This has nothing to do with Equinox other than the fact that I think Stewie is totally their target customer.
Because a good workout can make you act so bad. Equinox gyms recently rolled out their new ad campaign. I had two immediate thoughts:
1. This is light years better than that awful porny Terry Richardson creep-a-thon they did previously.
2. This is supposed to sell me on their upscale gym??
The concept centers around hot models (because duh) doing ambiguously naughty things because – and this is the whole point – their Equinox gym made them. #EquinoxMadeMeDoIt #ProvenByHashtag #BetterThanScience
I think the point (besides hot models) is that working out will give you the confidence to finally become that criminal you’ve always dreamed about being. No, wait. The increased confidence will inspire you to take creative risks in your life – like being naked at inappropriate times! No, no. Your newly hot bod will cause you to become overconfident thereby making horrible life mistakes driven by your vanity! Oy. Okay, so according to their official campaign press release, it is that “Lowered inhibitions and playful naughtiness are the side effects of living a more provoked life.” (I want my life to be many things but I’m not sure provoked is one of them.)
Well, whatever. Here is my take on their new ads. Let’s see what they’re really trying to tell us:
1. Equinox made me so hawt I was forced to censor my own holiday card. Hi grandma! Oh and thanks for the perky butt genes – they’re the gift that just keeps on giving! (Seriously though, don’t these people know that when you play grown-up Truth or Dare, you can just take the Truth and lie like everyone else??)
2. Equinox made me pick a fight I probably lost. Either that or he fell asleep with his guyliner on and smeared his makeup by sleeping on his hand, just like I never (always) do. Either way, I could see this happening. When I was taking all my Krav Maga classes at LifeTime (also known as the gym that’s too swanky for me to afford but not as swanky as Equinox, giving me a sandwiched inferiority complex), I did see more than one instance of serious bodily harm. So maybe this is just his ode to the Israeli Defense Forces?
3. Equinox made me join the Navy Seals at their civvie skivvies recruitment party. My money’s on the pirate on the right side because he’s the only one with enough sense to keep his shoes on. But putting Charlie Sheen’s head on Hugh Jackman’s body was a nice try, dude in the middle.
4. Equinox made me wear a swimsuit in which there is no possible way to sit without herniating my bellybutton. Also, I’m waiting for the Central Casting cops to turn into strippers. #RealCopsWearSocks
5. Equinox made me reenact an illegal border crossing because I’m not white. But just so you know he was born and raised in Akron, Ohio, thankyouverymuch.
6. Equinox stole my kidney. Or, if you prefer, Equinox made me take an ice bath which shocked all the body hair right off me. Either way now I’m all squicked out.
7. Equinox made me make a series of impulsive, really bad decisions which will someday be turned into a movie called The Devil Wears Nada. Seriously though, this is exactly what I think about every time I use the rowing machine at the gym. Which is why I never use it – if only life were this exciting.
8. Equinox made me split my designer pants and not from laughing hard. Let this be a lesson to you all: white collar crime is a workout in its own right. As is Fabio hair.
9. Equinox made me get cataracts. No, seriously, what is this a picture of?? I’ve been staring at it for like 20 minutes and all I can come up with is I think there’s an armpit in there somewhere. And maybe a trash bag.
10. Equinox made me pretend to reverse Heimlich a poor woman just trying to enjoy her cosplay/yoga class in her 5th Element costume. Because this is not fitness, it’s life – if life is a dystopian Russian Sci-Fi novel.
This last one hasn’t got anything to do with Equinox except that it showed up in Google image search when I typed in “Equinox made me do it.” I have no idea why but whatever this is is way more motivating for me at the gym than a whole passel of hot models. Give me the power of the Epcot center any day!! I love DeviantArt so hard.
So, have I convinced you to drop whatever lousy gym you’re slumming it at now and hightail it over to Equinox? If you hurry you can make their wet-t-shirt gym tour! But seriously, shouldn’t the Navy have a civvie skivvies party?
I am still chuckling from being over at HuffPost, searching for a list of your blogs there, and then being confronted with…
“Charlotte Hilton Anderson: Fitness Guru and Ex Porn Star…”
THAT will lead to many misguided Google searches I am sure.
*NO FEAR! Gentle Readers of your Sweet Charlotte…the article was ABOUT a Fitness Guru and Ex Porn Star…and the article was WRITTEN by Charlotte Hilton Anderson.*
As to the Equinox Gym ads…they made me NOT want to go to Equinox to work out…
*laughs* Reminds me of that line from Monty Python and The Holy Grail…after gazing lovingly on CAMELOT…a very silly song and dance number ensues extolling the wonders of Camelot…and then I think it is Author who says: “Let’s not go there. Its silly.”
Of course…this cultural reference is getting a lot of blank looks if people in the U.S. are not as familiar with British entertainment as Canadians.
Here’s the test: “What’s your favorite color?”
*colour
“Blue. No, yelloooooo!!!!!” *thrown into a canyon*
YES!!!!!!!
YEA JASMINE!
*celebratory brass band music strikes up*
*parade in your honor begins*
And Jasmine…as you know…you got the quote EXACTLY whilst I flubbed mine!
What Arthur actually said was: “Uh…On second thought, let’s not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.”
(Much like these ads portray EQUINOX to be.)
Thank you for the correction. I was about to get on my (fake) high horse (with two empty ‘alves of coconuts which I’m bangin’ together) and correct you, but all’s right in the world. I bet you’dve been surprised, too, because NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
*grins* Joemama!
I was hoping you would chime in!
…But…
“Where did you get the coconuts?…You found them? Coconuts are tropical! This is a temperate zone!”
“Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?”
Or are African swallows involved?
(You weren’t expecting some sort of Spanish Inquisition were you?)
AND LOOK!
Joemamma can quote excerpts from The Flying Circus as well!
I believe this calls for THREE brass bands TWO long parades and a swallow with just one coconut!
I remember that article! That was actually one of my favorite interviews. Zuzana is a smart lady and I’ve enjoyed watching her continued success (in the fitness industry, NOT the porn industry!)
I love Monty Python and the Holy Grail!!
I was VERY happy when your interview revealed that Zuzana had escaped that particular purgatory.
And…you LOVE Monty Python and the Holy Grail?! Now that I think about it…I am not at all surprised!
(It may well be the inspiration for the phrase: Roll On The Floor Laughing…
…or maybe that was YOU;)
And I ALSO agree with you “Give me the power of the Epcot center any day!”
ALL things Disney rock. (Especially the theme parks)
You folks are so awesome, nerdly, articulate (in writing at least), and fun.
Thank you Charlotte for putting together such an awesome little community! You are the best part of the internet any day 🙂
That blurry picture looks like a woman’s naked bum. Or maybe it’s a Rorschach test and I scored “Pervy.”
I used to work at an Equinox. Sure, it was swanky, but I never personally witnessed any criminal or otherwise questionable behavior. Perhaps because the one I worked at was in the suburbs: If I’d gotten a job at one in a city, it would have been be MUCH more exciting!
Although, if your gym exerts THAT much influence over your decision making process, it may be time for some home workouts.
And cognitive therapy.
Azusmom, I think it is kind of a rorschach test! But what does it mean that I saw a guy’s bare butt? Must ponder.
Buwhahah Crabby! And now ALL I can see is a naked butt. Thanks a lot you guys!
I thought it was a bum too. …with a garbage bag.
<3
Oh Charlotte, you brighten my day! Happy Weekend!!!
I think that blurred shot is a guy with his shirt half-off, although I’m not sure of the angle.
The Y(MCA) made me do it yesterday; I was stripping in the front lobby. OK, I was just taking off my leg warmers and outer pair of sweat pants, but it was enough to get some accompanying stripper music from members walking by.
I love it! You make me miss me Y!! Such a fun family there:)
reason 8378347 I adore you.
YOU CAN MAKE ME SMILE even when I dont wanna.
I heart you:) Always.
Oh ma gah I loved #10. But what is that outfit? I thought it was some sort of reverse bra, covering every thing except the boobies.
As for the blurred pic, I’m pretty sure it’s a dude but with trousers down.. Like gettin naughty or just getting dressed after a reckless night of nameless sex. Hand on left holding belted trousers hastily dropped on floor…?
I did too!!! I had to look at for 5 minutes before I figured out it’s a flesh-colored bra over a dirty cropped tee. And then I had to spend another 5 minutes pondering why anyone would want a flesh-colored bra to wear ON THE OUTSIDE.
Omg these are insane!! haha I just looked up the club online and could not believe their prices. Who has $200 a month for a gym? Thank goodness I live in Omaha, I go to a really good gym and it’s only $39 a month!
You. Are. Hilarious. I don’t really have anything else to contribute except that I sat here and giggled the entire time I was reading this!
As a former personal trainer at Equinox I can tell you that the ads make little sense to those of us on the inside too. I remember the ads when I worked there being more about sex than anything else. I can tell you this much: the gyms are effing niiiiice. Cleanest gym I’ve ever worked in or worked out in. Complimentary lavender-scented ice-cold towels post-workout. State of the art everything. Bamboo zen stylings. Beautiful gym but also caters to a very wealthy and very image focused crowd. That’s part of why the gym has struggled a bit in the area where I worked. They’ve blown up in NY and LA because of the sex-sells attitude but outside of those areas their gym is a hard sell. I used to watch our membership sales team explain to wealthy politicians that the “annual fee” that needs to be paid upfront is $500 and they would scoff and walk away. Our market has the money they want but not the ideals.
Oh also, these new ads make absolutely no sense. Like… at all.
I’ve heard they’re nice! I’ve only been inside one once, and that was to interview someone there so I didn’t get to work out. But it was very pretty! And good point about the sex-sells zeitgeist only working in some markets…
Thanks for making me grateful for living in a decidedly non swank market!
As a marketing professional, I have to say that these ads concepts are horrible. As you have illustrated, their meanings are ambiguous — you don’t see it and immediately get the message of how amazing Equinox will make you to feel to do all kinds of new things. Instead, you see this and just go “what?” On top of that, the message and images make the gym seem like torture, like it’s forcing you to do things — and we know how many people already feel the gym is scary and intimidating. Black eyes? Freezing water baths? Stripping naked? No thanks.
If I was pitching revisions to this, I would change it to “Equinox helped me do it” and show images of people doing all kinds of great things with their newfound fitness — like crossing the finish line of a marathon, a parent holding a giant bag of groceries and a squirming toddler in one arm, a businessperson walking up several flights of stairs to get to a meeting, biking through the park, and yes, maybe even someone stepping out in a snazzy new outfit. I think you could shoot all of these things in this high-fashion style that would juxtapose the seemingly “everyday” nature of these achievements with how cool/empowered you now feel.
Haha I think you should pitch Equinox! I can totally see what you’re describing!! Although I have to say my first thought is that it aligns better with Athleta’s brand. Any way you can get a job with them?
I wish I could get a job with them. And yeah, I know my ad concept doesn’t align with Equinox’s brand or audience they are going for. But I wish they would shake it up. I feel like Equinox for years has been trying to find creative ways of saying “Give us your money and time and people will line the block to have sexy sex with you!” And they usually end up being puzzling or offensive.
These make no sense at all 🙂 maybe if you pay their uberfees they will explain their meaning 😉
Loved your take on these Charlotte… and I’m like you, a “provoked life” does not really sound like something I’m dying to be living.
But OK, just to be contrary ’cause I’m in that kind of mood, I do think these ads are clever in getting at subconscious gym-resistance by making it seem more of a naughty thing rather than a virtuous drudgery thing, and to play on our narcissism by equating gym rats with glamorous devil-may-care rogues who are so amazingly well put together we can get away with anything they want to do because they are so hawt. It actually DID make me kinda want to know what one is like inside! (Um, the gym, not the models).
Good point! I can see it that way now that you explain it. I wonder if there’s a more effective way to appeal to people’s “rebel” side?
Blech! This just convinces me that I’m not young or attractive enough to workout at one of their gyms. And I’m not even 30 yet! Shouldn’t a gym make you feel good about yourself? This makes me love my YMCA. No, it’s not new and some of equipment is mismatched but I don’t feel like people judge me for having less than rock-hard abs.
Also, I’m kind of annoyed at gyms in general that charge exorbitant fees. My husband wants to do CrossFit but all ones around here charge $200 a month. I mean, seriously?
Yeah I really miss my Y!! I always felt like it was less of a “meat market” atmosphere there than a lot of gyms I’ve been in.
The blurry picture is a naked guy walking away taking out the trash!
Is this a gym just for models? Definitely this gym has to have mirrors everywhere so you can check and make sure your still perfect circa the standards of 2014.
What this ad tells me is if you like to wear old sweat pants and you do not have a visible six pack you are not welcome.
I have not seen an equinox add yet (:
I think #9 is just an up close and blurry personal of the guy from #1.
I’m convinced #9 is someone’s butt, and did the naked guy in #1 steal a purse?
I don’t know what Equinox is but aren’t those handsome cops doing river dance? Ah, it’s a gym. We don’t have gyms with such cool ad campaigns in Finland…
Gah! These ads made me laugh out loud – AT WORK. I can’t believe they went in that direction, but I guess it’s “edgy.” And it gets us talking. But the girl in the raft just looks like she managed to escape a cruise ship failure right after dinner.
I love DW’s idea of “Equinox helped me do it.” More gyms should focus on what their members have done because of their improved fitness rather than just image.
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