Poor T-Rex! I’m so worried about him! Those shorty arms can’t be healthy!
I’m basically the most insecure person I know. That may be partly because I don’t live in other people’s heads and spend too much time in my own. Or it may be because I watched too much “Daria” when I was younger. But still. I’m always wondering if I’m measuring up to people’s expectations. Am I nice enough? Pretty enough? Kind enough? Thin enough? Smart enough? Funny enough? Enough for what, you may ask. Enough to be loved. And I don’t know whether to punctuate that last sentence with a duh or a sigh. You choose.
But! I’m doing a lot better with that than I used to – in the worst of my eating disorder I’d be so paralyzed by my fear of not being “enough” that I simply couldn’t get dressed. I’d have a teary breakdown nearly every morning. Everything I put on made me feel like a failure because it made me look “fat.” And, in my messed up brain, fat = failure. These days, while I still have a really hard time getting dressed, I’m able to see it for what it is and force myself out of my closet anyhow. I’m still insecure but at least I’m insecure and out of the house. And I even have days now where I look at myself and think “I’m awesome!” (My husband, however, still bears the scars from earlier days of being perpetually late to everything – now whenever I ask him how my outfit looks he immediately responds, “You look beautiful. DON’T CHANGE YOUR CLOTHES.” )
Anyhow, it was this insecurity that my mind immediately went to when I watched this interview with super celeb trainer Jillian Michaels. The sound is super quiet so here’s the transcription:
XO Jane Reporter, Emily: A lot of our readers are really into size acceptance and Health at Every Size. Your brand is so aligned with weight loss, I just wonder how you feel about exercise for fitness vs. exercise for weight loss.
Jillian: I don’t even really know what that means. I’ll define health for you. If your cholesterol is good, your blood sugar’s good, your blood pressure is good, that to me is healthy. I believe that you should accept yourself as every size. But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that you’re physically healthy at every size because you’re not.
And I also don’t believe that even though you might be 100 pounds overweight, you’re going, “Oh I’m good the way that I am.” BULLSHIT. I don’t believe that you don’t wake up in the morning and feel uncomfortable in your skin. I don’t believe that you don’t feel insecure when you pick your kid up from school. I don’t believe that you don’t feel uncomfortable when you’re naked in front of your husband or your wife for that matter. I don’t believe you.
So while it is critical that you love yourself right now to begin any transformation, you’re really loving yourself enough to invest the time in yourself to become physically healthier. My definition of healthy as I said is not a size 2 or a size 4. It’s the numbers that your internist is gonna give you. But I’ve yet to meet a person who is 100 pounds overweight and is a specimen of health and wellness.”
See, my first thought was WAIT, I’M UNCOMFORTABLE picking my kid up from school or being naked. (Hopefully not both at the same time.) Heck, I wake up in the morning (just some mornings, thankfully) and feel uncomfortable in my skin! And I’m not 100 pounds overweight. People, detractors and supporters alike, like to make “size acceptance” about health but for me someone’s health is a private matter – between them and their doctor – whereas acceptance seems pretty public. First, I really don’t believe that you can tell someone’s health simply from looking at them or from their weight. Second, so what if they’re not perfectly healthy? Who is? Jillian? Someone else’s health has no impact on how much I love, respect or value them. (Although I’d be willing to bet that how much someone is loved, respected and valued has a lot of impact on their health.)
While Jillian started out pretty good, talking about a concept of health based on measurements other than weight (yay!), she kind of switched horses midstream. “But I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that you’re physically healthy at every size because you’re not.” I don’t know about this, honestly. Can you be physically healthy at every size? Probably not. But can you be physically healthy at most sizes? Perhaps. Can you be physically healthy at a much greater range of sizes than society currently deems “healthy”? I think so. Either way though, I don’t like this equating health with acceptance. I want my loved ones (and myself) t0 be healthy but that has nothing to do with my love for them.
Emily paraphrased my unease, adding, “A lot of my discomfort was caused by Michaels’ tone. Her attitude toward fat people seems to go way beyond “tough love” — it feels personal, and unnecessarily harsh. Before I even got out the words, “size acceptance,” Michaels was already rolling her eyes. When she imitated a fat person claiming to be happy with themselves, she affected a high, mocking voice. To speculate about how fat people feel being naked in front of a sexual partner seemed like a nasty low blow.”
And yet I know a lot of people who feel like Jillian is speaking the truth, albeit in a brutally honest way. For them, love is caring about someone’s health. They don’t like to see their loved ones “suffer” (and I only put that in quotes because suffering viewed from the outside can look very different than suffering viewed from the inside). They want to help but it’s hard to fix society’s expectations. It’s much easier to try and fix the person. Who cares about kind if it’s saving their life? Plus, this is Jillian’s job right? I’m certainly not qualified to comment on anyone’s fitness, health or mental state but as a post-Biggest-Loser community we’ve given her that power. (A power that she’s used to market dubious “cleanse” and “burn” supplements...) I do think that Jillian believes that she’s being loving.
Yet I’ve been going over and over her remarks in my head in the week since I first read them. I think Jillian’s statement felt so personal to me because I desperately need to believe that a) being secure in my own skin need not have anything to do with how large or small said skin is and b) that there are women out there doing just that. It gives me hope, if not for myself, then at least for Jelly Bean. Can Jillian be right? Are all these confident, beautiful, every-sized women that I see really lying or deluded? Can you “accept” yourself while still feeling uncomfortable in your skin? She can’t be right, can she?
Perhaps her most telling sentence was her first one: “I don’t even really know what that means.”
What do you think – can you be 100 pounds overweight and be honestly comfortable in your own skin? What do you think size acceptance means? Does loving someone mean worrying about their health? Am I sleep deprived and over-thinking this??
Asking “CAN you be healthy at any size” is the wrong question. We should be asking: “is weight the best measurement of health?” The answer: NO. It’s a horrible proxy for health. “Is our emphasis on weight (which is what our emphasis on obesity is) helpful?” The answer is NO. Eating disorders are rising in children who have been faced with “anti-obesity programs.” “what does the evidence say about health correlatives to weight?” Answer: Research consistently says it’s our habits, not our weight, that is most indicative of our health. Exercise and eat plenty o’ fruits and veggies? Great for you! Obsessing over your weight and dieting? Horrible for your health. I recommend that everyone read Dr. Abigail Saguy’s book, “What’s Wrong with Fat?”
loving someone has nothing to do with how they look, I don’t even think it has to do with their health: sure you may worry because you love someone, but you’d still accept them and grant them the freedom of their own life and wishes. Accepting someone for who he/she is and giving them the freedom to be who they want to be is in my opinion essential in love. And minding your own business.
No, I don’t think that only people who wear size 4 are the only ones who are healthy. There will be people who are skinny and unhealthy, There will also be people who are perfectly healthy while being bigger, everyone is different.
On the other hand, I don’t believe for a minute that real obesity is healthy. Diabetes and heart diseases can be a cause of being to heavy and eating unhealty. This is however everebody’s own business and that of their doctors.
To sum up:
– I think that being healthy, living healthy and someones size are indeed their private concern.
– It has nothing to do with their worth or lovebility
– There are a lot of different people and for evereone there will be a different range of healthy sizes
– and size accepting means to me, loving people for who they are and minding your own business about matters that don’t concern you.
This whole size acceptance thing is a problem, so many people (including me) have learnt to judge themselves for their size and are feeling unworthy because of this. And it’s kinda difficult to unlearn that.
I think her comments reflect more on how she felt about herself when she was overweight than anything else.
I think the thing that bothers me most about Jillian’s answer is how judgmental she is. So I’ll choose to ignore her completely and continue to feel good in my overweight (although less-so) skin, with my superb blood-pressure and stats 😉
I thought the same thing, Teri. JM’s comments say more about HER than anything else.
Her physical reactions to fat people are telling, too. Watch her on The Biggest Loser and see how she physically reacts to the contestants. When she hugs them, it’s very forced and she looks physically repulsed. Yes, it’s possible she could just not be a “hugger” (I can understand that, I don’t like hugging) but combine that with how she TREATS the contestants and it’s very telling. She not only screams at them and belittles them (“you’re not a real man” and things like that) but she physically demeans them by standing on them and making them into beasts of burden (having them drag her around, etc). Even when she praises them it’s demeaning (“good girl” and the like, as if they are dogs).
Do I “hate” JM? No. I enjoy her workout dvds because she is no-nonsense. But she has issues just like all of us do and we’d all be smart to remember that. Enjoy her for her character on her dvds, but don’t get too wrapped up in HER (or her issues just might rub off on you!).
Oh my goodness, this makes me want to go on a HUGE SWEAR-Y RANT! I’ll try to reign it in though.
When Jillian is saying ‘fat people couldn’t possibly feel good or seductive naked’ what she’s really saying is ‘I think fat people are disgusting’. Perhaps as Terri says – Jillian feels disgusting when she’s overweight.
BUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT… as Charlotte you well know, and as I also know and I’m sure many others do to…
Weightloss ≠ comfort. Health ≠ perfect size body.
I once lost 17 kilos and at my thinnest, still asked my partner “Do I look fat in this?” I’ve also been much heavier and had better mental health.
There’s also a disturbing undercurrent here that goes beyond fat shaming. This kind of ‘body perfection’ mentality disguised as ‘helping’ also plays into society’s treatment of people who are less than perfect in other ways.
What about people with disabilities? What about the elderly? Or the infirm?
Should they be made to feel worthless, ugly and ashamed because of the way they look. Sure – Jillian might argue that fat people have “brought it on themselves” – but as the vast majority of recent research shows, that probably isn’t the case.
First of all I would ask – what is Health? And what does it mean being healthy?
For Jillian it seems to be about primarily about your blood levels, your weight and how you feel in regards to others.
While I think your cholesterol levels etc. are an indicator or health, they are only a small part of it. Same goes for weight. Of course the more “overweight” (here the problem starts already, who decides what is overweight? Some see anything over a size 4 overweight, some take the BMI) you are, the more it will impact you physically. I am overweight (and not just a few pounds) and I do feel those pounds weighing me down. But last time I checked my blood levels were all ok. So where does that leave me?
The problem for me is when you go by looks/weight/blood levels/what other people think it doesn’t really say anything about how you live your life or how you feel inside. It doesn’t tell you if I work out, how I eat or how my mental (and spiritual) health is.
Human beings are much more complex then numbers will let you to believe.
As far as what other think of us – I don’t think there is anyone who doesn’t care at all what others think. It’s probably human nature that we care. But at the end of the day we can’t change that. The best I think we can do is try to change how we think about ourselves but also how we care about ourselves. For me that does include taking care of our body, but also our mind and our soul. But as far as that goes, there is not one size fits all.
Isn’t Jilian the one who tried to get people following her diet to chew and spit-a classic eating disorder “technique?” And who talked about pouring salt on food to ruin it, so she wouldnt be tempted? I’ve always gotten a… Not-very-healthy-relationship-with-food vibe from her. And this is really just classic projection. Sure, a lot of people aren’t comfortable 100 pounds overweight. But some don’t care. Some aren’t comfortable at any weight. Some people pay to have webcam “sex” with people several hundred pounds overweight. It’s not exactly a universal thing, even if it is how she felt pre-chew and spit “diet.” You’d think if she were trying to market her weight loss plans as confidence boosting, she’d come across as more confident herself… But yeah, I seriously get the impression from her that she’s still in the “food is the enemy,” possibly disordered eating mindset.
I have a hard time dissecting her comments because they are true. The reality of living with the consequences of obesity is devastating. Not only to the obese individual. I grew up stressing and worrying about my father’s health. I lay awake many, many nights worrying that he would die from a heart attack, or worse, and I would never see him again. I wish I could remember doing any activity with him that didn’t involve food. The only activity that I could coerce him into with me growing up is tossing a football in the front yard ( that’s why it was me who taught my boys to throw a tight, perfect spiral).
My dad didn’t die of a heart attack. He developed Type II Diabetes nearly 20 years ago and made no changes to his lifestyle except adding medication. Now he has esophageal cancer (from years of reflux stemming from his obesity) and right at this moment is lying in a rehab hospital because he is too big for the family to manage. The hospital stay is because he had to have most of his esophagus removed and his stomach fashioned into a tube to make up for the void. It’s a surgery that he almost died from because the doctor thought he had cauterized all of the blood vessels that his fat created to feed itself, but he missed a few that were hiding and Dad almost bled to death. We are all spending all of our days in the hospital with him. My sisters are unable to cope, and my Mom (with Alzheimer’s) is profoundly confused.
Jillian’s comments are designed to hurt. She is not wrong. The measure of health is partly from those measurements that she mentioned; BUT she answered the question asked of her: there IS no such thing as healthy at ANY size. Jillian’s trait of turning pain into anger is one of her defining qualities. How much pain has she soaked up from her clients and their families? How do you spend years combatting this and still your job is the same? Still the world around you is no different?
She has her faults, she grew up as a human female in this culture. So let’s pick apart what is wrong with her as a person and tie it all to one answer to a direct question. Why don’t we do this to men?
Wow, really great question! Why don’t we do this to men? Maybe because when we try it just rolls off their backs? I had most of the same worries about my ex-husband that you had about your dad, but whenever I would try to make changes or talk to him about it he would just blow me off. Never underestimate the power of male denial. I am so sorry about the situation your family is dealing with right now, you will be in my thoughts today.
I really, really don’t want to sound mean here, but I think your insecurity is leading you to want to believe things about other people. You’re asking this out of need, which you admit. Why do you–at a “healthy BMI”–really need to believe that if you were 100 lbs overweight you could be confident and secure? Maybe because you are still terrified you will gain 100 lbs? I know I sometimes am. When I was recovering from anorexia and fell into bingeing I had a brief and weird obsession with HAES because I believe I didn’t trust myself not to gain weight forever.
The fact is, though, I think Jillian Michaels is right. Health is most important and for most people weighing too much isn’t likely to lead to health.
Whether or not it’s likely to lead to self esteem is partly a different question, and certainly we are all more than our weight.
The other thing I want to point out is: the number of obese people in our society right now is ludicrous. It wouldn’t make sense just to blame them for having no willpower or etc., because where did all these weakwilled people come from suddenly? Clearly there is some systemic cause, some collection of reasons (lifestyle, food industry, who knows??) for so many incidences of obesity.
So here is the thing: by turning around and talking about fat acceptance, to me it’s the same thing as talking about cigarette-smoking acceptance. It’s an addiction people fell into back when advertisers shamelessly peddled an addictive compound to people without telling them it was addictive, and it was perpetuated by a culture of ‘cool’. In a certain sense it is not their fault, in some sense it is because with willpower you can, with great difficulty, quit smoking–of course it’s easier not to start in the first place. But now we place the blame where we SHOULD, which is with the cigarette companies, NOT the smokers. Mind you, we did start out by shaming smokers a little, which I don’t love, but admit that making more public places nonsmoking has helped.
It’s not a perfect parallel AT ALL and I really dislike even the idea of fat-shaming people, because unlike a cigarette, fat is something that you carry around on your body all day and can’t just toss aside. But… I do see the similarities.
And by saying fat is wholly personal we are missing a giant part of the picture. It isn’t just personal. It’s increasingly a culture-wide problem.
I think there is a lot of truth to what she said. Most people have a size they see themselves as looking and feeling their best at- and when you are bigger than that it can have a very negative affect on your life and self-esteem. Her delivery is just typical, in-your-face Jillian. She is not a psycho-therapist, people. Yes we should all love and accept ourselves but in reality we are usually hardest on ourselves.
” can you be 100 pounds overweight and be honestly comfortable in your own skin?”
Yes!!!
I have a family that I love, a career that I enjoy, and hobbies which feed my soul. I spend very little time thinking about my appearance. I’ve got better things to do. My blood pressure/ cholesterol/ … are all fine. I exercise moderately three times a week. I consider myself healthy.
The comment about being embarrassed about my appearance when picking up my kids at school especially bothered me. When I pick up my kids I’m thinking about how happy I am to see them, how they smile and rush to hug me when they see me, what we need to do that day. Are there people out there really worried about how they look every minute of every day?
I think Jillian Michaels is a cruel, insecure, piece of you know what who makes MILLIONS of dollars making people feel bad about themselves. Of course she doesn’t believe that you can be happy and be overweight – her whole identity, career and life are based on that assumption.
I’m one of those people that Jillian claims can’t exist. Healthy by every other measure aside from weight – my cholesterol, blood pressure etc are spot on. I exercise (I’m a yoga teacher ffs), eat a fairly healthy diet and yeah, I’m 100 pounds “overweight”. There will be people who read this and insist I’m lying, insist that I’m impossible. Well clearly, I’m not impossible. I’m not even particularly special. So if there is one of me, there must be many people who are “impossible”.
I don’t wake up every morning comfortable in my own skin (though more often than not I do, which is a huge blessing), but I don’t think that has as much to do with me as the constant barrage of messages women get about not being enough no matter who we are or what we look like.
And to everyone who is saying that they just can’t believe that someone can be healthy and overweight, that’s the point. No matter what I say or what evidence there is, we have been conditioned to believe that fat=bad by Jillian and the rest of the weightloss industry. Those of you who have anecdotes about your loved ones who died from problems associated with obesity, I’m truly sorry. But association does not equal causation. Having said that, I’m willing to accept your story of how your loved ones suffered, are you willing to give me the same benefit of the doubt? And finally, those of you insisting that although someone’s numbers are fine now, they won’t be in the future, I can only offer this: I could go through my whole life not having been hit by a bus and then all of a sudden I am hit by a bus. Was that inevitable? Did all that time not being hit by a bus not count?
I think one of the most damaging mistakes we make in talking about this issue is to talk about obesity “causing” health issues. Jillian does the same thing when she says “if your chemical/blood/etc. parameters are wrong because of your weight, you really have to change that.” Yes, being overweight is associated with high blood pressure (for example). It is clear that these things are statistically related in some way in many people.
However, which thing is the “cause” here? Is your weight the cause of diabetes? Are both of these things effects of the same underlying cause? There is even some new research suggesting that obesity is PROTECTIVE for people with diabetes.
http://health.usnews.com/health-news/news/articles/2013/09/26/could-obesity-help-older-people-with-type-2-diabetes
In our rush to understand things and our cultural love of data, we may be missing the boat entirely. Too many of us believe the correlations are causation. The media promotes this. It’s a human tendency to an extent – wanting to believe “Aha! We understand this!” But reality is often much more complex than we understand. And if we oversimplify the issues we are not doing anyone any favors. We need to look critically at this and without bias against weight as the villain just because we don’t like how people LOOK.
I honestly think being overweight is fine. If you’re chubby around the waist and have a hard time losing belly weight and etc. then that’s fine. I also don’t have a problem with obese people. I have mt some loving and caring obese people, but I have also met nasty ones to. They tell me I’m not a real woman because I’m skinny or they get mad at me for being skinny and call me a whore for being skinny, which makes no sense. If you have a truly bad medical issue like ms then I feel bad for you and wish you no ill. If you tell me you eat and don’t really exercise then I don’t feel bad for you for being fat, even tough I won’t dislike you. And walking isn’t exercise. Every hour you loose about 300 calories from walking. People should consume around 1,500 a day to be healthy or maintain weight. I just think a lot of people think they are exercising but really they are eating more than they exercise off. It’s no one’s fault. I mean I was overweight by 40 lbs slow metab but I managed to realize that what I was doing wasn’t a workout. But if you are happy with your weight so be it. Good for being happy. If not don’t take it out on me or anyone else. And if I offended anyone I apologize. I just wanted to voice my opinion on this matter.
I’m going with just plain brutal, even if a good chunk of what she actually said is technically true. There is no need for that attitude, and while it probably produces results on her clients (at least in the short term), I don’t think it’s all that helpful. And it probably is rooted in how she feels about herself. The hidden message here is that fat people are “supposed” to feel bad about themselves, it is in fact unavoidable, so don’t even bother trying. With a little lip service thrown in about how it’s “critical” that you love yourself just as you are (so you can change yourself, of course), it’s impossible. You’re screwed, fatty!
This is all just a big spiral of shame. And it’s so unhelpful. We have such a wrong idea about what fitness is, and even she believes the lie that thin = healthy, fat = unhealthy. As a thin person who is struggling with a whole bevy of health issues (hormones, musculo-skeletal pain on a daily basis, fatigue), I can’t count the number of people who’ve told me, “oh, you’re so healthy.” No, actually, I’m not. I can’t make it all the way through a yoga class without getting lightheaded, and I go to the chiropractor 2x/week and somedays I can’t get out of bed. You only think I’m healthy because I am thin.
I think we need to get beyond just talking about what’s “true” and make our standard what is helpful. We have more health information than at any time in our history, and yet, not a whole lot of health. Obviously, facts are not going to make a difference. We also have more fat shaming and “unhealthy” shaming than ever, and yet lots of fat people and unhealthy people, so obviously that doesn’t make a real difference either, at least not in a positive direction. And while I’m sure that Jillian would claim that her attitude has helped a lot of people lose weight and get healthier, I don’t believe that we really are lacking in that department. What we lack is compassion, understanding that people are different, and figuring out how to really support and accept them in whatever THEIR goals are, without putting our goals on top of it.
Also as a person who is genetically naturally thin (my diet is awful and I exercise sparsely and I’m a size 4), it’s easy for me to believe there are people with the exact opposite scenario. And as a person who has to work very very hard to maintain my health (albeit in other ways) and is nonetheless not making much progress, it’s easy for me to understand how many people might just choose to think it’s too hard and their lives are better spent in pursuit of other things than managing their health.
It is truly OK to be unhealthy and love yourself. It is totally realistic to be unhealthy and be a very worthwhile human being. It’s also totally OK to be insecure. I think we have the idea that somehow being secure or feeling good about yourself is not only superior, it’s well on mandatory. Jillian herself talks about this as if it were a definitive sign of a real problem. Guess what? We’re all insecure. All it really means is you’re a human being. If you want to change it, great! If you don’t, or if you fail more often than you succeed, guess what, that’s OK too. There is nothing wrong with you just as you are.
Wow! Bravo!!!!!
First of all, I think Jillian comes off overly harsh sometimes when I see her interviewed. That’s just her style. I have been listening to her pod casts (They’re free! You should try them! She hits hot button topics, fun topics, and gives callers advice) and you see a different side of her. She is so kind and understand to those calling in asking for help to change. She doesn’t give them excuses, but she certainly doesn’t let them blame themselves. She’s more empowering if anything. So I really like her pod casts!
When she talks about not believing someone 100lbs overweight feels comfortable in their own skin, she is speaking from experience because she was obese as a teenager. It’s hard for me to believe someone 100lbs overweight would feel comfortable because I keep thinking about all the things they can’t do or the things that would be hard for them to do. However, I can’t really pass judgement because I have never been overweight! I have suffered from eating disorders, so I do understand the concept of not being comfortable in my own skin. Believe me, I know how THAT feels! (It’s getting a lot better, though!)
As for size acceptance, I don’t think it’s my place to “accept” someone’s size. I don’t expect someone to “accept” my size. It should be a non issue. We are the way we are! I think it’s more about accepting your OWN size. If someone is 100lbs overweight and doesn’t want to do a thing about it to make themselves healthier, that’s their decision. They don’t need my opinion or acceptance! However, if someone came to me for advice or support, I would definitely help and support them in a journey to be more healthy.
And the thing is, while I am sure there are a handful of people who could be 100lbs overweight and still have normal blood pressure and cholesterol, most people DON’T. And the ones that have a clean bill of health are most likely participating in behaviors (eating unhealthy foods, staying sedentary) that are going to cause high blood pressure and high cholesterol later on in life. I’m not saying everyone, I’m saying MOST people. And of course it is their choice to live their life in any way they like, but it’s important to be realistic and their health will begin to see the ramifications of the excess weight.
I think that she’s right about “if your chemical/blood/etc. parameters are wrong because of your weight, you really have to change that.” You owe it to your family, friends, and especially yourself to be healthy as per doctors’ assessments. If you can be 100 pounds overweight and still have a pristine blood profile and so on (barring other unrelated issues), good on you! But lots of people can’t.
I don’t like how she linked it to physical appearance. She was doing fine until she got to things like “fat people feeling bad in front of sexual partners” and so forth. That was over the line. Liking how you look and feeling healthy are two entirely different beasts. You can be a picture of health and hate how you look, or you can be falling over and still fine with your appearance.
Accept your appearance, and tweak yourself for health, I say. Granted, it’s okay to change for appearance! Just make sure you’re not flogging yourself over it. If you’re like “Hmm, I think I’d look better if I gained/lost N pounds,” I consider that fine. If you’re like “this is the center of my life and I am nothing if I don’t weigh X instead of Y,” that’s poor. But if your doctor says you are in danger of heart disease because your body is all out of whack and losing weight might fix it, don’t even think, just try your best to do it.
Most people have good blood pressure and cholesterol until they don’t. My dad was obese for more than 20 years before he had any adverse health consequences. At least from what we can measure.
My sister has been obese since high school, is 49 now and has great blood tests. She does take medication for anxiety, depression, back and knee pain, and just recently, reflux. Her doctor tells her that her results are great and that her health is good, that she is healthier that many half her size. Her husband is in a home because of early Alzheimer’s (Alzheimer’s is considered by many as Type III Diabetes); he was too large to take care of at home. Because he was to large to reason with and handle in the mental hospital (care facility), they have him profoundly drugged to the point that he has to be confined to a wheel chair. He is now 69, has been institutionalized for more than 5 years, and has no free will. He is happy and entertaining because he is drugged out of his mind. Once in a while, he gets tears in his eyes and begs to come home, saying that he’ll be good (as if that is what got him into this situation). They were the funny, jolly couple that everyone loved to be around. Now my sister and our family are the only ones who visit him. She goes every day. This is her life now.
My aunt died one week after weight loss surgery (the surgeon nicked her colon). Surgery she decided to have because her knees could no longer support her weight and she was weary of living in constant pain.
We have a choice in how we choose to live and what we choose to believe. I am currently planning an apartment over my garage partly because I know in my heart that I will be taking care of my sister when she can no longer take care of herself.
No one can tell me that obesity is not devastating. If you try, I probably won’t listen.
It sounds like the problem with your family members is that they are unhealthy and aging. EVERYONE ages, not just fat people. 95% of humans will have some sort of health problems as they age.
I feel sorry for your family members for having to deal with such a judgemental, angry person who blames them for their health problems.
I hope you never gain weight or have to deal with people being that cruel to you.
I am expressing my experiences with just a few people I know who are suffering (and whose loved ones are suffering) due to obesity-related illness.
We are all going to die, and none of us are immune from disease and pain. There are aging-related illnesses, alcoholism-related illnesses, AND there are obesity-related illnesses among others. I do believe that the discussion was of Jillian’s answer to a question regarding healthy at EVERY size. I have an opinion and you have yours.
If we were writing about the devastating effects of chronic alcoholism, would it be so offensive to you that I were painfully aware of the suffering and that I dare mention it exists? I’m sorry that you are so offended by the concept of pain. You are insulting the intelligence of the people I love by insinuating that they don’t agree that obesity hurts. It is not so easy to change an entire way of living.
Thank you for your concern for my loved ones, they would only point out that energy being put into feeling sorry Is energy wasted. They are much more snarky and protective, so I’m sure their words would differ a bit ; ).
Thank you also for trying to enlighten me(?); it is not lost on me that your name-calling detracts so strikingly from any notion of acceptance.
We (and science) can debate whether or not you can be healthy at 100 lbs overweight all day (I personally believe you can). For me, what isn’t debatable is this:
“And I also don’t believe that even though you might be 100 pounds overweight, you’re going, ‘Oh I’m good the way that I am.’ BULLSHIT. I don’t believe that you don’t wake up in the morning and feel uncomfortable in your skin. I don’t believe that you don’t feel insecure when you pick your kid up from school. I don’t believe that you don’t feel uncomfortable when you’re naked in front of your husband or your wife for that matter. I don’t believe you.”
BULLSHIT indeed, Jillian. When I was 90 lbs heavier than I am now, I felt awesome about myself. I didn’t feel uncomfortable naked. I didn’t hate myself. I feel like it’s absolutely ridiculous to make assessments about others’ self-image based on your own judgments and the way you or people you know felt when heavy. (Side note: telling people they are disgusting is NOT a good way to encourage them to take care of themselves!) I cannot deal with people who justify nasty attitudes like this with, “Well but it’s NOT healthy.” I feel like you summed it up perfectly with this: “Second, so what if they’re not perfectly healthy? Who is? Jillian? Someone else’s health has no impact on how much I love, respect, or value them.” For realz.
I completely agree with you, Rachel.
When I was at my heaviest weight, I never felt bad about myself, hated what I saw in the mirror (clothes or no clothes), or worried about being naked in front of my significant other. I LOVED myself and still do because I’m “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
I like Jillian’s no-nonsense workouts, but I think she needs some more therapy to deal with the feelings she had when she was overweight and her current fat-aversion.
I don’t know about a 100 lb weight fluctuation and still being healthy – I certainly wasn’t when I weighed 100 lbs more than I do now, but I am supportive that there isn’t a single weight number that is your target for performance or health. My weight can fluctuate anywhere in about a 25 lb range and I’m great health and performance wise. I just saw this on Lolo Jones changing her body weight to perform in bobsledding for the Olympics – she’s still a highly athletic person http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2013/10/01/track-star-lolo-jones-eats-9000-calories-to-beef-up-for-bobsledding/
I don’t know what to make of Jillian Michaels. Either this is all a symptom of her own desperate insecurity, in which case I feel great compassion for her…OR she does this stuff intentionally because she knows that making people feel bad about their bodies is what keeps her rich and famous, which is nothing short of sociopathic.
Then again, instead of trying to armchair diagnose her, there is one thing that can be said with certainty–she is wrong, and the message she spreads is damaging.
Check out the blog Dances With Fat for some great size acceptance/Health at Every Size 101. (Charlotte, I know you’ve mentioned before that you’re already a fan, but I figured I’d recommend it to other readers.)
To believe someone who is 100 lbs. overweight can’t be comfortable with themselves, you have to buy into the notion that how your body looks and that number on the scale are the only things by which a person’s comfort with themselves and self esteem can be measured. That is what really bugs me about Jillian’s comments. Does the number on the scale make me a good mother, is that number on the scale the reason the people who love me love me, does that number on the scale give me the fortitude to get through the hard things that come up in life? No. There are so many more aspects, and really more meaningful ones, to a person’s worth than simply their weight and in making the comments she made I feel like she is reinforcing this idea that all of a person’s worth is tied up in their body size. Are they at peak health 100 pounds overweight, perhaps not, but does that inherently mean then that a person can’t feel good about themselves at that weight, no.
Comfortable 100 lbs overweight? Me, nope. Not even comfortable when I gain 5 pounds, I am very sensitive to “feeling” and any jiggle makes me uncomfortable, even last night… If you knew me and or saw me you would think I was born lean, and that I must be comfortable in my skin. Perhaps people who have had EDs are the ones who can’t be comfortable overweight? Maybe those who are comfortable with themselves jsut are, no matter their sizes? no one knows because we are only in our own heads.
I believe in self-acceptance. I think SIZE needs to be taken out of the equation, period. For me, size is a :”result” of acceptance, once I focus on the size, away goes the acceptance. if I forget about size, back comes acceptance…
I should really get a full length mirror so I can see what my clothes look like, but taking it away also diminished how long it tas to get dressed…though it stil ltakes me tons of time to pick what goes with what.
The first 2 paragrapsh, those are me… (minus the Daria thing, never heard of her)
I am not, nor have I ever been, a Jillian Michaels fan. I’m not a fan of her tough love, because as you said it seems to be light on the love side of things. On a completely random note: I hate that she acts like a shrink in every episode – she isn’t. That being said, I know she has been a motivating factor to thousands of people to get healthy, so I can respect her for that.
I think she has a point. True, we cannot be healthy at every size. But I agree with you, we can probably be healthy at more sizes than we have deemed “socially acceptable” sizes. I am someone who pretty much is always about the same weight (feel free to send me hate mail, you won’t be the first one) yet at this same weight that I’ve been since about my junior year of high school I have been healthy and I have been incredibly unhealthy. I really hate when people say “You’re thin, I bet you can eat whatever you want!” And it drives me crazy! My appearance in no way manifests my health. Just because I could eat cheeseburgers for lunch every day without gaining weight does not make me immune to clogged arteries or the other side effects of such a diet. I have “looked” fine but been so iron deficient I could hardly run a mile. Appearance and health are not the same things at all.
Um, I think my train of thought derailed on the way to it’s destination. You’re stuck with what you’ve got.
When I was overweight (maybe not quite 100lbs but close) I felt perfectly fine about myself. Was I happy in my skin every moment of every day? No, of course not but who is in our society? The times when I’ve felt worst about myself were the same times when people were asking if I was a model. Yes, the feelings about myself were tied more to the anorexia and less to my weight exactly but it goes to show you never ever know how people feel about themselves. If Jillian really believes that she can she should keep it to herself. I think her opinions are so damaging.
On the other hand, when I think about love and someone’s health being connected I’m more conflicted. My husband is a Type I diabetic. He works really hard to keep his numbers under control and yet stays pretty positive about the whole thing. His father is also a diabetic. From what I know he’s always been pretty bitter about being dealt that hand and has always struggled to keep everything in check. Now that he’s in his 50s he’s starting to have some health consequences from the uncontrolled blood sugar. Would I love my husband as much if he was in that same position? I honestly don’t know. I think I’d have a hard time accepting it.
On a more positive note, yay Charlotte! One of the best things I ever learned in therapy was to change “I feel fat and can’t leave the house” into “I feel fat but I’m leaving the house”. I was actually just thinking about that yesterday when nothing I put on felt right but I still got myself out the door right on time.
I think “size acceptance” is a hard concept because our attempts to empathize are often clouded with projection. I’ve never been obese. Or even overweight. But I have weighed more than I wanted and it did a serious number on me mentally, and when I’ve lost the weight I’ve felt much better physically as well. So it’s hard for me to imagine that someone seriously overweight/obese feels as good, mentally or physically, as someone who isn’t. But that doesn’t mean they don’t! And it doesn’t mean that someone who appears to be a healthy weight and you know to exercise does feel good mentally and physically. So from that stand point I can understand the need for size acceptance. And I think if Jillian had stuck to physical measures of health, her answer wouldn’t have been inflammatory. She should have stuck to “You should love yourself and others should love you regardless of size but if the medical measures of health; your blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar processing, etc; that are strongly associated with eating habits and weight aren’t good, you shouldn’t necessarily “accept” that size.”
My biggest beef is Jillian appears to be talking for everyone when the only person she can really speak for is herself. She wasn’t comfortable in her skin when she was younger and overweight; ergo, nobody could possibly be.
I know I wasn’t comfortable when I weighed more than I do now, but I recognize that’s just me and isn’t indicative of some sort of universal state. I agree that health can likely be found in a larger span of sizes than are currently viewed as acceptable in our society.
Personally, I tend to agree with Jillian Michaels on this issue. While I have never been 100 pounds overweight, I have had weight to lose. I know that when I carry more weight on my frame then I should,. I don’t feel as good as I do without that weight. My back aches, my knees hurt. I am not talking about self-confidence. I am not talking about loving oneself at any size. Realistically, whether your numbers are good or not (BP, cholesterol, etc) you cannot make me believe that if you have 100’s of pounds to lose you feel good. This however in no way should translate into whether you love yourself or if you are a good human being. I also do not believe that every 5’4″ woman should weight 114 pounds. Every body shape is different and some people have more muscle – so that number on the scale is certainly not the measure of health. I do not even weigh myself anymore. Jillian Michaels is a tough cookie and I personally think she was being honest. The Biggest Loser shows people all the time tranformed . They talk in the beginning about being ok with themselves and then afterwards talking about having their lives back. People need to feel accepted and saying that they are fine with being very overweight is a defense mechanism in my personal opinion.
Reading stuff like that from Jillian makes me dislike her more and more. It really makes me sad for her children. I sure hope they have skinny genetics! And I wouldn’t be surprised if she and her partner chose their sperm donor based on his size.
Yes Charolette. You can be comfortable in your skin– no matter what size it is. And I also pray my daughter can become comfortable as well. It took me a long time to be at peace with my body but it is possible!
I think she’s crazy. There are women out there who are eat healthy, exercise, and are still overweight. There is absolutely no reason for them to be “forced” to hate themselves, when there is no way that they can lose weight healthily (I do not consider starvation or surgery to be healthy options). If it were you, and you really truly were healthy and COULD NOT lose weight, wouldn’t you rather accept yourself, live your life, and be happy? I have to believe that it is possible, and preferable to hating yourself every day and being unable to change! Have you ever read Rajen’s work at danceswithfat.wordpress.com. I love her.
I like to party, not look arcleits up online. You made it happen.
I’m all for kindness to others! We are all fighting some battle. I bet you could tell someone’s health just by looking at them almost every time, Charlotte! This has been studied and people are amazingly accurate within two minutes of seeing someone!
I would like to know what Gillian thinks of someone who is gravely underweight. Does she feel the same way? Would she even think to ask a very, very thin person if their internist is OK with their numbers?
My father is obese. Has been so my whole life and I can honestly say without hesitation that he was much healthier than I was when I was struggling with my eating disorder. His “numbers” are great. He looks 15 years younger than he is, he gets regular exercise and eats fairly healthfully (better than I do) and at 60 is on no medication. But he is most definitely considered obese. He loves his life and himself. I am a thin person by genetics and when I was struggling with an ED, I was thinner, but not skeletal. However, my “numbers” were awful. I felt sickly, exercised to the extreme and ate next to nothing, but I looked like the kind of person every fitness magazine would tell you you should look like. I hated life and myself.
Which life would YOU like to lead, Gillian? An ‘overweight’, healthy person who loves life, or a thin, unhealthy person who hates it? Now that I have a better view of myself, I can tell you I would rather be healthy, bigger, and happy than sickly, tiny and miserable.
I think her comments were trite and weren’t thought through enough. She is so used to the drill sergeant persona that it causes her to say things as hard and fast facts when they are no such thing. That can be dangerous when you are as influential as she is.
Just to throw my 2-cents in;
There is a world of difference between wanting to change your health, size, or whatever from a place of love and growth than changing from a place to fear.
There was a time when I worked out to stop being weak. Now I workout to be stronger. The first scenario was destructive and abusive. The second was empowering and beneficial all around.
I would say change for the sake of running towards something rather than running from something.
Working at the YMCA, I’ve run into plenty of folks who, as they age, see a huge correlation between pain in their joints and even just a few extra pounds. Knee and hip surgery converts a lot of people into believers that extra weight has a big impact on their health.
I accept myself as an imperfect person who has days where she doesn’t accept herself!
I was hugely uncomfortable when I was 100 lbs overweight. Sure, I was pregnant and a lot of that was water weight, but even so, at about 170-180 lbs today, I’ve developed spurs in my hip ball joint and problems with my knees.
I don’t think Jillian Michaels is the end all, BUT I am inclined to agree with her main message. I do think she is compassionate but also a “loudmouth” who admits she doesn’t filter a lot of what she says. If you listen to her podcast, she can be harsh about issues BUT she’s equally harsh and open about herself. I’ve rarely heard a celebrity be so open about her own personal issues and problems. She admits when she’s wrong. And while I do think she has a tough-guy thing going on Biggest Loser, don’t forget the show is extremely edited. It’s not “reality” at all.
If anything, she keeps the conversation going & what’s bad about that?
Ecmeooins are in dire straits, but I can count on this!
The fatphobia thing is about appearances and moral panic, not “health.” Like the commenter upthread who said that she is thin but is very unhealthy but no one ever concern trolls her because she looks socially acceptable. I know many thin people who binge drink, eat tons of junk food, don’t work out, do drugs every weekend, and know nothing about nutrition. They are just genetically thin, so no one questions their health. When they are middle aged and develop health issues, no one will blame them for their habits. It’ll be “genetic” or blamed on age.
Society hates fat people at this moment because it represents excess and lack of control. American society is obsessed with work and suffering, and fat people are viewed as outside this dynamic, evil hedonists. That is what it is, it is not about health, no one gives a shit about health. If I decided to do cocaine and stop eating and lose 100 pounds, I can promise you everyone would think I was “healthier.”
Jillian’s business is based on hating fat people, if people stopped dieting, it would directly affect her bottom line. Since has so many fatties who worship her (i used to be one), she has to pretend she is for size acceptance, but her true feelings are that if you are fat, you MUST be self-loathing. Untrue.
First of all, I’d say that it’s Jillian’s vast and lengthy experience with overweight people that leads her to declare she doesn’t know anyone who’s comfortable in their skin being 100 ilbs overweight. From her perspective all she’s telling is the truth. The folk who are that overweight and totally fine with it would never cross paths with her.
Secondly, while she might have expressed herself clumsily, I think she’s right to nail this whole idea of ‘fat acceptance’. Because it’s been fairly clearly established medically that the human body doesn’t function optimally when burdened with huge excesses of adipose tissue. And while wanting people to feel good about themselves is an excellent goal, giving those of us who are overweight tacit permission to continue abusing ourselves via an unhealthy lifestyle isn’t being kind. It’s being cruel. Just because the truth is hard to hear doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hear it.
And please note I say, us. I am currently dealing with my issues revolving excess fat on my body, which does nothing but contribute emotional and physical stress to my life. I for one welcome Jillian’s refusal to soft pedal the downside of being overweight, and her willingness to risk criticism for daring to call a fat person fat. She spends her life dealing with overweight people and the negative impact of that condition. If anyone has the authority to speak up on the subject, she does.
For people who are overweight and are genuinely at peace with it, who genuinely love themselves, and who reject attempts to shame them into conforming to an unrealistic societally determined norm, I say brilliant. But that’s not the same as saying the excess weight isn’t/won’t one day be having a negative impact on their health.
One can be at peace with one’s physicality and still be doing oneself some harm.
Well, not even touching other measures of health (and definitely not broaching self esteem), it’s of course possible to find obese people who are physically active *to the degree recommended by medical authorities*; people who hit their 5 a day, etc. But – I’m ready for attack, here – it’s unlikely that someone who’s 100 lbs overweight is doing those things.
What if (as some believe) it’s the *behaviours* of what we understand to be fit, “normal” weight people that correlate with health and reduced risk for most of the chronic diseases. These behaviours also correlate with improved sense of well being, energy, mood. To the extent those immediate effects contribute to positive self and body image, the *habits* of fit/normal weight people do, as well. (And if you’re like 99% of people, and you follow those habits, you’re probably not obese.)
Until I started doing things fit people do, I honestly didn’t know how bad I felt, comparatively. Muscular tension, insomnia, low mood, lack of energy, sluggish thinking — all these improved significantly or even reversed — with fit-people-activities and nutrition. I honestly had no idea how good it was even possible for me to feel. And yeah, increased testosterone had additional positive effects on drive to express affection, sure 🙂
What also came out of exercise: feeling strong, capable. Learning new bodily skills and movements.
All of those experiences impacted how I felt about and used my body. This translated into lots of other positive, self-reinforcing behaviours, and influenced my relationships with others.
I’m saying: apart from not being sick or about to be sick, health might also be defined as optimal functioning. Can you sleep well? Move and breathe easily? Think clearly? Use your body to do all the things you want to do in life, that keep you happy? Maybe more than that — maybe you’ve been fine playing chess, or whatever; do you have a good idea of what being happy even is – can you do the things that bring *most humans* happiness, clarity, good functioning? Have you experienced this, to know the difference?
Size acceptance to one side, how do people feel about accepting their habits? Do those serve optimal health for you? Does your body?
I think the message should be that you can be BEAUTIFUL, happy, and confident at any size… But beautiful is not always healthy. Love yourself enough to try to get healthy but know you are beautiful throughout the entire journey.
It’s like everyone tells a story about themselves inside their own head. Always. All the time. That story makes you what you are. We build ourselves out of that story.
Jillian Michaels was once on the other side of the spectrum and was much heavier than she is now…Her motivation to lose the weight was seemingly driven by social pressures to conform and gain peer acceptance. So, how can you expect her to believe otherwise? …This would contradict her motivation to look the way she does now, and she might have never even began her fitness journey in the first place. Essentially, she would be a hypocrite and would contravene all the work she has done to look how she does today. Oh, and she works in the fitness industry now, so again this resonates even more now! …of course she will not concede to your proposition…her reputation and money are on the line, and most importantly her ego. Her identity is how she looks…she derives her confidence in how she looks.
Pingback:Link Love Episode 2
Hi there, I found your website by way of Google even as searching for a related subject, your web site got
here up, it looks great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hello there, simply turned into alert to your blog via Google,
and located that it’s truly informative. I am gonna be careful for brussels.
I’ll be grateful should you continue this in future. Many other people will probably be benefited out of your
writing. Cheers!
For the reason that the admin of this website is working, no
hesitation very soon it will be well-known, due to its feature contents.