From the inimitable Jen Sinkler
Being a woman who lifts weights automatically makes you open to weird comments (as does being a mom of “a lot” of kids) and over the last decade (!!!) of hoisting iron, I’ve got more than my fair share. Here are some of my personal favorites:
“Are you a lady Marine?” (No, but thank you!)
“You used to have such a cute little runner’s body! Do you miss it?” (Are you calling me big?)
“I think it’s cool that you lift, just don’t turn into a dude okay?” (No sex change operation says no worries on that front)
“Haha I’d hate it if my girlfriend was stronger than me hahaha!” (Hahah I’d hate it if I were your girlfriend too, hahaha!)
“Don’t want to run into you in a dark alley!” (Good. Don’t.)
“You’re going to hurt yourself.” (Distinct possibility with this girl!)
“You must be a bodybuilder.” (There are reasons for a girl to lift weights besides being a competitive body builder.)
“Weight lifting doesn’t burn enough calories to count as a real workout.” (Erm, calorie burn is not the best nor even the only measure of a quality workout.)
And… drumroll… the comment I’ve heard the most often is: “I don’t want to lift weights because I don’t want to bulk out!”
Well, what do you say to that?
First, let me say that I am not ever offended by comments like this. I think that while lifting weights is pretty mainstream for women now, there are still a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about it and I’m happy to help clear some of those up. (Side note: The only time I can remember being truly offended by a comment on the weight floor was when two bros behind me kept making obscene comments about my body in Spanish. Loudly. And then laughing. Clearly they didn’t think I could understand them – turns out most of my Spanish has stuck with me but hilariously the words I remember the best are the dirty ones… ah high school. Unfortunately my speaking skills are way behind my comprehension so I couldn’t think of any reasonable response to them that didn’t involve the f* word or j*/ch* words, as the case may be.) Plus I love it when people talk to me at the gym, even if they’re just asking me where the bathroom is.
Second, I will say that I get way more of these comments from the girls than I do from the boys. I’m not sure why this is except to say that in general girls tend to talk to me way more often than men so maybe I just have that kind of face? I’m about the least sexy lady on the planet. Not saying I’m ugly or whatever, just that I lack that certain je ne sais quoi that seems to come naturally to a lot of women. ANYHOW. This is not a sexytimes in the gym post.
So when I got a message from a good fitness-instructor friend this morning asking me what to reply to women who tell her they don’t want to do her weight-lifting class because they don’t want to get bulky, I knew I had to post about it! (Mostly because I’m sure that you guys will come up with way better answers than me!)
1. Here’s my stock answer: “Because it is more dense, one pound of muscle takes up less space than one pound of fat! Plus muscle ups your metabolism, helps strengthen your bones and is correlated with a longer life. And, you know, it makes you stronger. Someone’s gotta lift that 25-pound bag of cat litter into your cart at Costco!” (Note: For the love of little green apples do NOT say “a pound of muscle weighs more than a pound of fat.” THEY BOTH WEIGH A POUND. I’ve heard an inordinate number of personal trainers say that and every time it makes me want to drop a physics textbook on their foot.)
2. Then there’s the Rachel Cosgrove explanation that while the number on the scale may go up (when you gain muscle) your pants size will go down.
3. I have a lady bodybuilder friend who stunned me once when she answered, “Why on earth would you want to be small? Be big! Take up space in the world! Don’t give up your strength and power to fit into some tiny box.”
4. Another friend answered simply, “I’d rather be strong than weak.” Aesthetics aside, muscle (up to a point) is wonderfully functional and how great does it feel to know that you could walk for miles farmer-carrying a couple of children just in case the apocalypse comes. (Ooops did I just flash my neuroses again? Sorry.)
5. “Strong is the new skinny.” While I hear this mantra a lot these days (and see it on t-shirts and coffee mugs and Facebook walls…), I don’t particularly like it. I understand the point – that we should replace skinny with strong as the female standard of beauty – but I think it still emphasizes an unattainable ideal as most “thinspiration” that comes with this tagline shows strong women, yes, but ones that have unnaturally low levels of body fat to get that ripped or “ultra lean” look that can be every bit as unhealthy as being super skinny. (That’s my short answer. Here’s my long answer.)
6. “No one says you have to crazy with it! You don’t have to lift a ton to reap the benefits of weight lifting!” Having watched several bodybuilders and fitness competitors go through their training, I can tell you that those girls have to work really, really hard to get that muscular. It’s highly unlikely you’re going to get to that stage of muscularity on accident. Plus, it’s your workout! If you feel like you’re getting “too big” then scale it back. I know more than one woman who don’t do ultra heavy squats because they don’t want the hypertrophy in their legs. (But they still do squats, just lighter). You’ll get no judgment from me!
It’s at this point, however, that I would like to acknowledge straight up that while ladies can’t get as muscular as men (testosterone and all that), we can get bulkier than we like. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) a lot of how we distribute body weight, be it fat or muscle, is genetic and some of us put on muscle easier than others. I tend to gain muscle easily in my quads – you may recall the time I Incredible-Hulked my jeans? But what to do about this? Is the answer to not lift and hope your flaccid legs will fit better into skinny jeans? Trust me when I say I tried that route for years and it ends nowhere good. That said, you can change the way you lift (You know all the ways bodybuilders train for hypertrophy? Do the opposite of that.) which can make slight differences in the appearance and size of your muscles. Or you can change your perception. These days, I try and appreciate my strong legs for not only what they do but also how strong they look. I’m never going to have twiggy legs. My thighs will always touch. I can feel sad about that or I can buy stretchy jeans and love the way my curves rock a pencil skirt. And every time I squat down and pick up two kids at a time or bound effortlessly up stairs, I’m even more happy for my quads.
Zumba, TurboKick, step aerobics, running – I’m a cardio girl at heart. But while I love my runner’s high I have also learned to love weight lifting. It has so many established health benefits: It strengthens your heart. It can increase bone mass. It improves posture. It can help resolve back, knee, hip and neck pain. It gives you confidence. That’s what I would tell the girl who is afraid of lifting weights and bulking out. Then I’d tell her to come lift with me. (It’s fun! Sometimes naughty jokes are involved.)
So help my fitness-instructor friend out! What do you say to women who say they’re afraid to lift weights because they don’t want to become the She Hulk?? What’s the funniest/weirdest/scariest thing anyone’s ever said to you on the weight floor?
I would tell the weights-fearing person to try it because most women don’t get too big, and if she doesn’t like the results, she won’t can change her workout later. It would also depend on what her goals are. You don’t have to lift weights in the gym sense to be strong and fit. Before society became so sedentary, people didn’t have to work out, because plain old work did the trick.
As for me, I will use hand weights (as in, girly five pounders) at home to keep my arms and shoulders toned, but I’m one of those people who won’t life weights because I DO get stockier than I’d like, especially my legs. I like to do yoga and ballet or Pilates type workouts, along with my hand weights a few times a week. Since I’m very active in my daily life (yard work, lifting and hauling things, going on long hikes, etc.), I can get the results I like without any weight-lifting at all.
Oops, I meant “she can change her workout”…not “won’t can.”
I love this: “Since I’m very active in my daily life (yard work, lifting and hauling things, going on long hikes, etc.), I can get the results I like without any weight-lifting at all.” I think a lot would be different with our health if more of us could be (or at least had the opportunity to be) more active in our daily lives…. So glad you’ve found what works for you!
Since you like yoga, pilates, and ballet, have you ever tried Essentrics? It was developped by a former ballerina and is incredible at strengthening without bulking (in part because muscles are worked on in an elongated state). I couldn’t recommend it enough!
I used to avoid weights for just this reason but now I love lifting. I always feel so strong after and find that I am more accepting of my bodies flaws after lifting than other types of exercise.
I would pretty much say the same things as you did. I also think that people who say the worry about bulking up are thinking about body builders; it takes a lot of work to build that kind of muscle and the average person who is strength training as part of a general fitness routine is not going to get those kind of muscles.
I think that ‘a pound of muscle weighs more than a pound of fat’ thing comes from your point number 2. Muscle has a higher density, so it can weigh more and take up less space. But yes, 1 pound = 1 pound. It seems to be a hard concept for some people to wrap their head around.
I have to say that I haven’t heard many of them. I usually get a “your so tiny” though type of comment. Which only goes to prove over half of your points.
What I do find is that most of the women who tell me that they put on muscle too fast or that they bulk up when they lift weights (I get this more for women who’ve already tried this) is that after questioning them to death is that they were lifting weights but not really losing any fat. Of course they think that they are bulking up, they were eating too much, not doing enough cardio, and then adding muscle under layers of fat. As a trainer I feel like it’s my responsibility to just tell it like it is sometimes and ask if we can give it another go with my help. So that’s where I am at with this. I’m usually very sensitive and possibly too easy on my clients but when you lay this out for them most of the time they understand. Plus, as you said, they don’t need to go all out crazy with lifting.
This: ” after questioning them to death is that they were lifting weights but not really losing any fat. Of course they think that they are bulking up, they were eating too much, not doing enough cardio, and then adding muscle under layers of fat. ” is a really good point. I think for some people, losing fat comes with building muscle but for most of us we have to make a concentrated effort to do both! You sound like a fab personal trainer – I love the ones who ask questions:)
It amazes me that some women still worry about this stuff. I love #3 and #4. Life is hard; women need to be strong, especially us single parents who don’t have a man around to do the heavy lifting (although my teenage son is coming along nicely in the strength department). Besides, I want my son to know that strength (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, if anyone wants to nitpick) is a desirable quality in a woman. For the record, my kitty litter comes in 45-lb bags. Once, I dropped my keys while balancing a bag of kitty litter on my shoulder and just squatted down, scooped them up and stood up again, not something I would have been able to do a few years ago. Weightlifting (kettlebells, in my case) rocks!
Yeah part of me is still surprised every time I hear it too. And nicely done with the kitty litter squat!!! (That should be an official move, I think! Like sandbags but… “fresh scented”?)
I’m a competitive powerlifter. When shopping, I’m frequently told at places like the pet store, home improvement store or even grocery store, that an item is too heavy for me to lift or carry out to my car. It just makes me smile 🙂 Unless someone is close to me, they don’t usually know about my training or workout routine so I don’t get many comments or questions.
Excellent point. Plus, bodybuilders look totally different on show days thanks to the spray tans, lighting, makeup and dehydration. Even they don’t look like “bodybuilders” on the off season lol. (P.S. Hooray for powerlifters! I LOVE that you do that! And that you get to skip all the tanning/diuretics etc. Go, strong:))
Oh….and I thought I was the only one who thought about how the weak will go first in the apocalypse 🙂
It’s you, me and Ashton Kutcher, girl! (He once did an interview with… Rolling Stone? about how his whole purpose for working out was training for the demise of society.)
My responses include many of what you said, but also what my college powerlifting coach told some young ladies at our informational meeting my first year: “You will only be as big as you are genetically allowed to be.” We had a 97-pound lifter on the women’s team who could deadline 300+ pounds. She certainly wasn’t huge, but she was pound-for-pound, one of the strongest people on the team.
Aside from everything you’ve already said, there’s the fact that you have to eat to grow. After your newbie gains are done (first 6 months to a year of real lifting), you’ve got to eat in a consistent calorie surplus to build any muscle. Basically, you’ve got to bulk in order to get bulky. (Which is what I’m doing now myself. Try being a woman and telling people you’re putting on weight on purpose. It’s a trip!)
As for what you should have said to the rude Spanish speaking guys–you should’ve turned around, smiled sweetly and said, “I understand you.” Had an adorable Latina receptionist at my last job who put up with a couple of the maintenance kids walking by her desk every day for a couple weeks discussing just how hot she was in Spanish until one day she told them, also in Spanish, that not only could she hear them, she knew exactly what they were saying. They looked like they wanted to drop through the floor. They also abjectly apologized for a couple weeks till she let them off the hook and they all became friends. It was hilarious.
True – probably saying anything would have been better than nothing… Glad it worked out for your hot Latina friend!
I love #3. My former professor wrote a beautiful piece that really speaks to that point. She noted, “Our cultural insistence that women be physically small –shorter than our men, thinner than we ought to be—is a metaphor. Physically small means influentially small. Cultural viciousness toward “large” women—which usually means real, grown-up women—is a sign of how profoundly we know that feminine irrelevance is an anxious lie.”
This is beautiful! Do you have a link to the whole thing? I’d love to read it!
hi, Charlotte,
yes, i’m so thrilled you liked the excerpt! here’s the link: http://embodyed.blogspot.com/2012/05/skinny-on-skinny-4-in-flesh-by-karin.html
it’s not specific to fitness or working out, but is sort of a rumination on her/our relationships with her/our bodies. she’s the most wonderful.
hope you enjoy!
“‘Don’t want to run into you in a dark alley!'(Good. Don’t.)”
Exactly! Perfect.
There is nothing I enjoy more than walking up to the deadlift bar and having a guy look at me like “Yea right” and then lifting it for like 20 reps and saying “Yea that was a bit light for my usual warm up.”
I hear all the time from female clients “I don’t want to bulk up.” I honestly don’t say anything more than “You won’t” because I’m so sick of that comment and truly…they’ve already heard all the reasons that they won’t. They probably even know them by heart.
Sometimes I also say “You won’t” and then I kiss my bicep…just kidding…but seriously….
Buwhaha yes! That is an awesome feeling! And you totally should kiss your bicep. Definitely
The more muscles I get, the better triathlete I am (I’m sure there will be a point of diminishing returns, but it would take far more time per week than I have). My program has me lifting heavy weights with rest in between (when I don’t do stupid stuff like injure myself) as a contrast to all the other cardio I do. And it did amazing things for me strengthwise this year. Since taking up strength and swimming my shoulders have bulked up, and while it makes me look a little hulky I like the functionality of it more than want petite shoulders (which I’m not sure is even possible).
I’m never going to be able to fit into those dainty little silk shirts (I so hulk out of those, it’s really funny when my MIL and I go shopping and she gets me to try them on and I come out of the dressing room and look goofy :D) but I can carry just about anything you want on my shoulders and my swim times are getting faster, so that’s all I care about!
LOVE this : “The more muscles I get, the better triathlete I am” !!
I would tell those women that weightlifting enables me to do a lot of things that I like to do. I’m a mountain biker, and the difference in my performance when I started lifting was amazing, far more than any aesthetic changes in my body. Also, strength training is one of the best ways to build bone mass and density. Two of my grandparents died from complications of broken hips, so this is very important to me. My body is not an object for gazing at – it is the vehicle that gets me through life, and lifting weights enhances its ability to do that.
love, love, love this answer: ” My body is not an object for gazing at – it is the vehicle that gets me through life, and lifting weights enhances its ability to do that.”
I would not tell a person that they SHOULD want to be strong or SHOULD like taking up space or SHOULD want anything just because an “expert” told them to. Nor would I comment on weights as a means to be (or look) slimmer, because that expectation – that slimness is the obvious single most desirable result – doesn’t need reinforcing.
Probably, I’d say close to your # 6 – give it a try. If you don’t enjoy the experience or don’t like the result, stop. Muscle’s not going to stick around if you don’t do anything to maintain it!
I always get a kick out of “I don’t want to bulk up.” Though I understand some metabolisms have it easy (or hard, depending on your perspective) in this regard, I always respond with, “Do you know how much work one has to put in to bulk up?” I have to eat a minimum of 3500 calories a day and lift at least 4 times a week to put on weight, and it still takes a while.
I get this a lot! As well as being a personal trainer I teach group fitness, my favorite: bodypump. Which for those not in the know is a barbell workout. It used to annoy the *sugar* out of me that the women in class wouldn’t lift heavy for squats. But I turned it around I started to EDUCATE them, that keeps me sane! Just the reason WHY you should lift (like you said higher metabolism, more dense, drop sizes, etc). Now the lights are switching on and I’d say a few are lifting my weight (45lbs ish for the 5 minute squat track) and most are around 75% of that. There are still those few though that are still doing 10-20lbs. I ask them and the answer is always the same “I don’t want to get bulky”…. I always ask: “do I look bulky?”… “no!”. I lift 45lbs for squats… and have done for over a year, I haven’t got bulky. What makes you so special?
WEIGHTS WILL NOT MAKE YOU BULKY! Now cupcakes…. yes they can make you bulky 😉
I am going to use that last bit with my clients! Brilliant way to put it!
Love it!! Body Pump is the class I get this comment about so often!!!
I think you should totally use the cupcake line – perfect!!
Hahah – your whole attitude is great! I love the point about the need to educate. And your cupcake line made me giggle. Perfect comeback!
I was told by a swim coach, who’s team I was the strength coach for, that her swimmers didn’t want to look like me. My response (after opting to take that as a compliment because I work hard in the weight room): they won’t. I am genetically predispositioned to look the way I do. I’ve been short, squatty, and muscular since I was little, and many of my family members are built the same way. Your swimmers are not. That is one of the reasons they are so good at swimming, they have the right genetic body type to excel at it.
I am going to use that last bit with my clients! Brilliant way to put it!
Wha…? Who says that to a person?? I’m so glad you saw it as a testament to your hard work and that you’re using your talent to help others!
I’ve always hated the answer some fitness magazines give, “Don’ worry, women can’t get that big” when addressing women’s concern of getting big. My answer is, what’s wrong with being big? I also add something along these lines: Muscles are a part of the human experience. Now that we live sedentary life styles, we aren’t building the muscle we need to stay healthy and fit and to do the average tasks around home and work. So, we need to lift weights. Women often aren’t encouraged to use their muscles as a child or adult and because of that they tend not to build even the basic muscle mass needed for average tasks. Building and toning muscles is important to everyday basic function and health.
I would say the same thing as you. I would also mention that as we age our muscle mass decreases and lifting helps keep us looking and feeling physically younger! At the gym I used to work at we had a plastic “pound of muscle” and “pound of fat”. The fat was so big and creepy most people got the point!
Oooh good point about making us physically younger! Love that answer!
Are you not the woman who said she stopped doing some exercises because it made it impossible to wear the retro fashions you enjoyed so much? 🙂
Yes, Ma’am, I did! I still hate doing lat exercises for that reason:) That’s why I made sure to point out that while we can’t “bulk out” like dudes, we can get bulkier than we like. I’ve mostly made peace with my legs… gotta work on my lats next;)
I love love love the comment about taking up space. I’ve blogged a couple times about my take on the strong is the new skinny idea (I’m a bit critical — http://happyisthenewhealthy.com/2012/04/26/why-do-we-need-a-new-skinny/) and when you mentioned your thighs always touching, I had to share this with you — http://iwastesomuchtime.com/on/?i=76378 — it made me laugh AND feel better at the same time. My thoughts are this: my health is my highest priority. I don’t see detriment to my health if I lift and get bigger and the more I do that (lift and get bigger), the more I don’t care that I’m proving the “girls won’t get big from lifting weights” comfort that people always tell girls who are starting to lift wrong. I am getting bigger, but I am also getting stronger, healthier, happier, and saner.
I shrug, smile, and say “suit yourself”
This is such as great topic. I started TRX about 3 and a half months ago and have gained almost 8 pounds (and have seemed to level out at that point for awhile now). Now, at first I was going crazy because the scale consistently week after week went up about a pound….but all of my clothes still fit me. While I realize that I didn’t gain all 8 pounds of that as muscle I am pretty excited that my legs look strong and muscular. And my biceps pop and you can actually see the lines of abdominal definition in my body. So that is kind of amazingly cool. Yes, I look “bigger” than before. But I also was weak and not strong. Yea, I could run marathons and all that but I couldn’t lift luggage very easily – it was kind of embarrassing. I love how strong I am now! I don’t think I would trade that for those 8 pounds.
Yay for muscle definition – that is such a good feeling!! I remember the first time I put up my ponytail and saw arm muscles pop out – still makes me smile! Congrats!
I do tend to get bulkier than I’d like if I consistently lift heavy. But I also haul 2 kids around all day, carry my own groceries/luggage, and, when we moved last year, was able to lift and cart a lot of heavy items. I tend to go with lighter weights/higher reps, as well as using my own body weight.
Personally I really like ballet barre-type workouts. Ballerinas are STRONG, lol!
” . . . it makes me want to drop a physics textbook on their foot.”
Just about any time I hear them use the word “weight” or “calorie” I want to reach for my copy of Halliday & Resnick; only I generally want to aim rather higher. There’s a story about donkeys and 2x4s you may have heard.
I have recenty watched two YouTube videos by a popular fitness/diet guru (who has independently “studied” diet “intensely” for two whole years) , each several mintues long, specifically about calories and thermodynamics, in which she never once addressed the idea of what a calorie, ya know; IS. Watching some of her other videos it’s clear that the reason for this is that she doesn’t know.
She also, as does nearly everyone, say “weight” when what she means is “fat.” If you really mean weight, then yeah, say “weight,” but if you mean fat, for goodness sake say “fat.”
At least 90% of the nonsense put out about diet and exercise would fade away if people simply used only these words correctly.
As for the question: “Why would you WANT to have weak, atrophied muscles, bones and connective tissues? What benefit do you see in it?” works for me.
“I tend to go with lighter weights/higher reps”
You know that’s what body builders do to – bulk up. Athletes who wish to AVOID bulking up for the sake of performance use heavier weights and fewer reps.
“Ballerinas are STRONG”
They also under eat, which is what prevents them from bulking up, not the dance specific exercises. Mass, after all, has to come from somewhere. Venessa Hudgins deadlifts 250, but she’s still a slim little thing that only weighs 112 pounds because of her starlet diet. She’s making the most of what she’s got, rather than adding much more.
Good point about the misuse of many terms in the health industry. “Fat” is technically a clinical term but has been so abused that now it’s utility is completely overshadowed by it’s emotional wallop!
Fat has been a dietary and body composition term since the dawn of language, many, many years before it became a clinical term. You are right though that it has been loaded with emotional wallop of late. Mostly the emotion of “Evil,” but I just wrote a post touching on that over at Go Kaleo and won’t repeat it here.
Because no, what I was talking about here isn’t the emotional wallop given to the term “fat,” but rather the emotional wallop given to the term “weight.” Weight has been misapropriately used as a proxy for adipose mass for so long that it is now used as a synonym, when they aren’t the same thing at all.
Thus the common practice is to focus on “ideal” WEIGHT, rather then ideal body composition. Most people set weight goals, not leaness goals. The teenage girl is delighted to have hit her goal of 112 lbs total body weight, even though she has accomplished it by atrophying her muscle tissue and extreme dehydration, while actually becoming fatter, perhaps even obese, by the correct standard of body composition in which total weight is not even a factor. Total weight is meaningless to anybody other than those who engage in power to weight ratio athletic activities. Weight is how hard the Earth presses on the soles of your feet to support you. It is relevant to choosing snow shoes, not a meal.
Contrariwise the teenage boy looking to impress the teenage girl may be delighted to have hit his goal of RAISING his weight to 185 lbs, without regard to the fact that he is counting 20 lbs of FAT as muscle and simply body built his way to obesity.
Here’s another way of losing weight: osteoporosis and degenerative arthritis. Yay!
Want a lush mane that is the envy of everyone who sees it? Well guess what, you’ll have to gain 5 lbs! Hair isn’t weightless, as anyone who has worn a wig can attest. But, if you get on the scale you might well think you now have to lose 5 lbs of BODY mass to compensate, which is just as ridiculous an idea for your own hair as it would be for a wig. Yet it is the natural consequence of thinking that weight is fat, or even important.
Think you need to “lose that last 5 lbs”? Maybe what you need is to GAIN 5 lbs; lose 5 lbs of stored fat; gain 10 lbs of muscle, bone, connective tissue and even water (glycogen stores are also water stores).
But you will never gain those very useful 5 lbs if you get your advice from a doctor/diet guru who helps you to lose 5 lbs because they think “weight” when they should think “fat.” No, they will congratulate you for your porous bones, joint problems and thin, stringy hair; which you cut since you were last weighed, perhaps because you now lack the energy to care for it properly.
It is absurd, it is damaging and it has even been fatal.
Stop it. Just stop it already. Learn what the damn words mean, then say what you mean and mean what you say. We’ll all be better off for it.
Here’s something to think about: if you want to impress me with your figure, tell me you’re 5’2″, 34-22-34 and . . . weigh 150 lbs. To be that tiny and thin and weigh that much you must be frickin’ BUILT. The sort of person who can get by a bus and break . . . the bus. Here’s a word that hasn’t been brought up yet: Density.
Maybe we should use that word more often.
I say “I’d rather be bulky with firm, shapely muscle than with flabby fat.” Usually said with just a wee bit of snark in my voice, because it’s usually in response to a woman with fat, flabby arms.
Hahah good point!!
My boyfriend is a personal trainer and what he tells women is basically this: if it was as easy to “bulk up” as most women think it is, every single guy in here would look like Arnold Schwarzenegger! He then goes on to explain your point above about how hard body-building women work and the hours they put in.
@Kfg: I think I know which trainer you’re talking about, and she drives me NUTS!
I certainly wouldn’t want to BE a ballerina, having shared space with ballet students for a time. not only are they under-nourished, but there’s the not-so-secret purging that goes on. But I do like the barre-style workouts.
I’ve also recently been told by my doc to avoid heavy lifting for a little while. So lighter weights it is, at least for now.
And, um, no more carrying refrigerators for the time being, lol!
I just flip the idea on its head. When they say they don’t want to lift because they’ll get too big I say “I know what you mean, I don’t do cardio because I’m afraid of looking like an emaciated starving person.
They see the absurdity in what I say and it helps them see their own views as similar.
Hahahaha this totally made my day. Going to have to use this one!
I just recently started “basic training” class in conditioning, agility and strength at a local gym. I am 68 years old, 5′ 6″, +/- 125 lbs. I have engaged most of my life in athletic activities—running, blading, biking, rowing. I am taking such crap from my aging friends for entering this class! They behave as if I’ve lost my mind. I explain that over the years, even though I have been very active, I experience a diminished strength and agility. I also experience a kind of physical fear that is unfamiliar. (I did take two bad spills on my bike and one on my blades. I think that kind of hurt feeds the mortality alarm.) But, it also led me to reconsider what aging means. As I age, I want to remain strong and agile, unafraid. I am really shocked that my aging friends move like matrons, old people, hunched over. They settle in to this reality as if it were the “new normal.” When they say things like, “You’re going to look silly all muscled.” I say, “I have never felt better in my life. How do you feel?”
I LOVE that you are doing that class Isabella!! Keep up with it and ignore the haters – they’ll come around when they see how awesome you look and feel. (Or they won’t, but you’ll still look and feel awesome!) I love it when I see “older” people in my gym, working out and I hope to be you when I’m 68!!
I don’t say anything to women who worry about bulking up! Maybe I’m being selfish because I don’t care about being a good ambassador for strength training, but I let them go their own path. I think many times that statement really means something like “I’m not interested in weight-lifting, but I saw you do it, and I automatically feel guilty when I see someone workout out really hard if I’m not, so I have to come up with an excuse for why I’m not doing it.” Similar to the way some people have to justify every bite they eat, even when no one else cares. If someone has any morsel of interest at all, there are many, many resources for them; they can find it if they want it.
Ha, excellent point! I love this: “Maybe I’m being selfish because I don’t care about being a good ambassador for strength training, but I let them go their own path” I think it’s important for my friend because it’s her job as an instructor to educate and motivate but you’re right that for the rest of us, sometimes it’s just best to let people find their own way – they won’t be ready to hear it anyhow until they want it for themselves!
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Love, love, love the comment from your body builder friend. Awesomeness!
Gaye
I say that we all can lift to look what we want to look like. I also tell them that I am in a smaller size now at 55 than I was in my 20’s when I still looked thin enough… You look better & your bod is going to thank you later in life when age & more takes over! 🙂 I know younger ones don’t care about that last part but it is the truth. They will care more about being in a smaller size thing. The older ones will care & from a woman that has gone thru the hormone & change & still is – they are gonna wish they had lifted! 🙂
Jody, you are the best testament ever to why women should lift weights!! I should just carry a pic of you around with me and then I wouldn’t have to say anything:)
I haven’t used any bulking methods or supplements, but I’ve TRIED to get bulky lifting weights! Even squatting every day for a month, with heavy weights! My legs get toned, but not any bigger. Thats what I tell people when they ask me….haha. It’s really HARD unless you are eating a ton of food, taking supplements or even drugs.
by bulking methods, I mean nutrition wise. I haven’t gone into a major calorie surplus in an attempt to get bigger, just eating slightly over maintenance and lifting heavy weights. It’s pretty hard to get bulky, so I suggest for anyone worried, just try it…if you feel yourself getting bulky, back off the weights.
Getting to bulky is a myth. Unless you’re taking steroids you just aren’t going to get that HUGE look. And yeah, you might be more prone towards bigger thighs, or arms, or muscles. But what would you rather have big thighs and arms because you got a ton of fat on them or big because you are defined and lean? I’ve been lifting to improve my strength as a fighter for over a decade and all I ever hear is…”how do I get arms like yours?”, and “what exercises do you do to get the legs you have?”
My answer is always…Strength training!
I don’t have much patience with this question. It leaves me feeling that, well, women aren’t very smart– because I’ve been hearing this same anxiety for 40 years.
I started weightlifting in 1983, when I was 32. I’m now 61. Ever since the Eighties I’ve read the same cloying pablum in women’s magazines about the dangers of strength building. “Don’t worry,” they soothe, “you can’t get bulky, you don’t have the same testosterone as men.” Their message is OK, I guess, it’s just they sound so condescending. Are women that stupid? Either the magazines are creating the problem, or women can’t read.
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I’ve recently started powerlifting and have found it so more rewarding than running which i focused on last year. You can see and feel the gains so much faster! Im proud of my muscles, would like them bigger still but to actually see definition and bulk when flexing is a reward in itself. Let alone in the backside dept. When friends comment on my butt it makes me self conscious but in a good way cause I earned that butt by lifting hard and putting in my time. I agree it takes a lot to bulk up to the point that is to much but the ride getting close to that point is awesome and both mentally and physically rewarding!
Totally agree with this article – the number of female clients I have had that dont do anything with their arms prior to coming to me is worrying. i have written a little more on the topic here:
http://www.tony-hakim.com.au/should-girls-do-weights/
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