Truth: I will watch ANY show with dancing in it. I don’t care how spurious the plot, how pedantic the dialog, how vacuous the characters. I love watching people dance. And these girls are aMAYzing ballet dancers.
The ballerinas started it. There I was watching my guilty pleasure Breaking Pointe – it’s basically the Real Housewives of Ballet West and not at all like Breaking Bad (I swear I only watch it for the dancing…) – when this conversation happened:
[Two teeeeny ballerinas kneeling side by side on yoga mats and doing random arm exercises with 5-lb weights and talking]
Allison: Everyone tells me I have amazing arms. And people are like “Oh your arms look so nice, do you go to the gym?”
Beckanne (yes, that’s her real name. I think her mother must have been really fond of chicken calls): Oh yes! I say I just started and…
Allison: NO! No. You say “no”!
Beckanne: Wha…?
Allison: No you say, “I don’t work out, this is all natural.”
Beckanne [gesturing to her lithe body]: Well this is all natural!
It was a really awkward scene. First because they were kind of laughing I think it was meant to be a joke. Except that in the context of the show where shots of all the female dancers’ xylophone ribs are interspersed with long segments of them eating rich meals at fancy restaurants, it just came across as…honest. And I don’t necessarily mean their arms. I’m not body snarking them at all – they are both quite beautiful – but their arms are extremely thin and un-muscled. Definitely not the type of arms I’d look at it and ask “Wow, do you go to the gym a lot??” I mean laying bare the whole subterfuge of women – especially famous women – pretending they don’t work hard (or diet hard) for their bodies when the majority of them are killing it in the gym (or killing themselves) to look that way. (And I’m not knocking naturally skinny women. I’m just knocking women who lie about what they do, one way or the other.)
It was this conversation that I thought of when I saw this shirt, in the flesh, at the gym the other day:
My first reaction: Ugh. That is the dumbest shirt ever. Why would anyone want to proclaim that?? That is the WORST FITNESS TEE EVER. (Okay, not totally true. The worst t-shirt I ever saw at the gym had a very crude joke about nuts on it and I don’t mean the type that squirrels eat. Unless you’ve got some kind of kink and then… well, then.)
My second reaction: At least they’re honest.
And if we’re all being honest, I think everyone has a friend or two that fits this description perfectly. The more I thought about it, the more I liked the shirt. Sure, it makes the wearer look like kind of a d-bag. I mean, the rest of us have a reason we’re not in the Olympics but the dude wearing this shirt? At least he could be humble about it. But then I decided I preferred the honest (and the humor) to the humble.
Then it got me thinking of some of the most HONEST fitness/race tees of all time. I don’t have any particularly funny ones myself (apparently I run lame races?) but I’ve come across some truly genius ones. Behold the TRUTH:
Okay so this one is just funny. But anything with turkeys acting out Star Wars deserves mad style props. Especially that C3PO. Awesome.
Truth: And I hate zombies! So it’s a win-win!
Truth: Some people run for medals. Others run for cake. Neither is a bad thing.
True-Not-True: Not only did they fake an ENTIRE marathon but all the fakers got real t-shirts to prove they were fakes! I am still so sad I wasn’t in on this.
Truth: I’m a sucker for any shirt with wings on the back, fairies, and that teeny-bopper deodorant with glitter in it. This tank is basically my trifecta of perfect. (UPDATE: The super sweet girl who makes these tanks/tees contacted me and you should check her out her whole line at Pixie Power! So fun.)
Truth: Hell is a real city in Michigan. So I can say it and I’m not swearing! Hee hee.
Truth: The shirts literally say they’re the “best damn race shirts”! How do you argue with that?
Truth: You gotta be a little bonkers to run a marathon. Or even half of one.
Truth: This has happened. (Okay, the tutus were reason #1 but what good is a fab tutu costume in a run if I can’t show it off on social media?)
Truth: Yes it does! I actually saw this slogan in a race on the butt of some girl’s shorts. Loved it.
Truth: Running hurts. Yes it does.
What do you think about the ballerina’s convo? Not surprising? What’s the worst t-shirt you’ve ever seen at the gym? What’s the most HONEST shirt you’ve ever seen? Do you have a fave race tee in your drawer??
I love that show too, but like you mostly for the dancing and I wish they would do more of it. That conversation made me totally role my eyes though. Who would seriously believe them when they say they don’t work out…it’s their job. They should probably join the men in their lifting though, some of those guys have amazing arms.
P.S. They should use their arm to punch that Zach
A friend ran a race in ATL recently and sent me a tee from the expo that reads: I run so I can eat at Waffle House! I LOVE THIS SHIRT. Truth: WH is my guilty secret pleasure, but since I just posted this on your comment roll, I guess it’s no longer a secret.
I saw a fairly heavy, older guy at the gym, working the machines, with a shirt that said “At least I beat anorexia.” I know – it’s a serious disease and not a joking matter. But I couldn’t help it – I thought this was funny.
My personal favorite of mine is “Do these squats make my butt look big?” (Printed on the back.) You have the great fitness experiment. I have the butt project. So this one really works for me.
My favourite t-shirts were worn by a trio of runners in a marathon training club that I once belonged to. Each of the three wore a shirt with one word on it: Slow / But / Steady. They just had to run in the right order.
My least favourite shirt shows up a lot at kettlebell meets/courses. It reads: “How do you like my snatch?” Ewww.
I have one that says HELP! My trainer is trying to kill me! that I like to wear. When I am really suffering some horrible exercise I make eye contact with other people and nod my head at the front of my shirt.
I know a gal who danced with Ballet West for a couple of years and she knew a couple of the gals and it was almost disappointing to hear how much is made up for TV.
I love those shirts! I need the “I’m only doing this so I can post a picture on facebook” shirt! Hilarious!
I once saw a guy at the gym wearing a shirt that said “Bank of Dad.” I told him I liked it, and he said “Where’s MY bailout?” It wasn’t a workout shirt, but it was funny. 🙂
One of my favorite shirts (which disappeared a few years ago) was the one with the picture of the Milky Way (galaxy, not candy bar) and a small arrow saying “You Are Here.”
Yup.
I’m a nerd.
And people who claim they don’t diet or work out when they do, quite a bit? Inspire homicidal feelings in me. I saw this constantly in L.A., and I just wanted to shake some sense into those ladies! It’s completely idiotic.
Not that I have any strong feelings one way or the other…
I love ‘lazy but talented’ – it’s hilarious, and I want it 🙂 because it would be so very obviously the opposite of what I am in the gym (curses!). I have a ‘f*ck everyone, sorry no exceptions’ gym shirt that is reallly old and a bit holey but well loved (the real thing has no *). I reckon it’s probably the worst t-shirt that other people have seen in the gym … but hey! it’s honest 🙂
I actually own the “Does this shirt make my butt look fast” one. onemoremile.net has some amazingly hilariously honest shirts.
Oh my gosh Charlotte! Here I was eating my lunch surfing the blogs and AKKKKK! You have my tank design on your blog! I am so honored that you like it! I am a long-time follower of The Great Fitness Experiment. I usually just lurk, but I always look forward to your posts. I’m just a small biz operated out of my home. Any chance I could get you to link the photo to: http://pixiepower.com/Black-Pixie-Tank-2012-3001.htm … thank you!!!!
Thanks for sharing your stories!
These days I like my T-shirts monochrome no logo, like my women.
In my youth I had one with the Lorentz Transformations printed on it, because, ya know, I was so fast the timers needed to make relativistic adjustments.
I also used to have one printed with the schematic diagram for a bistable mulitvibrator. I’ll leave y’all to make up your own jokes for that one.
I have a Run thru Hell shirt! My kids love coming up with Hell, MI “jokes”. Fun. My favorite? Run Like a Mother (from a nearby race held on Mother’s Day).
This made me think of how my grad supervisor ran in a half marathon in France where every mile marker had canopies and wine. He said by the end many people were strolling (or weaving) and sipping wine instead of running competitively and enjoying the beautiful countryside. Sounds like my kind of marathon!
I have been wanting the fast food shirt for a while. I always joke that’s why I work out…:)
I was irritated by the Breaking Point girls – they may not do weights but they do work their asses off dancing how many hours every day. I also wish we got to see more of the dancing then the drama as that is what causes me to tune in. I thought the Travis Wall show was much better about balancing it and didn’t seem very scripted. I wish that would come back. I am a complete sucker for dancing shows except I don’t like Dancing with the Stars. I even watch Dance Moms sometimes to see the girls dance and then will switch off when the moms start in!
My fav shirt that I have right now says Meet Me at the Bar and has a loaded up oly bar in between the lines of text from sorockshop – LOVE IT! they also have socks that say bad ass with an arrow pointing up that I covet. Love the zombies shirt and so wish I had known about the fake marathon too!
If you like any movie with dancing, you sould totallly watch some bollywood movies; about every 8 seconds, theres singing and dancing. And, they’re all about love, but theres no kissing, cos that would just be going too far. Its nice, and refreshing in an age of dress as slutty as you can, dont worry about skills or personality. Lol
1/2 crazy and fake marathon shirts are great. The lazy but talented is just sad.
Oh my goodness I love these t-shirt slogans. I’m a huge fan of running and working out but it’s hard work and a little humor goes a long ways. I don’t really like the lazy but talented one either though lol.
I’m not even a dancer but I also love shows and movies with dancing – ballet mainly! I’m mainly posting/commenting to say “hi” to you because I am still following and reading your awesome writing but now that my day job is so much writing and social media I am not commenting so much. I applaud your ability to maintain your blog so faithfully with all that you DO and have going on. So much time and effort goes into each post, I know that!! Anyway, hi Charlotte!!
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I love the zombie one. I’m a big zombie fan and that shirt rocks.