I was all set to hate Sharny Kieser, I’ll admit it. I first came across her and her bikini pictures in an article declaring that moms should schedule a post-natal bikini shoot to have something to motivate them to not gain a ton of weight during pregnancy and to lose it all lickety-split afterwards. And she did say all that. Apparently she’s a personal trainer in Australia and she used the bikini pics motivation for herself and recommends it to her clients. Which… eh, didn’t we discuss this to death with the whole Fit Mom controversy? I mean, if you’re looking to provoke people Maria “What’s your excuse” Kang did it way better.
But the more I read up about Sharny, the more some of her message started to resonate with me. Not the part about pressuring moms to lose weight the second they pop the bun out of the oven (I still think that sucks and we should focus on helping new moms become confident moms, not skinny moms) but the part where she tells women to be proud of their post-baby bodies.
“After having kids you believe that your days in a bikini are gone. For me, I had a lot of stretch marks; I was too embarrassed to get in a bikini,” she said in an interview. She then goes on to encourage every woman to wear a bikini if they want to. If you go on to read the comments on the piece (and I really don’t recommend it), you’ll find pages of people harping on her for her stretch marks and loose skin, calling her hideous for something she can’t even control. Now, I’m not a bikini wearer (for religious reasons not self-esteem issues – I know, I’m as surprised as you are) but I definitely think that women should not be ashamed or feel like damaged goods because of the effects of pregnancy on their bodies.
For one thing, just like Sharny, my stretch marks go way past the realm of my tummy. I’m basically marked from knee to clavicle. True story: when my oldest son was two, he walked in on me dressing one day (ha, he walked in on me dressing every day – toddlers hate privacy like they hate having their hair washed). He exclaimed in awe, “MOM, I didn’t know you were the TIGER LADY!” And I earned every one of those stripes, son. At least he thought my claw marks were cool?
And then there’s the issue of loose skin and that infamous below-the-belly pouch. I love that Sharny doesn’t try to hide her stretch marks or (tiny bit of) sag. Which, if you believe Internet commenters, is basically the worst sin a woman can commit. How dare she be happy in her own wrinkly skin? How dare she call herself beautiful when she’s clearly not perfect? Well, I think she’s gorgeous.
The truth is, that’s just the way many of us look after having multiple babies. And the way some of us look without having babies! Puberty, weight loss, aging and a host of other factors can cause stretch marks, no kicks to the ribs required.
For comparison check out running pro Lauren Fleshman’s “keeping it real” pictures that she posted during a runway show for Oiselle:
And later that same week:
“People don’t walk around spray tanned and flexed,” Lauren said of the difference. “Everyone has thigh cheese.” (And because so many people doubted these photos could possibly be legit, she posted more on her blog, scroll down to the bottom to see the update.)
All of the beautiful sculpted abs you see on post-partum Jessica Alba, Gwen Stefani and the like? Genetics and photoshop. Airbrushed tans and surgery. They are lucky and they are enhanced. Yet with the current celebrity baby boom in full swing, I predict we’ll be seeing more glimpses of these silvery scars in the future. Seriously, I know Angelina Jolie is SuperMom but nobody has twins without stretching like a human slinky. Whether they choose to embrace them (coordinate with metallic heels?) or hide them under layers of makeup (it was rumored that Pamela Andersen had a personal make-up artist on Baywatch solely dedicated to painting in her stretch marks between takes) and fabric remains to be seen. Can we accept our celebrity mamas blemished? Can we accept ourselves scarred?
For most of us this goal of perfectly flat, smooth abs is not only unrealistic but downright crazy making. A little below-the-belly bulge is normal. Loose skin is normal. Stretch marks are normal. We are not broken. And while I’m still not a fan of making pregnancy into a competitive weight loss sport (Hello, baby anyone?), I do think we deserve much better than shaming ourselves or judging other women for their scars! We have gestated and birthed babies. We have cuddled lovers. We have cradled the very old and nursed the very young. We are beautiful the way we are.
Do you have stretch marks or other scars? Instead of feeling embarrassed, tell me what you love about your body’s scars. Tell me what your partner loves about your body. Tell me what your kids love about your body. And if you need ideas, check out The Shape of a Mother for more pictures of what pregnant and post-partum women’s bodies look like!
When I got pregnant I just accepted the fact that my body would change. I decided there was no reason to hate something that was inevitable. I got stretch marks on my underarms during the first trimester (like, what? My breasts did not grow that much) and while the itching drives me crazy I was pleasantly surprised with how Ok I was with it. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I finally got them on my belly (around 35 weeks) but you know what? I actually live them! They cover the bottom half of my belly and they stretch out almost exactly the way my fingers do when I cradle my belly in my hands. I look forward to the day that my little girl asks about them so I can tell her they are my special “mommy stripes” that held her when my hands were busy.
After years of nasty periods and “lady issues” I really expected to have a much harder time getting pregnant and carrying a child. I think that’s why the stretch marks don’t bother me; they are proof that I’ve done this thing I’ve dreamt of my whole life. I can’t say I’ll ever schedule a bikini shoot but my kids will never hear me complain about my stretch marks (except for the itching… please tell me that will go away after I have this baby!)
Hi Bekky, you are doing a great job. Stretch marks really don’t botter, you are who you are!
I LOVE “The Shape of a Mother!”
And about those nasty comments, well, it IS the Daily Mail. It’s known for publishing female-bashing articles and attracting troglodytes who agree with them.
If we took all the “beauty” advice we’re given, we’d have false everything, from the roots of our dyed hair to our fake eyelashes to veneers to plastic boobs, surgically tucked tummies, fake nails, butt implants, knee-lifts (and not the exercise), mangled feet (from wearing heels all day, every day), and on and on and on. (Can you imagine going through security at the airport?!?!?!?!) According to the fashion and beauty industries, there’s not a single centimeter on our bodies that is “good enough.”
So I’ve stopped listening to them.
And I LIKE my stretch marks! 🙂
Pingback:Survive & Thrive Cancer Programs » Midweek Mojo
I was a virgin when I got married and my then-wife already had stretch marks. Apparently, she had been worried about how I would react to them, and was dreading my reaction.
I told her honestly that they were beautiful badges of honor. And frankly, a turn on.
Media beauty advice is a sham…and a shame.
Yes, I have broad (and deep) white stretch SCARS from the time in my past when I put on weight very fast. I’ve had them for the past 15 years. And yes, I’ve posted them on the Internet – http://rennostikuntoon.net/2495/maha-kutistuu-taas/ if you have a burning desire to see them. 🙂
I haven’t bothered photoshopping them even though I could do it myself. When I got them I was very upset but I suppose I’ve gotten used to them..
I have two scars, measuring 17″ in total, where my breasts used to be. I had breast cancer and could not, would not reconstruct to create the semblance of breasts. Comparing this to stretch marks, I would rather have stretch marks, but there is no point in comparison. For my part, I wonder why, after being diagnosed with breast cancer, the current trend is to reconstruct (or wear breast forms), knowing that reconstruction often has complications that require multiple surgeries, corrections and revisions, all to create a mound, ‘that looks good in clothing’. (Silicone implants need to be replaced every 7-9 years, and moving muscle from the stomache to fill the breast area compromises too much and requires more incisions, and I could go on about the complications related to both techniques). I choose not to wear breast shapes within my clothing and to accept this twist of fate with grace and simplicity. I think Sharney has it right, we women need to rest back control of our presentation in order to create an atmosphere of safety and acceptability related to our bodies (and if we are in the position to do so, do it in such a way that might encourage others to do the same). I have found that within my medical community, the choice to go flat and not wear breast forms is an anomaly, in the world, people are often surprised and curious, as not many women choose to live simply without presenting an image of having breast, I have come to the conclusion that we lack role models for this option. Here is my story, and you will see my body nude, though it is not a sexual image: http://melanietesta.com/2014/02/the-grace-to-be-flat-and-fabulous/
I have the most shameful of all stretchmarks. Not from the Noble Act of Child Bearing but from the Shame of Obesity. RUN!!! FATTY STRETCH MARKS WILL GET YOU!!!!!
But even worse than my Fatty Stretch Marks (which are on parts of my body I don’t readily show off to the general public, thank you very much) is the psoriasis on my legs.
You think people get all worked up over stretch marks, you should see them recoil in horror at psoriasis. I’m not saying it’s not ugly. It really looks like a big burn or gorey injury. But it’s not THAT bad. Calm down, folks, you aren’t going to catch it. It’s not LEPROSY.
To make matters even worse, since it’s on my legs it makes hair removal trickier (not that I’ve ever cared much about being as smooth as a dolphin) so the psoriasis is hiding amongst some lovely fluffy leg hairs. (my solution is to just buzz it off with my hubby’s hair clippers–gets it short enough you can’t notice it unless you get right up on it and obviously no on wants to get up on my psoriasis)
Wait. . .I just realized that makes me sound like a Sasquatch with mange. *ponders* Hmm, that’s not really far off the mark!
I love this post mainly because I hate the whole idea in the media that you should have a baby and then immediately look like a bikini model. I guess because it happens so often that we have lost our respect for the whole pregnancy/childbirth thing. A women whose body just grew an entirely new, unique, and perfect miniature human deserves some awe not to be shamed for loose skin or stretch marks.
I have had 4 kids, 2 of them twins. I did manage to have twins with no stretch marks mainly thanks to good genes (thanks mom) and being 6 feet tall and having more room to house two. I do, however, now have some looser skin around my hips. Sometimes it drives me nuts and I feel like I want to get it cut off but then other times, when I remember that this body of mine, at 38 years old, grew 2 babies, carried them to 38 weeks and delivered them without csection, well, when I think of it like that I feel like giving my body, loose hip skin and all, a high five. Like I said, it is all pretty miraculous if we really stop and think about it.
Definite stretch marks on my boobs and I haven’t even had kids! I gained a lot of weight, lost a lot (too much) weight and then put some weight back on. I’m actually shocked my boobs are the only place that has really visible stretch marks. If I let myself think about it, I’m embarrassed because of their location (guys -my boyfriend included, obviously – are going to look and I’d rather they not see boobs AND stretch marks in the same spot) but I’m usually ok at forgetting they’re there until I’m in a two-piece for the summer.
This is amazing.
You can work your butt off and lose all of the baby weight (and then some), but *most* of us can’t do anything about stretch marks and lose skin. She looks fit and healthy, but most importantly happy.
I have a friend who had a growth spurt in her early teens and she has had a lot of marks from her knees to her waist ever since. She has always been very aware of it and never wore short skirts or shorts even in her teens.
I have another friend with a large nose that fits her face perfectly. She always thinks people are looking at it. I never noticed it until she pointed it out soon after we became friends.
I am really sick of these unimportant things making people so unhappy and yet I catch myself sometimes believing the stories we are sold that life would be golden if only you were prettier.
Before babies, I was a belly dancer (student, teacher, performer, choreographer). I didn’t look too bad after the first baby, but I’m 8 months postpartum with the second and I’m not sure if I’ll bare my tummy again (as if I had time for belly dancing with 2 kids and a full time job)? I survived #1 with no stretch marks, but a large diastasis with #2 left me with a cluster of gems right around the belly button. I can live with that … it’s the saggy skin I’m most worried about. I’m working with a personal trainer to lose the baby weight right now, so I don’t actually know the extent of the damage yet (ask me when I lose another 20lbs). I love to see women who aren’t afraid to show their baby badges, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough myself to be one of them.
Again – So well written Charlotte! It’s hard to work in the fitness industry without falling victim to the shame of our imperfections. Yet, we are encouraged to have our cake (babies) and eat it too (ok, no baby eating, that’s not right!). In other words, we’re suppose to be beautiful, successful, mothers and look like we’ve never actually given birth. ugh… it’s exhausting!
I love your philosophy and candor on this subject – Keep ’em coming! <3
Great post! I wish I looked like Shamy and I haven’t had children. Gaining and losing tons of weight repeatedly pretty much trashed my body. So I have nothing to lose now when I have kids, lol. It is what it is. My husband says they’re cool scars and while the loose skin bothers me more than the stretch marks, most days I don’t think about any of it. That said, I would never wear a bikini and didn’t even when I was stick skinny because I wouldn’t wear my bra and panties in public and they cover more than most bikinis.
Pingback:When Will Fitness Gurus Stop Saying Fat People Are Lazy? - The Anti-Jared
Wow! That woman has an amazing body. I’d like to see the abs on the basement-dwelling internet people who are critiquing her. Doubt they’d look that good.
I’ve never had a baby, but I do have some very minor stretch marks from when I used to be very over-weight as a child, then lost it during puberty. They’re not a big deal to me, but I used to be very self-conscious about my breasts. They’re so small I don’t even fill an A-cup, and I’ve been mistaken for a boy more often than I’d care to think about (pixie cut+casual hiking clothes+tiny boobs= people thinking you are your husband’s teenage son. GAAAAHHH). My husband cured me of my tiny titty shame when we were still dating and I made some joke about not having curves or something, and he just turns around, looks me right in the eye, and says, “I like small boobs.” Boom. Cured. He just sounded so genuine, and I know he finds me very attractive, even after years of marriage. Now if only I could get him to repeat the process with some other phrases I’d be equally shocked and over-joyed to hear, like, “I love a woman with cellulite.” “The way your arms jiggle in that tank top is so sexy.” “I love watching you eat a whole piece of cake in the ten seconds it takes for the guild to buff up before pulling the boss in WoW.” Asking too much? Maybe :p
I really wish people would stop encouraging women to get their “pre-baby body back.” Everything about you is forever changed after becoming a mother. It’s different, yes, but it’s also better in so many ways. My post baby body might include twin skin but I’m also stronger than I ever was before having kids. Why would I want to go back?
I have 4 kids and thanks to genetics I only have a few tiny stretch marks on my inner thighs and hips. I do however have smaller breasts with a lot of loose skin. They are not even a cups and I believe are a result of pregnancy and nursing as well as being an endurance athlete. I think her photos have a bit of a mixed message. Why did she feel the need to ha e her breasts done? For me, very small and somewhat saggy boobs are a result if who I am. Some genetics and some because I workout so much and some because I am a mother who nurses 4 babies from 9 to 18 months a pop. Kudos for her showing her stretch marks… But can we all be ok with the whole picture?
Gorgeous! What great photos and honesty from these women. 🙂
Lauren Fleshman sure is keeping it real. She is one bold and brave woman.
When I was young I was overweight all the way through high school but when I went to college it sort of just shed off naturally. I unconsciously lost weight. Until now, I still have stretch marks mostly on my butt and upper legs and some on my armpits. I never tried on a bikini before, well, most of my friends haven’t since we come from a very conservative culture. Even if my stretch marks show, I wouldn’t feel embarrass about it. My marks will always be a part of me and they are memories and stories of my trying times being overweight. My mom has a lot of stretch marks too and even if she is embarrassed about it, it makes me love her even more. Those marks are traces of her love and sacrifice for us as our mother and there is nothing I would want to change about it her.
Pingback:weekly sparks | purelytwins
Buy cheap Pacers jerseys china free shipping
Honestly I think the photo is empowering and beautiful. Nothing can beat a woman who exudes confidence. I love my wife and her stretch marks because that is where she carried my child for months and that is more beautiful than aesthetic pleasing can do,
I was only 12 years old when I discovered and felt my first 3 thicker stretching marks – below my waist in the back, over the whole back. At that time I was 1,65 cm and my weight was 48 kg. Our diet was only a few meat but a lot of vegetable and and quite a good amount of carbohydrate (mostly potatoes) – all in organic quality. I always was a skinny child, however with a great condition and my muscels are still hard without training them. Now 50 years later – I do have some overweight :-). Going back I can remember that I was a child that was quit often sick and I got acne at 12.
When I was pregnant, the stretching marks were first to be seen at the breasts and the belly got them 3 weeks before the birth of my son (3,5 kg) – I startet at 58 kg and ended up at 70 kg. I was fit then – at the delivery day I run 400 m in less than 2 min as I had to catch the bus for my appointment at the hospital as the baby was overdue.
What surprised me was that my divorced husband also has these scars at his lower back and he never ever was fat before.
I’ve got the explanation only some month ago – it has to do something with the the minerals, better with missing minerals and the food. With the acid and the base (chem) in our bodies.
Of course there could be a genetic preposition on the fascia / conjunctive tissue. And yes, one can get some health damages from the parents.
Look for information on sodium bicarbonate and ph management. scribd is a great source. I think Marc Sircus is one of the musts to read.
Also look for Schuessler salts and the wheat belly and David Perlmutter.
Have this URL translated – it gives some good information.
http://www.zentrum-der-gesundheit.de/grundsystem-des-koerpers.html
Maybe you’d like to look for a ketogenic diet – look at the damage caused by wheat – not only for avoiding marks and weight, but to get (back) a better health.
When I will find the source again, I’ll tell you. All I can remember is that I can absolutely trust it. However I’ve read such a great number on health and diet … – I can’t remember at present.
Yes, I admire Sharny and all the other women a lot. By the way I used to wear bikinis, only stopped to do so in the last years.
Great post! Redefining flaws and celebrating it as motherhood. – J. Robbins
Woah! I’m really loving the template/theme of this blog.
It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s tough to get that “perfect balance” between superb usability and appearance.
I must say you have done a excellent job with this. Also, the blog loads extremely quick for me on Chrome.
Outstanding Blog!
I have tried many different types of stretch mark serum since I had my daughter, and dermelastic serum has given me some of the best results ever. It has minimized the appearance of the marks greatly, which has given me a lot of confidence. My skin feels so soft and silky smooth.
I honestly feel a little hurt and mad that mothers would feel bad about their bodies. Instead of worrying about what you look like, think of all the women who CAN’T have children. It hurts A LOT more than stretch marks. I want every mother to think: would you rather have no stretch marks or no child?
From the time i knew i was pregnant with my first baby, i have accepted already that there will be lots of changes in my body, hormones, and in me. The stripes i gained are something i am very proud of. I embraced it because it’s me now. A mum of 3 wonderful kids and i truly believe that mums all around the world should not be ashamed of having stretch marks. It’s a scar i can proudly talk about. More power to all the mothers around the world and our fellow women who supports mums boasting confidence of our fellow shy mums. God bless everyone. I would love to show a photo too of my stretchmarks on here but i don’t think it’s possible. I have posted it anyway on my ig account (shobekate) if you want check it out.
Pingback:Sport und Fitnessblogs am Sonntag, 27.04.2014