‘”Having the perfect body isn’t all it’s cracked up to be” is one mom’s answer to the now infamous Maria Kang, a.k.a. Fit Mom, a.k.a. the What’s Your Excuse lady. As I’m sure you recall, Maria made news for posting a pic of her bangin’ bod next to her cutie-pie kidlets, one of whom was just 8 months old with the caption “What’s your excuse?” It ignited a firestorm of controversy that has only increased as she’s continued to do interviews. But one response in particular caught my eye and it’s from a mom who says she’s been where Maria is now – the fit mom – and gave it up because the sacrifice ended up not being worth it to her.
Taryn Brumfitt of Australia posted a different sort of before and after picture than we’re used to seeing:
photo source
She then told a similar story to Maria’s – of never loving her body and then having three babies in a short amount of time and hating it even more, of crying on her husband’s shoulder and never feeling beautiful. It’s a story I think a lot of us moms can relate to, frankly. From there both Maria and Taryn threw themselves into getting fit, shedding the baby weight and, ultimately, posing in tiny workout outfits with their babies as “proof.” Taryn even went on to compete in a figure competition. But then the stories diverge. Where Maria went on to make a media empire out of telling (or shaming) women that they can and should look like her, Taryn… decided it wasn’t worth it.
In a beautiful blog post titled “Dear Maria Kang, This is my Excuse” Taryn wrote that while she looked “perfect” on the outside, she felt something lacking on the inside. She began to resent the time her training took away from her family. She was saddened by how food had lost its joy and how her austere diet often isolated her at parties and other “fun” gatherings. So she quit. She stopped caring about her bodyfat percentage and how she looked in a bikini, instead saying that she now focuses on eating healthy, working out three times a week and enjoying all parts of her life. In her post she emphasizes that she hasn’t given up on being healthy and fit – those are still important to her – but rather that she’s given up on looking perfectly healthy and fit.
She says she’s regained about twenty “squishy” pounds but that it’s worth it because she’s also regained her life. Of Maria, she writes, “‘To look like she does is (for most people) completely doable, if you are willing to sacrifice most of the things that you love…” She continues, “There is darker, untold side to having a body like Maria’s – she’s hiding it (I know), it’s just behind her razzle and dazzle.”
Taryn explains that during her “fit” phase, she often felt selfish “obsessing over diet and exercising” instead of spending time with her kids. As a person who has struggled with exercise addiction and endless dieting, I understand her sentiment perfectly. To this day, my greatest regret about my 6-hours-a-day cardio habit is how much of my kids’ childhoods it made me miss. Thankfully they’re very forgiving and loving of me but still, I can’t get that time back.
Taryn concludes, “‘The irony is I think I’m healthier now than I was when I was in the competition,’ she says. ‘Health encompasses your mental health too and I think people forget that.” She adds, “If what you value is your health then you’ll treat your body like a vehicle, not an ornament.”
As I read Taryn’s and Maria’s stories, I found myself fascinated that two moms in such similar circumstances could come to two such opposite conclusions about what was worth sacrificing – and what wasn’t – for their fitness goals. Now, I’m NOT saying that Maria neglects her children or that Taryn is a lazy hater but rather that each of us has to decide what we’re willing to give up to get what we want and, even more importantly, if what we think we want is what will truly make us happy.
One of my favorite parts about my job is getting to watch people do amazing athletic feats and then interviewing them about how they did it. The human body is a mind-bogglingly beautiful piece of machinery and I never cease to be amazed at what people can accomplish when they try. (And I love the stories of “ordinary” people doing things that are amazing to them just as much as I love the stories of pro athletes breaking world records!) But the flip side to that is also getting to see what they do to get where they are, how the proverbial sausage gets made. And I will tell you this: I’ve never interviewed a single athlete that hasn’t sacrificed, often immensely, to get where they are.
For some athletes I’ve interviewed, like figure skater Kristi Yamaguchi, their sacrifice had a lofty goal and paid off big in the end – she is an Olympic gold medalist, after all. But for many more people – people who put just as much time, effort and tears into their training as Kristi did – their successes weren’t quite as grand and some never reached their goal at all. To use Taryn’s body building example, I’ve had the privilege to talk to many, many body builders and figure competitors. They train as hard or harder than anyone I’ve spoken with. For instance, the traditional body builder diet is far more austere than the one the U.S. ski team told me they eat, not to mention that body builders log more gym hours than almost anyone. Yet most of them are barely known outside their sport and with so many different divisions, often not even known in their sport. So was their sacrifice still worth it?
Of course I can’t answer that. None of us can. Only the person themselves, Kristi included, can decide if all their sacrifices got them where they wanted to go. The only answer I can give is my own.
A couple of years ago I was being interviewed for Fitness and the writer asked me, “What is the number one thing you wish you had known when you were first starting your health and fitness journey?” I get that question A LOT. (And I’m guessing you guys do too.) Usually I answer something like find an exercise you love – “fitness should be fun!” – so you can make it a lifelong passion. And that’s not a bad answer. (Or if it is, feel free to disillusion me in the comments.) But that day I just couldn’t say it. Because if I could tell my pre-kickboxing, pre-yoga, pre-vegan, pre-assault self just one thing it wouldn’t be that saturated fats are not evil or that short-and-intense workouts are the golden ticket of fitness or even that ground flaxseed and water can be substituted for an egg in any recipe and have it turn out exactly the same! (Although all those things are awesome and I’m glad I know them.) No, what I would tell myself is this:
My body is a means to an end, not an end itself.
I realized the other day that I really don’t have any fitness performance goals anymore. I have a list as long as an unrolled roll of toilet paper (of which there are many in my house, thank you kitty – my kids have finally outgrown that phase and now the cat’s taken over) of fitness-y things that I think would be amazing and fun and rewarding to do. But I am not trying to beat a personal best or do X number of pull-ups or lose XX pounds or even, heaven help me, make a shot in basketball that isn’t an accident. Not that those types of goals aren’t great – they can be! – but right now in my life what I want most is to find happiness in the moment; joy where I’m at, not at some specified time in the future. My goals are aimed more towards balance, gratitude and thriving instead of just surviving.
So fitness for me now is becoming more about training my body to be healthy so that I can do the things in my life outside of the gym that I want to do. My arms, no matter how cut or powerful, are only as good as how many kids, bags of groceries and rogue bicycle helmets they can juggle. My buff legs are only as good as how fast I can run to a friend in need.
And the more I have shifted my goals the more I find myself at odds with the health and fitness hegemony (the Maria Kangs of the world, if you will). Everyone wants me to be training for something. There’s this whole attitude in the fitness industry that if you look good, then the rest of your life will fall into place. And while there is some small truth in that, personal experience has shown me that it more often works better the other way. The more I focus on doing good things, the more confident I become and subsequently the better I look and feel.
This is why living a healthy lifestyle cannot be primarily motivated by wanting to look good. It’s so easy to get caught up in this self-perpetuating cycle of working out to look good and looking good to workout, especially because it receives so much public adulation. But in the end what are you? A living trophy? I am not ornamental! And neither are you!
We are not ornamental!
This preoccupation with the surface is not just vanity. I do think it’s easier to measure changes in the body than in the spirit. A pants size is a much more concrete fact than, say, integrity. And it’s so much easier for other people to recognize an awesome six-pack than a forgiving heart. I’m not saying that the two states can’t go together – there are many people that are beautiful inside and out – but rather that focusing all my time on my outer aspects actually robs me of inner peace. The time that I looked my “best” (I even had a woman tell me I had “the perfect body” buwhahah!), I was never more confused, upset, fearful and self-hating. Because now that I had “it”, I realized I couldn’t keep it. To be honest, I wasn’t even entirely sure how I got “it” in the first place. Not to mention I was in the depths of an eating disorder and mental illness at the time. No one can keep “it” indefinitely, not even Giselle. And if your sense of self-worth is tied to that beautiful body then who are you when it’s gone?
Being healthy and fit are not bad things. I’m not saying that one should eat junk food and watch Say Yes to the Dress all day every day. The body and spirit are so intertwined that sickness in one inevitably produces malady in the other. What I think I’m trying to say is that despite all the slick monolithic marketing telling us otherwise, the more effective healthy changes come from the inside out, not the other way around. It’s about finding balance in a very unbalanced world.
It’s about creating beauty instead of settling for just being beautiful.
All of this sounds terribly obvious now that I write it all out – call it a “duh” rather than an “aha” moment – and yet it’s taken me years to really understand it. And I’m not really sure what this means for me except that more I think about it the more my cognitive dissonance grows. I need to close the gap between who I am and who I want to be and no amount of sit-ups is going to do that.
I’m not knocking Maria Kang. If she’s happy then I’m happy that she’s happy. Nor am I saying that Taryn Brumfitt’s answer should be your answer. Each person has to decide what their priorities are right now and those can change depending on your stage of life. You do you and all that. All I’m asking you tonight is to look at what you’re giving up and decide what level of sacrifice is worth it to get what you want. And then to ask yourself if getting what you want is what will make you happy. Anything worth having is worth sacrificing for but is everything we sacrifice for worth having??
What do you guys do to make sure what you’re doing is in line with your priorities? Where do you draw the line between acceptable sacrifice and too much? What do you think of Taryn’s story??
I’ve been obsessed with dieting all my life. There was even a time in my life I not only obsessed about all I ate, but how much exercise my overweight body could do in a day, in a week. Yet, it hasn’t helped me one bit. I am now as big as I was 6 years ago when I decided to turn it all around. I sacrificed much in that time, happiness is one of them (although I’m still struggling with mental illness), the sanity of my family was another, and hanging out with friends without fretting was yet another. Over the last two years my health took a bad turn and I through myself into my family. Strangely enough, I sacrificed even more of my well being and health.
I still need to find a way to have a balance between sacrificing time with my family for some fitness and sacrificing obsession with food and exercise for time with my family.
My body now has to become a more efficient vehicle. Because I need to be able to carry those groceries, run to a friend/kids when they need me, and enjoying time outside or in the mall with a loved one.
You gave me some perspective, and I will truly try to find that balance so I could life a healthier life.
??? My biggest regret is setting a poor example for my kids in their early years by being obese, inactive, eating a poor diet, and feeding THEM a poor diet of drive-thru donuts, microwave “chicken” nuggets and using recreational cooking/eating as a way to pass the time. Any and all “slams” of Fit Mom are jealousy and hate, plain and simple. If her dedication didn’t somehow get under your skin and remind you of all that you are NOT doing, it wouldn’t bother you, or this former bodybuilder, as you call her, to write about her. And carrying around 20 extra “squishy” pounds of fat in the name of “enjoying” life through overeating and junk food is nothing to be proud of. By all accounts, Fit Mom does not have hired child care, household help, etc. and spends PLENTY of time with her kids. And, by comparison, does a mom who works 45 hours/week outside the home and does employ hired child care/household help also get your scorn for not spending enough time with her kids? If anything, I wish I had been MORE “selfish,” as you like to call it, and made MY health a priority and used those early years to set a better example for my children. She eats right, she knows about nutrition, and with her history of fitness, probably needs only 45 minutes a day of focused working out to maintain her body composition, cardiovascular endurance, flexibility and strength…I bet the rest of her activity comes from playing with her kids, pushing a stroller, doing house work, etc. So if you want to slam her for taking that time to be an adult for herself every day, why not slam every fat mom who sits gabbing on the phone glued to Facebook or the TV all afternoon while her kids snack on Oreos and Lunchables? Are they somehow more “real” to you?
This is so full of stereotypes it’s hard to even unpack. 1. 20 pounds is not the difference between Maria Kang and those headless pictures of obese people we see all over the news — I don’t even go up a full size gaining 20 pounds. Having 20 “squishy pounds” is not going to make a huge difference in anyone’s health, and if anything it might reduce all-cause mortality risk since older women who are “overweight” rather than “normal” or “underweight” BMI tend to survive health challenges better! 2. 20 pounds is not the difference between never exercising and eating Twinkies all the livelong day, and working out and eating a healthy diet. For me, my 15-20 “not worth it” pounds are the difference between exercising for an hour 5-6 times a week and eating enough not to have hunger affect my concentration at work, or exercising for two hours every single day and restricting calories to the point where it affects my cognitive function. 3. You want children to observe healthy habits? Teaching children from an early age that a woman’s main duty in life is to be ripped at any cost is awful. You can teach them to eat a healthy diet and play actively without reinforcing our culture’s sick pressure on women to be perfect bodies.
APPLAUSE!
My health is and has been a top priority all my life. I eat healthy foods, and exercise a lot (at the moment 9 to 10 hours a week). I am not ripped and will never be (I would also have to lose about 20 pounds to get there). I am very strong and fit though, and all my health markers are excellent. For women having a slightly higher fat percentage is actually healthier, most fitness models and fitness competitors have a fatpercentage that can be called unhealthy. Many of them will not be able to even get pregnant at such low body fat percentages. At my age (46 now) when menopause is close, a bit of extra weight makes a big difference in the effect it has on your body, low body fat makes menopauze a lot harder to bear.
That should be proof enough that nature does not favour “skinny” women.
Taryn said she still makes healthy living a priority, but she’s not taking it to the figure model extremes she once did. Did you even read the article?
And also, why is it so difficult for some people to understand that there is a huge middle ground between obsessive exercising/dieting and eating nothing but 10,000 calories of junk food while watching TV seventeen hours a day? Most of us are occupying space somewhere in between these two extremes, yet people like you seem to think it can only be one or the other.
Michele, you are totally misrepresenting everything that Charlotte just wrote. I suggest you read it again, but pay attention this time.
I don’t know if Michele is returning to read these comments or not (and I’m also not sure if it would be better for her to see this or not see this), but I think many of us can relate to what she’s going through–for many, when you’re in the throes of self-hatred, you tend to lash out at people who share your same perceived flaw. Michele, if you’re reading this, you have our compassion. It sounds like you’re a good mom, and a healthy person, and yes, you CAN afford to cut yourself some slack.
That said, Charlotte, I hope you know that this misrepresentation of your article does NOT reflect anything you actually said, or even implied.
Well said Melissa!
Maria, is that you?
Lol Mercy. Your reply made my day. I can’t stop chuckling.
I appreciate every reply following Michelle’s post.
Neither Charlotte nor Ms. Brumfitt is advocating anything close to what you describe, Michele. Ms. Brumfitt’s experience, I would venture, reflects that of a majority of moms: We prepare healthy food for ourselves & our families, we work out regularly (including family-oriented activities), and we have 20 extra pounds and rounder tummies than our society says we “should.” We don’t hate Fit Mom, but some of us dislike the way she’s trying to get her message across.
It probably IS easier for her, at this point, to maintain her physique. And that’s great! But for many of us, attaining that type of body would require hours and hours of workouts every week and extreme dietary limitations. As it did for me, when I was in my mid-twenties and hadn’t had my kids yet. At this point, I’d have to work even harder, and I’d rather spend most of that time with my kids.
I love, love, love this post…thank you! I’m definitely going through the same questions myself. I have been super-fit for the last few years and have been trying to find that priority limit–how much do I need to exercise per day, and also reach my other goals too (writing, my child, my family, etc…) and I thought I found it. I stopped using measurements that drove me crazy. Felt ok…..But then just went to a Drs. appt. and when I was weighed, learned like Tamryn, I’m not quite as fit as I was. The number on the scale was a horrible shock. Instead of doing weights or strength training 7 days a week these past few months I was taking hikes, or doing yoga, or something else. Taking kind of an off-season. Instead of cutting myself slack, now I’m mad at myself for gaining and not being able to keep -it-up. But I’m perfectly normal…just not skinny. It is virtually impossible to be “in training” all the time, like you said, without sacrificing something. I tell myself that, but get mad at myself for not being able to achieve it anyway. I hope to find the answer for me soon. Your post is perfect though, and so much help, thank you!
This is so beautifully written Charlotte. It speaks to so many things that I have struggled with in the past. Part of being trans* for most means having body dysphoria. I kept telling myself that I would be completely healed as soon as I had chest surgery and granted it has made an amazing difference about how I feel. But a lot of that need to have the perfect body is there whether male or female. And what you discussed- the more you are affirmed, the more scared you are is exactly it. I think a lot of it is about control. I need to feel in control of my body. Surrendering that control is so difficult and I have to constantly remind myself. (and many times I still can’t do it. ) I feel for Maria-because in some ways I identify. I alienate myself with my strict diet and other non- negotiable practices.
That’s why it is so important that we keep this dialogue going both male and female, we need to remind each other to constantly question this… (Sorry this is so long!!)
It’s so interesting. A very close friend of mine is trans and she and I have had many conversations about this. Although our stories are different, mine with eating disorders and hers with transitioning, our feelings about ourselves and what we’ve been through emotionally are so similar. There’s something about looking in the mirror and not understanding what you’re seeing. Hope you’re doing well!
Great post, Charlotte! And good thoughts, too… definitely needed this reminder.
This is so true! Great article 🙂
I got in amazing shape a few years ago and reached my appearance goals, but then I looked in the mirror and said “what’s next? Is this it?”. I was able to maintain my weight for several years then stress and health issues helped add 10 pounds. I want to lose the weight, but my priorities have shifted from “do whatever it takes” to living a healthy lifestyle and setting examples for my kids. Maria’s message is flawed because she assumes every woman should look like her, and everyone should live her way. I am learning to love my life these days and learning to be happy with my body and not be obsessed so much. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
Nice post!
I know that “duh” feeling, It happens a lot to me lately: I have a brilliant flash of insight, immediately followed by the thought “well, that’s obvious”.
I’ve also been confused about beauty. I never thought beauty important, I never judged another by it, nor would I have chosen a boyfriend based on his looks. I did however judge myself quite harshly on my looks.
On health: I don’t dare to say that being beautiful means your healthy and I don’t think that’s necessarily true. Or that being thinner, means health.
I do know however that exercising eating healthy and losing weight have contributed to a better health for me. That’s also the reason I started doing those things and why I will never quit exercising or start eating unhealthy again. For me it’s essential for having energy (I have a Chronic Fatigue Disorder). That I look more beautiful (in my own eyes) is a very welcome side-effect.
I love this post and I love Taryn’s before and afters. Several years ago I was kind of obsessive about running and was perpetually training for one half marathon or marathon after another. I felt tough, and strong, and confident. And then, after majorly herniating a disc in my back I spent 9 months barely able to tolerate sitting up, let alone running and I fell into a major depression. I felt lost and like I was a big fat nothing. I wound up in therapy and one day when we were talking about how running was what made me feel good about myself, my therapist said that to base your self worth on something you can lose is really sort of a fallacy. The things that really and truly make up a person’s worth are inner qualities that can’t be lost so easily. That really struck me. So, to work out 3 hours a day for rock hard abs so you feel good about yourself is setting yourself up to one day feel lost. I was just telling my friend not too long ago that I am finally, after so many years of working out hard and hating my body, to the point where I feel like it is such a waste of my time and energy, all this obsessing over myself. When I am at the end of my life am I going to feel enriched because I once could run a sub 4 marathon? I am pretty sure the answer to that is no. Now, all that said, I am still constantly working on figuring out how to like myself without mixing appearances into the equation but I think it is helpful that I can see it for what it is.
I love what your therapist said! Thank you for sharing that insight.
Timely post. I’ve been irked by this topic lately.
I have an acquaintance in my “dieting” circle who has kicked butt and met their weight loss goals in the timeline they set. I applaud them. But then I get SUPER ANNOYED when I hear them make statements like “I have to go do 90 minutes on the eliptical so I can have dinner” or joke that they were tempted to take a laxative to lose some poo pounds before they did their “official weigh in” (thankfully I believe that was a joke, sadly I believe the exercise one is truth).
I haven’t been as “perfect” and haven’t met many goals (nor set ones like “be at X weight by Y date”) so of course I have envy. But it’s very fleeting when I think, do I really want to be like this person? Do I want to have my whole life revolve around every crumb of food I eat and how many calories I’ve burned? Or worse, do I want to become that annoying (because it is annoying)? The simple answer is no.
I do want to lose more of my excess body fat and train my taste buds to love healthy foods versus junk. I do want to be strong (so I’m not a liability when I have to move furniture!). I do have a scale number I’d like to see (and a pants size I’d like to comfortably be in) but if it means becoming someone I’m not, then it’s not worth it.
Timely for me, as well. A few years ago, when I decided to become a Pilates teacher, I did so mainly because I loved doing Pilates and wanted to share it. (OK, and for the free classes, lol!) But there was also a part of me that just KNEW that if I were a fitness instructor, I’d finally be thin “enough.” I’d have my ideal body and everything would be perfect! So I started teaching and, yes, the weight started coming off.
Then, 3 months later, my dad died. And I gained 30 pounds, which I have only just started to lose. Because at the time I told myself that my dad and I had had the closure we needed, and, while I missed him, I never fully grieved the loss. Because I didn’t need to; I;d had closure, right?
Not so much. As I was to find out, losing a parent changes one’s position in life. Suddenly I wasn’t as much of a daughter as I had been. I was taking care of my mom emotionally, as well as my kids. And working a new job. I felt thrust into the position of “grown-up” in a whole new way and was completely unprepared. So I upped my workouts. But the weight kept creeping on.
I finally realized that I needed to find my creativity again. And as I do, I think less about my weight. I obsess less over food. And I’m losing weight. So yes, absolutely, it HAS to come from within! And like you, Charlotte, when I looked my “best,” I was in the throes of an eating disorder, a major depression, and was experiencing 5-10 full-blown panic attacks a day. Definitely not worth it!
Same here. When I looked my best I was like you with an ED, depression, and was panic attacking away. SO not worth it. Very well put.
I think after I quit working out and trying to achieve a perfectly toned body, I realized what I really wanted. To run and not be weary and walk and not faint. Especially the later. 😉 That still takes a level of exercise, but I want to be able to play with my kid and not pass out after 2 minutes. I also took food to a bit of an extreme. I didn’t want to even cook with processed sugar let alone allow myself or family to consume anything not healthy. Then I realized I hated food and was dying to be able to pick up a cookie and just enjoy it. It is a balancing act to not swing to the radical ends, but I’d prefer that to not enjoying life. Which plates are you balancing? 😉
I love this. I found that when I was uberfit and perfect sure I looked good but it wasn’t sustainable unless I wanted my life to revolve around it…examining every food item and activity just to stay a certain shape? It just wasn’t for me. Don’t get me wrong – I love feeling strong and working out and the way it makes me feel…but it’s for *me* now. I want to be able to DO what I want to do to live my life…hike, walk, lift groceries…LIVE.
I admit -having been sick lately and having to lay low during chemo with little exercise has been frustrating at times, since I am losing strength and muscle and getting weaker, but it has really forced me to focus on my health and strength and doing what need to to look after myself. There is so much left to do 🙂
I really appreciate you writing this Charlotte (and Taryn’s honesty too). It’s such an important message- that our lives don’t need to revolve around how we look and there isn’t just one picture of health. A few years ago, I would have been thrilled to see Taryn’s pictures because it would have told me that a few “saggy” pounds could definitely go away with obsessive dieting and exercise. I’m so glad I’m not in that place mentally anymore and I can see Taryn’s real message. Would I choose to be a little thinner and a little more toned than I am now? Sure, if it took no effort but I absolutely wouldn’t exchange it for enjoying a drink out with friends occasionally or evenings spent at home curled up with my husband. I want to stay healthy for myself and my family but I refuse to believe that health is one size fits all.
I loved this post. I have to remind myself of your last points all the time, especially that we are not ornamental. Thank you for writing this.
” . . . you’ll treat your body like a vehicle, not an ornament.” ”
I think it’s a bit odd to treat it as either. I like to treat “my body” like it’s me.
Oh goodness. It’s a simile, silly. All the cool kids use ’em.
Yes. That’s why I took the trouble to point out that the simile relied upon having a particular perspective. All the wise elders do that.
My dear old friend,
I really needed this post. I have been saving up $ to be able to work with a personal trainer to achieve my goal of a “ripped” body. However, I’ve been thinking lately about what happens after I hit my goal. Then what? Keep going? I’ve been thinking about the time commitment, the extreme diet, etc and wondering if it will bring me more satisfaction and true happiness than just continuing to eat the best I can and exercise regularly to stay in good health, meanwhile keeping a good balance of time w/my kids, church, hubby, etc. Ahh, I’m SO thankful for your post. Now…what to do with the $ I have saved. 🙂
Hmm, take an active vacation, buy a bike (or whatever) you’ve got your eye on, cross country skis for the family?
About nine years ago I was the fittest I have ever been in my life – even truly had a 6 pack and arms that looked cut all of the time. But I was also going through a nasty divorce, family estrangement due to a clash in beliefs re if it was appropriate to divorce, the inevitable gossip that living in a small town brings, and female issues that lead finally to a hysterectomy. To deal with the stress, and avoid being in a house that I couldn’t afford to leave and my ex refused to leave I worked out – a lot. I would run each morning, then walk to work. Then after work I would head to the gym, do cardio, lift weights and then do some more mild cardio. As soon as I got home I would grab a quick supper – and then head out for a walk until it was almost time to head to bed.
Not a routine that I would advise for everyone, but it helped me deal with the extra energy that frustration gives you and allowed me to function effectively at work.
Now I am definitely softer (my 6 pack has a protective layer), but am much happier. I have a new partner who adores ands supports me as much as I do him, and I am achieving my career goals.
I have set myself some health and wellness goals now that other areas of my life are settled, I will not likely ever hit that level of fitness again as I will likely not ever hit 4+ hours of exercise per day ever again! But maybe I can get those arms back – I miss those!
Although I’m not currently at my lowest adult weight, I’m healthier and stronger than I’ve ever been thanks to making better food choices (the majority of the time) and exercising at least a few times per week. I made the decision a while ago to find a balance between eating healthy and “enjoying life.” I don’t eliminate anything from my diet that I really want, but I also don’t go hog wild. I’ll skip a workout if I find I need extra sleep, time with family, or time with my Bible. I think it’s SO important to balance ALL aspects of health – physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.
So, for me the “squishy” 20 lbs would be preferred to hours upon hours in the gym. But, that’s just MY personal preference for MY life. I applaud those who choose something different if it makes them happy. Life is too short to spend it criticizing others who have different habits or opinions and it’s too short to care what others think of MY habits and opinions.
This post says everything I’ve tried to say about ALL the ‘fitmoms’, ‘preggo crossfitmoms,’ ‘Norweigian 4 day postpartum moms’ blah blah blah. Only you said it more eloquently, as usual…I have so many Thoughts (capitalized on purposed) but get so worked up about it that it comes out like, AAAAUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH!” I think many of us here can relate to the mom who busted her butt and realized that it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Being fit and strong is fine and taking a bit of time for ourselves to do something we enjoy is important, but it can get away from us and become an obsession. Then it can become a burden. It had for me. That’s when it’s not worth it any more. And that’s MY excuse.
This is a beautiful post Charlotte. I couldn’t agree more with the sentiment. I will say I don’t think maintaining a high level of fitness an is all that time consuming or mentally draining though. I reAlly think Maria could do it in as little as 30-45 well spent minutes a day. (Although she clearly has the genetics that make it possible…assuming there has been no surgery) And cooking heAlthy food doesn’t have to take more time than making a crappy dinner. Personally, I think people are too hard on her and make too many assumptions. That said the other mom is awesome too. I really liked her story about not getting plastic surgery.
Catching up on past posts I’ve missed over the holiday season and this one (as is often the case with Charlotte’s writing) hits home. I’m still struggling to find my workout bliss again after having my daughter (14 months ago) and am slowly coming to terms with the fact that maintaining a six-day a week exercise addiction isn’t really possible as a single parent. Well, not unless you have one of those rare children who sleep for hours during the day! Struggling to find something I can do that fits in with our routine AND delivers the results that I was used to pre-motherhood has made me realise that maybe (ok, definitely) I’ve been focusing on the outward results instead of the practical results, and that flogging myself at Crossfit does neither of us any good if I’m then too sore to lift my daughter up for two days afterwards. Now, to find some balance… 🙂 Thanks for the reminder, Charlotte.
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Who is the woman in the wig and painted-on bikini?
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