My Y Girls: See, it’s not weird if everyone’s doing it!! I love you guys!
Zumba: The official sponsor of ducklips. And you know that I say that with love. After all, just check out my FB photos for evidence that I too have suffered from the dreaded Ducklip Disease. But ducklips are now a regular part of my workout, thanks to my (obsessively) growing Zumba habit. I know, I know. I’ve been totally slacking on my strength training. I haven’t run a Tabata sprint in two weeks. But darn it, dancing is fun y’all and right now what I need most is fun. Because it turns out that’s all I have in my workouts these days. I still haven’t made any workout buddies and it’s not for lack of trying. Take this morning for instance.
I’d just finished Zumba, where I’d tried really hard to smile at people, make small talk during breaks, compliment people’s shoes and all those other things you do when you’re trying to make friends on the playground. Or as a grownup. And I thought it was going really well! I know some of the regulars’ names now and a couple of the teachers, I think, are getting used to seeing me there. At least I thought I was doing well. It turns out I’m kind of a creeper. A weird creeper.
I know this because I heard a couple of the women talking about me after class. They were saying how funny it was to watch me and how weird I am and even how they thought I was too friendly, butting into other people’s groups. And yeah, I am sure they were talking about me because I wore a distinctive skirt this morning and they mentioned that too. They even think my momma dresses me funny. These were women I’d tried to talk to. These were women who had been nice to my face. And these were women gossiping about how awkward and weird I was.
Now, one of the things I love best about dancing but Zumba in particular is that when you’re in a just-for-fun class with grown-ups it can be one of the most body positive experiences there is. Today there were women ranging from teens to grandmas and all shapes and sizes. Even the instructors come in a wide rainbow of ages, colors and body shapes. It’s a beautiful thing. And a non-judgmental thing, usually. I mean, we’re not competing on Dancing With the Stars, we’re just trying to get our sweat on, right?
But then, there I was listening to these women call me weird. Sigh.
Back in my old gym, had this happened (and it has – this is certainly not the first time people have laughed at me in the gym) I would have brushed it off knowing that even if these two didn’t like me, there are plenty of people there who do. Except that now, you know, there aren’t. I had a great community in my Y in Minnesota and I think I didn’t realize how much they protected me. Sure I think many of them thought I was weird too. But it felt more like they thought I was sort of adorably quirky. These ladies this morning left no doubt they thought I was the smells-like-poo-and-makes-jewelry-from-her-toenails weird. I was someone to be avoided. Someone to be talked about. But not someone to be talked to.
My heart kind of hurts. It was basically like my first day of Middle School, except now everyone knows how to put their bra on without turning the clasp around to the front and deodorant isn’t exotic. But the feelings, the girls, the locker room – pretty much the same. I’d forgotten how much being on the outside aches, because I’d been included for so long.
So I did what most of us would do, in that situation. I fought back tears, grabbed my kids and slunk out of the gym. In the car my son asked me, “Mama are you going to be sad your whole life now?” Which made the tears come even faster. “No,” I told him, trying to sound cheery. “I’m a little sad now but I’m mostly happy. You make me happy.”
As I have thought more over the incident today, two things occurred to me:
1. They may have a point. I’ve always been one of those who Tries Too Hard. At everything. And social situations are included in that. So maybe I have been trying too hard to make friends. After all, my relationships at my old gym took years to cultivate and were based on hundreds of interactions that built trust and cameraderie. That’s not something I can shortcut. Relationships take as much time as they take and while some people I seem to click with quickly, others not so much. And that’s okay. I’ve long had to accept that as much as I want everyone to like me, some people just won’t. End of story.
2. They’re only two women. There’s another lady there, who owns her own business and has 17 grandchildren and bunions but she loves dancing anyhow and… the fact that I know this much about her makes me think that she must like me at least a little bit. I may never win over those two (and who wants to at this point??) but that doesn’t mean I’ll never make friends. Plus I’ve already made some great (GREAT!) friends though my church and neighborhood.
3. (Or 2b, if you’re precise about thought counting). Women talk like this sometimes. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never done it. I WISH that I’ve never gossiped. But I have. And I know I’ve hurt other people’s feelings. Thankfully I’ve usually gotten the chance to apologize and hopefully I’m learning and getting better but no part of me thinks that I’m better than these ladies.
But it still hurts. Kind of a lot.
So here’s my problem. I don’t know what to do next. Did I mention one of the locker room divas is a gym employee? I fear that what I heard was only a small part of what’s being said. (Or maybe not. It’s not like people think about me all the time.) But if these women are queen bees or whatever then it doesn’t bode well for me for the rest of gym. Is this the atmosphere they cultivate there? Maybe this gym is just super cliquey. Some are. I’ve been in a lot of gyms and they each have their own personality. After this morning, I kinda wanted to quit. Just start over fresh at another gym. They have Zumba classes everywhere now. But then part of me doesn’t want to let them win. So do I keep going back and smile and them bigger and brighter than ever? Do I pretend nothing happened? Do I brushup on my street dance skills and throw down a challenge, solving our differences with a dance-off?? (And a movie deal?? Moms Stomp the Yard!)
Have any of you ever been in a situation like this as a grown-up? What did you do? What should I do?? I’m kinda terrified to go back to that class now… If I had friends to walk in with, it would be different. But I’m already feeling like a lone (weird) duck. Should I start over somewhere else?? Anyone else feel like they MUST make ducklips in the mirror when they dance?
I think you’ve hit on your own solution, babe: Stop trying so hard. Give it time. Do your own thing, project yourself as being comfortable in your own skin, and let the people who are meant to be a blessing in your life gravitate toward you.
And yeah, if you caught my Tweet: own being weird. You are who God (and your mom and dad) made you to be and if they can’t handle it, well, they’re not as enlightened as you are, so eff them.
It takes all kinds to rock the world and frankly, I wish we were in closer proximity. I could use someone fun like you to bring me out of my own shell.
First of all, my heart kind of hurts for you too, only because I love ya and don’t want you to ever feel bad. But second of all, I’m the biggest weirdo in the world and pretty much own it. I used to be much more concerned with how the real “me” came across, but then I realized that was a waste of energy. Most people are just tedious and thinking much more about themselves than they are in us, and occasionally insecurities are projected onto others (as might have happened in your situation.)
That said, I would be hurt too 😉 In answer to you question, I say go with your gut/heart. To be honest, that atmosphere doesn’t sound all that welcoming or fun and if you have other options, why not explore? You’re not married to one certain option, and trying to fit into someone else’s mold for acceptance is a waste of your positive energy. If you want to stay there, stay, but not just to prove a point.
Be yourself. Be a weirdo. You’re freaking Charlotte. Fly the freak flag!
Hi Charlotte,
So sorry that you had such a bad experience this morning. I agree with Susan- keep being you. You’re such a treasure, you don’t need to worry about other (insecure) women. They obviously don’t have enough going on in their lives if that’s really all they could come up with for conversation.. Or they are worried you’re going to come in and take over “their” gym. People get really weirdly protective/territorial at times..
I’m glad you’ve made some good friends at Church and other places. Keep being you though, it does take time to meet new people that you really click with– but they are there, I promise!
Jen
What you do next is you come to DC and I give you a hug, because with the move and now all this, it sounds like you really need it.
Hi there, I don’t normally comment on blogs but your story has touched me. And I just want to say that this situation sucks but don’t let these women get to you. They probably have their own self-esteem issues if they have nothing better to do than gossip about a person they don’t know. I think you should go back with your head up high and keep taking those classes if you want to. And if you want to change gyms, change because you want to but not because of them. You seem like a really awesome person so clearly they don’t know what they’re talking about!
Agreed-while it takes a lot of strength not to take this sort of thing personally, it’s really more reflective of those ladies’ self-consciousness than your behavior. We’ve all been guilty of mean girling someone for innocuous reasons. Smile kindly to these women, but don’t waste any more time trying to befriend them. Your Colorado friends are out there. Have patience and you’ll find each other. <3
I haven’t been by here in a while, but seriously this story makes me so mad. Nothing makes me angrier than seeing people be catty when all a person was trying to do was be friendly. Sure maybe something about the whole thing could have come across as weird, maybe you are weird, I don’t know – but honestly I don’t understand why people are not more forgiving and accepting. I think everyone else has said it, just be yourself. If being outgoing and friendly is part of the enjoyment of going to these classes, then don’t change. On the other hand, I feel gossiping in a public area about a customer, with other customers is really unprofessional. This is either a one time bad thing or a warning sign this might not be a friendly gym.
I can sympathize. Something similar just happened to me. I thought I was “part of the gang” at the gym, but it turns out that I’m really really not. I’ve had to reevaluate things and decide whether I’m there for the people or the workouts. I decided to keep showing up for the workouts, which are unique in my particular city. Besides, most of the people are pretty great–it’s just this one group. If you really like the gym, keep showing up–it may just take some time to make friends. Otherwise, you may have to find a new place to work out. Remember, all this fitness stuff is supposed to feed your soul, not crush it. Speaking as one offbeat personality to another, I think you’re pretty awesome.
I’m a fellow misfit, and always have been, for all of the reasons that you observe about yourself and other women. It’s part of the reason I’ve never liked group fitness classes. But if you like the class – I did take a boot camp 3x a week for 2 years – keep on going. They are only two women, after all. They may find you creepy, others apparently not so much. Stick with those who like you.
Me, I mostly run alone, or walk or bike or kayak with my family. They’re as weird as I am, so it works out.
If you were here in StL, I’d say come be weird with me. But I only dance tango.
I like to think that as I’ve gotten older I don’t care so much what other people think or say about me but the truth is I rarely put myself out there anymore! Reading your story I kept thinking “and that is why I prefer working out at home.” But is that really the solution? Probably not and it is part of why I sometimes feel isolated.
Just from reading your blog for the past 9 months or so, I think that you are wonderful in your uniqueness! If you lived in KS, I would gladly join you at your gym so you didn’t have to walk in alone to face those meanies!!!
Honestly, I would steer clear of them. They didn’t mean for you to hear, but they don’t seem to be the kind of friends you want anyway. I’m very non confrontational and an introvert, so killing them with overzealous kindness doesn’t seem like it would do anything but make them annoyed. Not that you should walk on eggshells around them, but they’re not your reason for being there – Zumba is.
And that lady is one employee, so I wouldn’t let her be the mascot for the gym. If you like everything else about the gym, then stick with it. If you’re super uncomfortable there, then look elsewhere. I know all of this is easier said than done. My heart hurt reading this. You sound like an awesome person to me.
Ugh, people can be such jerks! I would just make sure not to let it show that it got you down. Kill em with kindness. And please please, I’m dying to know how it turns out! I want a part two!
You seem like such a sweet heart. How could they possibly not like you?!?! Ugh those Women suck. That kind of negativity should never happen during a class. I’m so sorry you had to go through that 🙁 My heart hurts for you. I’d call them out on it next time if they do it again. I bet they won’t be as bold when they realize the “too friendly girl” stands up for herself.
In the meantime, I’d make sure to dance away from them but stay in the class. You love Zumba and these a-holes shouldn’t be given the power to ruin it for you. Man it just makes me wish I was in that class with you so I could give them a piece of my mind. I bet they aren’t perfectly cool. ::hugs:: Keep on keepin’ on girl!
Those women have no idea what they are missing by snubbing you! On behalf of all the women everywhere who would looooove to go to the same gym you go to and be your workout buddies, they are juvenile and you don’t need them. If you enjoy the gym, hold your head up high and keep being the darling, quirky, hilarious and talented person you are. I don’t know who they think they are but I doubt they have ever written anything so beautiful it and touching it makes total strangers cry, or so funny that it makes you pee in your pants. They are way out of their league if they are judging you. Ignore them.
Yes, you may be trying to hard but I get it. It does take time to cultivate the relationships and there are times when we feel awkward as we are doing it.
With respect to the women who aren’t gym employees – there is nothing you can do about them. However, the woman who is a gym employee should know better. As a fitness trainer myself, I can say that I think it would be fair of you to let her know that you heard the conversation she was participating in. She is a representative of the facility and should not be bad-mouthing anyone, no matter who they are. A small note addressed to her would suffice if you don’t want to approach her in person.
When you feel a little more comfortable again, why don’t you invite the ladies out to coffee? Remind them that you are new to the facility and don’t know anyone. That way you aren’t ‘butting in’ to their group but are bringing them to a neutral ground. I wouldn’t invite them to your house because it just invites more judgement from them. Good luck!
Good point. All you would have to say is, “I heard what you said the other day” and then walk away.
I am such a shrinking violet-I had a hard time during one class when one instructor kept singling me out during class because I wasn’t doing something quite right. I was so embarrassed. Needless to say I never went back to that particular class! I tried Zumba once and only once, but I am so uncoordinated that I never went back to that either.
I had my supervisor call me weird in front of a whole room of coworkers during a meeting. She was trying to compliment how I was able to reach out to the kids that were a little different. Talk about a back handed compliment! I was MORTIFIED. I should be used to it by now, other than in my little blogging world there are few places that I actually feel I fit in!
I’d keep going if you enjoy it. That’s all that counts, right? Don’t be like me!
I so, so wish I could come to that Zumba class, befriend you, dance next to you, and crack many a hilarious joke that these women would not be allowed in on because they’re mean. I can’t even imagine the tongue-lashing I would give those petty brats if I was there. I hate when my friends hurt, and I consider you a friend even though we have never met because I know that you are a hilarious, brilliant, beautiful, caring, loving person who does not deserve to feel that kind of hurt, ever. I’m so sorry. I know at least one comment above pointed out that these women are probably very sad people with some struggles going on. It might relieve the hurt to know that it isn’t about you– it’s about them, and their own internal struggles. Forgive them so that it won’t weigh on you. Go back if you love the zumba class. If not, feel free to move on to another gym. Know that it isn’t about you and don’t let them dim your shine. I love you Charlotte. You make me smile and laugh every day and I’ll be happy to come play a (lighthearted) prank on these women with you if you need an accomplice 🙂 (then we’ll just have to forgive them together)
I don’t know you and I stumbled across your blog post via a random post on my FB feed. However, I know you are beautiful and wonderful. You’re nique and special and those mean ‘girls’ do not deserve to be in YOUR circle or company.
There’s no such thing as trying too hard in my book. Those women are frosty and are probably threatened by you in some way because your happy, comfortable and friendly. Friendly = confidence in many cases and confidence can be threatening to insecure people.
If you like that gym, stay there. Your decisions should only be based on you – what you want, like and want to get out of that gym. Do a pros and cons list and don’t include that incident to get objective. You should be able to base your decision in that way.
If you decide to stay on at that gym treat them like the kids they are – ignore them. They’ll soon be trying to suck up to you as no-one wants to be ignored. Just try it with little kids… 🙂
Not everyone is supposed to be in our lives and thank goodness- I’ve had enough mean girls in my life at some point and even mean boys. But they are kept at arms length because no-one is gonna put a shadow over my radiance and brilliance… And those mean girls shouldn’t be in a position to do that to you either.
Thanks for having the courage to share your story and I hope all the love here strengthens you. x
I live what you said….”No-one is going to put a shadow over my radiance and brilliance”. I’m going to save that comment. Thanks for sharing it.
I NEED to live what you said! Wow, that is awesome!
I’m so sorry, Charlotte, what a yucky situation. If I were you, I’d just blow them off and keep on shakin’ it. Unless going to that gym gives you anxiety, and then I’d go somewhere else. If you hear them do it again, though? I’d pop my head over and say, “I heard that and I don’t appreciate it.” I feel you, though. I just went back to college and am a decade older than all my classmates. They ten to treat me like the “crazy old lady” and it’s tough, considering I thought I’d make friends. So, I know how it feels and it’s not good.
I kinda want to send you a tshirt to wear to the gym that says, “You bitches wish you were as cool as me!”
I would make it a point the next time and every time to sit close to them in the locker room. So they you can continue to hear what they say and if they say anything else I would say something. This is the kind of behavior that we are desperately trying to prevent and educate our children about the kind of people not to be. Why should it be tolerated in adult situations?
I would want to call them out. Maybe people talk about me too. I don’t hear well, so I think I miss a lot of stuff going on around me. However I think that might be why I have a small select group of friends and don’t tend to easily make new ones when I am out and about.
I hope you keep going, I hope you kick ass and I hope they notice that they are missing out on a fantastic person!!
Hi Charlotte, this is my first time ever commenting on a blog post but I just wanted to let you know that your post made my heart hurt too! As a super shy, self conscious person most of my life, your experience has always been my biggest fear and felt so devastating when it happened to me. Which it did, because that’s just how people are. I don’t have any advice for you other than to do what makes you happy, whether it that means being strong and sticking it out or ditching those losers and finding another gym home. If you were in my Zumba class, I would think that you were awesome for wearing a skirt and being friendly. I wish you were in my Zumba class 🙂
I know it would be hard but I think what would help me in this situation would be to go up to them and say “hey you know I overheard a conversation you guys had about me the other day and I just wanted you to know that it’s been hard moving and finding new friends, maybe you guys could relate to that. and maybe I come off like I am trying too hard but I just am trying my best, I hope you can understand.” And move on from them and their rudeness and let them think about it and hopefully they will be less judgemental in the future. Sorry you have to go through that! Being a new mom I feel kind of the same way trying to find other mom friends and thinking maybe I am trying too hard.
This post almost hurt me to read – thank you for being your usual honest self. One thing I know is that the way people react to us (whether it`s good or bad) usually says a lot more about them than about us.
Maybe your friendliness triggered some pain in them and they are talking about it in a negative way because they are in denial about their own need for deeper human connection. Maybe they are using an innocent bystander as fodder for bonding because they have nothing else to talk about. In any case, this sounds like it`s more about them than it is about you.
However, if you want a community, maybe join a gym with more of a community feel! I tried a few yoga studios in Chicago before I found one that I felt right in. I don`t know that you have to think of it as giving up. Why not try a few different gyms before you commit to one?
Too many comments to read to say whether I’m contributing to the conversation or just repeating but I say own it! Only you can let you feel insulted, and that only happens if you think they are in some way better than you. Next time you hear them (and you may have to wait a day or a year), look them in the eye, give them the best duck face you can and shake that patootie like you don’t care…. Because you don’t have to care! You are strong, you are beautiful and you have beat down the monsters that keep the rest of us from even joining these classes. Don’t let the trolls get you down!
Desiree is right on the money with her comment. Dude, Charlotte, you’re awesome. Maybe you’re trying too hard, maybe not. Who knows? And, really, who cares? People who do care are likely not ones you are going to want to be friends with. If those women spent a little time observing you, they might realize that not only are you new to the gym, but you’re new to town. Decent people would give the newbie a break and try to include him or her for at least a little while.
That woman with the 17 grandchildren and her own business? She sounds awesome. Maybe she’ll be Gym Buddy: The Next Generation.
Also, if you’re the type to speak out, call them out like Lindsey suggested. It might (probably won’t) make them suddenly not gossipy, but at least maybe they’ll use more dissection when they trash other women at the gym.
I had to chime in here – my heart hurts for you. Charlotte! 🙁 You’d think that if there are these pre-existing groups that they would show a little more compassion for a new person trying to fit in.
I wish I had the right answer. If that happened to me, I would probably shrug and back off…but then, I tend to keep to myself at the gym, and it seems like the classes I go to tend to be more of the “get ‘er done” crowd. (Either that, or the age/weigh cloaking device has rendered me invisible.) From what you said, though, it seems like there are other people who do enjoy talking with you. If you decide to stay, maybe focus on those people more?
Honestly Charlotte just forget it. Don’t stew. It sometimes can be hard but let it go. Don’t care about those 2 and continue to be yourself. Not everyone is going to like you and vice versa. This time next year, who knows, one or both of them may be a good friend. It takes time to get to know people.
Don’t stop being yourself. If you want to say hi! or join in with a group just do it.
I’m having a hard time coming up with a response that isn’t profanity-laced! Suffice it to say, be weird! If they feel the need to talk crap about somebody that’s done nothing but participate and try to be nice, that’s a reflection on their character, not yours. Can’t please everybody!
I know it’s easy for me to say blow it off, but I know how hurtful it is. You are wonderful as you are and don’t let anyone tell you differently! Keep your chin up and be all the more unique, if only to annoy the haters more. If you were in Michigan. I’d fight to have you as my gym buddy!
Me too!
Me three! Come see us in Michigan, Charlotte. 😉 <3
I wanted to comment and say how sorry I am for your horrible experience. My heart hurts for you! I don’t really have any advice on what you should do. It’s a crappy situation that I pray will resolve itself easily for you. Try not to let it get you down – based on the commenters above me you have plenty of like minded friends. You seem very popular in fact! -:)
Have a better weekend!
I am so sorry Charlotte! I went thru this a lot of my early life so I get it & I still feel the hurt this many years later. In my 20’s, I had a lady jealous of me say I looked like a man… which takes me to the jealous word.. are they? It also makes me sad that this is how woman learn to act sometimes in this world when they are threatened by another person…maybe they know your full name & now know how amazing you are in social media & writing.. doing this makes them feel better about themselves – the ole it is about them & not you BUT as I have felt before – it does not make me feel any better or less sad or upset…
I am glad I work out when others are not around – I am sure I would get lots of mean comments…
I think you need to do what feels right for you… maybe speak up & ask them why they are saying those things…
you are adorably quirky!! you have so many wonderful qualities that come together in your special way. it’s painful to know that people would say negative things about you, rather than enjoy your quirks. you have every right to feel bad — and to deal with them however you want.
while i relate to your willingness to try to figure out what you did wrong, it’s likely that the trash-talking ladies are not nice people (and have probably alienated others at your gym, too).
Geez. We love you so much here in cyber land we cant imagine anyone loving you less! But maybe we are all versions of you! I love my tutu and I thnk you for bringing sanity into an insane world. Just go exercise until you just can’t. By then maybe you’ll get a new revelation of what’s next.
Btw, moving stinks because you have to start at go everytime you do,just like in the game Sorry! It’s just the way the game goes.
Charlotte,
I believe you know my sister (M.P.) from the Y. I’ve met you briefly over the last few years, and followed your wonderful blog. This post hurt my heart too. I want you to know that you were always amazing for me to watch at Turbo Jennie’s hip hop classes…that entire front row was just a well-oiled dancing machine! I coveted what appeared to be your total confidence in your workout skills and…of course…your flare for fabulous exercise-wear with accessories! What you did not see in that classroom today is “me”… The me in the back row that is trying desperately to follow you cuz I can’t see the instructor and you seem to know what you are doing, the “me” that wishes she could be brave enough to throw on a tutu and not be afraid of what others might think (plus, lets face it…you rock a tutu!), and the “me” that is also looking for a friend and hoping I’ll get the benefit of your engaging smile and conversation one of these times I accidentally hit you in class cuz this “me” ain’t got no rhythm….
I appreciate all the comments above about being true to yourself and taking the higher road,etc. I agree with that whole-heartedly. BUT, if I had the courage…I’d print two copies of my blog, hand them to each of the women, saying…”I just moved from MN recently, leaving behind a wonderful community of friends at my gym. Its been hard finding that in this city. I write an exercise blog, and also write for Women’s Health and Redbook, and just thought you should see my recent post and its comments. I know you didn’t mean for me to hear your comments last week, but I did, and your words hurt. I hope you never find yourself in a situation like mine…but, if you do, I hope the women at your new gym have a more welcoming spirit.
You don’t have to leave your new gym….but they might never return….
Ouch. I wanna cry with you, I had the same thing happen to me at church and at work and it devastated me. Took weeks to get over it.
I love what Desiree said. I’m not going to let catty women put a shadow over my brilliance and radiance. No siree. You don’t either.
I love awkward people. I love people that snort when they laugh, trip on their feet, spill jam on their blouse, and can laugh at themselves. I find many more people are comfortable with them then the perfectly coifed, fit, hard and cool person.
I would quit the gym.
I had someone call me strange once.
I said “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
I try to be many things, but normal sure as hell isn’t one of them. There’s enough normal in the world. We could use a little more eccentric and strange around here if you ask me. After all, there are lots of T-shirts and bumper stickers saying to “keep Vermont Weird” and such.
No one buys a bumper sticker touting the benefits of being normal.
You poor sausage. I really feel for you – it’s hateful when you overhear/find out about someone talking about you behind your back. The old saying of “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me” is such rubbish. Please know that what these women were saying says so much more about them than it does about you. And what it says about them isn’t complimentary.
I recently learned to confront people about this kind of thing, having spent years being crippled with anxiety when people were rude/upsetting and I have to say it helps with parking the issue and healing matters as I don’t stew over what was said for weeks. In your position I’d email/write a note to the employee of the gym saying you had overheard what she was saying and how hurt and bewildered you felt. That way you get to point out how unacceptable her behaviour is without being in-your-face confrontational. By focussing on your feelings you also get to cut off any denials or come-backs. Of course, she may be a total bag and find this hilarious, and if I found out about that I’d complain to her managers about her behaviour being unprofessional and kick up quite a fuss, but by giving her an opportunity to back down and apologise you may well make a friend out of her. People behave so much more like themselves when they’re not in groups.
Either that or next time you go wear the most mismatched outfit, duckface like the best of them and behave like a total loon. On leaving the class say “Ladies, you *can* call me weird today, this *is* weird” thus taking the power back and letting them know you think they behave like adolescent girls. If you weren’t thousands of miles away I’d be tempted to come along and do it with you!
I’ve been in that position both as the object of the discussion as well as participating in the same. Usually not too overtly… but still, not objecting, at least not out loud. And sometimes not even internally.
I hate both experiences, to be honest. It’s a reminder to me to give others as much grace as I’d like to have extended to me, because goodness knows I need it at times.
*hugs* I’m sorry you had to deal with this, Charlotte. Sometimes people are mean, even if unthinkingly.
Oh hon, Charlotte, that really stinks. I don’t really have any advice as to how to handle it, but it’s really juvenile of them to do that. (Maybe the advice would be to handle it however you’d tell your kid to if the same thing happened to them at school.)
Who knows, maybe two years down the line you’ll all be best buddies and then one of them will confess to you that they thought you were really weird at first, but they feel really sorry that they thought that, and you’ll say yeah I heard you talking about it, but now that we’re all eating ice cream out of the same container it’s just chocolate syrup under the bridge (wow that scenario/metaphor got away from me).
Either way, try to picture it from two years on, for perspective, and know that a LOT of people think you’re totally awesome.
This may have already been said, but in case not let me throw it out there. You need to let the gym employee know that you heard what she said and that it made you really uncomfortable to come to class again. Give her a chance to respond and make amends. If she doesn’t apologize or does it again, then go to the manager or the owner of the gym. I know this sounds like tattling, but she is an employee and needs to be conscious that her words and actions reflect on the gym as a whole. I know I always appreciated it when people let me know those I was in charge of or paying were not representing me, the group, or the company well. It’s bad for business to leave that kind of behavior unchecked.
Just be straightforward with both the employee and, if need be, the manager. Don’t make it personal just that the words/actions made you uncomfortable. If it happens again, and the manager is un-supportive then switch gyms. Places full of catty divas are not worth your business.
Yes, I believe this really is the way to address the young woman who works at the gym. There are two issues that need to be looked at:
One – is the reaction that you had to the bitchy talk you overheard these women having.
You are obviously a wonderful, brave, ( to put yourself out there and go into a gym where you know no one) intelligent woman with a wicked sense of your own style.
It doesn’t matter why these women are speaking the way they are about you. There are no excuses for unkind words to said out loud about a new member. They have not spoken from a place of love and need to be called to the mat. The responsibility of their actions needs to be put firmly on their shoulders. You ARE NOT responsible for what THEY say about you!
Two – It is unacceptable for an employee of the gym you have joined and paid for, to speak in this way. She was being very unprofessional and is jeopardizing her job by acting this way. Imagine if she had been discussing someone who is not as strong as you and doesn’t have the support system that you have! This blog is fantastic and there is so much love for you here, you will be able to show these two how ridiculous they were being. Once again she needs to take responsibility for her actions.
In the end you need to honor and love yourself. The way to do this is exactly what Ame’ above suggested.
Discuss your feelings in a respectful and professional way. To do this you just take a small step back and think of who else they may have done this to. Talk to them individually, or speak to the manager if you can not speak to the worker. If either of them disregard your comments then you need to gracefully walk out and find a new gym where you are welcomed and treated with respect.
As women we are taught to keep the peace and smooth things over,( at least that was how I was raised) and it is time we all honored ourselves by using our voice to calmly. clearly, and kindly state what we will accept, and when someone has stepped over our boundary. This is my road …. I am sure there are other on this same road with me.
The bottom line is that you go to the gym to have fun, meet new people and Zumba .
You are loved by many, re-member to love yourself, and insist that all treat from a place of love.
Charlotte, you go back to that class and hold your head high and be YOU. You know why women gossip about someone right? They’re jealous of SOMETHING. Maybe they’re jealous that you seem so happy and fun. Maybe they are intimidated. Maybe you took their “spot”. (haha jk!) My point is, I totally understand why you are hurt, and I would feel the same way and want to quit. But you can’t let your happiness be determined by those two women. I also want to mention I am sad that this happened to you in a ZUMBA class, of all places, because I think the whole atmosphere of Zumba is a judgement free, positive body image zone. So go back there and be YOU. I don’t know you personally, but I can tell from reading your blog that you’re a pretty wonderful person. <3
I’ve worked in a couple gyms and just ONE bad gym-employee-apple can absolutely ruin it for all: employees and members. (My last gym, one literally did. And now she’s stuck there all alone and the place is going nowhere but down.) Get a comment card and comment anonymously, because if the employee has the manager snowed or cowed, it will come back to hurt you! But let the manager know that you are so uncomfortable, you are thinking of quitting the gym. If you’re really bold, slip in the note that you have a very successful writing career (blog, book, magazines). That should scare the snot out of them. But DO NOT let the employee get away with it, please! As noted by several others above, the ladies (? no, that’s not ladylike behavior!) probably struggle with their own self esteem issues. The member might even have felt pressured to go along with the conversation and cattiness and feels horrible now. I’ve witnessed this sort of thing a number of times. Give the member a break (because she’s not on payroll) but the employee needs to be called out. If it’s a reputable chain/gym, she’s had some training on things like this.
I found this through a friend’s FB post. I’m sorry this happened to you, and unfortunately it has to me as well. I know how it hurts.
May I add that you are precisely the person I look for or stand near in such classes because your obvious self confidence relaxes my nerves of feeling like the new jerk that doesn’t know the flow of the group yet.
My mother always said those who gossip do to make them feel better about their own life. That’s true. When I gossip it’s because I am having a bout with low self-esteem. She also said “kill’em with kindness”…. maybe bring them some brownies with Ex-lax in the icing 😉
I think this hurts more as an adult. Good luck. They just don’t know what they are missing!
I’m so glad I stumbled over your blog and started receiving e-mails with your blog posts! When I read about your day you made me feel less alone, and just so you know: You’re doing it right. Go on being yourself. Letting someone make you feel sad gives them power over you. I know how much it can hurt, I’ve been the awkward one all my life. But they’re not worth it. You are. I’m a fan of yours, just so you know. You’ve reached out to me – all the way to Norway! 🙂
Oh Charlotte, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I’m at the point in my life where I’m okay if people don’t like me – and even if I know they don’t like me – but overhearing people actually talk shit about me? I’m pretty sure I would cry too, and then run away forever.
I actually once got called out for being a try-hard right to my face when I was in high school, and it was pretty much catastrophic to my self-esteem. Like, I’m trying to be friends with you and you think that’s a BAD thing? But now that I’m more comfortable with who I am, I can see why other people find try-hard-ness off-putting, because it can feel forced and not genuine. (Of course I would never, ever say anything to anyone about it, because I am not cruel.) So if you are questioning whether you are trying too hard to be accepted and liked, then I definitely think it’s worth considering that some more and thinking about whether it has any validity, and if so, why you think this might be the case. BTW please don’t take any of this as criticism of you. I think you’re pretty swell. 🙂
Anyway, I like what Susan had to say in the first comment: it’s okay to just be who you are, and trust that the friends you are meant to have will follow.
This hurts my heart. Group Fitness is supposed to be a place for all people of all shapes and sizes to go, sweat, and feel great. It is suppose to be a place where people empower each other. The fact that they were gossiping, especially a gym employee, shows how immature these women are at heart. Maybe they never fulfilled what they really want in life, so they have to revert to junior-high ways and gossip about new people at the gym.
Keep going, keep smiling, don’t let anyone take your sparkle away. That’s one thing I’ve learned.
I have been in your shoes several times (my husband and I have moved a lot over the years). When I moved to AZ, I went through the same thing — joined a gym, when to Body Combat, and tried to make friends in the classes. And I, too, felt they were talking about me. So I beat them– and became an instructor. And started “guest teaching” in their prized classes they regularly attended. And soon they were coming up to me and complimenting me on the energy that they once rolled their eyes about.
Don’t let them bring you down. You inspire way too many people!
Found you through BlogHer and I want to say that it’s clear from this one post that you are 1000 times more thoughtful, compassionate and nicer than those women. And I’d be willing to bet, way more fun.
What especially troubles me is the gym employee. As some have mentioned above, this is grossly unprofessional. Have you thought about writing to the gym manager and, even better, including a link to this post?
Regardless, keep dancing – wherever you choose to do it. I’m going to keep reading.
Laurie from Ottawa, Canada.
If you lived in Michigan, I’d fight to have you as my gym buddy! I know it’s easy to say, “I’m going to do my own things – who cares what other people think/say/do”, but when they think/say/do negative things about you, it really hurts.
Celebrate who you are and try not to let what others think bother you. Gee, I sound like my mom when I was in middle school. Anywho, hang in there, chica – it will get better!
And I’m serious – move to Michigan – we’ve got beautiful weather, nice people, beaches, tons of outdoor sports, lots of races and tris (just did my third one today!), yummy food, etc…
What I gotta say is that the instructor makes a huge impact on what the camaraderie of the class will be. The saddest part about not being at the Y anymore is the group of encouraging women there, and I believe Jennie(although, she will deny it), had a huge impact in that. She encouraged being a little out there. Moving as much as you could to get the workout you need even if it makes you look like a doofus. She also encouraged bonding by calling people out from the front or even having dress up days and planning some nights out too! I get those looks all the time and earlier this week made a similar facebook status about it. I’ve been at this gym for almost two years now. I come and I be me, I try to bring some of that jennie enthusiasm with me because no instructor i’ve taken comes close. There are some that have embraced what I have to bring to the class and others that have judged me for it. But at the end of the day what matters is that I went, burned as many calories as I could and had fun doing it, the rest be damned!
Something similar to this happened to me when I started college. I could not figure out why the girls on my team didn’t like me, I usually am really good at making friends. I was miserable. Since I didn’t have the choice to quit, I stuck it out. Once I stopped trying so hard for them to be my friends, after a while they really became my friends. I don’t really blame them for having a negative reaction to me, because when I was trying so hard, it wasn’t me. I would say give it another go, it may just be these 2 women, don’t miss out on the chance to meet others who aren’t catty. If it turns into a negative atmosphere once you become comfortable, then it isn’t the place for you. Good luck!
As a fellow eccentric, I can tell you that it usually takes several months for me to “grow” on people. Even my husband says that when he first met me (we were both employees at the post office) he thought I was way too pushy and friendly. But after a while, it finally sinks in with people that it’s my real personality, not just a fake act. I think it took about a year for me to get welcomed at my then male-dominated gym.
So, stick it out, girl! Don’t you dare try to squash your effusive personality because of a couple of gossiping hens. Just keep doing those crazy things you do until you attract a fun-loving group.
tears fall on sneakers…
youll be fine!
dancing like smiling blossoms…
I am the person who offered to take your cat while you were in transitional housing. I am also reading your book for the 3 rd time! I would like so hard (that wording is your influence) to be a gym buddy with you. I wore a tutu in the Bolder Boulder just ’cause you made it look so cool. And that is what all the cool kids are doing. UBU !
You should complain to mgmt about the employee, because that’s not professional. You should also pull out your weirdest, tackiest tutu and rub it in their faces. Own it!
I’m so sorry. I hate when people are mean. Do you think they could be jealous? Maybe they see you as a very confident person, or they’re jealous of your fit self. Could they know you’re a published author? I think when people feel the need to put others down, it’s just a reflection on how poorly they think of themselves. They feel like they have to tear others down to bring themselves up.
Charlotte, I love the way you own your stuff, saying ” I am that way ” ( meaning, trying too hard). Um, we ALL try too hard! No one anywhere on the planet immediately safe and secure in new groups. You’re just more honest about your vulnerabilities.
Newcomers in groups often go through hazing ordeals…. Not necessarily cruel ones, just situations where the insiders question the outsiders. I suspect your joie de vivre threatens some. I agree with the person who said to let the gossiping employee know you overheard her… Her chatting about a member/ customer WAS unprofessional. But also invite them to have tea or hang out. Give them another chance.
Don’t leave because of this incident. See how you feel in 2-3 weeks. If you till feel yucky, then feel free to go.
Wow, real mature on their part. Sorry they made you feel like you’re all in middle school.
But like others have said, screw ’em. You’re better off not being around negativity like that. You will find friends soon enough, so don’t worry. Just be yourself.
Do you mind if I make a prediction? Once they find out who you are and about your writing, they’ll be the biggest suck ups ever.
Hope all is well with you and your family.
“Do you mind if I make a prediction? Once they find out who you are and about your writing, they’ll be the biggest suck ups ever.”
Hah! Good call. I’d love to see the looks on their faces when someone sticks a copy of the book under their noses. What’ll hit the ground first, their jaws or their eye-balls? (Just remember, Charlotte, you were one of my favorite internet personalities when you were still a nobody on another forum.)
“Do you mind if I make a prediction? Once they find out who you are and about your writing, they’ll be the biggest suck ups ever.”
I think you are so right that I’d be willing to put money on this.
I cannot believe an employee pulls that kind of crud! If that ever happened at any of the gyms I worked at, her backside would be fired before the front door even hit it!!!!!! I’ve got half a mind to send her supervisor an email, letting him/her know what kind of behavior is going on there (as well as a copy of your book, because Jonathan is right-on. Plus, she might think twice about bad-mouthing you if she thought there was a chance she could end up in the sequel). What she did was rude and unprofessional, and reflects badly on the entire gym.
I say take the high road. Keep coming to class, but ignore both of them. They’re petty and small, and lead sad, sorry lives.
And, if you feel like it, you could leave an anonymous review on Yelp, letting everyone know how some of their employees act.
In the meantime, just be yourself. The people who are worth your time will naturally gravitate to you.
Hey Charlotte,
I read your blog semi-regularly. I love the way you write and enjoy reading your thoughts and the adventures you have. I never actually comment on anything but felt the need to chime in on this one, and I’m pretty much reiterating what others have said before me here: stuff those two gossips! Please never ever, EVER stop being yourself for fear of other people’s opinions or the need to fit in. Live authentically, not for other people. Their words… make it like water off a duck’s back. They don’t matter and are clearly not going to be genuine friends to you anyhow. If it hurts, that’s okay, it’ll go away in time. But don’t you back down just because of a few silly folk who you don’t gel with. Embrace all that you are, wherever you are! Even if it’s by yourself.
Cheers from Australia.
Thanks!
Awww, hugs. Ok, I think you got the right idea…. Stop trying so hard. In these sort of situations, I normally stick solo or, I find another lonely person and talk to them. I do better one on one anyway… Rather than to try to jump right in a group. You are so sweet and awesome, keep being yourself.
I agree with the post about writing a note to the instructor. Then if she doesn’t apologize to you in person, send a note to the manager. They should know that they depend on making everyone feel comfortable and welcome to stay in business.
It’s not really your problem, it’s theirs. If you want to take it as brutally honest accidental feedback and dial down on your outgoing behavior, that’s up to you. But please understand that you are not the one with the problem here. They are.
“Queen Bees and Wannabes” is an excellent book which is about girls in middle school and high school. But I am here to tell you, it is every bit as applicable to adult women.
I personally would not think less of you if you just quietly switched gyms. But women like this are everywhere. If you can grapple with your feelings, disengage with them (both emotionally and behaviorally), and keep going to the gym, you will be a stronger, better person for it.
By the way I’m sure you are in very good company. Rest assured, those women talk like that about everybody else in the gym. (It’s how they build solidiarity between themselves and cement their friendship while bolstering their own shaky self-esteem.)
I’ve gotten a lot of flak in my life because I, too, am weird. This used to hurt my feelings, but over time I realized that I like myself, I don’t want to be “normal,” and the people who really matter to me love me for my own weird self. Occasionally, if some mean comment is starting to get to me, I remind myself of something my yoga teacher once said, “What other people think of you is none of your business.” I can’t control other people or their thoughts (including their thoughts about me)…and really, I don’t want to. I have enough on my hands working on my own life.
I can think of one example, when I worked with a woman who was friendly to my face, and to everyone’s face, but she trashed everyone behind their backs. So I knew she trashed me too. The number one way to predict who will stab you in the back is listening to how they talk about others. The thing is, she was genuinely funny and made the work day go by much better, so I just ignored her when she was being mean and enjoyed her for who she was.
She and my boss were in some sort of a power struggle, and one day my boss, trying to get me on her side, said, “You should hear the things Kim says about you.” I just laughed and said, “I can’t control what someone else says. If you’re concerned about a particular allegation, then please bring her in here to say it to my face, but otherwise, I seriously don’t care.” My boss looked shocked that I was immune to this attempt to manipulate me, and quickly changed the subject. Let’s just say that seriously unprofessional, catty behavior is unfortunately rather common.
I know it’s easier said than done, but try to remind yourself of all your accomplishments and the people who really matter to you and enjoy being yourself. Mean people really aren’t worth your time or energy.
Charlotte, you MUST realize how loved you are from all of the comments! You are a special person in all of your quirkiness. Give the gym a chance. They will all love you, too, once they get to know you.
It makes me sad that people treated you like that (what makes them all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips anyways?).
I am a Zumba instructor and I think if I heard people being jerky like that I would come unhinged.
Others have said it already – Don’t worry about trying so hard. Just be your friendly, caring self and leave it at that. Here’s another way to think about it, but you have to go on a little story journey with me.
A number of years ago a cousin of ours was scuba diving. He came upon a stingray. The stingray pretty much ignored him. He poked it. Still, it ignored him. So our cousin grabbed it by its tail. A mind-shattering, paralyzing pain immediately shot through cuz’s arm.
The lesson; the creature that shows no fear should be feared because they know they can take you down in short order.
How does this apply? Should you go sting these wenches? (Maybe…) Here is the tie in; The person who is friendly, approachable and exudes confidence with sincerity doesn’t need to “try to hard” because they know they will attract likewise in people. The challenge is that these beacons of friendliness and confidence don’t always feel like that internally. They work at just focusing on being themselves and hope it pays off, and they are open and receptive to opportunities to have positive interactions and relationships with people.
Feeling like you ( I mean all of us) belong is a natural desire for humans. But honestly, I would rather be a lone wolf than do whatever it is that would be considered socially acceptable by cruel, small-minded people.
You deserve better! Now go get you some! Oh, and definitely try different some other Zumba classes in your area. Zumba.com can help you with your search for instructors and classes.
Oh, big hug, Charlotte! It would have really hurt my feelings, too. I loved the advice about confronting the women by saying you were new there and were trying really hard to make friends, but in all honesty, I would never have the guts to do that.
Hopefully you have taken all of these comments to heart and can hear how much it’s important to just blow them off and keep being you and being crazy awesome. Not everyone will love you, or even like you, but hey, that’s how it goes, right? They SHOULD keep their mouths shut about it, especially while still at the gym, but they were being inconsiderate and rude. Don’t let inconsiderate and rude people mess with your confidence!
Ya know Charlotte, you’re never going to win with those types. If you’re shy and not outgoing/friendly, you’re going to get talked about as well! The older I get, I realize most adults don’t really outgrow the need to engage in pack behavior. It’s disappointing but learning to accept it is helping me learn how to find the people I really enjoy being around.
Keep your head up baby girl!!! You are such a sweetheart…they’ll realize that…give it time. Doesn’t sound like your “kind” of women anyways!!!! We love you at the Y!!!!!!
I wan’t to scream at these women “DON’T YOU KNOW WHO THIS IS? This is Charlotte from the great fitness experiment!! she is awesome!!!” If you were at my gym i would be all over you like a rash, so your probably glad i live far far away in England
Your the only one who can decide if you want to stay at the gym but maybe its time for a more proactive approach. Start a new fitness experiment and advertise for some new gym buddies to join you
You know what? I have NEVER experienced the misfit feeling at a T-Tapp event. This group of women (from all over the world) are supportive and encouraging and awesome! That said, there are places where I feel like a misfit and one of those is at work. It is an elementary school and I often feel like a middle schooler with giant zits all over my face and something showing I don’t want shown. Especially because there are those who I KNOW don’t like me. They don’t hide it at all. I am used to it, but it is still difficult sometimes. I tend to avoid them as much as possible. I am sorry that you are dealing with that stuff…it makes me want to go beat those women up!
I’m way behind the game here (family camping trip) but I hate when women bond using other women as fodder. It drives me insane to no end. Especially when I find myself doing it. I just want to kick myself. Especially since I am someone who makes a terrible first impression and have probably given people plenty of time to talk about me.
That being said, some of my best friends are people I had a terrible first interaction with. Just like the boy who wasn’t cute until you figured out how funny he was and then he became super adorable. You can become super adorable.
I don’t think it’s bad to be overzealous in your friendship making as long as you are sincere. People know when others aren’t sincere. Just remember that recreating the perfection you had at your last gym probably isn’t possible. But that doesn’t mean a new and different incredible and perfect situation can’t happen again.
At 81 comments, I’m not sure what I can say that hasn’t been said. So I’ll do it in rhyme!
Round pegs in square holes
Take a lot of blows
But when that peg finds it’s home
How smoothly in it goes!
Freudian issues aside,
Some aren’t worth your time,
With some it clicks, with some you won’t
When you fit, you’ll know that click
Try hard? Don’t.
Be.
Boo! I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time. It’s difficult to try to make your way in a new place, and making friends as a grown up is just hard, period. I think that’s why I might be a little overly clingy to the ones I do find.
I agree with what others have said about trying to ease up a little and not try too hard. Friendships are gradual and eventually you will find your people. (Maybe not in that gym… I say lick your wounds, give it a little more time, and if you still get a negative vibe from that gym, time to find a new gym). I’ve managed to win over a couple of initially ornery people just by continuing to be pleasant, one of whom is a buddy now who is excited to see me when we’re at the pool at the same time. I never heard them actively talking about me, though, so I think there’s no need to go out of your way to be nice to those particular women. Geez, it IS like middle school all over!
Good luck and hugs. I know virtual friends aren’t the same, but you’re got a lot of people here pulling for you, hoping you find your happy niche soon.
I hate overhearing things like that. This is one of those situations where I just don’t want to know as long as you are nice to my face haha.
I wouldn’t pay them one bit of attention. I would be friendly but look for others there to spend your time with.
So often women are at first threatened by a new woman coming in and who knows what could happen over time.
I always find the best thing to do is kill people with kindness. It makes me feel better even if it doesn’t change the way they feel.
And as Caitlin said above, if they knew about your writing they would probably be the biggest suck ups ever.
Oh Charlotte, my hearts hurts for you too. People are allowed to talk and have their own opinions – I just want to live in blissful ignorance of it. I bet you do too, now.
I moved to Denver almost two years ago, and it took a solid year for me to make good friends. I made a few friends who have disappointed and hurt me, but they were the ones I made early on and are not the few I have kept around. I used to cry and cry to my boyfriend (my best friend out here for sure) about how much I missed having true girlfriends, but at some point in the last year I’ve stopped having that trouble, and instead I’m trying to balance and maintain a LOT of solid female relationships. It takes time, but you are a great person with a huge heart and that DOES pay off.
Good luck. Go back in there and Zumba your ass off. Those ladies can shove it. Be weird! Who wants to be friends with boring normal people anyway?
Hold on. Everyone knows how to put on their bras without turning the clasps around?? Man. I didn’t know I was supposed to be working on that…
I’m sorry! I wish I could actually exercise (and could stand exercising in public), so I could go with you!!!
Hold on. Everyone knows how to put on their bras without turning the clasps around?? Man. I didn’t know I was supposed to be working on that…
I’m sorry! I wish I could actually exercise (and could stand exercising in public), so I could go with you!!! They don’t know what a great friend they’re missing in you.
1. You are most likely a bit weird.
2. Those women are most likely unhappy shallow morons.
3. Get over it.
Sorry to hear about that Charlotte. Just some envy itches. Stand tall and just do what you do best. If they talk about you is because you are awesome and they are not as pretty and elegant as you. Just do amazing routines. Hopefully they get tried of talking and if they don’t quit just tell those itches to HIT THE ROAD JACK $$$$$.
That situation would definitely make me tear up too. I’m tearing up a little for you! HUGS! Women can be so mean and shallow. How is it that they didn’t even realize you could hear them? Your next move needs to be to Scottsdale Arizona, because I just know you’d fit right in with the quirky group of fitness mommas (myself included) at my Y!
Unfortunately, this type of cattiness often occurs when groups of women get together. My husband and I both work out at the same sports complex several times per week. He plays tennis and has made many friends. He always tells me how friendly all the guys are. I have been taking group fitness classes (which include mostly women) and can barely get anyone to smile or say hello. Also, many of the women don’t appear to enjoy being there (this could be because they’re not happy with their fitness, appearance or whatever). I don’t let it bug me and try to get the most out of my workouts.
I know I’m late on this, but I wanted to send you some virtual love all the same. I think you’re probably weird… we all are! I know *I* am. I find that, as I get older, I care less and less what people think of me. I read this somewhere and I love it: “Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.” That said, if an unpleasant opinion does become my business, either because someone tells me directly or because I overhear it as you unfortunately did, I’m certainly human and it does sting. I let myself experience my genuine response and feelings, but I also try to remind myself right away that people’s comments and actions say FAR more about them and whatever they’ve got going on inside themselves than they do about me.
Sending big hugs!!! I love what you’ve got going on, and I’m sure you’ll find some friends who feel the same. Hang tough, my dear! xo
Bugger them! You’re better then that. Go back there- enjoy yourself and don’t force anything- be you, enjoy yourself, be friendly but don’t feel pressured to make the same amazing friends you had back at your old gym. It’ll come with time- focus on you 🙂
I feel so bad for you. Fortunately you sound like you have enough self esteem to not let their talk keep you from going back. However, not everyone can do that.
Which is why I founded my company http://www.emglivefitness.com. We take those classes directly from the gym and put them online so you can take them in the privacy of your own home, wear whatever you want and dance like no one is watching, because no one is. Your kids get to see you have a great time and think exercise is fun. How soon will your kids want to go to the Y if mommy came out crying? or sweaty? or tired?.
We don’t have Zumba yet…all those crazy copywright laws..but we do have a lot of fun classes and our members are the best ever.
I do hope you go back.
Best,
Joyce
Pingback:5 Reasons Why I Quit the Gym [My Great Fitness Depression Experiment]
I’m just now reading this and I have a lot of emotions going on in my head. Part of me is very angry and the other part is just so so sad that you were made to feel rejected.
Being important and feeling liked is a super big deal. You have every right to cry.
I was so fortunate to be taken under the wings or Paul, Diana, and Pam when I first came to our Y.
I wish you could have a do over. For cripes sake…do they know you are a published author? Do they know you write for several mags?
If you have decided to go back (article being from July and it’s now Oct.) MAybe you should ask them to submit ideas. Turn the table and make them feel important and needed.
I don’t know…just an idea.
Wishing you the best and hoping you don’t let these two woman rob you of your spirit. Allowing them to make you feel like a weirdo or any less of a gym member is truly allowing them to win.
I’ve learned long ago that not everyone is going to like me….but I can love myself.
Charlotte, you are worth so much more than a gym membership, a tight size 2 a$$, and a flat tummy.
Hang in there!
S
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