I told you vegan is best!” But the thing is this: while neither way of eating is bad and both work very well for many people, both the Primal Blueprint/Paleo and vegetarianism/veganism don’t work for me. It makes a lot of people in both camps angry when I say this. They say things like, “Well you just didn’t try hard enough!” (I tried as hard as I could with the resources that I had.) or “You didn’t do it the right way!” (You’re right, I couldn’t do it perfectly. But I still can’t so nothing’s changed there.) or “If you’d just try it again, this time it will be successful!” (Perhaps, but how many times do I need to try?) or “If you understood the science better, you’d see why [insert diet/lifestyle] is the only way to eat!” (So much compelling science on both sides. Truly.) and even “If you’d just let me run your life and tell you everything to eat and when to eat it and how to eat it, I could make you into the lean goddess of your dreams!” (Tempting but are you planning to stay with me for the rest of my life?)
Frankly I think that I don’t do well with extremely restrictive/elimination diets (or, depending on your perspective, I do too well – thereby landing myself back in eating disorder therapy). Intuitive eating has shown me that banning nothing and eating what my body needs gives me a level of peace and acceptance and safety that I have never before had around food. (It’s true: for most of my life I’ve felt horribly unsafe around food. I couldn’t trust it. I couldn’t trust myself around it. If it sounds crazy it’s because it was.) But now the crazy voices in my head have gone from screams to mere whispers. There isn’t a diet on the planet that would make want to give up that trust I’ve earned in my body.
I know that this will upset some of you but I wish that it wouldn’t. Everyone needs to find the pathway to health that works best for them. I think it’s awesome that so many of you have gotten miraculous results from The Primal Blueprint. Mark Sisson is a genius and really knows his stuff. I think his plan is fantastic. I also love those of you who are vegetarian/vegan. You have such great big hearts and you are changing things for the better. Let me be clear: I am not knocking either way of eating. But in the end I’ve found what works for me – and that is eating a little meat, lots of fat and vegetables and also some fruits, legumes, whole grains and goat dairy – and I think I can stick with that for the rest of my life. The one concession I make to my still-nagging conscience is that I only buy my meat from a local farmer who treats his animals as humanely as one can when you’re raising them to be food.
Thanks for hearing me out. I love you guys! Please don’t send me death threats! (You think I’m kidding? I once had a man at a party bite me – as in chomped down on my arm with his teeth – because I told him I was downgrading from vegan to vegetarian. Food is a hugely polarizing topic, I’ve learned.) And to my beautiful friend with the big heart – I love you and that’s why I’m saying this. If you decide to be vegan I’ll support you whole-heartedly.
What is your eating philosophy? Has that changed over the years? Have you ever tried to talk anyone out of a diet?
I thought you had already discussed this here! Maybe I just read between the lines? My veggie sense was tingling? (Ew, that sounds kind of weird.)
Anyway, I am happy that you’ve not only found what works for you, but that you’ve managed to discuss this without spitting hate about the diets that didn’t work for you. I am well and truly fed up with paleo folks talking about how unhealthy a veg diet is, and vice versa. And so many paleo folks are ex-vegans, that they seem to think that a) they are experts on the diet, and b) because they had a bad experience, all of us veggies are dying a slow death (but we just don’t know it!).
I have been vegetarian/vegan for most of my life, and I admit that I used to think it was the most optimal diet. I have never experienced significant health problems of any kind, let alone from my diet. So there was a time that I would have read your post here and thought exactly what others have (e.g., she didn’t try hard enough, she’s being dramatic and didn’t have real health problems, etc.). But it’s actually been watching the way the paleo community condemns vegetarians that has completely turned me off to that black and white thinking. I guess it just took hearing vitriol from people in the paleo crowd to show me that vitriol from both sides is just a brand of extremism that I don’t want to associate with. I’m tired of hearing that I can never achieve optimal health unless I eat animals, but I am also tired to hearing that people who eat animals are going to die of heart disease. So thank you, Charlotte, for being frank with your readers and also for not closing down your mind to the possibility that there are many valid ways of eating…including *both* vegetarian and omnivorous.
Thanks for being so gentle with me Sarah – it’s definitely a difficult and polarizing topic. But I think this definitely one of those live-and-let-live issues. Find what works for you and don’t judge others for doing the same. And yes, I have discussed this several times. It just seems to come up every year or so and so I revisit it:)
I went veggie at age 12, and started eating fish at age 18. I was incredibly unhealthy (french fries, pasta, etc) and my parents were constantly trying to sneak meat into my diet because they didn’t know how to accomodate a meat-free diet. I’ve tried veganism, but in all honesty, it’s just way too much work and I’m lazy. Too much reading labels, picking restaurants…
I’ve had my share of health problems, though I’m not sure I can attribute it to my vegetarianism/pescatarianism. For a while I was anemic, but I was also donating blood regularly and since I”m at the lower weight limit it stands to reason I probably shouldn’t have donated quite as much as my 170lb husband.
Slightly off topic but I didn’t know they calibrate the amount of blood taken by your weight? I give blood on a fairly regular basis and fainted afterwards once – I wonder if that was why??
Great post, Charlotte! Do what feels right for you. Period.
I’ve quit eating meat and fish six years ago and have never looked back. Thanks to my new plant-based diet I’ve finally reached a healthy weight (I was overweight since age 12 or so), and I feel fitter, healthier, and happier than ever. I’m still experimenting with my diet a little, like cutting out dairy, keeping my fat intake relatively low, and eating more raw produce. All those things make me feel good, so I keep it up. I don’t miss meat at all, so staying meatfree is very easy for me.
Unfortunately, I’m the only vegetarian among my friends and family members. That is hard! Your can’t imagine the nasty looks I get when I eat a huge salad for lunch. Very often that is my only option when we eat out, as Bavarian restaurants are very veg-unfriendly.
I just wish for a little more respect and acceptance for my food choices. I don’t comment on other people’s weight issues either! It’s hard enough to find the right way of eating for myself, even without all the critisism.
Ah, I can imagine:) For whatever reason Easter meals were always the worst for me as a veg! So hard to find anything that fit my criteria at the time! And I’m so glad you found what makes you feel best! (I also sympathize about the Bavarian restaurants – when my husband and I were in Germany I had to modify my veg diet because it was SO hard to find anything that didn’t have sausage in it, lol.)
I eat barely any meat and dairy only occasionallyice cream. And I limit wheat and soy. I can’t drop meat completely. When I was pregnant I was a red meat eating machine. I try to eat heaps of vegies, fruits, legumes, nuts and seeds. People definitely have strong ideas about their ways of eating!!! Definitely agree you have to figure out what works for you.
Um I needed this so bad right now and everyone needs to read it! hence my pinning of it 😉 I contemplated giving up grains and as soon as I did I ended up overindulging, getting overly anxious and stressed and creating guilt around wholegrain food products. I don’t think it’s for me. I so want to be the person who can be paleo- because if you’re not than you’re not truly healthy right? Well that’s what they say. I just want to be at peace and I’m sick of people thinking one way that may be the best for them necessarily makes it the best for everyone.
Aw thanks for the pin!! I feel you about the grain guilt. It’s why I tried Paleo three times. And I’ve come to the same conclusion as you – I feel good eating grains, they don’t seem to bother me like they do some (even gluten) so I guess I’m lucky that way?
“Everyone needs to find the pathway to health that works best for them” – That about sums it up. It’s time folks stop judging others for the paths they choose (or not). Our bodies, our brains, our needs are very unique and what works well for one may not work for another. While I’ve never eaten in a way that has a name (!) the few times I’ve gotten super strict on my diet (thank you controlling bodybuilding personal trainer) I felt like my relationship with food suffered in the aftermath. Now I just eat consciously, lots of fruits and veggies, minimal meat, protein and fat in every meal, and I eat when I’m hungry! I don’t over complicate it. I do also buy locally raised meat and eggs, and produce that I can.
“I don’t over complicate it.” I love this! So rational and sensible:) We should all be so calm about food…
I was veggie for thirteen years, and it always made me chortle when well-meaning people asked “Is that for health reasons?” Health-wise, it didn’t do me any good at all – I eventually fell off the wagon in my mid-thirties (on a doctor’s very insistent advice) when I started having all manner of medical problems, and it turned out the doctor was right.
I envy you the ability to just eat “a little meat”! Moderation is something I’m hopeless with… I can honestly say that in all my time as a veggie I never cheated once, but once I was eating meat again it almost immediately became a major part of my diet and now probably only one in four meals is vegetarian (I was never vegan). And yes, I do feel guilty about it, but I Suppose I can at least tell myself I did thirteen years more than most.
If I could I would absolve you of that guilt! It sounds like you’ve found a way to eat that makes you healthy and happy and that’s something to celebrate. And yes, I’m fine to eat meat moderately (even now I don’t love it) but chocolate/sugar? Serious lack of control there.
I find it very sad that you had to “come out” in a way about no longer being veg (and then ask people not to threaten you). Your blog makes your diet and exercise more open yes but it’s still really no one’s business, ultimately. You don’t owe anyone anything with your eating.
I’ve been vegetarian since I was a kid and vegan since college – but I never liked meat and then became lactose intolerant. I don’t take vitamins but have never been anemic or had low b12 or stress fractures or the other things you mentioned. There is still plenty of junk food you can eat as a vegan so it’s not automatically healthy, but it works for me. It does NOT work for everybody. That’s fine. Do what works for you-I firmly believe that.
Ps-if you’re going to eat meat/dairy, I am all for eating local, humane products. Better for the animal (and your conscience) but also supposed to be better quality (with the living conditions? I think?) and less likely to be full of growth hormones and antibiotics. I don’t think everyone has to be veg, but I wouldn’t mind seeing the farm practices move away from what’s standard now.
I love that you found what works best for you! And that you’re so kind about it:) Totally agree with you about reforming conventional farming/ranching practices!
Ah, I could write an essay on this, but I won’t. Suffice it to say, I tried very hard to be a good vegetarian for a number of years through my young adulthood (blame that on reading too much Peter Singer), not for health reasons but ethical – what I learned about factory farming appalled me. Turned my whole (patient) family into vegies along with me (my brother still is, decades later). However, I couldn’t deny the disordered behaviours that such a restrictive way of eating triggered in me, nor could I deny that it didn’t make me feel all that healthy, no matter how diligent my food combining choices were. My sister’s health suffered too – she ended up being told in no uncertain terms by a dietitian to get back to eating more animal protein, pronto, to her dismay at the time.
So I acknowledged the fact that I do better on animal protein and now I make sure that the meat, eggs and dairy I use are sourced from ethical producers whose management practices are high quality and transparent. And I do love to chat to them at farmers’ markets – their enthusiasm for what they do and commitment to doing it well give me hope for the future of ethical food production.
Wow, it sounds like our journeys have been really similar! I’m so glad you’ve found what works for you and I totally agree about how fun it is to chat up the farmers and ranchers who grow my food. We’ve even taken the kids to some of the local farms so they can learn too.
I was a vegetarian for 8 years and gave it up mainly for the same reasons as you. I think my longest stretch with no meat was 5 years but I eventually started sneaking meat and realized that I no longer *wanted* to be vegetarian, I was doing it as another form of restriction (which is not at all how it started, to be fair). These days I work on eating unprocessed foods, veggies, fruits, and local, pasture-raised meat.
I did recently give up gluten and dairy to help with anxiety and depression, and gradually introduced dairy back into my diet in small amounts. Funny thing, my husband gave up gluten as well (not his style to do something like that at all) just to see what would happen and it made several drastic improvements in his health. Then he suggested we try taking our son off gluten to see if it would help with his tantrums and he’s like a different child! So we’ll see how long this lasts in our family… trying to keep a kid gf while he’s in a public kindergarten class has not been easy : /
Oy. I hear you about kids’ dietary restrictions! We try and keep our kids away from artificial colors and flavors along with excess sugar – we don’t deny them cake at a birthday party or whatever but do try to limit the super processed candy etc and that’s a losing battle in school! And so interesting about your experiment! I did the same thing taking out dairy and gluten and discovered that I can’t tolerate dairy at all (it gives me panic attacks) but gluten doesn’t seem to bother me a bit. So glad your family has found what works for you!!
Because I’m awesome at focusing on not-the-main-point, I believe the movie you are referring to is “The Crush.”
No – I think that’s the one where underage Alicia has an inappropriate crush on her handsome married neighbor. Fine. You made me IMDB it! It’s called “Excess Baggage”
Good for you Charlotte! It’s YOUR mouth/body. Put into it, whatever YOU want to. It’s not my job to make dirty faces or snide comments to the people chowing down on a McD lunch, just as it’s not my business if you choose to eat only raw things that fall from trees. Goodness gracious! I’m an omnivore. A meat eater. I tried to cut it out and they thought I had cancer! My blood was so messed up! But I’m trying to make better choices. I raise my own chickens – nothing like getting your own organic pasture raised eggs right out of the coop every day! (And soon there will be meat in the freezer…) Next comes meat rabbits. Unfortunately, I don’t have the facilities to butcher a cow, so I’ll still be buying my beef, but this is a good start, and works well for me and my family. To each, their own decisions, and congratulations on making those decisions! Whatever they may be. (I wish I could switch to goat dairy, but I HATE goats, so I’m just basically dairy free, with the exception of BUTTER. Keep your ice cream, just make sure there is lots of BUTTER in the freezer… lol)
Oooh you raise chickens!!! My husband and I have talked about doing that forever – I so want to try it! Do you butcher them yourself? That’s really what scares me – not the stinky coop or noise…
Chickens are SO easy to raise. The eggs are awesome. And I have two with “crockpot” written all over them. I haven’t butchered one yet, but I have a friend who is going to walk me through my first one. They say it gets easier every time. People blood FREAKS ME OUT, but my horse just put his hoof through the barn wall this morning and cut an artery. Blood to my elbows and no queasy-ies. Killing a chicken will be an experience. Different than shooting. More “up close” but I’m sure I can do it. Once it’s dead, butchering is easy. (And you don’t HAVE to do it yourself – there are “people for that”…)
Another great post, doesn’t “The Kind Diet” make you feel dirty and shameful when you page through it? I too cannot go veg/vegan either or I would be passed out on the floor, have brittle dry hair, and my anemia would come back. Need my steak once in a while. I remember reading somewhere that Angelina Jolie was asked what her beauty secret was, her response was “red meat”. Just remember that when Alicia comes out when her new slew of how to eat vegan books.
Hahah – so true about the Kind diet and guilt. Of course Skinny Bitch is also a vegan diet book. So I guess we’ve covered both ends of the spectrum! I’ve never heard that Angelina quote before but I totally believe she said it – she seems like the type to live her life and not apologize. Love that.
I think the movie is Excess Baggage? Or something like that…
Great post. I’m firmly in the “to each their own” camp. You can only do what’s best for you, and lead by example in what you believe to be “right.” Bullying or shaming someone into doing what you do, or over their choices sucks. Period.
YES!! It IS Excess Baggage! Thank you!
I think I’ve said this before but I see a huge difference in the way I (and other people who were raised vegetarian/pescatarian) and people who chose to live that way later approach a vegetarian diet. From the very beginning I had the tools to get complete nutrition on a pescatarian diet since all the foods I grew up eating fit into that. I can see where that would be a huge lifestyle adjustment if you didn’t. Also I find that a lot of people who chose it later are more militant and want to “convert” others more. I honestly couldn’t care less if anyone else eats meat. Do I wish that more people ate humanely raised animals? Of course. But people should eat what works for them! And through all the ED struggles, interestingly enough, my pescatarianism never factored into it. That’s never been a way of eating restrictively for me, I guess because it’s so normal. Just like how I went out to dinner last night and I could tell you all the vegetarian/fish options that I chose between but I have absolutely no idea what kinds or how many meat options there were. They don’t even register to me.
THIS! Exactly! I have had this discussion with a friend how those who are raised as vegetarians especially in other countries where it is more the societal norm have a very balanced and sustainable diet. Now for someone like me who decided to stop eating red meat in college – I subsisted way too much on pasta and processed faux meat products. I had pasta almost every day, it was ridiculous. I had no clue how to balance things. I luckily never had an iron issue but ff and I now have B-12 deficiency issues that I still deal with today even after bringing red meat back into my diet.
Oooh I find this SO interesting! I’ve totally never considered this aspect of it – probably because I wasn’t raised veg. Going to have to think more on this one…
I’ve always had a leaning toward vegetarianism; partly for the ethical reasons and partly because I honestly don’t like meat all that much. I’ve never been 100% vegetarian for any long stretch of time. That said, I do limit my meat consumption, and it’s not at all difficult for me because I prefer to eat that way. For the most part I’m “vegetarian until 6” (vegan is a bit too complicated), and if I’m not eating dinner with Husband (or if we’re eating out somewhere with good vegetarian options), it’s quite possible for me to be vegetarian after 6 as well. But that happens to be my preference and I don’t try to push it on others.
I completely agree with you that we all have to find our own way. This is what works for me.
I love vegetarian food and cooking but also love meat as well. I stick to ethically raised local meat and eggs and just focus on healthy over vegetarian. I’ve liked exploring vegetarian and vegan cooking to find I love a lot of things I never tried growing up. I’d say about half what we eat is vegetarian, but because we love the food, not for restrictive reasons.
After having to adjust to a lot of gluten free things when my sister was diagnosed celiac, it made me look at dietary restrictions differently.
Love this: ” just focus on healthy over vegetarian”!!
I’ve been a vegetarian who occasionally flirts with veganism for 20 years. I’ve never had any major health problems and most of the time I feel pretty great about my health, my lifestyle, and my choices. However, I do recognize that my way of eating doesn’t work for everyone. My bf needs about 2000 more calories per day than I do, and he seems to need a lot more fat and protein or he loses weight very quickly – wish I had that problem! Different bodies need different nutrition and I respect that…but I would like the same respect from people who eat differently than I do (especially the paleo crowd)! This was a very thoughtful post, and I’m glad that you’ve found the right diet for you! I do wish you wouldn’t discourage your friend from trying veganism; instead, maybe just encourage her to keep an open mind about whether or not it’s truly sustainable for her. Maybe she doesn’t eat vegan all the time, but just before 4 pm or every other day or something like that. Every little bit helps!
Excellent advice: ” I do wish you wouldn’t discourage your friend from trying veganism; instead, maybe just encourage her to keep an open mind about whether or not it’s truly sustainable for her. Maybe she doesn’t eat vegan all the time, but just before 4 pm or every other day or something like that. Every little bit helps!” You’re right, I shouldn’t put my experience on her! I think that I’m still a little defensive about my decision to give up being vegetarian and that came out a little bit here. Thanks for the (gentle) reminder!
Good on you Charlotte for going with what works.
I lasted all of a day as a vegetarian at 15, then my mother made may favourite sweet-and-sour meatballs. Obviously it wasn’t so much that I believed in either the ethics or the health aspect of the trend at the time, I just wanted to have one thing in common with my classmates (veggie was very “in” at my junior high *sigh*)
Now, I guess I do a sort of intuitive eating. I keep it “Primal” most of the time, but if I want a scoop of ice cream, I eat the best darned ice cream I can get my hands on. I’m going to miss the candy cane flavour until next season. Other than a couple of favourite indulgences though it’s super easy to just nosh on meats and veggies, I love finding new recipes and playing with different cuisines all the time.
Candy cane flavor ice cream is my all-time fave too!!! And I don’t like chocolate or anything else in it. Just pure unadulterated mint…mmmm:)
Amy has it right – Excess Baggage – oh Benecio Del Toro.
I’ve never tried going any version ov veg*n, but I’ve been cleaning up my diet for a while. Right now, I’m making a conscious effort to eat whole foods and more fruits/veggies. And I’m working on eating mostly things I’ve made at home, rather than purchased out (saving my waistline and wallet!). But I never classify myself as anything, since I know that once something is off limits, it’s all I’ll want.
That was Benecio Del Toro?! I knew he was hot for a reason. Wow. And this: “since I know that once something is off limits, it’s all I’ll want.” YES.
I was vegan for over a year and recently had to go back to eating meat because it just wasn’t working for me. I was having lots of health concerns and tried everything to get the nutrients I needed from plant based foods but it just didn’t work. It was a really hard decision because I believe not eating meat is a better option, unfortunately just not for my body. So I compromised and now only buy humanely sourced meat and I do feel much better emotionally and physically. I completely believe vegan and vegetarian diets can work for some people, but everyone’s body is different and what works for one person won’t work for others. Everyone needs to find a way of eating that makes them feel best and stop judging the decisions of others.
Sounds like you and I went through a very similar journey! So glad you’re finding what makes you happy and healthy, Amanda!
Ohhhhh Paleo. We did the 30 day Paleo challenge at our box. Jared and I actually tied for 1st place…and we really didn’t like it. It made him kinda dizzy and nauseous at times, and I was grouchy and whiny and had headaches. Plus we both gained weight AND body fat %!!!
We’ve found since then that eating about 60-75% Paleo is the best for us. Lots of veggies and protein, lots of real food, but neither of us has a gluten or dairy intolerance…so it seems kinda dumb to give those up just because someone else can’t eat them. My dad is deathly allergic to shellfish, but that doesn’t mean I give up shrimp!
It does get old hearing people say that if you just “give it another chance” it will work…when we went all out and it didn’t do any magic for us.
YES!! I gained 10 lbs doing the Paleo 30 challenge..and I followed it EXACTLY as written. I also felt awful the whole time.
Girl, you know I gained weight and bodyfat every time I did it too! So glad I’m not alone!!!
Very, very well written post, Charlotte! I agree with everything you wrote. I do wonder about people who refuse to contemplate that their diet might not be working for them. I would never say that to their face, though. I mean, it’s their choice and their body, not mine.
I tried for two weeks to cut out all grains. What happened? I got incredibly bloated and felt miserable. I know what works for me, why did I mess with a good thing? Needless to say I’m back to grains.
Thanks Erin! Glad to know there’s another girl out there who feels better eating grains, not worse!
Amen sista! I loved this post! I have been feeling pressure to go vegitarian/vegan lately by those around me, but I literally cannot function without a balanced diet including meats and carbs. And I’d rather eat to fuel my body, than eat to fuel my friends desires.
“I’d rather eat to fuel my body, than eat to fuel my friends desires.” WORD.
I’m glad you’ve found what works for you, and I completely agree that different things work for different people. I’ve been a strict vegetarian since I was 10 (20 years ago) and have never had any health problems or been tempted to lapse.
A friend of mine that was also vegetarian was recently convinced to go Paleo, and when she first started she was sick for a month with diarrhea and headaches. She’s still doing Paleo last I heard, which I think is nuts because it seems like it is obviously not right for her.
I worry about these diets because lots of people seem to hop on board or stick to them without really understanding them or at least reflecting on how it’s working. My friend thinks the science on Paleo is really sound; but the parts I’ve read are really shoddy (and I have a PhD so I have several years of specialized training on conducting and evaluating research). There are limits to research and many people who read about these diets don’t understand that, but it’s all we have! It’s a frustrating situation for sure.
See this is why I need a PhD!! My master’s in computer information systems just does not cut it when it comes to reading research papers! I’d be really interested to hear your more of your thoughts about the primal/paleo research…
I can relate to your post. I also became a vegetarian in high school and has since tried all different kind of diets. Last year I followed a course on Mindful Eating, where we, among other things, read Geneen Roth’s books on Intuitive Eating. That was the first step towards peace, for me as well.
Then I remember reading all your blog posts about dropping dairy, but I did not follow. Until I tried another diet, Whole30 (I guess I forgot about Intuitive Eating… oops). It was an eye-opener. I have never felt better in my life, so I decided something must be wrong with my ordinary diet. It turned out – of course – to be dairy!
So now I am also dairy-free, and it makes all the difference in the world! Also for my anxiety, which I have struggled with all my life!
And I must say it happened thanks to a diet, but most of all: thanks your blog!
Oooh I’m so glad to hear of another person who has that same dairy-anxiety connection as I do! People look at me like I have three heads when I tell them dairy gives me panic attacks so now I just usually say I’m lactose intolerant and leave it at that… And I’m so glad you are finding what makes you happy and healthy!
I can relate to your post. I also became a vegetarian in high school and has since tried all different kind of diets. Last year I followed a course on Mindful Eating, where we, among other things, read Geneen Roth’s books on Intuitive Eating. That was the first step towards peace, for me as well.
Then I remember reading all your blog posts about dropping dairy, but I did not follow. Until I tried another diet, Whole30 (I guess I forgot about Intuitive Eating… oops). It was an eye-opener. I have never felt better in my life, so I decided something must be wrong with my ordinary diet. It turned out – of course – to be dairy!
So now I am also dairy-free, and it makes all the difference in the world! Also for my anxiety, which I have struggled with all my life!
And I must say it happened thanks to a diet, but most of all: thanks to your blog!
I love this post. Everything is right on. The only thing I’d add is that even from a physiological perspective (I’m teaching the nutrition/digestion unit in animal phys right now, so its on my mind a lot), everyone’s needs/wants, nutritionally, are different. Everything affects what you need, especially hormones, and no two people have the same hormonal balance. Do what works for you. Don’t do what others do just because. And know that what you need today, is probably different than what you needed yesterday or the day before.
I do this without even thinking now. There are times when I eat and crave protein like WHOA, but then a month will go by and I will realize I ate no meat or meat products. I love them, and I eat them when my body wants them. And also? Quality. You gotta treat your body right, right?
I love how in tune with your body you are! I’m still working on getting that level of awareness but I’m way better than I used to be!
A really great post! The thing that frustrates me is that paleo and primal and vegan and raw and fruitarians, etc all spend so much time hating on each other when they are all fighting for a common goal – real whole food! We should all work together to get the standard diet changed and fix regulations that make whole foods so much more difficult and benefit the big companies. So some eat meat (humanely raised typically) while some only eat raw – to this I say to each their own! You find what works for you!!!
I have done a bit of a lot of types and have struggled with my weight and self image a lot. I went the opposite to anorexic/bulemic and just ate everything all of the time. I was never going to be thin and nothing I could do would make a difference so might as well just drown my sorrows in food. I snuck food in my room as a teenager (although not very well since my mom later told me she knew all along). I stopped eating red meat in college but then just ate pasta and processed faux-meat. Finally got involved in crossfit which opened me up to the mantra ‘eat to train not train to eat’. Through my box I tried FLT which focuses on low-glycemic and whole foods and lost 35 pounds. wasn’t very strict for awhile and decided to give whole30 a try. Ended up losing 3% bodyfat although I didn’t feel like it changed my body much as my clothes still fit the same. Then fell off – still eat generally healthy but splurge more often than I should. I am still struggling with finding a balance that is sustainable for me. I am leaning towards a mostly paleo diet as I sleep better, have clear skin, best energy, etc. However FLT helped me lose weight more which I still need. But that is what works for me. Everyone is unique and I am sad to see how many comments are anti-paleo due to certain paleo preachers. I haven’t experienced that and actually know some vegetarians who did their own version of whole 30 with favorable results. Guess there are extremes in everything – still think we need to ban together and fight the good fight for whole foods! Sorry for the long essay! Apparently it is something that is on my mind a lot! 🙂
Love this so much: “The thing that frustrates me is that paleo and primal and vegan and raw and fruitarians, etc all spend so much time hating on each other when they are all fighting for a common goal – real whole food! We should all work together to get the standard diet changed and fix regulations that make whole foods so much more difficult and benefit the big companies.” And I’m glad you are finding what works best for you! Don’t worry about being perfect at it – you never will be – and it sounds like you have already made some amazing progress!
I have always been an everything in moderation (I try to keep the moderation under control) kind of eater. I have never (and don’t plan to) cut out any entire food groups/categories. We have meat pretty much every day in our home!
Just because this works for me, I don’t judge anyone for their eating plans/styles – just part of the uniqueness that make up the human race!
I appreciate the honesty that you share with your readers – in eating or whatever!!!
I think THIS speaks volumes: “But the thing is this: while neither way of eating is bad and both work very well for many people, both the Primal Blueprint/Paleo and vegetarianism/veganism don’t work for me.”
That’s what I’ve pretty much based my nutrition consulting business on – working with people to figure out what the right kind of healthy is for them. And sometimes what once worked great for us no longer does!
Right now, I’m finding that going about 50 – 80% raw 4 – 5 days each week is working pretty well. I have a feeling that I wouldn’t feel so great if I went much higher for a long period of time, but I’ve also seen lots of other people do 100% raw and do absolutely amazing on it. Vegan / vegetarian / omnivore ways of eating tend to fluctuate for me – I can easily go a week eating vegan and not really notice sometimes, but Mr. Science prefers to have meat dishes a few times a week and it’s nice to do that too.
Thanks for writing this article, Charlotte – I think it’s an important topic!
And that’s what makes you so good at what you do:)) I remember reading about your raw experiment on your blog – followed it very closely as that is something I’d always considered. I really appreciated your honesty about the whole experience and I’m glad you’ve found now what works best for you!
I always say it really is finding what works for you AND what you think you can live with long term. Like you, if people want to do Paleo or vegan or whatever & it works for them & they can live life long – more power to them! 🙂
I know me & I am pretty strict in general BUT certain things I will not give up unless a doc says I have to so I do that & it works for me even if somebody else says I should not eat a certain food.
I have had to change & modify all thru my years as my life & body has changed!
Always be true to you & you are Charlotte – that!!!
I am very interested in finding my optimal diet. We’re all different, of course, but I’ve read a bit about healthy societies, like the traditional Cretan and Okinawan diets, and it seems that they ate lots of plant foods, a smaller amount of animal foods, and no junk. Maybe I just support that because that’s how I feel best, maybe 80% plants, with some eggs and fish, and meat (from local farmers) just once in a while. (It’s hard to keep away from the junk, though, because I’m not that much of a cook and tend to be kind of lazy…and when I slide back into a diet of microwaved stuff, Taco Bell, etc., I don’t feel as good.)
And as some other commenters have pointed out, I do wish that people who follow different diets would stop being so hateful about those who don’t. It’s just food, not religion! In particular, for me, I’ve been somewhat turned off the paleo movement by the tone of a lot of the discussion. (Not Mark’s Daily Apple, though; that site always makes me wish eating that way didn’t make me sluggish and heavy.) As another person mentioned, it seems that there are quite a few ex-vegans turned paleo, in particular, who are quite strident about their diet, or who seem to feel like they were duped into giving up meat and now they’re mad about it. They were probably strident vegans, too.
Hah – good point about people perhaps being inclined towards extremism in general! (And I agree with you about MDA – very nice crowd there.)
Thanks for this post. As a chef, who used to be a chemist, I was so amazed at the responses when I told someone what I did. When I was a chemist, I got the “Oh Umm, interesting” as a chef, I got the 20 question quiz, what do you like to cook, how do you cook this, etc….. What I realized is that everyone eats, 3-6 meals a day or more. And, every one has an opinion about it. I just wish people would enjoy their food, and stop trying to make soy into creations that taste like meat.
I love the cartoon, becuase it reminded me of when I decided to be a vegetarian at 17, it was at the dinner table over some barbequed chicken breasts, without salt. I did not realize until culinary school, that my mom really needed to learn how to use salt. (the vegetarianism only lasted for about 50 PB&J’s.)
Also, I wish people would understand that my body is really able to digest wheat and dairy. There is nothing better to me than bread and cheese.
This: “What I realized is that everyone eats, 3-6 meals a day or more. And, every one has an opinion about it. I just wish people would enjoy their food, and stop trying to make soy into creations that taste like meat.” totally made me smile! I agree. And I also agree about being able to digest wheat – It’s gotten to the point where I almost feel guilty telling people that gluten doesn’t bug me at all!
I am a serious carnivore, and “evangelizing” vegetarians bother me.
I love meat. Really, that famous Internet argument is true for me: the reason I eat meat, is because I like it. No more, no less. I like gnawing tasty animal flesh. But in the end, my high protein consumption helps me gain more lean mass from my weight training, and I don’t feel weird and hungry all the time from eating too many carbs, and I get lots of good fats from things like fish. I can eat less because it takes way more carbs to make me feel satisfied than meat.
Factory farming, battery cages, etc. are horrible. I hate them. Yes, I’m a “bad” carnivore and don’t buy strictly organic/grass-fed/uncaged/whatever, but this is because I don’t have the brain-points to spend in that area. I have to worry about life enough without buying ridiculously expensive food and worrying about the wee little animals. There are only so many things I can choose to care about before overload happens, and I like meat too much for this to end up on the list. (Besides, predators in the natural world beat the crap out of their prey on a routine basis. Having your body torn open by teeth is a horrible death. By comparison, many farmers are incredibly humane.)
I’m okay with my hypocrisy, because I’m pretty sure one day we will end up growing muscle tissue in vats, and at that point I can eat all the meat I want with no moral issues. Until then…well, I’ll just hope we’re making progress.
I wouldn’t call that hypocrisy – I think it’s more that we can only juggle so many “important” things at once and right now you’ve got more pressing priorities… And I wish so hard that humanely raised meat wasn’t so ridic expensive!!
Hey there Charlotte,
Just came back to your blog after an unintentional reading hiatus, and was happy to find this gem of a post. There is so much….polarity in the diet/fitness world. I did the vegetarian thing, I did the vegan thing, I did the primal and paleo things. And when I did them, I went full throttle. None of them got me anywhere. Sure, I lost weight being a vegan, but I was tired an hungry all the time. Sure, my body appreciated paleo, but I gained weight and felt pudgy, and the great feeling eventually wore off and I started feeling tired and grumpy all the time. And then at the end of last summer, after working full time, full training in three different physical disciplines, and painting like mad to put on an art show, my brain snapped. I had been so disciplined in every area of my life for so long that I just couldn’t do it anymore. And you know what? I feel so much better. I feel like I can listen to my body better, and my relationship with food has changed. Instead of eating how and when other people other people on the internet said was best, I eat when *I* am hungry, and what *my* body wants. Sometimes it’s a bowl of roasted vegetables. Sometimes it’s beef and eggs. And sometimes it’s a bunch of donuts while I wrap myself in an apathy blanket and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And now I look and feel great.
So yeah. Go you and your intuitive eating. Ain’t no one gonna bring you down!
This comment made me smile SO HARD. And not just because you referenced my girl Buffy;) I love how your relationship with food has changed and improved. It sounds like you are in a very happy and healthy place and that is an amazing accomplishment!
Sometimes when I read your blog I think we’re leading parallel lives. I tried being a vegetarian many times. The the most recent and longest time I went was four years. At first it was great. But after a couple of years I think I got lazy and started making not the best vegetarian choices, and I packed on about 20 pounds. I was also feeling “meh.” So I decided to first add back in seafood, and eventually chicken. The weight fell off me, mostly I think because it’s so easy to grill a piece of chicken, do a carb side and a veggie side, and voila…a balanced meal. (And no cheese need be involved. I had just about become a “cheesatarian” on my vegetarian diet.)
I am still horribly conflicted, especially given the practices of industrialized farming , but I have to admit, I feel better. I do penance by spending more for the organic, human certified eggs and poultry.
Gaye
Hahah – I went through a “cheesetarian” phase too! I love it. And it does sound like our journey’s have been very similar! So now I have to go read your Metabolism post – dying to know!!
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If people are interested and ask me questions, I’m more than happy to talk about how I eat. But I really think it’s best not to interfere unless asked. If people want help, they’ll generally ask for it.
Wow, this post gave me such strong feelings in all directions my head is spinning. For one; thank goodness! Someone who is sane and admits that not every diet works for every person! Second; what?! Veganism made your eating disorder worse?!
OK, let me explain that second mind-spin. Becoming a vegetarian saved me from anorexia in my early teens. I was an over-weight kid and when I was 12 I suddenly realized I was fat, gross, unlovable, you know, all those horrible things women tell themselves about their bodies. I began exercising obsessively and considered myself a dietary failure if I had more than 1000 calories a day. I couldn’t stand up without my vision going black. I fainted once. Then, before things got really, really bad I read some horrible thing on the PETA website (I don’t even recall what it was exactly) and declared I was now a vegetarian (mostly vegan, in fact). My family laughed at me, saying it would last less than a week. It was like magic for me, though. All the things I considered “bad” and “fattening” like burgers and eggs and cheese I was not allowed to eat, and it worked the weirdest psychology in me. It was like, since I couldn’t eat it, I didn’t “cheat” and I wasn’t “bad”, so I was allowed to eat. I also discovered all these new and amazing foods I’ve never heard of like tofu and couscous that I just HAD to try, and try I did. I quickly started eating a healthy amount, went to a healthy weight, and slowly but surely became satisfied with my body.
I am now in my 10nth year of vegetarianism. I was a hard-core vegan until about 2 years ago when I started eating a bit of cheese and eggs, simply because substitutes are so freaking expensive and it’s very hard to eat out as a vegan. I think I actually feel a bit better as a veggie over a vegan, but I’m not sure if my diet has to do with it so much as reducing my stress levels, but I’m hesitant to change anything since my depression and panic attacks were so bad for a while there.
All that being said, I’m so glad you ditched vegetarianism if it was triggering for you. I don’t see myself ever going back. I don’t crave meat. At all. Ever. I think there is something to intuitive eating, and if you wanted meat maybe it’s because you need it. Maybe I don’t. I think it’s kinda interesting that we have the exact opposite psychological responses to eating meat! I love having my mind broadened, and reading this post has done that, so thank you!