If I could peer-pressure you into doing anything, it would be writing hilarious limericks. Do it! Do it now!!!
Shhh… so don’t tell anyone but I’m embarrassingly susceptible to peer pressure. My friends have talked me into doing some pretty crazy stuff over the years, stuff that I would never have done if it hadn’t been for them pushing me over the edge (both metaphorically and literally, as in the 12-foot water drop during my mud run last year). Sometimes it turns out pretty rad, like the time Turbo Jennie convinced me to buy tickets to go see a little tiny unheard of singer… named Lady Gaga. Yep, I saw her in a venue so intimate that I was actually six feet away from her bubble-bedecked intimates. Other times it didn’t end so well, like the time my friends convinced me to take my dad’s truck “mudding” on Easter Sunday and then I mired it in a remote canyon forcing us to hike out. Oh and then there was the time I had Cheetah-spotted orange hair – still not sure if that was good or bad. Peer pressure is one of those things that when it is good, it is really really good but when it is bad it is horrid. Especially when it comes to our health.
Stories abound of all the good influences friends have been on one another – encouraging each other to exercise or eat right or stop wearing light grey cotton workout leggings. But there can be a darker side to this and I hadn’t really thought about it until I read an article in the New York Times about the dangers of excessive exercise and one of the scientists said something about how at the very least perhaps this research would help people resist being “bullied* into running a marathon.” (The researchers compared the heart damage incurred by long endurance exercise, like marathon running, to that of eating a cheeseburger every day.)
Wait, what? Does this really happen? Are people really being shamed into running long, painful, expensive races?
At first the thought seemed ludicrous but as I pondered on it, suddenly dozens of examples came to mind of times where I’d tried something I didn’t want to do, wasn’t prepared to do or shouldn’t have been doing because someone had talked me into it. Most memorable was probably the time a blog reader repeatedly dared me to “prove” my lifting prowess by doing a 1-rep max test of the Olympic lifts. Gym Buddy Allison and I did it all right and while our numbers were decent, the souvenir that I still have from it is not the pride of pushing myself but a painful hemorrhoid courtesy of the super-heavy back squat that still flares up at really inconvenient moments. Nothing like being taunted by your own anus!
This issue came up again this weekend during a conversation my husband and I had with a local couple. If you’ve never been to Colorado the first thing you need to know is that these people take their outdoor sports very seriously. It is after all home of the Hardrock Hundred Mile Endurance run, also known as the #3 hardest ultramarathon on the planet. (Right now Coloradans are freaking because they’re #3. Sorry guys, you got beat out by Death Valley. And let’s be honest, everyone gets beat by Death Valley.) I’ve only lived here a week and I’ve already been asked if I own a mountain bike at least 20 times. So as my husband and I chatted with our new friends, the talk inevitably turned to racing.
“Do you run?” the man asked me.
“I do but not fast,” I answered.
“Do you race?” he pressed.
“Only for fun,” I replied, a little more wary.
“Oh you must sign up for this triathlon coming up next month! A whole bunch of us are doing it, just for fun except okay we’re really kind of competitive but seriously you should do it!”
“I, uh, don’t own a bike,” I stammered. (True story. And even if I did it would still be in storage with the rest of our crap.) “Plus I hate swimming.”
He looked like I’d smacked him. “Well everyone has one part they’re better at but surely you swim?”
“I can swim,” I clarified. “I just don’t like to. I hate being wet and cold. It sucks all the fun right out with my body heat.”
He looked so disappointed that I felt like I’d failed a major initiation rite in my new home. “So maybe a duathlon then? There’s one in two weeks!” he tried again
“What about a nice fun run, like a 5K?” I bargained.
“You don’t want to do those!” he exclaimed. “Those are so beginner.”
For a brief second I bristled at the implication that I am a novice at anything exercise but then I remembered my run from the previous morning where every time I ran faster than a snail my lungs felt like bubble wrap popping and I saw stars. I might have underestimated the effect of going from 500 feet above sea level to 5000+ feet. I sighed. “I’ve only been here a week. I should probably get acclimatized first.”
It’s true – I’ve been busted back down to rank beginner when it comes to fitness and as much as that stings I won’t do myself any good (and may actually cause myself harm) by trying to keep up with all our new acquaintances. Back in Minnesota I could run a 10K no problem. I wasn’t going to break any records but I could run it without major pain or training. But here? Running two miles keelhauled me. Plus, I’m the girl with a history of exercise addiction – would it really be good for my psyche or body to put in all those hours of training? The answer was clear: No.
The man quickly lost interest in talking to me after that and I think a large part of it was that he’d deemed me unworthy because of my lame fitness level. (Thank heavens I didn’t tell him I write about this stuff for a living or he would have been abysmally disappointed!) On the way home I continued to feel bad about “not being able to keep up” and started to second guess myself. Maybe I should try the triathlon. After all, it would be a great way to meet friends and I am in desperate need of a friend right now. And, if I’m being really honest, I really want these people here to like me. Plus, who knows, maybe I’d end up loving it?
In the past I’m pretty sure I’ve basically bullied some of my friends into doing fitness-y things they didn’t want to do. One friend who ran a race with me swore it was the worst thing she’d ever done and she’d kill me if I “made” her do it again. I thought I was being encouraging. (Even worse, I was sure I was doing it “for her own good”) She just felt bullied. And then there were the times when I went along with friends because I just wanted to be like them – heck yes, I’m 34 and I still want to be “cool” (unresolved high school issues?). They probably didn’t even know that they’d pressured me into doing it. So who takes the blame then?
I have always had a hard time setting boundaries, especially with my friends. I love them and want them to be proud of me. Add in my job (there is a lot of extra pressure as a fitness “professional” to not only walk the talk but run the heck out of the talk) and you come up with a recipe for disaster.
And that’s the tricky part – it’s such a fine line between bullying and encouragement, right? And sometimes it starts out as one and ends up as the other! In the end though I think we need to remember that the only body we are in charge of taking care of is our own. No matter how excited we, as fitness-y people, get it doesn’t mean it’s right for us to push it onto others. By the same token, we, as fitness-y people, should know our own limits and not be afraid to stand up for ourselves and our health. Easier said than done though…
Have any of you ever been “bullied” into doing something “healthy”? How did it end up – were you glad you did it after all or did you end up with a blistered butt too? Have you ever pressured someone into doing something “for their own good”? Anyone else seriously affected by peer pressure??
*I think she meant “bullied” in the “coerced against your better judgement” sense of the word, not in the “mock a teen on the Internet until they commit suicide” sense of the word although if you’d like to make a point about the misappropriation of the word, I’m all ears in the comments!
I can definitely relate to the being bullied into doing something health related. But reading this article really made me feel like I was the bully sometimes. I know I am guilty of that, especially when it comes to my fiance. Good post, eye opening!
I’ve sort of bullied, er, I mean coerced, a few gym buddies into joining me on a no-cheat June. Whatever our own personal idea of “eating clean” is, we’re to do it with NO cheating for all of June. For me, that means hard-core paleo: No grains, no dairy, no sugar, no caffeine. For a few of the others, it means no snacking, no munching after dinner, or no processed foods.
I’ve also been known to be a bit obnoxious about getting people to try out new exercise routines.
Time to go to work now and crack the whip, I mean, encourage, the people I got to join me and make sure they didn’t cheat over the weekend!
you know me 🙂
I DRAW THEM BOUNDARIES toooo firmly sometimes.
**passes sharpie**
I’m pretty easy to convince to do things…I tend to have this “one time can’t hurt” mentality about fitness. So, I’ve done weird diets (not fasts or liquid though, I’m good kthanks) and in May I ran a half marathon after deciding to do it the night before so my friend wouldn’t do it totally alone (our time was not our best…) I hurt my toe..who has sore toes? that’s it other than dehydration, I was good.. We’re training for a marathon now. However, I’m walk-running because running is the worst, and I won’t budge from that. I do this to my friends too though, certain ones.. my fitness industry friends, I leave my normal semi-active friends alone. We’re convincing people to run to run/walk the half marathon while we do the full. hahaha
I can most definitely relate to being “bullied” into something I just didn’t think I was capable of. I had been working out with my PT for 4 years and my body had definiltey been transformed as weights hadn’t been something I’d focused on before. My PT had participated in and won quite a few Figure competitions and had alwasy tried to convince me to train for one….I’d always opted now to. When younger I was a sprinter and ran hurdles…I have very muscular legs but my back just isn’t as wide as it needs to be . We’d beat it up and try to get it wider (which we did) but not enough by “figure” standards. Finally after years of “bullying”I I relented. I began training in earnest. 3 months into my training and on a day when we were going particularly heavy it happened…..I got a hernia! UGH!! Out of commission for 1 month while I waited on my surgery date and then another 2 months recoup after the surgery. That put me at 6 weeks before the competition. No way to be ready in time. And I consider that a blessing.
My PT still tries to convince me it was a fluke but I don’t let her buly me anymore. I’m assuming those muscles are probably weaker now and I’m not taking a chance again. I still enjoy lifting and still have the same PT but I’ve learned my lesson the hard way on doing things I just don’t feel like I truly have a passion to do!
Thanks for the AWESOME article . It makes me feel good to know that maybe I DON’T have to be able to do it all….that marathon people keep trying to get me to do…..Just Say NO!!
I’m not sure I’ve ever been bullied into anything exercise wise. I’m kind of the crazy one among most of my friends and with my runners friends I’m pretty stubborn about knowing what I should and shouldn’t be doing so I have no problem saying no. I can totally see how this could happen though
Hmm…I got bullied into agreeing to go on a rafting trip with my husband because he felt that we’re too used to luxury and should ‘rough it out’ a bit. Luckily, he chickened out too (after looking at the accommodations) so we canceled the trip.
Apart from that I don’t really succumb to peer pressure–I’m generally a selfish person and I don’t have a problem saying no. I can’t imagine anyone pressuring me to take part in a long race/ marathon etc!
At the same time, I don’t really think there’s a fine line between encouragement and bullying (I think there’s a wide buffer in between).
I’m more susceptible to subconscious peer pressure. If someone pushes me to do something, I’ll dig my heels in and refuse. But when “all the cool kids” are doing something, I can convince myself I really want to (and/or “should”) too. In the fitness arena, this usually means deciding I want to get really lean, ignoring the proven facts that a.) I like food and also beer b.) I get cranky as all get out when I’m hungry for days on end c.) since I’m old, I look better with a tiny bit of extra fat on me anyway and d.) if I’m eating in a deficit, my gym progress tanks and that makes me even crankier.
I can definitely agree about liking food and beer. If you are coerced into clean eating the statistics for failure are in the 90% range. Pretty low success rates. You have to be mentally ready as well as physically.
What malevolent andrea says!!!
Though my own lack of stick-to-it-iveness usually keeps me from getting in too much trouble from any subconscious peer pressure.
And I am WAY to cranky to let anyone else’s idea of what I should be doing have any impact at all.
Will have to watch my own bullying, though I think I usually keep it pretty “whatever” when discussing possibilities that might appeal to others.
Oh, and I’m with you on swimming… Brrrrrr. Icckkk.
I let a riend bully me into taking a boot camp-style class when I had done ZERO physical activity in the months/years leading up to it. I was on the verge of fainting/vomiting pretty much the whole time, and then felt awful for the next two days. And I knew I wasn’t up to it (I tried to start the 30-day shred and didn’t make it through the warm-up), but I still agreed to try it. So maybe this is a story about my own stupidity and inability to say no to people I want to like me.
Hi Charlotte! I live in Denver too. I agree that lots of people do races here and most people are pretty outdoorsy. Which is fun, and I like hiking, running, biking, swimming, skiing, and snowshoeing just as much as the rest of ’em. I like to dabble in a lot of things, meaning that I’m not really that “good ” or fast at anything! So when my hardcore running friends go for a run, they leave me behind, and same for about every other sport! But that’s ok – I just enjoy being outside and the lovely weather and feeling my own strength. So, don’t worry – there are plenty of people in Colorado just like you! Also, I was going to tell you that the altitude does take a while to get used to. I’ve heard a month to a few months for long term acclimation. So go easy on yourself! And welcome to Colorado!
This post reminded me of my relationship with a good friend who really does not like exercise. Sure, she’ll go on a short walk (3 city blocks max, no stairs at all) but that is literally all she can handle. She does not like to push herself, which makes her basically sedentary. Her excuse for this behavior is “I know what my body can handle. It can’t handle hard exercise so I’m not going to do it (and you can’t make me, nah nah nah NAH nah!!”) (okay she doesn’t really say that last part…)
(I should note that she’s 30 and has no other health issues that would make exercise difficult for her.)
Yeah… OF COURSE your body can’t handle exercise! You never push yourself!! UUGH it is so irritating for a fitness-y person like me to hear this. I am seriously concerned for her long-term health. I don’t push her (too much – I can see now that my own behavior towards her could seem like bullying!) but I do think she needs to wake up to the reality of what she’s doing to herself!
And it’s like there’s nothing I can do about her behavior other than love her and model a more active lifestyle, and keep inviting her on bike rides.
I don’t know that I would call it being bullied, but I have certainly run more marathons than I would if it was my own choice. I really hate them. But it is so much easier to find a buddy to train hard for a marathon with you than to train hard for a 5k. Getting fast in a 5k takes just as much work, but doesn’t have nearly the accolades so no one does it. I’ve retired from running marathons (as of this past Saturday) and people are shocked and amazed and even asking me if I’m going to keep running. Of course! I love running! I just hate marathons.
I don’t give in to easily to exercise peer pressure. A few of my friends kept trying to get me to do a marathon with them and when changing the subject or politely saying no wasn’t getting the picture across I finally had to just say, “I have no desire whatsoever to run a marathon right now. None, zero, zip, nada. And the more you keep pressuring me to do it, the less I ever want to run one.” That got the point across.
The irony is that I am the source of encouragement (and perhaps light bullying) to a few other friends though. A few times a week I send out memes, or various workout ideas, or just reminders to get to the gym. Granted they all asked me to start being their encouragement and want to be healthier. Even then it can be tough walking the line of encouragement and bullying!
I just commented about marathon “encouraging” too, I hear ya sister. Just say no.
Zumba!!!! That’s where I feel the most peer pressure/bullying. I’ve been “invited” to Zumba no less than 100 times and still haven’t gone – fixing to change this week, though!!!
I think a triathlon is a much bigger thing though – I would stand firm on that because, like you, I don’t like to swim. I can swim and don’t worry about being in the lake with my boys but I NEVER swim for exercise!!!
Stay strong!!!
I ran into this hiking in Utah with my husband recently. I work out regularly and he hasn’t been lately so our endurance and ability levels were not on the same level like they’d been last year when we went on long aggressive hikes together. I wanted to do a lot of advanced rock scrambling and had to take a breath and scale some of the hikes down for him and not just push him too far to do things he just couldn’t. It just wouldn’t have been safe in some of the places…and really I had to remind myself that it wasn’t the end of the world if I didn’t experience every little thing I’d hoped for in a mountain hike. We made a deal that we’d do things together and I held back on a few things just so he wouldn’t worry watching me do them. I still had a blast. I know what it’s like to be pushed and feel unsafe and unfit and I do not want to do that to someone else. It reminded me how important it is to speak up and say no when I don’t want to do something. 🙂
I have a lot of friends who consider themselves runners and are forever signing up for various races (including half-marathons and marathons) — all this friends believe that running is the ONLY way to truly lose weight/maintain weight and stay healthy. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of push-back I got when I decided to start a lifting program… but I’ve also been much more successful in my fat loss than my runner friends who are working on weight/fat loss. And, yet, I am STILL constantly given this attitude of “c’mon, you know you want to, everybody is doing it” approach with running. I hate running. I think it’s awful and boring. I’ll do HIIT in the form of sprints occasionally – but I much prefer a long walk to a run.
this friends = THESE friends.
Typing is hard.
Just going to toss this out there, but “Olympic lifting” (or “weightlifting”) consists of the snatch and clean & jerk. There’s no back squat. The back squat, bench press, and deadlift are the “powerlifts.” Yes, yes, it’s not that important to people outside of the actual sports, and very few people know the distinction, I just felt like putting that out there as a barbell sport athlete. =)
Just wanted to say, hang in there with the altitude acclimation. When you go back to sea level, you will feel like Superwoman!
I think in life you eventually meet a few of the “Live my way or your living the wrong way” people. Those are the ones I consider bullies! Otherwise I find that people often make suggestions or invite me to things and I am pretty good at sorting out the good and the bad ideas. My problem is that I tend to deliberately bite off more than I can chew in my own choices. I have been on many death marches where I committed to too much and now there is no choice I have to walk out, or ski out or swim out of wherever I gotten myself even though I am exhausted.
I love my running club, I really do, but many of them do not understand the idea of having running be just a part of a well-rounded exercise and fitness life. Many of them are disappointed when they don’t PR in a race instead of being excited that they ran at all. I started to feel a lot of peer pressure to amp up my running, train hardcore, and RUN ALL THE RACES. So I had to back away from the group for almost a year. It was tough but I’m in a much better place now.
I tend to provide open offers, such as “I’m doing a 5K on X date, join me if you can, or maybe just cheer me on?”
Occasionally, very occasionally, people take me up on it and we become besties. Though I figured out quick that a 10K is beyond the limit for me, I get so bored around 7K and just drag my feet the remainder.
I succumbed to peer pressure. I wrote a limerick:
There once was a woman named Charlotte
A certified fitness-blog starlet
Some bullying guy
Wants to get her to tri
But we all know that he’s just a varlet.
🙂 🙂 🙂
There once was a trainer I knew:
Into others’ tushies she planted her shoe
Then barked about diet
Insisting they try it
Until they curled up and cried “Boo hoo hoo!”
But sometimes it’s just too appealing
That “Go ahead, I dare you to” feeling
To try something fun
Like a long-winded run
That leaves you both gasping and reeling.
So in our own judgment we must
Put all of our faith and our trust
We’re adults, after all,
Not kids at a mall,
We’ll stop ourselves before we go bust.
In all seriousness, you know what’s worked well for me? When a guy starts bragging about all his completed tris/Tough Mudders/Iromen, etc., then asks me what I’ve done, I just say “I’ve given birth a couple of times.”
9 times out of 10, that shuts ’em right up, lol!
I moved from Europe to a small town in the the Rockies, BC, Canada. And it sounds a lot like Colorado. People here look at me weird because I don’t ski on crazy terrain adn don’t mountain bike down the hill. or kayak down rapids.
Here is the thing though, I like running (slowly) on the trails, I like riding my bike with my dog , I like rowing the boat when we go fishing, I like cross-country skiing, and I like hiking for a day – not a week!-
And if people are going to judge around here, then tough. I am the way I am and though I have learned to love the great outdoors since moving here, I’m not going to all of a sudden transform into a n adrenaline junkie, and break my bones proudly.
Each to their own.
Encouragement is great, forcing people to go beyond what they are comfortable with is not.
Oh man. I HATE it when someone tries to talk me into something I don’t want to do and even worse is if I allow them to do so. One area I have always managed to hold firm is marathon running. Because I run regularly, often people ask if I have run or aim to run a marathon. My answer is always no. Nope. No desire. Not at all. Sounds awful. Inevitably the questioning will begin (especially from those who have run them): “Really” “Why not” “Not even just one, to say you have?” That last one slays me.
Why do I need to say I have run a marathon?
Where I don’t excel at listening to my inner voice? Yoga – ridiculous right? Have a bum, bum as a result. Did I know my hamstring and assorted attachments didn’t want to bend like that? Yes, I am a legit yoga teacher, just ask the Yoga Alliance, I swear, and YET and STILL I bent when I shouldn’t have because the instructor told me to. Sigghhhh.
We’ll learn, I just know we will.
I still want to fit in and for others to like me…and I am 38. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t in the fitness industry anymore because it gets hard to be the person everyone compares themselves to (was that correct grammar?). I became a personal trainer last year and don’t advertise. I did pretty well last year but not much action this year. I should probably advertise some…and I know I have a lot to offer… but I don’t want to ‘bully’ someone into hiring me….even though I know I could help them. Although I believe a lot of my reservations comes from my first sentence. What if they don’t like me? Wish I didn’t care so much….
I’m definitely susceptible to peer-pressure. Although now that I’m getting older I’m better at recognizing it (and stopping it, if I truly want to). I hope that you’ll be able to be kind to yourself and gentle with your body (and mind) as you acclimate.
I see fitness bullying all the time. It has happened more with what I call the culture of being “bad-ass.” Sorry but I do think Crossfit has caused a lot of this….Everyone wants to be bad-ass right now and do the most “gnarly” workouts which has turned into putting others down to make yourself seem more hardcore.
Oh you don’t do Olympic lifts!?! (Insert eye roll and mean giggle here.)
I hate it. It leads to a ton of people doing a ton of crap that gets them injured.
The thing is friends can be a great way for you to push yourself to do something NEW, but at the same time, you definitely have to know what is best for your body and be proud of the fact that you are SMART about your workouts and activities (and don’t just do something to be “bad-ass!”)
I don’t need peer pressure; I pressure myself into doing things I don’t particularly want to do because I’m a {recovering?} perfectionist and have grand ideas of what I *should* be able to do if I’m the person I want to be, in the fitness arena and beyond. A few people I admire have ran marathons, without asking me to participate at all, and I still have to keep reminding myself that I really don’t want to train for one and, no, I’m not going to!
I have, however, pressured others into fitness endeavors. I have a pregnant friend that I remind that she’d better be walking as close to daily as she can, pretty much every time I talk to her. My husband has been running sprints with me a couple times a week, I’m sure only because I act like he doesn’t love me if he doesn’t.
Coming from another pregnant gal, I have to say leave your pregnant friend alone, honey. We all know we should work out and eat right, but pregnancy IS hard work on its own. I work out when I have the energy, which with this kid is not very often. I’d bet she is as tired of hearing about it as she is just, well, tired.
In my defense, lol, the “suggestion” is usually in response to complaint about a malady that I found to be greatly relieved by regular exercise during my pregnancies. But, yes, she’s probably tired of that being the first thing out of my mouth!
so. i’m a denver/colorado native. i am somewhat typical in that i do some racing – training for my first ironman, so y’know – but i rarely ski and haven’t been on/owned a mountain bike in about a decade. while the attitude of that guy is, sadly, unfortunate, know that it’s not all of us. i know natives who don’t know how to ski and have never been on a mountain bike. besides, i dislike anyone who knocks the 5k because seriously, that thing can kick your ass.
and i’m totally cool that badwater is ranked higher than hardrock 100, fyi.
I’ve definitely seen this happen in groups of runners. The result is…often injury. Or else a disappointing race, when someone puts so much pressure on him/herself because “everyone says I can totally BQ”.
I think it’s easy to do, when we feel passionately about something. But if my time as a running coach has taught me anything, it’s that I have to wait for people to come for me. It’s like a hypnotist says at the start of a show: “If you come up here determined NOT to get hypnotized, I won’t be able to hypnotize you. So don’t waste either of our time trying to prove a point.” I tell people ,”Look, I can’t MAKE you love running. If you want to try it, I can help you do so successfully. But if you are determined to hate it, and are already convinced that you suck at it, then we’re not going to get very far, and neither of us will be happy. Go spend your money on a Cross Fit membership, or spin classes, or a dance studio – and find some kind of exercise you love!”
When I was younger, I did let people talk me into doing things..honestly, I have a lot of accomplishment to show from that. AT my age now – NOPE! 🙂
I think it is always important to think deep down if you really want to do it, will it be fun for you AND make sure you will not get injured doing it by being pressured to do it.. a polite thx but no thx – I do my own thing is fine! 🙂
Ah yes, the old idea that higher levels of fitness can only come from pushing yourself to do things you don’t really want to do.
These days I get “bullied” from folks telling me that I’m not in shape because I don’t do X or can’t do Y. BUt now I know that it’s the bully who has the problem. They can’t stand the idea that I’m still lean even though I don’t stick to the rules of their diet. We all like to feel like we do what we do because we have to, that it’s the best or only way to be. But there’s a lot of personal liberation and freedom that comes from understanding that we do or don’t do things simply because we want to do them or not.
When folks ask me why I do or don’t do something I always say it’s because I want to or don’t want to. They ask me if that’s the only reason I have and I tell them that’s the only reason I need.
There once was a lass from Rhode Island.
I just ate a pie. So did I man.
The monkey is dead.
There’s a yak in my bed.
So let’s all wear pyjamas and can can .
Yeeee-errr, that’s the best I’ve got.
And I wouldn’t have bothered reading this article but you pretty much pressured me into it.
I can relate to this article, I felt that at one time in the gym that I was being bullied when the gym instructor tells me to buy something from him. I don’t feel comfortable with that at all.
This article struck home for me and it never occurred to me that others may have perhaps been bullied like this as well.
I am now 29, but several years ago in my very early twenties, I had a friend, *Megan, who was about a decade older than I and very fit. As an older teenager I wasn’t the most fit I could have been — I wasn’t “fat”, but on a 5’4″ frame was probably wearing an extra 15 lbs; Megan decided (on her own) that I would become her project. She expected to have a lot of influence over me due to her age and her assumed role as an older-sister fill in, and unfortunately she was right. I didn’t really realize what was going on and at her pressure, became her work out partner because she needed company and motivation {to me} “and it will be good for you as well!” …
She decided we’d go walking every day together (sometimes miles), and even got me to join her gym (which I later seriously regretted, as it was a gym for women of her generation and older, and certainly not college kids). I had a *terrible* time at the gym, it wasn’t effective for me and I didn’t like being around all of the older women when looking for a good workout for ME – (I was bored and uninspired – I needed to be in hip hop classes or something of that nature.)
After some months of this situation, power walking every day and doing the gym reps several times a week — I did shed my extra weight, which I WAS pleased with — but in hindsight I’d much rather have done it my own way and not been at the beck and call of someone else for their own workout routine. A simple conversation from a friend about some cool classes or ways to lose weight would have been more effective and pleasant, and I wouldn’t have felt so fat and like I needed to take extreme measures or something in my life would be unfulfilled (having an amazing figure).
In the end, I was ashamed at having had to be bullied into it (the weight loss), and stuck with a gym membership I hated — all because I hadn’t quite mustered the courage to tell a friend “No thank you, I think I need to work out on my own”. Ultimately when I put my foot down and didn’t renew the gym membership/stopped going on daily walks because I needed to study and have my own time, the friendship became rocky and eventually ended.
I learned a valuable lesson though, at a crucial time in my life– Always stand up for yourself, and if your gut instinct tells you something isn’t physically right for you, don’t do it! It took this situation for me to realize that this particular “Friendship” was totally toxic (a lesson I’ve carried with me for a long time), and I shouldn’t push myself into certain physical activities just because my friends are doing it, or want me there. If they have unreasonable reactions because I’ve chosen to do my own thing, that should tell me something about the relationship.
I hope nobody else has to go through the same thing I did, maybe this story is helpful to someone, somewhere.
Boy can I relate. What you notice with curiousity in your 30’s is much worse when you hit 60! Going to my physical therapist after my shoulder surgery (post warrior dash) was a real eye opener. The conversation usually starts “when you reach a certain age…” or “after 50…” something has to change! What? I love going to the gym in the evening with the 20-40 crowd. High energy, smiling faces, getting rid of stress. Terrifies me on the few occasions I have gone during the workday for a personal training and see the retired folks walking the track with a wobble or riding the recumbants, and they don’t appear happy to be there. I think I bully myself or am suseptible to peer pressure because I don’t want to modify! That would be like admitting that my PT may be right, even though I want to belive it is a “will” thing, rather than a physical limitation.
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I think it’s perfectly fine to say “No, thank you, I’m not a runner”…but it’s much easier when you can follow that up with something you have identified with. Like, “Thanks for the invitation to your Catholic church, but no, I’m a Mormon”. Or “Thanks for the invite to your pig roast, but no, I’m a vegetarian. I know it’s much harder for me to say “No” and just leave it at that with no follow up, explanation, bargaining or giving in. I’m 37 and I’m still working on finding the things I identify with as well as practicing the art of “No thank you” with no further explanation.
It’s wasn’t until last year that I finally gave up trying to be a runner (something I hated) when I found something I loved. Now I say, “No thank you, I’m a powerlifter, not a runner.”
I’ll confess that I health bullied my sister and now-husband into Warrior Dash. I basically asked if they *might* be interested and the second they said yes, I registered them before they had a chance to change their minds. Thankfully both were glad afterward that they’d done it.
As for me, I allow myself to be health bullied sometimes. My running friends have pushed me into going further with my running than I would have ever done on my own (hello, half marathons!). But, when I really don’t want to do something, I have no trouble standing up for myself and giving a firm “no.” (Looking at you, full marathon!)
People try to bully me. I like races, I like 5K the occasional 10K, I do not like 1/2 marathons so full marathon is OUT. But constantly “oh you should do XYZ race”… “they don’t have a shorter distance?” … “but you’re fit, you can easily handle a 1/2 marathon”… yes I could. I’ve done one before, it was boring, I hated every mile after the first 6. One hour is my limit with running. Why don’t people understand this? Because it’s not just the race, it’s the training for the race too!
Having said that I just signed up for biathlon (sprint!) so never say never? lol!
People try to bully me. I like races, I like 5K the occasional 10K, I do not like 1/2 marathons so full marathon is OUT. But constantly “oh you should do XYZ race”… “they don’t have a shorter distance?” … “but you’re fit, you can easily handle a 1/2 marathon”… yes I could. I’ve done one before, it was boring, I hated every mile after the first 6. One hour is my limit with running. Why don’t people understand this? Because it’s not just the race, it’s the training for the race too!
Having said that I just signed up for biathlon (sprint!) so never say never? lol!
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