The other day a little friend of one of my sons showed up at our front door bearing a gigantic plate of cookies, breads, candies and other treats. “Oh how generous of your mom!” I said as I took the tray from him. “Thank you!”
“No thank YOU,” he replied politely. “My mom says she can’t stand all these treats in our house so I should just take them all to you.” Before I could say anything he pointed at the tray, “This is from my aunt. And these cookies are from Miss Susie. They’re actually really good. The chocolates are from her work, but just the milk chocolate ones And…”
Ah the honesty of kids.
Part of me was a little annoyed that our house had become the de-facto dumping ground for unwanted goodies (said child showed up two more times with even more confections) but that part of me was quickly overshadowed by the part that couldn’t stop laughing. It’s nice to know that I’m not the only with Holiday Gift Anxiety! Nor the only one with oversharing kids. Whether giving or receiving, ’tis the season to be fraught with worry.
Holiday gift anxiety- it’s one of those things about being a grown-up that nobody ever tells you. When I was a child I had two main worries come Christmastime. One was making sure everyone knew I wanted that special mermaid doll that both sings and swims in the bathtub (that I never got) and the second was that my chain-smoking, garlic stuffed olive-eating grandma might kiss me on the mouth. But at some point after you realize that Santa Claus (or the Hannukah Armadillo) doesn’t really exist, it sets in that you are responsible for giving other people presents as well as receiving them and also that your mother-in-law will always kiss you on the lips no matter how many cold sores you fake. Let the panic commence.
One of my fondest memories from growing up was my mom’s baking bonanzas every holiday. She’d whip up plates of poppy seed bread, cookies, toffee, candies and other homemade goodies which we kids would then deliver to every neighbor within a 3-mile radius. You’d think my mom was campaigning for office or selling Mary Kay but really she just liked to cook things for people that she knew they’d like. It all seemed so simple then.
These days, while I share my mom’s charitable zeal and the holidays are about the only time I tie on my apron (really! I have one! It’s adorable!) and do my best Betty Homemaker, I lack her culinary abilities. In addition, the times have changed when it comes to giving and receiving food. I have friends who are allergic, gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant, fat free, sugar free and of course low carb. I have friends dieting, healthy lifestyling, and at every other point on the food spectrum. That leaves pretty much one person left with no food issues. And you all know that isn’t me.
I am sympathetic to their plight. Every year when the goodies start piling up I am filled with conflicting emotions. Joy! All my favorite treats! My friends love me! Bon bons for breakfast! Dread! All my favorite treats! My friends must hate me! Must resist the siren call of the bon bons for breakfast! So this year I decided to go the non-food route when it comes to gifts. While other bloggers were making pin-worthy desserts or hand-knitting crafts, I left this on everyone’s doorstep:
Yep, we gave them a science experiment! Mentos + Coke = party time. Nothing says “we love you and value your acquaintance” like drenching them with sticky foam! (Pretty sure that was the motto of the frat house next door in college).
Son #3 was very concerned, however. “What if they eat the Coke and Mentos?”
I shrugged. “Then they eat Coke and Mentos. Probably not the most delicious holiday fare but there’s no accounting for taste.”
“Noooo,” he wailed. “I don’t want all our friends to explode!” Considering this was the child who’d had to endure my botched attempt at making gingerbread men for his class party – they all ended up partially dismembered – I figured he was right to worry. My track record with making things for people they like is pretty grim.
“People are not pigeons,” I patted him on the head. “We can fart, so it’s all good.”
“Wait, pigeons can’t fart….?” Son #2 jumped in and thus began yet another conversation aboutgas in my household. I have only myself to blame, honestly. (Apparently birds can fart, they just don’t.)
All of which came to a head when we delivered the gifts and Son #3 solicitously told the giftee, “And if you eat them don’t forget to fart! A lot!!” So, um, Merry Christmas friends! May your days be merry and filled with flatulence! You’re welcome!
What did you do for holiday gifts this year? Should I stick to giving non-food items like candles or, say, SOCKS. (I swear my friends are so sick of getting socks from me. Plus the people at Target probably think I have a foot fetish.) And what do you do with all the treats people give you? #goodproblemstohave
Ah… problems of the developed world. Love it.
I gave A&W Root Beer … because who doesn’t love root beer?! (And it’s kid friendly)
As a second thought, if I can get to them before my kids, I help eat the treats!
Hey Charlotte,
I want to wish you and your family very happy holidays!
We (me and my family) don’t do holiday gifts, we just enjoy each others company and make sure to have a nice stress free Christmas together. I’m looking forward to it. When people give me candy (in general) I give it away or else throw it away, I just feel horrible after eating candy, so I refuse to eat it.
Hi Charlotte
My go to gifts for neighbours:
– if there are kids in the house, a hard covered copy of a Christmas book, one that can be read out loud for everyone to enjoy. I stock up at Chapters after Christmas each year.
– a Christmas movie gift bag (DVD, and a box of microwave popcorn or other treat). Again, I stock up on movies after Christmas from the bargain bins. I also watch for great deals on movies at our local library sale – this year I got several brand new movies (not Christmas alas) for $2 each. It is a win-win, I got a good stash of presents and the library got funds to buy more books for my reading pleasure!
Since our move three weeks ago, we want nothing else brought into the house. Why do we have so many things? And because we were downsizing, we had already gotten rid of a lot of things. So, at this point, I would rather have food. I can always share it with visitors so I don’t eat too much of it. I like to give food to people also. Most of my family and the people I know don’t need more “things” in their houses either. So if I don’t know of something that they really want, I give them something that will be gone (eaten) soon.
I make my piano students a little tray of cookies every year. But this year we did something big for the parents and grandparents. My husband and I recorded ourselves singing Baby It’s Cold Outside and are giving out CDs of our “hit single”! Next year we are going to try to have 6-8 tracks and give out a full album! We also sent it to our friends in the mail and they were so surprised!
What do you mean Santa doesn’t exist?! o_0 Merry Christmas!
Every holiday season I start out loving the holiday treats and then as time goes by I start feeling like I will vomit if I even look at another peppermint chocolate doodad. This year has been particularly bad because we won a giant basket of treats at a charity raffle. Our kitchen counter looks like a candy shop. This year, I gave fewer food gifts than usual for all the reasons you listed in your post. I love the Coke and Mentos idea.
Totally creative idea! 🙂 I love it.
As for treats and such, I like the idea of a cookie exchange, because I like *some* treats, but there comes a point that all that crap gets shoveled to work for other people to eat up. That way you get some treats, but not everyone has to make mountains of baked goods for everyone.
Merry Christmas to you & yours, Charlotte! Thanks for all of your wonderful posts during the year!
Wow, I love your coke & mentos idea!!! And yes, totally festive; coke & mentos entertainment was a staple at our kids’ birthday parties for several years. My husband even made a special cap so they would shoot up higher.
I sort of go into this ” must make sweets” autopilot this time of year, too. Luckily, there are coworkers and friends who will help eat it…or at least pass it along to those who will! (It’s sort of like my annual “it’s summer; I must grow tomatoes even though I live in permafog” compulsion.)
Merry Christmas to you and yours, Charlotte! Thanks for all of your wonderful posts during the year!
Wow, I love your coke and mentos idea!!! And yes, totally festive; coke and mentos entertainment was a staple at our kids’ birthday parties for several years. My husband even made a special cap so they would shoot up higher.
I sort of go into this ” must make sweets” autopilot this time of year, too. Luckily, there are coworkers and friends who will help eat it…or at least pass it along to those who will! (It’s sort of like my annual “it’s summer; I must grow tomatoes even though I live in permafog” compulsion.)
Happy Holidays!!
I usually leave any food gifts at work for staff to eat. Sugar and I just don’t get along for very long.
As far as gift I like to make little handmade gift cards for friends with silly offers of help that reference moments in our friendship. Things like de-icking all handrails next time we go to the movies or volunteer to call out the light has changed at all stop lights when they turn green. Silly things!!
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I have a son with a medical condition that requires a high fat, high salt, high calorie diet. (No, seriously.) I shove them down his throat and try to keep his little brother at bay. 🙂
This post was hilarious! Thanks for the belly laugh.
I enjoyed this post! Made me laugh. Love the pictures with it to 🙂