Tiger Lady. That’s what my oldest son christened me as soon as he could talk, thanks to my knees-to-navel stretch marks. (Note: that proud day was also the day I decided he was too old to shower with mommy anymore.) So I will be the last person to tell you that you can have a baby and bounce back to exactly the same shape you were in before having a human erupt from your loins. Even if you do get down to your pre-pregnancy weight – a touchy enough subject – most likely things will settle into new positions. (We won’t even talk about the disasters that befall your nipples.) For every Heidi Klum in her Victoria’s Secrets, there are a hundred Charlottes in our control-top tights.
And yet it still rubbed me the wrong way reading an interview in US with a 6-months pregnant Snooki (poster child of bronzer and bump-its) as she confessed her body image and weight gain woes. If anyone is, I’m sympathetic to her angst but when you start out by body-snarking Jessica Simpson, there’s not a lot of room down from there:
“Her worst fear: packing on as many pounds as Jessica Simpson. ‘I would die if I were her size!” says Snooki, who dieted down to 98 pounds prebaby.”
But down it goes:
“My doctor said I can gain anywhere from 25-30 pounds but I want to only gain 15.”
US editorializes further:
“At months pregnant she brags that she’s ‘so skinny’ she has yet to purchase maternity clothes and tells US she’s sticking to ‘healthy’ foods, such as fruit, lots of jelly and Italian ices. Afterwards she plans to return to her svelte shape by breastfeeding ‘because it helps you lose weight faster.”
Ay yi yi. First, all the blather about Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy weight gain (and now speculation as to how quickly she’ll lose the weight) has got to stop. It’s bad enough that the young mom felt so much pressure to lose weight that she signed on as a Weight Watchers spokeswoman while she was still pregnant. Also, calling another pregnant woman fat is wishing 2 months of edema and 40 pounds of water gain on yourself. Everybody’s different so be nice.
Second, aiming to gain only 15 pounds is not a good plan. If you eat healthy and take care of yourself and only gain 15 pounds – the average weight gain for Asian women – then that’s fine. But purposely restricting yourself to some ridiculous (for you) number because you “don’t want to lose my legs”, as Snooki says, is setting yourself up for a lifetime of heartbreak. Girl, you’re gonna lose your hot legs eventually but the good news is that you’ll have an awesome little person in your life forever! Also, don’t brag about not wearing maternity clothes. I hate this – maternity clothes were invented for a reason and they’re not a scarlet letter of weight gain! I went one pregnancy without buying a single piece, instead cramming myself into larger-sized straight-size clothing, and all it meant was that I was uncomfortable. If you don’t want to wear them, I’m so fine with that, but it’s not something worth bragging about.
Lastly, “lots of jelly and Italian ices”?? If you love them, eat them and enjoy them but let’s not call them health food. Plus, for some women breast feeding really is the magical weight loss cure. But for others, like me, my body wants to keep an extra 10 pounds of security padding and I absolutely cannot lose all my baby weight as long as I’m nursing. And either way your body is just doing it’s thing.
Snooki may be in a particularly unique position due to her job depending primarily on her looks but she certainly isn’t the first woman who has voiced these concerns. In a society that trades in sexuality and abhors aging it is often seen as a woman’s currency to stay looking as youthful is possible. (The irony of living in a culture that worships sex but freaks out over the product of sex – see: men who love looking at boobs… until there is a baby attached to them and then they’re “disgusting” – is a different rant for another day.) The problem with that is that everyone, even Demi Moore, will age eventually. The laws of physics will not be denied: Your body will move towards entropy. Not having children may buy you a few more years but in the end, everyone’s boobs sag and their butts droop and their tummies deflate to bread dough.
Talking about her body (and Jessica’s) in such a way bothers me for two reasons: 1) I think her stance reinforces the view that pregnancy is an illness or a condition to be feared, rather than a natural bodily function for women and 2) It reads as if she is saying that women who have had children are inherently less beautiful and that our self worth should be tied to what we look like rather than who we are.
What do you think about Snooki’s comments? Just another day, another celebrity eye roll moment? Did I misinterpret Snooki’s meaning? Does fear of ruining your body impact your decision to have a baby? Do you feel like pregnancy has wrecked your body?
Thanks for posting this. I’m presently without child, but last night I was venting to my fiance about how much it p*ss*s me off when husbands of smaller pregnant woman brag about how little they are showing, even if they are far along.
“She keeps herself in great shape”
“It’s not like she is bingeing on ice cream”
“We went to the maternity store and the lady who worked there was 8 months along like my wife, but she was huge!”
I’ve even heard some women talk down about other pregnant women too.
“She’s so heavy. When I was pregnant you couldn’t tell I was from behind!”
Thank goodness my mother, although she has some body image issues herself, raised me to understand that being pregnant, regardless of size is one of the most beautiful things in the world.
It makes me sad – like, really actually sad – when people talk about “ruining your body” or similar to mean just “becoming less pretty in some people’s opinion”. Looking attractive is really not the most important task you have or the most important thing your body does! You could complately fail to meet anyone’s beauty standards and still have a perfectly functional, unwrecked, unruined body. FOR REAL.
I do not know who this Snooki person is, but since there is very little evidence that pregnancy-related weight gain causes spontaneous amputation, I believe her concerns about losing her legs are unfounded.
“I do not know who this Snooki person is, but since there is very little evidence that pregnancy-related weight gain causes spontaneous amputation, I believe her concerns about losing her legs are unfounded.” ~ This made me giggle. I love it! Oh, and bless you for not knowing who Snooki is…she’s definitely not worth knowing about!
Pregnancy… bah! Just wait til you get to MENOPAUSE! Once again you are no longer in control of your body and yet there is no magic bundle at the end of it!!!!!
Hum bug.
I just don’t get it. I haven’t been pregnant, but why is it a problem to be pregnant or look like it? I mean – you are! How is that bad? Yes you need to not use it as an excuse to eat anything you want for 9 months, but if you make a point to stay fit and be active, eventually you’ll get back to healthy, prebaby self. While pregnant you’re growing a person – priority one.
My sis looks better now than before her kids but it took a while. I figure, if you put it on in 9 months and your body changes…we need to cut ourselves some slack. Good god we get this appearance crap from everywhere else – why feed it to ourselves? I have tiger stripes from being fat and I have no baby excuse for it, so I get the annoyance with stretch marks…but honestly – for me my stretch marks are a source of pride. They remind me how fat I’ve come 🙂
he heh, how FAR I’ve come. Freudian slip? 🙂
Ugh! This comes on the heels of a story about a nursing mother kicked out of a library, despite the fact that she has the legal right to nurse in public. We’re turning into a country of spoiled adolescents. We want what we want when we want it, and heaven forbid we should be forced to ” endure” something we don’t wish to see. Like a baby attached to a breast or a poochy tummy on a woman.
If we were meant to “bounce back” to our original shape after giving birth, we would. Do we really believe that G-d, Nature ( or however one believes) can form a galaxy of planets moving in perfect sync, but pregnancy is somehow ” wrong?” and our bodies aren’t SUPPOSED to change?!?!
Snooki probably feels a lot of pressure about her weight and body since she is a celebrity. And since she doesn’t have the stereotypical “perfect” Hollywood body, I imagine that a lot of what she says is coming from her own insecurities. I don’t have any kids, but I’ve always had a flat butt, sagging breasts, and a doughy stomach. And that’s supposed to get worse after pregnancy? I’m not exactly afraid of ever being pregnant, but it does feel like I would then have to kiss good-bye the chance of ever achieving the “perfect” body.
What a relevant post! I am currently pregnant with my first child and it’s amazing that despite how educated I can be about having a healthy pregnancy and how much I look forward to meeting my child, I sometimes fall prey to worrying whether I’ve gained too much or too little weight already. It’s ridiculous! I had a friend yesterday tell me that I “look good and don’t seem to have gained too much weight.” But in my crazy, pregnant head, I try to decipher whether that’s really good or if I should look more pregnant. Or, oh no! What will she think in a month or two when I have undoubtedly added more weight?!
I really appreciate your post. Actually, may I make a request for more writing about having a healthy pregnancy AND body image?! I need it–due in December! 🙂
First of all, Snooki (and the like) do not have two brain cells to rub together! If we all ignored them, they would go away!! Second, I agree that pregnancy is to be celebrated and looked at realistically (as should be the following 9 months). Eat reasonably, move reasonably, listen to your doctor (not the magazines that throw themselves into your grocery carts!s!), etc.
Cautionary tale about a friend who was quite petite. When she was pregnant, she ate whatever she wished…and as much! What she wanted, sadly, was high-carb, highly processed crap. At 6 months she looked 10 months pregnant and it was so very awkward when others would say things like ‘due any day, right?!’ Everyone gains, and if you are responsible and reasonable, you will gain what you and your baby need. I have had too many friends who totally gave themselves license to go nuts. I had treats (my son clearly – LOL – craved California rolls and any and all Mexican food!), but I was reasonable and gained a reasonable amount of weight. Considering I have bullimia and anorexia, I didn’t freak out during or afterward. Staying away from people who were hugely judgmental and magazines, etc. really helped me stay grounded. Plus, I had the most darling baby God ever created! Love your blog – but can I suggest we stop referencing/watching/listening to very poor role models? We are all giving Snooki even more attention. Can you imagine the poor life this baby will lead if it doesn’t stop very soon?
Here’s a horror story for you: my best guy friend’s then-girlfriend, whom he had been dating for about 6 months at this point, wanted to get him agree right up front (long before they were even thinking about marriage) that she could use a surrogate to carry her baby. PURELY because she didn’t want to gain weight.
While I usually make it a policy to never tell friends to break up with someone, I couldn’t control myself and went off on a rant about how incredibly vapid she was. He didn’t break up with her right then, but finally did a few months later.
Currently in my 8th month with my first pregnancy. Let’s just say it was a surprise. I decided that what would be would be and we could deal with the after effects later. My husband tells me that i’m still the most beautiful woman he’s seen. I had a bit of a hiccup with my body image when I ended up having a couple of months where I wasn’t allowed to exercise or do much of anything. They were worried about my health and basically put me on bed rest. I gained double the amount i expected to but decided that since most of it went straight to my belly i’d survive. 🙂 My little girl is ahead of schedule and very healthy and honestly that’s all I could hope for.
I hope Snooki realizes that a baby is more important than how many lbs you gain or don’t.
I get it that we are supposed to be proud of our post-baby bodies and all that. I really do. But at the same time, I’ve found it a real challenge to get used to my new body. I am 7 weeks postpartum so maybe these feelings will change over time. But it’s been jarring for me. When I was pregnant I felt so beautiful and strong. I loved being pregnant and loved the way I looked. Now I feel more insecure about my body, more due to some things that aren’t functioning the way they should, but also due to being up 2 pants sizes and unable to wear much of anything from before. Of course I love my baby and he was so worth all of it. But I think postpartum women could benefit from someone saying it’s ok to not love the new you right away.
Eh- it’s Snooki. I’m just surprised her quote had both a noun and a verb in the same sentence. I highly suspect (or at least hope) that once she has the baby, you won’t hear as much from her, because this stupidity and vapidness is a cultivated (or at least grossly exaggerated) persona for her TV show. I really hope no one puts any stock into anything she says.
I’m also sick of hearing about how “fat” Jessica Simpson got when she was pregnant. Sheesh, the girl is short and on the curvier side to begin with – so she gained what, 30-40+ pounds instead of 15? Wow, crazy. . . whatever.
Snooki is an idiot.
As for pregnancy myself, I didn’t really “show” until about 8 months along, which meant I basically just looked “fatter.” As a larger gal to begin with, that wasn’t a good thing. The worst comment I ever got was “Oh, you’re pregnant? I thought you were just really fat.” Gee, thanks. Breastfeeding was a nice weight-loss tool for me, luckily. However, I’ve found in the years since, my weight has “settled” at much higher than I’d like, and it’s much harder to lose weight, and oh goodness, my poor tummy, thighs and chest. Course, that might have something to do with aging, too, and not just having a kiddo.
Oh and like you, I loved and embraced my maternity clothes. There are lots of cute and comfy styles out there! I do not understand the “bragging” about fitting into regular sized clothes – after all, one is pregnant, right? I do not get it.
I am eight weeks postpartum with my second child. Since this isn’t my first go-around I knew not to expect to instantly return to my pre-baby weight and that those maternity pants wouldn’t be going anywhere for awhile. To the new mother who posted above, it is totally ok to not be super excited about the way your body looks and feels. It is a HUGE adjustment physically, emotionally, even socially to have a baby. I had a really hard time after my first pregnancy getting used to my less than perky breasts. But six years later and after having my second, I know that that’s what a good bra is for. And since we’ve yet to develop x-ray vision the only people who see them love me for who I am as their wife and mother so it really doesn’t matter. Just relax! Do as much exercise as you feel comfortable doing, eat healthy, and take care of yourself and your baby.
I can not stand Snooki (and similar!) and feel so sad when fit, pregnant friends are so concerned about gaining weight. You are pregnant – that is a human life – you can run the race next year and wear your bikini next year! I agree with the other posters – if people ignored Snooki and the Jersey Shore gang (and other celebs promoting the wrong things…), they would go away. Wishful thinking?
I think I started gaining within the first 2 months both times I was pregnant, The only thing I wished for was a healthy baby and I figured any weight gain I would deal with after the fact (gained 50 lbs for #1 and 60 lbs for #2)…Both of my angels were both in perfect health and I lost the weight over time , now I am a dedicated crossfitter and 80% paleo lifestyle; I can honestly say while I was a little bit freaked out by my weigh gain, I was so consumed with bliss to have my babies, it wasn’t really on my radar.
It does make me sad that this “snooki” is considered a celeb and there may be girls and young women influenced by her nonsense 🙁
Just another reason to dislike this woman. I really hope its just an act and she is actually putting her child first.
Thank you for posting a realistic description of what happens with pregnancy. I too have tiger stripes and numerous other less than attractive body changes post partum! But I have the best gift- 2 awesome kids! I’d take my tiger stripes any day. It is really sad that someone in the spotlight is promoting restrictive diets and really low pregnancy weight gain. Pregnancy is about nourishing your new little person and giving them the best shot; not how good you will look after. Cause as you say it is all down hill anyway. But that isn’t what is important in life. Sorry for the rant, just makes me mad.
With all those jellies and Italian ices, she’s setting herself up for gestational diabetes. Then, no matter what she does, she can kiss her 15-pound weight gain goal goodbye. What makes me angry is that she seems more concerned about her looks than about the health of her baby. I’m just going to pray that she has a healthy baby and that God sees fit to change her heart about what’s important and what’s not.
I will admit that the only time I have body issues is early pregnancy before it’s obvious that I’m pregnant. I am freakishly tall, so I don’t “show” until after 20 weeks! I am currently 16 weeks with number #3 and my coworkers were shocked when I announced it last week. No one even suspected. When you’re as tall as I am things just keep “shifting up” and you just get thicker and thicker instead of “popping out” lol. I know that the desire to look “pregnant” rather than “thick” is rooted in vanity and it shames me. But I can’t deny the feeling, so there it is.
I am 21 weeks into my first pregnancy, which was a complete accident. I did not want to have children at all because I don’t think I have what it takes to be a mom, but my husband really wants kids so we had agreed to discuss adoption in a few years. Then… SURPRISE! No going back now. I’ve gained about 15 lbs so far and everything looks perfect with me and my daughter, but I don’t think I would have ever gotten pregnant on purpose for all of these reasons. I already have a lot of stretch marks on my boobs, hips and lower back which definitely bother me because I know they’ll never go away. I didn’t consider myself “hot” before (and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love the fact that for the first time ever I actually have cleavage), but I’m terrified of what I’ll look and feel like after this baby comes. I’m much more scared of how the birth will go and how on earth I will raise another human being to be anything but resentful and hateful towards me. I know all of this is common but it’s awful, so I can understand why so many people are choosing to never have kids.
It seems like in today’s society pregnant women are under a lot of pressure, usually by other women who have been or are pregnant. I’m a pregnant fitness instructor and I can’t tell how many comments I get a week on “how big I am” or “are you sure it isn’t twins” or “wow you’ve really popped out”. In reality I’m on my fourth pregnancy with a weight gain in the low range of “normal”, but to say all those comments (by women) doesn’t put unhealthy pressure on me would be a lie. I know how to eat nutritious and balanced, yet I find myself planning out unhealthy, too low in calories, or unsafe diet meals bc someone earlier that day told me I was too big. Thankfully, my brain and knowledge wins over my emotions, and I eat a healthy, wholesome meal, but the temptation to reduce my calories or exercise a little harder is always there:(