I’m just gonna call it: This is bad showing off, on both their parts. And I do mean “parts” literally.
In my new quest to become the Emily Post of Fitness (which would be totally awesome because then I’d basically just get to make up arbitrary rules and use the power of social disapproval to enforce them), I’ve decided to tackle one of the lesser-talked about fitness quandaries. You already know you’re supposed wipe your own bodily fluids off equipment and stay to the right if you’re going slow on a running trail so now it’s time to move beyond Gym Etiquette 101 and open yourself up to a whole new realm of possibilities in which to embarrass yourself. Today we are discussing The Gym Show-Off (although these can easily be found in any athletic endeavor and are not contained by mere walls).
If I were really Emily Post-Up (see what I did there? I totally worked in a fitnessy sports analogy – “posting up” is something they do in basketball. Don’t ask me what it is, just be proud that I know it exists.) I’d start with a letter to which I could begin my reply Dear Esteemed Reader and start dropping some wisdom on you. But I already confessed that I’m self-appointed and so we’ll drop the pretense and just assume we’re talking about me. Because we are.
Here’s my problem: I’m a relatively bendy girl. This means that I don’t feel most traditional “cool-down” type stretches. All of those lifting our arms and touching our toes things are fun but they don’t stretch my muscles. I won’t even feel a “runner’s stretch” until I’m down in full King Pigeon:
Yes the tutu totally enhances my stretch. You should try it. Like, now.
I solved this problem of pointless-for-me instructor-led stretching by just substituting a more effective-for-me stretch and calling it good. That way I don’t waste time doing slow-motion Jazzercize and the instructor doesn’t have to worry about modifying the routine for me. All was fine and dandy with this approach until the other day a friend teasingly poked me as I did a backbend while everyone else laid flat. “Show off!”
Now, as a veteran show-off, I should not have been surprised by this. Except I was because in this case I was legitimately not trying to show off. First, I’m merely bendier-than-average, not Cirque du Soleil show material (although I wish was) so if we’re being honest there’s not that much to show. (Unless I have another wardrobe malfunction but then we’re in an entirely different show-and-tell category.) Second, aren’t people always telling us to “make the workout your own” and all that? And third, if I’m going to show off usually I’ll do it in a much more ostentatious manner than a stretch. Costumes are involved. Rockett kicks. Sometimes a Mariachi band. And then I post it to the Internet. Ahem. I mean, if I’m going to whore for attention let’s take it all the way to Lindsay Lohan levels, amiright? Plus, I’m usually doing something I’m wholly unqualified for and will probably hurt and/or embarrass myself in the process.
But that day I had no swagger, no bluster. Only quickly congealing sweat. I blushed and dropped down to the floor. As I pretended to stretch like a normal person I thought about what it means to be a Gym Show Off. If we’re being totally honest, peacocking during a workout is a time-honored tradition and pretty much everyone does it at some time or another. That’s basically why there are mirrors on every flat surface in the gym, right? (Oh and I suppose for checking form and fixing ponytail bumps. But NEVER for popping zits! That’s back to remedial Living in Society 001 for you.) But show-offs are as annoying as they are ubiquitous. Nobody likes the girl lifting up her tiny tank top and asking everyone that walks by “Do I have a six-pack or an eight-pack – it’s sooo hard to tell in this light!” And you kind of want to punch the guy who positions himself six inches in front of you to groan erotically while he hefts a very large dumbbell. (And then you kind of want to laugh at him when he pulls his groin doing so.) But on the other hand, it’s super cool watching someone do a muscle-up on the chin-up bar or a perfect arabesque on the barre.
So how do you know when it’s appropriate to throw in a double-hitch-kick-toe-touch left over from your days in the cast of Oklahoma! or, even better, demo a move for someone else? How do you know if you’re the good type of show off (“Oooh! Ahh!”) or the obnoxious kind (“Eww! Gah!”)? When is it okay to show off during a workout??
Step 1: establish your true motivation. Ask yourself: Would I be doing this if I were at home alone in my living room with not even my cat as an audience? If your answer is yes, then proceed and just try to ignore the stares. If your workout calls for handstand push-ups on parallettes and you can do them then by golly don’t hide your light under a bushel! But if the answer is no, move on to the next step.
Step 2: check out the faces of those around you. Sure you might just be trying to help a sister out by demonstrating proper deadlift form but unless she specifically asked you or you’re a personal trainer/instructor then don’t be surprised if she goes all McKayla Maroney on you.
Step 3: respect the venue. Are you in a restorative yoga class? Lamaze class for childbirth? Or anywhere with children or elderly people? Rein it in. (Mostly because children and the elderly are natural show-offs and are so utterly adorable doing it that they must be allowed center stage and possibly their own internet meme.)
Step 4: Realize that if you’ve gone through this much thought you’re probably too socially aware to be a bad kind of show-off anyhow and commence feeling self righteous.
Notice what I didn’t include? Having a show-off-able skill. This should be standard operating procedure but I’ve found that generally the better someone is at something, the less they feel the need to prove it. (Which probably explains 3/4 of my Experiments on this site…) Plus, some of my favorite show-offs are showing off nothing more than their fun-loving personality by way of a shoddy cartwheel – and it’s all good.
I would posit that show-offs are important, essential even, to any good fitness endeavor. Good show-offs – people who truly are amazing at what they do, and know it – give us something to aspire to and work towards. They show us the importance of taking risks and putting yourself out there. Plus they’re just fun to watch. Bad show-offs – people who may or may not be amazing at what they do but have a crappy attitude – give us something to guard against. They help us measure what’s a worthwhile risk and what will just injure you. Plus they’re also just fun to watch.
The next time I did a backbend in a class cool-down session I attempted to do a kick-over, which really is just a peacock move. Normally it’s easy for me but for whatever reason this day I crumpled right onto my head in front of a room full of people. And sometimes, having a show-off around is just good for reminding us that in the end we’re glad we’re not them.
Do you have a show-off move you like to do sometimes? Do you have a show-off horror story (either you or someone else)? When do you think it’s appropriate to show off during a workout? (And yes, your answer can be “never”!)
This definitely raises the question of what is showing off. In my gym I’m the only female lifting heavy weights. Even though I’m just doing my workout routine: heavy squats, deadlifts and pull-ups, I sometimes feel like it’s being interpreted as showing off, because I’m not conforming to the rules of “This is how females should lift weights”. So I definitely feel you. *sigh*
Girl – you rock! Keep it up and hopefully more women will start to follow your lead.
I bet you’re getting more quiet respect than you think. Hopefully you give some other women the “permission” they feel they need to join you at it!
I hear ya, Anna! I workout at a Crossfit gym now so it’s all people like us lol, but in the regular gym, even though I did my heavy squats and deadlifts and feel confident knowing what I’m doing, you do tend to feel judged all the time!
A timely post for me. I went to yoga just last night and teasingly got called a show off by my friend. We had a student teacher explaining poses, don’t ask me which one (she was very hard to understand) and she said this move calls for you to place your shin parallel to your arms, so I did. She then continued ….but I just found out a lot of people can not do it that way so do ….. I hadn’t done the move before so I genuinely wanted to know if the first position I’d adopted was correct ( it was – like you I’m just super flexible) but I felt a bit akward as people turned to look.
Sigh. I wish I were bendy. No such luck, though…without a lot of hard work. I truly admire people with that skill.
I know what you mean about feeling awkward, though. Occasionally (very occasionally) I’ll get asked to demo something in class and I feel like a complete maroon with everybody watching. Half the time I subsequently totally screw up.
And then there’s the case when I don’t realize I’m doing anything unusual and get called on it later: I was at a conference and using the hotel fitness center for a quick workout that included lots of double-unders, and at break one of the other people at the conference (a vendor that my company is a client of, so he knows me pretty well in a business context) mentioned it with a sense of awe. It didn’t occur to me that there was anything special about it because pretty much everyone I work out around regularly can do way more doubles than I can. Or they’re new. People probably thought I was showing off, too.
Yeah, I couldn’t show off in the gym even if I wanted to–I don’t have any skills that would impress anyone. “Ooh, watch me press JUST THE BAR, and then fail after three reps” Or…”Check out my 11-minute miles!” Just doesn’t work.
Just had to say this totally cracked me up Melissa! 🙂
I always feel bad in gym yoga classes! I never know quite what the etiquette is for taking the full pose. And these are like, Yoga 2 classes, not Restorative, so in theory they’re supposed to be challenging. Can I do wheel when everyone is doing bridge? Is it jerkish to grab my toe and extend my upper leg in side plank when everyone is doing it with on knee on the ground? Do I jump to chaturanga from crow if everyone else can barely get one toe off the ground? I DON’T KNOW. Sometimes I do it without thinking then go, omg, am I that person?
DO IT!! It’s your practice! I love seeing what other people’s bodies are capable of.
I feel you! I’ve had this problem in some classes. I would talk to the instructor first, and as long as they’re okay with it, (or if they’re cuing the advanced poses you’re doing and offering modifications for those who can’t do them) don’t worry about everyone else in the class. If the instructor doesn’t feel comfortable with you making the class your own, I might find a different class…but it’s a matter of respect to let the instructor know what you’re doing.
My yoga classes are a little different, because they’re open to all levels so the teacher gives several options for each move and everyone’s doing something different.
But she encourages us to listen to our bodies, push ourselves but not to where it will cause injury, and find that line for us. I think that’s a good rule of thumb, and I’ve noticed that depending on what’s being stretched or used, sometimes I do the hardest option and sometimes I do the easiest. You want the workout to be effective, but don’t get hurt (and make sure you’re doing to positions correctly or you up the odds of getting hurt!)
I’m frequently accused of showing off, but I pass step #1 with flying colors: I frequently get to the gym 15 minutes before opening time (employee perk) so I can engage in my most extreme activities when nobody else is around without being accused of peacocking.
In my capoeira classes–which require both strength and flexibility–some of the guys often look at me and say, “Show off! So unfair!” when we’re stretching because I’m more flexible than most. But later I remind them of three things: (1) I never say anything when they pull off their shirts and bust out 40 push ups; (2) I work really hard to maintain my flexibility–it doesn’t come naturally; and (3) my flexibility is just average, or maybe even below average, in my dance classes. It’s all relative! I find that for the most part, you don’t know what people are working towards, or where they’re coming from. I like the yoga philosophy of non-competition–everyone is working in their own place. So I try not to compare myself with others, even if they are showing off and doing something I really wish I could do. That can be motivating too!
I do think it’s funny though when people try to show off and fail miserably… 🙂
What you said. 🙂
Hmmm, never thought about it. I just do my thing and if there’s anyone staring, I’m so obliviously into my workout and music I don’t really notice. So I definitely pass #1, hehe. 🙂
Sometimes when I do a circuit workout like bodyrock I feel like I’m trying to be a show off just because I have to set up my little area and have a beeping timer while I workout…and then I realized that likely noone is looking at me, and probably glad I’m not hogging their equipment 🙂
LOVE this post! As a self-conscious person with a, shall we say “unorthodox” gym routine, I worry that people may take my crazypants experiments as showing off, when I’m really just trying to keep it fun. The thought that people might mistake my odd approach to exercise as showing off makes the inevitable FAILs even more embarrassing.
One thing that helps me a lot: gray hair and wrinkles. As you said, advancing years gives one more latitude to risk looking like an ass.
I just enjoyed reading this post and the comments!
As far as the show-off, I pretty much got nothing!! Years ago, when I worked out at a gym all the time, I used to feel the need to make sure my treadmill was going the fastest (even if I was running 10 miles to someone else 3) – that really is just my uber-competitive nature, I think!!!
My show-off move is (was? I haven’t tried it since kids) the ability to stand, and do squats on a stability ball. A buddy of mine has a stability ball, and a few of us ended up at his place after leaving the bars. Lesson learned – do not try and stand on a stability ball after you’ve been drinking…
Swear I wasn’t trying to show off, but I was trying to drop back into upward facing bow, got scared right at the worst moment, stumbled back a few feet, and landed promptly on my bum. That is, of course, part of the practice – falling – and I have quite a bit of experience with this sort of thing, so I’ve conditioned myself to laugh first before anyone else laughs at me (not that they would, obviously – most people rush to help). So I let out this huge guffaw in the middle of a relatively quiet yoga class, which drew way more attention to me than the fall itself.
Great post! I wonder if people calling you a show-off might be trying to compliment you, but doing so in a bit of an awkward way. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, but I realized I was feeling a bit jealous and insecure. Once I thought about it like that, I reminded myself that their abilities have nothing to do with my abilities (a la Mizfit), and was able to give them a more straightforward compliment!
I wear very tight and short clothes to the gym, I suppose people could say I’m showing off but it’s more for my own comfort. I am a cardioholic (despite your wonderful posts on the evils of overtraining, Charlotte) and I literally sweat buckets and get very hot. I don’t really care what others think.
Did you pose that first photo, or was it for real? If so, yoike.
Really good question, and it makes me happy about my teeny little Crossfit family. First, we all know each other pretty well (early AM exercisers, in particular, are creatures of habit so it’s always the same folks) so anybody would feel fine calling out anybody else. But nicer is that we all know we each have strengths and weaknesses. Sure, certain of the guys will kick ass in the push up, rope climb, pull up, muscle up realm but many of us chicks (and geezers! I’m officially geezer now!) can kick their butts in the stretching and balancing and overall perfect technique realms. So it all evens out.
Of course there are a few who are irritatingly fantastic at everything, but generally those of us who are more on the goobery side of the spectrum just ooh and ahh and fantasize about someday being half as good. I like that we can all just respect the skill/mastery going on there. It also helps that pretty much nobody is an asshat…which I understand can be kind of rare In the CF world. And the mega gym world, for that matter.
Aside: One of my friends started at our CF about a year after I did. He’s probably the fastest improver I’ve ever watched (although he was pretty fit to start with) and is now a coach. He’s one of those all around OMG how-does-he-DO-that guys, and we’d all hate his guts for it if he weren’t literally the nicest person on the face of the earth. And he’s POST KIDNEY TRANSPLANT. And over 40. And a refugee from his home country, where they literally beat people like him to death; until last summer when he got his citizenship, he hadn’t seen any of his family members for more than 20 years. Any time I’m tempted to whine, glancing over at him gives me some pause. (Lucky for me, he’s not a morning person, so I rarely see him during the week and can whine all I like. Which is plenty.)
Point being, it helps to have a small, tightly-knit community of people who are all supportive of one another. I see, hear, and participate in just as much atta boy-ing for a new/recovering/struggling athlete’s third “just the bar” press when she’s working her ass off for it as I do for a really strong guy’s +85 lbs weighted pull up.
This makes me a little sad. As women, we’re always so afraid of being taken for a show-off, a snob, or egotistical that we constantly hold back. I believe we’re conditioned practically since birth to not outshine anyone else. Men too, to a degree, but not the same degree as women.
I remember being 10 years old and warned by my friends not to raise my hand so much in school, because having the right answers made me seem “snotty.” So I stopped raising my hand so much, even when no one else knew the answer and I did. And when I DID get called on, I framed my answers as questions, as if I wasn’t sure I was right.
On the other hand, when I hear someone truly bragging or see them desperate for attention, all I can think is how insecure they must be. Which also makes me sad. But it’s not about the yoga students who can go deeply into a pose (which, personally, I think is REALLY cool to watch, even though I’m supposed to be focusing on my own practice :)), or the ones at the gym who are super strong/fit/flexible, etc. I find it more in the way people treat others, or in the way they behave, whether they put people down, etc. Or if they get all dressed up for the gym. That kinda reeks of insecurity to me, and I hope they can find the confidence to get over that.
Don’t know if I’m making sense here, but what I want to say os stop hiding your light under a bushel!
(BTW, Bryan Kest, a great yoga teacher, puts it this way: If you’re very flexible, it simply means you need to go further into a pose to get the same benefit as someone who is, for whatever reason, less flexible. So I, Alyssa, say Go for it, girl!!!!)
I took a workshop with Bryan Kest a year or two ago. It was awesome! He is really great.
I used to be all bendy like you! I can still do splits but it takes me a lot longer than when I was young! 😉
I saw in the comments someone saying she was the only woman.. for me, just doing what I do with intensity may appear show off but I am just doing my thing.. working out & trying to defy the aging process! 😉
Oh, dear LORD, this is everything that’s wrong with being a woman in our society. The hypersensitivity! The ‘what will others think’! Hey, there’s nothing wrong with showing off a little or being a little proud. Just don’t tell someone else that what they are doing is wrong.
Do I go to the gym just so people will stare at me? Of course not! But I enjoy the compliments I get, and why shouldn’t I? It’s not like it invalidates the fact that I run my intervals ridiculously fast on the treadmill or do high box jumps. In fact, I often find that the pressure not to make a fool of myself in front of the other gymgoers is what pushes me to do my workouts properly and not slack off.
I mean… for that matter, I wouldn’t train to run races if I didn’t want to win or impress people with my kick.
Not sure what’s wrong with taking pride in what you can do. Next time you could say ‘Yeah, hey, I’m really flexible, isn’t that cool? Yeah, some of it’s just genetic or how I am–everyone has something!’
When I’m going to a new gym for the first few times I try to stay as low-key as possible…the non-athlete in me is self-concious and I don’t want to mess anything up. Once I get use to the gym and the equipment I can take the time to look at the gym rats and for the most part they are contrated on their own thing. For the few that are being show offs it is easy to see that they are only concerned with themselves so I don’t need to worry. When no one is looking I might sneak in a shw-off move or two of my own.
I love show offs! Even if I hate them, it is a loving hate. They entertain us and make life more fun.
Wow. You are amazingly bendy. I just started doing yoga and my suspicions that I am not were confirmed. I salute you. And if I had any amazing skills I would definitely show them off. Sadly, I really don’t, but I am rather fond of the strength and muscle tone of my arms. I was aware of the attention of several people at the gym one day when I went to try a new tricep extension machine, which I thought I knew how to operate. Wrong. I didn’t have my grip right, it slipped out of my hand and clocked me on the back of the head. Awesome. Fortunately I didn’t knock myself out and was able to recover with a laugh and “I meant to do that.” 🙂
Gaye
Love this post b/c all us gym-goers can relate to the “show-offers”. Oh, I must say the picture of the little old lady doing a split was amazing, and she should definately not feel ashamed showing off! I just ignore the show-offers mostly, but the people who genuinely do amazing moves that show an insane amount of strength are great to watch. Although some of these people are a bit annoying in their look at me; I am amazing-ness, sometimes they inspire us as well. Just take it in stride and enjoy the humor of it all!
Haha, this post reminds me… a few days ago, I was in the gym and there was a very fit lady there who happened to be doing approximately the same things I was–but the super advanced version. So I was doing some stretches, and she was doing front splits and bending all the way back/forward. It was pretty funny, just because we happened to be doing really similar things at the same time.
Have you always been bendier than normal or have you developed it? I really want to do the splits, but my front splits and side splits are all about a foot off the ground, still. I’m practicing, but am not sure how to progress!!
If you’re going to the gym to work out and then you’re dialing back because of other people, you’re cheating yourself. F that.
I’ve never gotten called a showoff and I do back walkovers occasionally. One thing to note is that I never talk to anyone. I always work out alone, I never wear makeup, and I was blessed with the bulky muscle build so the whole thing adds up to a pretty standoffish image. I don’t know what people think of me, but they generally keep it to themselves.
Also, I don’t care what they think of me. Maybe if they spent less time being jealous and more time working hard, they’d be able to do what I do.
Well that post had a lot more attitude than I intended. But the point is that I go to the gym for ME, not for anyone else. Unless I’m getting in their way, they don’t get a say in how I do my workouts.
A few others already touched on this but… why do we even care if someone is “showing off”? The only real concern should be: Am I in the way? Am I hogging equipment? Am I being unnecessarily loud? Unhygienic? Which is to say, “Am I respecting the basic rules of etiquette?”
Why should your training in any way be affected by others people’s opinion of it? It’s your body, no one else’s. If you need to go into a full bridge to get a good stretch, then BRIDGE AWAY. It doesn’t turn it into a bridge to The Island of Assholes. Women are constantly socialized to try and appease other people’s feelings, no matter how unreasonable that might be. You can’t control other people’s feelings. It is not your job to manage their feelings by making yourself smaller, lesser than you are.
Totally fluff comment that will not enhance any conversation going on above this comment:
That guy seriously looks like he’s just airing out his post-workout sweaty junk. Like, it looks like there’s a draft going on there. Blondie is just trying to grin and bear the sweaty junk smell slowly filling the room. “OhmigawdyouarecreepyandyoursweatyjunkiswaytooclosetomykneeandholybucketsI cannotbreathewillyoupleaseleavenowwhycan’tyoutellthatI’msooooooooNOTinterestedinyou.”
Living in Arizona, I found this resource by clicking on a link from Linkedin. Glad I did. Good topic, and great resource. Keep up the Great Work.