Thanks Mom… For Telling Me Gum-Chewing is Illegal [Happy You Have a Uterus Day!]

If you haven’t seen this “Thanks, Mom” video yet – it’s HILARIOUS. “Thanks mom for making me afraid of germs. I’m basically the Howard Hughes of kindergarten.” – is my personal fave “Thanks mom for using me as an excuse to get out of social obligations!” is a very close second.

Today when I called my mom to wish her many happy returns (both figuratively and literally as the book I sent her sucked – when will I learn not to trust Amazon reviews?! Sorry mom!), my high-school aged sister picked up the phone. So I chirped, “Happy Future Mother’s Day!”

“Ugh,” she sighed, “why does everyone keep saying that to me today? It’s not like you guys know the future!”

“True,” I replied, “but it sounds so much better than Happy You Have a Vagina Day!”

So in that spirit I wish all of you lady-bit-bearing lovelies, whether or not your uterus has ever been occupied by alien forces, a beautiful day today! I hope you all did something that made you smile, laugh or at least make the Doge face.

I spent today getting loved up by my kids and husband, driving through snow (dumb winter), listening to my little angels sing to me at church in the children’s choir (and not one broke down in tears, picked their nose or attempted to strangle their brother with his tie! That’s an Andersen family record!) and mediating arguments about who gets to “help” mommy eat her Mother’s Day treats. All in all a perfect day, I think:)

P.S. I love you Mom! You’re the nicest, lovingest, smartest, unicorn-horn-wearingest lady I know! So glad you are in my life… because who else would indulge my Google-induced hypochondria?? I’d totally pop out of your uterus again.

Thanks Gym Buddy Jeni for this e-card!