There’s nothing like listening to your kids talk when they think you aren’t listening. I like to think it’s one of those little gifts that God gives us to repay us for all the times we have to scoop brown “boats” out of the tub and wipe vomit out of our cleavage. Sometimes the conversations kids have are hilarious – like the time my older son told his little brother that the reason snow gets brown on top is because the sun is toasting it, like a marshmallow. Other times it’s humiliating – like the time my other son told his whole kindergarten class at sharing time that his mom “poses for men’s magazines”. (I had a head shot taken to accompany an article I’d written for a reputable men’s fitness magazine! All clothes stayed on!) But sometimes it’s pure wonder. Take this recent exchange:
Jelly Bean (3): Why is my hair not long like Rapunzel’s?
Son #1 (11): Because real girls aren’t supposed to look like dolls. Real girls are beautiful but not like in a plastic-y way. Barbies are fake pretty.
Jelly Bean: Am I beautiful?
You are beauty personified, baby girl! (I really need to practice saying that to myself too…)
My heart kind of seized up. How did my baby not know she was beautiful? Had I failed to instill that in her? But before I could run to her and tell her how wonderful she is, my son beat me to it.
Son #1: Yep!
Jelly Bean seemed satisfied but I know that this will not be the last time the question of beauty – which at its core really means “Am I worthwhile? Do you value me?” – comes up with my kids. And I have to admit that I’m glad my son handled it this time because, at least for me, there is nothing more gut-wrenching than trying to teach a daughter to love herself when you’ve spent most of your life hating yourself.
Do remember yours is a body that has lived, worked, given birth, brought up a child and run a household. Bodies change as we age and it is a fiction that they could ever look like the ‘perfected’ images in the media. – Dove Girls Unstoppable Project
Thankfully I have the opportunity to be the youth leader of an amazing group of girls, ages 8-12, at my church. Oops, did I say leader? I should have said learner. Because in all my years of working with different groups of girls I have to say that every time I’ve learned more from them than I think I’ve ever taught them. (Okay well there was that time I taught them all to do the Cotton-Eyed Joe line dance to “It’s Raining Men”. Truth: If you ever don’t know what to do on a dance floor, bust out Cotton-Eyed Joe. It works for everything. Even dubstep.)
So when Dove asked me if I’d do a self-esteem building activity with my girls as part of their campaign to help girls embrace their unique beauty, I was all over it. I will take any opportunity I can to help my girls not only see but feel the beauty inherent in each of them – because I know that years down the road they likely won’t remember what we did together but they (hopefully) will remember how they felt. (Okay maybe they’ll remember the activity where we made chocolate-covered cookie dough balls. That was a big hit.) Anyhow, I ended up picking two activities from Dove’s site to do together: “All about me“, which focuses on asking girls questions about themselves and what they feel confident in, and “Girls in the lead“, which has the girls flip roles and become the teachers.
The kit from Dove started us out with some sample questions but the girls quickly came up with their own and I just went with it. We covered everything from how many people secretly love broccoli to where everyone was born to their favorite talent. The best part of it for me was how quickly it became apparent that true beauty has nothing to do with the package you’re wrapped in and everything to do with the gift you are inside.
(Side note: The Dove kit included a lot of interesting, educational and helpful ideas but when I got to this one, targeted to moms: “Help her enjoy the changes her body is going through. If she hasn’t started to develop yet, anticipate her body changes with pleasure in such phrases as “I wonder whether you are going to have my breasts, or Grandma Flo’s or Aunt Sophie’s! We just don’t know. It’ll be exciting to see!” Just… no. I’m sorry, Dove. Can’t do that one with a straight face.)
After that we talked about the power of teaching (you learn something so much better when you have to teach it to someone else!) Later, I let them loose in the park to teach me a few skillz. Now, I thought that I had mad playground swagger but they taught me a lot of things I hadn’t expected:
1. It doesn’t matter how you got down, there will always be a way back up. And, even better, there will be someone at the top to help you. (Or: If you’re at the top, don’t forget to look down to see who needs a helping hand up!)
2. Don’t let the work of the climb make you forget the beauty of the view.
3. Hold tight until you get comfortable but when you’re ready, let go just a little bit to feel what it’s like to fly. (P.S. Yes that’s a boy in there. Son #3 loves coming to my “Girls Activity Days”! And hey, boys need to know they’re beautiful too!)
4. You know you’ve found a good friend when you can just sit quietly together and it’s not weird.
5. It’s okay to be your own best friend and to sit quietly by yourself. That’s not weird either!
6. It’s wonderful to be the one on top but that only works if everyone takes a turn being the hands that spin. (Pretty sure that’s not how this toy is meant to be used but, like I said, I was learning, not teaching!)
7. Shoes are a great way to show your personality!
8. Be proud when you accomplish something! And don’t be afraid to tell other people about it! It’s not bragging, it’s inspiring.
9. Always take time for the little people. (Jelly Bean adores these girls!)
10. Be a good role model. You never know who’s watching you. (Or maybe you do.)
It’s THE TONGUE!! Like mother, like daughter…
A few days after I overheard my daughter asking if she was beautiful, this conversation happened.
Son #3: Are you my pwetty wittle pwincess? (He’s 6. He still has a lisp. I think it’s adorable. I should probably get him speech therapy. I kinda don’t want to.)
Jelly Bean: I not you princess!
Son #3: What are you then?
Jelly Bean: I’m smart and strong and brave!
That’s my girl.
What suggestions do you have for teaching my girls (and boys!) how to feel beautiful in a world that will repeatedly tell them they’re less than? Was there anything in particular that has helped you learn this lesson?
I have felt quite confident in my beauty inside and out all my life. I think that I can attribute that to my dad taking me on “daddy daughter dates” and holding the door for me, pulling out my chair, letting me order my food first, talking to me about my dreams and ambitions, and listening to him talk about how he loves my mother. He would then call me his “Princess” (even as I got older.) He would also remind me that no matter how people in the world acted or treated me he knew how important I am.
My mom played an equally important role in helping me realize my worth. She was continually helping me learn new things so I could feel the joy of accomplishment. She would always ask me about my day, and go a little deeper into what was happening instead of accepting the “I had a good day” answer. She helped me discover MY PERSONAL NATURE, so I wasn’t always comparing myself to others. She helped me realize that I feel passionate about certain things that others don’t care about, and that feeling like that is okay.
Together my parents taught me how to find answers to my questions. Which taught me to be more independent and willing to learn and accept new things. They are not perfect by any means…. But they made an effort to spend a little time to help me see ME as someone they valued and it helped me know that no matter what I had two people cheering me on!
I had “daddy daughter dates” too growing up and I feel exactly the same way about them! While I didn’t emerge with quite as good self-esteem, I have only wonderful memories of that time with my dad and it’s true that he has always – and continues to – makes me feel special and loved and valued. I’m so glad you have your parents and are also aware of the gift they’ve given you! This whole comment just made me grin and grin:)
I think one of the ways is to focus a bit less on it altogether. You are right that girls often equate being beautiful with being worthwhile and valuable, but ultimately our worth completely transcends our beauty. More than anything, I think this is what women need to learn. “We’re all beautiful!” is great, but wouldn’t “Beauty is so irrelevant to who we are!” be more empowering? Would you cringe and rush over if your son thought he wasn’t handsome? Perhaps, but I’d bet not as much.
Learn from Jelly Bean – being smart and strong and brave is so much more important than being beautiful. And, ironically, those are the things which MAKE us beautiful.
I will say that from the conversations your kids are having, it sounds like you are on the right track!
“Beauty is so irrelevant to who we are!” Love that!!
Wonderfully put! I agree that focusing on it too much makes it seem like it’s the Most Important Thing. I think what I was trying to do was more show them that “beauty” is so much more inclusive than the typical definitions. From a physical perspective I totally agree that “beauty is so irrelevant to who we are” but, at least for me, “beauty” is that spark of divinity we’re all born with, in our innate natures. It’s got nothing to do with the outside packaging and everything to do with the fact that all people are valuable simply because they are people. Does that distinction make any sense? Probably not or it would have come through in my post, lol. Anyhow, I really appreciate your perspective and I hope that my boys know they’re beautiful too:)
Charlotte, I do understand what you are saying. The concept of beauty that you hold is not the same as what our culture relentlessly pushes on us, such that you might consider if there are other words that might be more clear to the kids. We are told over and over what beauty IS. Even the Dove campaign, however well-intended, conveys a meaning about what it is to be beautiful: presumably you are clean and fresh-smelling, with fresh, clear, soft skin. In my opinion, “beauty” has become a loaded term for women, and even the mature among us have a hard time balancing the things we value that could be described as “beautiful” with the definition that is foisted upon us. You may need to be more specific with children about what you really mean.
Love this post!
I try to concentrate on talking about all the great things my body (my kids’ bodies) does for me (them) when it’s healthy, which in an end result, makes it quite beautiful!
:))) You are one of the best moms I know so this means a lot to me! I MISS YOU.
Interesting topic. Brings back quite a few memories. When I was young my then very young parents (they had me at 18) decided they wanted me to know everything about being a young girl and then teenager and then woman.. from bras to boys, periods to body hair and being strong, independent & intelligent in between. Their parents had always been very conservative and “those things” weren’t really talked about when they were growing up. So, off all people, my dad would be the one who would take on various subjects with me. He was the one who suggested I get my first bra, told me I would like kissing boys, and gave me his definition of “beauty”. He often suggested that beauty was in the eye of the beholder. At 10 I sure didn’t know what a beholder was… but I wanted to be sure they knew!! He would tell me stories about girls wearing too much makeup or saying bad words or not paying attention or saying things with a “bad attitude”. This all had as much to do with beauty as the way I curled my hair or wore a new dress he would say. Girls with good habits were more “beautiful” than those with bad habits and on and on… My mom served as the choir. She would repeat things he had sad when I was drying dishes or folding clothes or some moment we were together. I can still remember them. Tag teaming it on their first born daughter!! They didn’t have a book, they were learning just as much as I was. It is funny that all those “talks” are still in my mind.
They also bought the family life cycle library and would leave a book on my bed so I could read it when I got home from school. I was uncomfortable and embarrassed, but also curious. All of my friends and neighbor kids always wanted to see the books when they came to our house. It is really funny to think about that too. My dad would leave a note on each book … saying something like “Ask me questions if you have any” I never did.
Lastly, my neighbor, Jenny’s 5 year old daughter, Lily, came home from playing with a new neighbor girl with her long blonde pony tail cut off. Straight off. With scissors. At first Lily laughed when she came walking in the door, but when she saw her mom’s reaction, she started crying. Jenny was a little panicked (and upset) and posted it on facebook. She didn’t really know what to do. School was going to start soon and now Lily would be starting her first day without her long blonde hair. I think it was a real disappointment to Jenny. Finally, a good friend of ours who also happens to be a youth counselor posted back.. what a teachable moment, Jenny…. you can now show your daughter that beauty is not just on the outside. Use this time that her hair is regrowing to remind her of all the other things that make her a valued, amazing, spirited little girl and when her hair grows and you can get those school pictures you really want, well you will have shown her that she has just added to her beauty. Now, go get some colorful barrettes!
So.. I say this… there isn’t just one way, or the right way to teach your daughter about “beauty” but however you choose. Make it a lasting impression that she will remember.
Best of luck.
I love this Bobbi: ” there isn’t just one way, or the right way to teach your daughter about “beauty” but however you choose. Make it a lasting impression that she will remember.”
I will never forget the day when my barely 4 year old girl asked me a question and I wasn’t sure how to answer. We were changing in the locker room at the gym into swimsuits to go swimming with the family. She had already changed and I was getting dressed. I watched her as she turned this way and that way, smoothing her hands down her stomach and her thighs as she looked in the mirror. Then she said to me, “Mom, do you think I am pretty enough to go swimming?”
I was SO stunned. First of all because I have tried VERY hard in her short little life span to not focus on looks. I have purposefully not said bad things about my body or myself (even though there are MANY flaws in that department) so she wouldn’t hear me say them. I have made a conscious effort to have her look at people’s talents instead of looks.
Secondly, I was stunned because I had never heard something come out of her mouth that made me question the confidence she had in herself. Because of having two older brothers, she has always had the attitude that she can do anything they can do.
Thirdly, I was stunned because I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! Do I say, “Of course you are!”, and reaffirm the belief that you can only do things based on your looks? Do I tell her, “It doesn’t matter.”, when clearly, it did to her? Do I say, “Oh, everyone can go swimming.” and try to skirt the issue about beauty at all?
Well, after stammering a bit I finally decided to tell her what I really thought. I squatted down to her level, looked her in the eye and said, “What makes you beautiful isn’t what you look like. Swimming has nothing to do with it. You are beautiful because of the spirit you have inside of you. You are beautiful when your spirit is happy. Like when you smile at people. Or you share with them. You are beautiful when you are kind to others. Instead of trying to be pretty on the outside all the time, let’s work together on trying to make our spirits more beautiful by being kind.”
It seriously has to be on my parenting highlight reel. I was so grateful that I had told her that. And since then, I have been reinforcing that idea every chance I get. But lest you think I am patting my back for a job well done, that was only a year ago and I haven’t really seen the long therm effects of it yet. I can only hope that if I keep working on it, the long term effects will be worth it.
Aw, I love your answer Lisa! It gave me goosebumps. I think it was perfect and I hope your daughter will remember it – and the love behind it – the rest of her life:)
Aw that’s adorable. You’re boys sound very sweet and your daughter sounds like she’s growing up strong and brave!
Thanks Hilary!
I wish there was an easy answer to that, since they will constantly be told they’re not good enough. I have two boys, ages 5 and 1, and I tell them how handsome or cute or beautiful (sometimes the older one thinks telling boys they’re beautiful is silly) they are, because to me they are and always will be. I also try to emphasize health over beauty. When he asks why I exercise, I explain that it’s so I can be healthy and have energy to play with him. Or why we’re not buying garbage foods- to help our bodies be strong. He knows that I want to lose weight (which I’ve told him is, once again, about being healthy and not so that I can feel pretty again, though that is the main motivation for me), but he also says that he “like(s) my chubby tummy” and he thinks that I am beautiful. Reading this, I realize I should probably start talking about character as well, and being a beautiful person on the inside.
Oh, the “he” is the older boy, since the younger one’s not talking yet!
I love that you are talking to your boys about this so openly! I think you are a great example of both health and love to them:) Plus, it’s always a nice reminder to look at ourselves through our kids’ eyes and see how beautiful we are to them!
I can’t imagine trying to teach girls how to feel beautiful in a world that has such impossible standards for female beauty. If I were a parent I think my strategy would be to focus on what makes my child unique, both in terms of her physical looks and her personality. It’s okay to feel good about having long, thick hair or big, bright eyes, as long as you also understand the beauty that comes from being kind or generous or being able to make people smile. And I’d also focus on loving how amazing our bodies are, that they allow us to dance, climb trees, and play sports. As an adult I’ve found it a lot easier to accept my body as I focus on what it can do.
I love your strategies! And good point about the benefits of simply growing older. You couldn’t pay me to do Middle School again;)
I have no clue how to teach girls self esteem. But your kids are so stinking cute! I just love how your boys reaffirm that jelly bean is pretty instead of picking on her. So sweet!
Aw thank you!!
Honestly, I’m not sure, especially because my own needs so much work. But I think you are doing a great job, and I’m so happy Jelly Bean knows she’s smart and strong and brave 🙂 I also love that your son was so quick to tell her she’s beautiful! How sweet!
Thank you Liza!
I think the most important thing is to feel like YOU are beautiful and to practice what you preach. Kids absorb so much of what we do and say and being confident in ourselves can help show what real beauty is. 🙂
Good point Kathryn! And one I really need to work on… (Does it get easier?!)
I love, love that my daughter is one if your girls. She is always so excited to come & spend some time with you.
As we love and teach our girls and boys at home how important they are – it is a breath of fresh air knowing that they are going places that reinforces how great they are.
I just always try to remind them that they are loved.
Aw, I love love love that your daughter is one my girls too! She’s a gem:)
I know this will sound cheesey. My “magic pill” is just love. I hope that my voice and my husband’s voice will drown out the sounds of “the world” telling my children that they are not enough or that they need “more”. We tell them that they are beautiful. We mostly (still working on it) respect their choices in clothing (as long as it is modest). We teach them that the voices from the world are only valuable when they are encouraging and honest and have their best interest at heart. We try to teach them about what is truly valuable vs. what “marketing” wants them to think. Our teaching is just how we look at them and talk to them and how we talk about what is important to us (not focusing on attaining things or focusing on things we don’t have).
Not cheesy at all! I think your kids are blessed to have such conscientious parents:)
I think that by embodying those characteristics yourself, you are likely to influence your kids’ self-esteem in the same way. But who knows, I’ve never had kids. When I do, I will try my best to keep myself and others in a positive light.
I know it’s cliche, but beauty comes from within. Create their own beauty by creating their life.
Also, never stop being curious and questioning everything. Eventually, children become adults and lose their curiosity, so they begin to take society for face value. Current beauty standards do not have to be what they are, the more people that question them, the better for us all!
I have some problems with Dove and their “real beauty” campaigns….every woman is beautiful, even models. But also- EVERYTHING they do is focused on beauty and very focused on the idea of “oh you poor women have no idea how beautiful you are”. Body image issues are a very real problem- especially for girls. But telling girls they are beautiful and making such a HUGE deal about needing to believe you are beautiful just enforced this for me as a kid. Because the message is “your worth comes from being beautiful”. The complement I and my sister wanted the most was to be told we were beautiful. Telling us we were smart was never a true complement- it always came with the felt-but-not-said “well, they aren’t beautiful like their cousin/mom etc., but at least they are smart”.
As an adult, I have learned that (for me at least) a HUGE part of whether or not I think someone is beautiful comes from inside. (Actors/actresses/models not so much because I never meet them- all you really see is their outside). Dr. Who has a quote that is totally over-used but also very true, about how once you fall in love with someone they become the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen…because you are in love with them. So teach children they are smart, they are brave, and they are loved- and stop focusing on telling them they are “beautiful” or talking to them about “real” women. Because they will have enough people talking about their looks and ignoring everything else- and they will have friends who are model-skinny and friends who are fat, but all of their friends will be real.
I have to admit, I have boys, so I have trained them to tell me frequently that I am beautiful to appease my own vanity, but I frequently remind them that they are handsome and that they are growing up to be responsible and dependent young men, and I figure if I say it enough it will be true. Or something like that. Really I’ll feel like a successful mother if I can get them to aim so I don’t have to clean the bathroom as often.
I’ve learned in working with the YW that I should never hold a compliment in. If I think it, and it’s nice, say it. And although I want to compliment their beauty, I want to compliment their actions and their words so they know they are of infinite worth.
I wish there was an easier answer for girls. I’m honestly glad I have a boy most of the time because I wouldn’t even know where to start with a girl. Of course, right now I’m busy trying to convince my son that he is smart and capable (even if he isn’t the most brilliant boy in the class). It’s always something isn’t it?
Teach them to be active and appreciate all that their body can do for them. I played all sorts of sports growing up and was a huge tomboy and never once questioned my athletic thighs or crazy hair or boyish clothes choices (there was a time I lived in Umbros and oversize shirts) until I became less active. Then, the body criticism (and weight) came creeping in – and it’s very hard to get rid of once its starts.
Wow, I don’t know. That scares me about having kids. I guess I would hope to teach them that beauty is uniqueness. That no 2 people are the same and that makes us all special.
For me it is just constantly repeating to my daughter how strong and beautiful she is from the inside out. I am hoping if she hears it all the time she will believe it and always have that voice in her head telling her she is.
Tell them they’re beautiful when they are in sweats and no makeup (and other times too!).
Great post! Sounds like you’re perfect for your calling. And good memories with Cotton-Eyed Joe… 🙂
that’s a hard question to answer, and I ask myself that everyday having little ones. I do tell both my boy and girl that tey are cute (or something like it), but also I try to encourage tem in all their choices. (ok, the lil guy is only 1 1/2, so not many choices, but it’s coming). I want them to build confidence and be able to make decisions more than feeling confident about their “beauty”. But who knows how it will go, I also have next to none confidence and can’t make deicsions (ok, i am better as I aged, but still).
What I would like to point out is nowadays, it’s not just our girls we have to worry about, but our boys too. More and more advertising and image-making things are for boys and will result in making them “less than” too. Let’s not forget about them, it is hard to live to the man-man expectations too…
I love your daughters responses, you’re definitely doing the mama thing right :).
I also feel similarly to some of the commenters above. I don’t put all that much worth on myself feeling “beautiful” all the time these days. I’m more concerned about my actions than my visage. Sure, I like to think I clean up well, but I guess I’m in that place in my life where I’d rather attribute things like strong and athletic and competent manager and creative to myself. And I don’t need to feel “beautiful” in my sweats, because the chance is I’m just tired from doing something “beautiful” (running, biking, swimming, lifting, working, playing, socializing) and now I’m enjoying just being me. Maybe that is beautiful, but I guess I don’t attribute that word to it?
(Also, no kids, so I have not yet had to have that sort of conversation….)
I love this Charlotte – & you are amazing! I have a post Thursday – more a discussion post that I am sure people will not like me for about how beauty & thin is still what gets people ahead these days… the lip service about doing better is hidden by the media – I think all we can do is do our best in the home to teach them they are strong & brave & smart & just as good as the next person no matter what. It is so hard due to media saturation from a young age still…
sorry, a bit off subject here…but Charlotte, have you ever tried Yin yoga? I’ve just discovered it for myself and its worked wonders on my flexibility and both mental and physical abilities! I know you’re pretty flexible already, but it’d be interesting to see how a month long experiment of just 15/20 mins a day of this type of yoga would do. love to hear your take!
thanks for the always inspiring and thought provoking writing.
Great article!! I taught activity days for the last 3 years. They are so much fun! What fun pictures and a fun activity.
I echo a couple of other readers… Um, why is being beautiful so important? I think you’re putting too much emphasis on it.
I’m reasonably attractive. I don’t think I’m especially beautiful. So what? I have more important hng to think about
Your daughter may have been asking her brother in a very neutral, curious way, like, “what is beautiful and am I it?” Like “what is American and am I it?”
I also take issue with the overly dramatic title….IMHO, the world is not relentlessly telling girls they are not beautiful. The world is a lot more than Hollywood or Glamour Magazine, and even they do not have a conspiracy going to make girls feel un -beautiful. They’re trying to survive and make money, which some would argue is also sick, but is still different. I too struggled with body image when i was younger, so I understand you care deeply abou not passing all that on to your daughter, but your anxiety Is jumping off the page, and that doesn’t seem like it will help anyone.
I think she’s addressing that exact issue in this post, especially by celebrating the fact that Jellybean says she is “Smart, strong, and brave.” We live in a culture which tells girls and women that what they look like is THE most important thing about them. It’s great that you haven’t bought into it, and I mean that sincerely. Because too many do. And having lived in New York and L.A, having worked in the entertainment industry (with many friends in the fashion industry), I can tell you that both have a vested interest in making women feel horrible about themselves.
Her anxiety comes through because she worries about the messages her daughter is getting about her worth, especially since she, herself, went through all kinds of hell and doesn’t want her daughter to have the same experience. It’s not a bad thing to be concerned about.
I think the best thing to do is to let our kids know, every day, that we love them. Just the way they are, right at that moment. That they are enough, just as they are. And to back it up with actions, whatever they may be. Because our kids watch what we do more than they listen to what we say, although both are important.
Basically, we all have to figure out what works fir us and for our kids. So, y’know, no pressure! 🙂
I think you’re doing a fantastic job!
I have no kids, so grain of salt. But my parents instilled in me a great sense of self-esteem. I do think I’m beautiful, but that comes secondary to the fact that I think I’m awesome. I don’t place much inherent value on my looks. I think a lot of that comes from the fact that I really can only recall my parents even commenting on my looks once, maybe twice through my childhood. Value just wasn’t placed on appearance, positive or negative. Additionally, I think a strong involvement in sports really illustrated for me the importance of a bodies abilities over its appearance. I understood that my body was meant to be USED, not just looked at. And thus I took pride in what it could do rather than how it appeared.
Azusmom, I get it, that beauty and fashion industries aim to make women and girls feel ‘less than’. To me it’s part of a bigger picture… ALL advertising and sales are designed to make us feel we are not enough, that only XYZ product will make us feel prettier, richer, more successful, etc. If I had a daughter at home (my stepdaughters, one of whom I helped raise, are 42), I’d be just as concerned about them going into debt and developing other addictions, not just the beauty addiction. One of he best things my parents did was buy a funky, second-rate TV which none of us kids liked much. Today, as adults none of us watch much TV, which means, I believe, we’re a bit less susceptible to the idea that beauty products, new cars etc. will bring happiness.
Charlotte, I apologize for talking about you rather than me. Your kids sound terrific and very aware. I would hope to give my daughter the sense that she is just as capable, and no more fragile, or needing of extra self esteem boosts, than her brothers.
Wish I could sit down and have an in person conversation with both of you. You each have stimulated my thinking.. Thank you and go in peace.
More than what we say is how we behave. If we want our daughters to be brave, proud, and strong then we have to believe and model that ourselves. Our children are watching and listening all the time. My 20 year old still uses phrases verbatim that she got from me. She also pays attention.
I am so glad that your son really values women’s beauty at such a young age! You have taught him very young, Charlotte 🙂 I have a younger brother a little bit younger than your son and I’ve been wondering how can I instill this kind of values into him.
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That second conversation between your son and Jelly Bean was absolutely priceless! Love it!